This is my friendzone
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Posted:Dec 1, 2017 7:33 pm
Last Updated:Dec 2, 2017 2:54 pm
91353 Views
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Did you know that women can get installed in the friendz ? I didn't . I only ever heard that of happening to guys . I was programmed to believe that all men are pussy-hungry cockmonsters that will fuck any and anything at any time (often regardless if they're "down" ). My entire worldview has been shaken to it's very core . Next some's going to tell me that men have feelings . Ha ! No , that's insane .
I was sauntering around the house 100% nude the other day and it occurred to me how odd it is that you can go outside with a sock on your dick - letting everything else hang loose (and I mean HANG you know ? ) and that's fine . But if you show some your dick you go to prison and become some's bitch . It's such a fine line . All that stands between a man and prison cornholing is a pair of Bomba Houndstooth Dress Socks . It's a funny old world .
Bad news every , I found out the other day that good people have good sex . But 40 isn't that good news ? No . No it's not . Because it means if you don't have a satisfying sex life , which is bad enough in and of itself , you're also a bad person . Which is a real in the junk . Sidenote if a in the junk is part of your routine that might be why we're having bad sex . I would lose that .
The tricky part is if you aren't having good sex figuring out which of you is the bad person , or if it's both of you .
Wrestling report : This week’s Monday Night Raw included a bout pitting Matt Hardy against Bray Wyatt , which was clearly an nuanced commentary on the marginalization of mentally ill people amid an American zeitgeist that simultaneously juxtaposes fierce individualism against populist groupthink .
While looking for wrapper paper I found my For Your Eyes Only comic books . Much like MASH I don't really understand why I loved James Bond so much as a . Clearly I wasn't there for the sexiness and the dialog was mostly over my head - I guess it was just the stunts . Only Bond movies were made into comic books and of them was Octopussy . 1983 was a strange time .
The point is that Melina Havelock , the so ed "Bond Girl" (if they can so be ed) , of For Your Eyes Only is of the most polarizing of her ilk amongst people of my ilk . A goodly number of people rate her as of the WORST Bond girls of the series . And yet many others put her in the top ranking of Bond girls . And we have to ask ourselves - why ? What makes her such a divisive figure ?
I mean she shoots a dude with a crossbow - what's not to like ? I guess a lot of people say that her performance wasn't very good , but I mean really what was Roger Moore doing that would set an acting teacher's loins aflame ? That dude was on ludes or something .
One thing we can all agree on , it had a hell of a poster . They achieved the ass cheek effect by having the model wear bikini bottoms backwards . Which we should all do every June 24th to commemorate the 2nd highest grossing Bond movie to date .
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When you sleep in a van the world is your living room
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Posted:Nov 29, 2017 4:53 pm
Last Updated:Dec 2, 2017 2:57 pm
91647 Views
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Something that folks talk about a lot on websites such as this are "dealbreakers" - which are like when you're petting a cat and you think things are going great and then out of nowhere the cat bites you and runs away . There's a reason that happened but you don't get to know what it is .
But in an effort to be more positive lets talk about "dealstarters" instead . What can a person do that makes you say "yes , I like that , I want to get to know this person" . And by "know" of course I mean 69 in the back of your cousin's Mercedes Maybach G 650 in the parking lot of Ruby Tuesday's at 3 AM on a Sunday .
Of course I have been unable to think of any "dealstarters" for myself so maybe it's a failure of concept . I can think of tons of dealbreakers , and I mean TONS , so maybe I'm just left with a narrow pool of women who I don't find something objectionable about with which to have bland forgettable passionless relationships with .
The Dark Knight is a fantastic movie . And I will fight anyone who says otherwise . But (remember that time when I replaced every instance of the word 'but' with a picture of a butt ? No one liked that) there is one scene that drives me kookoo bananas . Harvey and Rachel talk to each out and basically explain what the Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act . This one of my biggest pet peeves with writing (which I like to pretend I know about) in that this dialog exists only to communicate something to the audience - the characters would NEVER say that because they both know what RICO is , that's their job . And it's extra annoying because it's not even important for the audience to know what RICO is for the scene .
And it's rampant even in a lot of good shows - character saying things they have no reason to say just to shortcut the storytelling . I just watched Force Awakens again this weekend and they do it several times "Your father . . . . Han Solo" . Pretty sure he knows who is dad is , that's just for the audience and I hate it . y military movie generally has a ton of this - the soldiers will be walking along doing their mission and then one guy will be like "Why are we doing this again Sarge ?" at which point things the character HAVE to already know is explained .
Blade Runner has a classic one where the job of a Blade Runner is explained to a dude who's been doing it for years . Sadly there's one in the Princess Bride too when the evil plot is explained to Tyrone , you know the guy who carried out said plot .
I would never do that in the novel I wrote about what would happen if Godzilla got turned into a human and then fell in love with a lady on the bus but then turned back into Godzilla .
Here's a fun fact , cyber-theft accounts for a "significant" portion of North Korea's GDP . One is left to wonder what significant equates to . In a way you have to hand it to North Korea - they don't have a lot going for them , but they managed to find a way to take things sidewise . The great thing about cyberwarfare is that it basically makes all nations equal - two sixteen year old in Las Cruces with a laptop can hack the Pentagon so clearly it's the great equalizer .
(Due to my new job I'm probably going to talk about IT security a lot now , sorry - better than wrestling though maybe ? )
And here's something interesting - if a state sponsors an attack on a corporation that's not considered an act of war . If you're a cell of Russian hackers operating out of a hotel in Dubai you can attack Trader Joe's all day every day and it's not even really illegal because there is no global cyber policy . And even if there was who would enforce it ?
Furthermore check this out . NASA still uses Windows 3 . Why ? Because they launched a satellite in 92 . I mean once that sucker is flying past Saturn it's not like you can update the OS you know ?
In conclusion a book I bought has this as the first review 'I continue my quest to be the most informed snob at any dinner party so I can maintain my delicate card tower of affected pretentiousness by finishing this book about America's secret war of cyber attacks.' What is the point of a review like that ?
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There's no shark so big I can't jump it
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Posted:Nov 28, 2017 5:11 pm
Last Updated:Nov 29, 2017 4:11 pm
95371 Views
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I sold off all the stock I had in the company I used to work for . Now time to buy the drug boat of my dreams !
My old employer did the thing a lot of sleazy corporations do where they invest half the money in your 401k in their own stock to inflate the stock price . I remember the day I found out this was happening and mentioned it to everyone else at work and we all changed our 401k preferences to make that not happen . I think that was when I was officially labeled "not a team player" by management and things started deteriorating .
I'm no investment guru but putting half your retirement fund in a single company doesn't seem like a good idea . And it's a double whammy when it's the same company you work for because if they go down you're out of a job and your retirement fund is gone .
I know little to nothing about Tinder but I am surprised that HotMatch.com still exist in a world with Tinder . Don't they serve the same purpose only Tinder is 1000% more effective and popular ? I suppose some people would tell you HotMatch.com is in the process of dying right now (aren't we all ? ) . And other people would tell you HotMatch.com was never really a thing to begin with .
Maybe HotMatch.com serves as a middle ground between a "vanilla" dating site and a pure fuckfest like Tinder . Also I'm curious if Tinder is the same as HotMatch.com in that it's 8 jillion dudes with cum leaking out of their eyeballs they're so backed up and 9 actual women , 6 of whom are just here to blog . If it is like that is it really that popular ? And if Tinder is not like that and it's more even genderwise why would that be ? What does Tinder offer that makes it more attractive to women ? Are there tons of fake women robots on Tinder ? Scammers galore ? I need some hard data on Tinder .
Trisky Pillows - great name for a Bond henchwoman or the best name for a Bond henchwoman ?
After I posted my last blog it occurred to me that including a picture of a bloodied lady wrestler after a wrestling match might not be the best idea given the current climate . I thought I might have a nasty response or two - for once the fact that only 2 people read those blog regularly who I'm pals with worked to my advantage (neither of whom care about wrestling) . I remember when I used to have as many as FIVE regular readers .
Anyway , the interesting thing about that picture is that the lady wrestler in question is holding up her one finger as a sign of Safe Horizon's #PutTheNailinIt campaign which was brought into the wrestling world by Mia Yim - the "it" in question being domestic abuse .
Which I have mixed feelings about . Obviously there's nothing wrong with a domestic abuse awareness campaign but it seems like the message is probably not very effective coming from an industry that is literally selling violence . Which is something that I struggle with being a wrestling fan in general . Violence is bad so I probably shouldn't watch wrestling right ? I can't say it's hypocritical but it does seem odd to have a woman saying "violence against women is wrong" and then "come out the Fairgounds this Sunday to watch me bash in Lexi Sizzle's face with a chain !" And yes one is real and one is "fake" but intellectually we probably shouldn't be okay with either . Some people would say that women wailing on each other is a good thing that shows they can do anything (even something stupid) men can do , and is "empowering" . Others would say that two women smashing each other with chairs is probably not helping anything . Although does it hurt anything ? Dunno .
I have similar problems with WWE's anti-bullying campaign . Clearly a mixed message . Although at least they have the "class" to admit they do that purely for the good press .
In conclusion to the zero people who were offended by my last post I'm sort of sorry but not really .
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I don't need to flirt , I seduce with my awkwardness
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Posted:Nov 27, 2017 5:36 pm
Last Updated:Dec 14, 2017 3:12 pm
91631 Views
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So this fella comes up to me today and he goes "Do you think Busy Phillips is attractive ?" and so I says to him I says "That's a weird question bro , and also yeah , I think she's attractive ." And then he starts going on and on and ON about how he doesn't think she's attractive . After a few minutes my politeness at pretending I cared what he had to say expired and I turned back to my work . Now usually when I do this the person talking at me just keeps talking because they don't really care (or notice) if I'm paying attention . But this fellow was of a different breed altogether .
He put his hand on my shoulder (don't touch me bro) and said "Hey , don't you think we should come to a consensus on this ?" and I shrugged and said "Not really" . The look that came over his face was quite perplexing - I've probably seen a more hangdog expression in my life but not often . It's hard to fathom why us being on the same page about Busy Phillips would be important to anyone on earth , including Busy Phillips .
He was still milling around so I asks him I asks "Are we part of some committee that I'm not aware of that's tasked with coming up with an answer to the question of Busy Phillips attractiveness ?" Which I guess wasn't very nice .
Speaking of , I stopped at the Fast Stop on the way home and this dude behind me in line let a sexy lady go ahead of him and then she made a move like she was expecting me to do the same thing - but I stood firm . A few seconds later and I'm going out she runs up to me and asks why I didn't let her go ahead of me and so I says "Why would I ?" And she said "Well it would have been nice" and I agreed that it would have been and then she demanded to know if I was agreeing it was nice why I didn't do it . And so I remarked "I don't know , it would be nice if you gave me 50 dollars too but I bet you're not going to do that either ."
Which brings me to my question - when someone signals that they want to come into your lane while driving do you get out of their way ? Some people get real mad about that .
I didn't sleep very well last night at all . I've been pretty stressed about my new job . It's funny how there's different kinds of stress . I was stressed about my old job but it was like unimportant stress that didn't bother me . Whereas this is more the kind of thing where my mind races and I just turn things over and over and over in my mind - which used to be my big issue back when I was a and had frequent insomnia . I hope that's not starting up again .
Sleep is a funny old thing isn't it ? I can't think of anything else that your body needs that is rejected sometimes when you try to give it to it .
Also I had a dream that I was unclogging a toilet which has to rank #1 of the all time worst use of a dream . I've had dreams before that were just me at work and were boring , but this has to take the cake . Whoever makes my dreams is clearly out of ideas .
Bond Henchwoman of the day - Fiona Volpe
She had a totally dope motorcycle , a totally epic line where she slanders Bond's magic cock and then he kills her by using her a human shield - which was the first time Bond killed a woman . It caused quite a stir at the time . Although the bigger question to me is why did she start dancing with him in the first place ?
I once wrote a screenplay about a man in the process a sex change to seduce James Bond under the theory that no biological woman could resist his charms . A lot of people would die for their country by how many would give up their genitals ? Some probably .
Meanwhile , wrestling ;
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Fahrenheit 92
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Posted:Nov 25, 2017 12:54 pm
Last Updated:Nov 27, 2017 5:11 pm
91639 Views
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According to a reliable source that's the optimal temperature for a woman to climax . Is it worth getting drenched in sweat to increase the changes of orgasm ?
HotMatch.com's twitter account keeps telling me about articles on their blog but when I'm here I can never find it . Maybe it's just for gold members . Seems like it would be good fodder for mockery when I want to blog but am too lazy to think of anything interesting (you mean like always , ZING ! ) .
I realized the other day that all piñatas are female - they're not called pinatos . So think about what kind of messages you're sending before you make that purchase . Also they have piñata Halloween costumes - which seems like an immediately bad idea unless you like getting hit with a stick .
Speaking of (not really) I was chatting with a lady last night and she was trying to be coy about what she was into , so coy that I just minutes ago realized she was talking about having stuff shoved up her ass . It's funny , my assumption would be that if you like having stuff shoved up your ass you wouldn't be too shy to come out and say it but that's not true at all - plenty of people are into freaky stuff and aren't comfortable coming right out and saying it .
Speaking of (not really) I saw Videodrome the other day , I had never even heard of this movie . It's really something alright . If you've ever wanted to see James Wood gunfucking himself in his own stomachvagina than this is the movie for you . It's actually got a fairly interesting story about the impact of media on society , and James Wood stomachvaginas .
Don't worry I also watched Lego Batman just to keep things on an even keel .
Remember the movie Twins ? I do . Danny DeVito being the genetic leftovers that makes sense , good dude for all I know but physically not a peach you know ? But Arnold Schwarzenegger as the epitome of genetic perfection ? That's a stretch . I know he was a big star at one time but was there ever a time where people didn't think he was a weird looking fella ? Fun fact that movie made over 200 million dollars in 1988 which means it probably made more money than a lot of movies you love . Also DeVito and the Governator did the movie for a % of the profits making it the biggest paycheck either of them ever got .
Speaking of movies (really) I never saw any of the XXX movies (with Vin Diesel and Ice Cube not hardcore porn , I've seen that , boy howdy have I see that) but now I'm wondering if they tie in at all with the Bond franchise .
Because , as you know , in the Spy Who Loved Me , Major Anya Amasova is codenamed Agent XXX . And unlike most female characters in Bond movies she actually lived - presumably to one day pass down the title of Triple X to Vin Diesel . What I need is a movie that bridges that gap . Who born the mantle of XXX in the intervening years ? And how was the program shifted from the USSR to the United States ? Fun fact they were going to bring back Barbara Bach as Amasova in Moonraker and View to a Kill but they couldn't pull it off .
Speaking of (sort of) I've always had mixed feelings about Amateur porn - on the one hand it's hotter because it's not super fako maylako but the downside is that the people involved aren't always so easy on the eyeballs . But I realized today that's not necessary a bad thing . I was watching some this morning and it made me feel better about myself . I thought "my man-boobs are smaller than that" and "it's over already ?" .
Speaking of there was a local news story about so called Black Friday (if it can so be called) wherein a woman took off all her clothes and started chasing people with hedge clippers and I realized something . If someone says there's a naked woman in the area you might go take a look . But if someone says there's a naked man in the area you leave the area .
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You shouldn't talk to strangers , because you'll bore them
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Posted:Nov 23, 2017 7:14 pm
Last Updated:Nov 24, 2017 3:06 pm
91844 Views
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That's what my grandpappy always told me
I've often wondered why there are so many wrestlers that are way into Jesus , it doesn't seem like a profession that would lend itself to such . However I heard on ex-wrestler today break down a reason I never would have thought of ;
When it’s to that extent that you’re ripping your flesh apart there’s something wrong – it’s not healthy to purposely destroy yourself like that ; and it’s beyond like “I’m just desperate for attention” or “I want the rush” . And I started asking ; why is this going on ? There has to be a reason I’m willing to do this . And it was guilt that I was struggling with . I sat through a church service on the crucifixion of Christ when I was 16 that was extremely very graphic and extremely guilt laden and the pastor ended the service by saying “There’s not one person in here that would willing take that upon themselves” . The fact that she said that triggered something in me , I can’t tell you what that did to me but I was so obsessed . I was looking for a way to atone for my own sins . You can mix in the adventure and the stuff that’s really fun in the ring but I finally got down the root of it and I was obsessed with notion of taking damage to myself and shedding blood , I couldn’t get that out of my mind . It was something that I got over . The realization I came to is that that was never the message of Christianity – it’s a free gift , you don’t need to pay for your own sins , it was paid for by Christ .
Here's an interesting factoid . In 1932 an exercise was carried out in which Rear Admiral Yarnell commanded the carriers Lexington and Saratoga in an effort to demonstrate that Hawaii was vulnerable to naval air power . The expectation was that Yarnell would attack with battleships , but instead he left his battleships behind and proceeded only with his carriers to the north of Hawaii where it was less likely he would be detected . With a storm as cover , at dawn on Sunday, 7 February, Yarnell’s 152 planes attacked the harbor from the northeast , just as the Japanese navy would ten years later . The army airfields were first put out of commission after which Battleship Row was attacked , with multiple hits on Navy ships . No defending aircraft were able to launch . The Navy’s war-game umpires declared the attack a total success , prompting Yarnell to strenuously warn of the Japanese threat .
The New York Times reported on the exercise , noting the defenders were unable to find the attacking fleet even after 24 hours had passed . US intelligence knew Japanese writers had reported on the exercise . After the exercise a reassessment of naval tactics was voted down .
A lot of historians like to debate if Pearl Harbor was really a surprise - sounds like it shouldn't have been regardless .
A while ago they started airing advertisements with anthropomorphic pop tarts being murdered in various ways . I've always found them mildly disturbing but just the other day I noticed in the one where the Pop Tart People jump into a bowl of Jolly Ranchers and then the Lizard-Man is holding up the remains of one of them that he's eating there's still a little pop tart man leg on it - AND IT'S STILL MOVING !!! It haunts my dream . That pop tart man is still alive while being consumed .
There's an article about a lady on HuffPost who hates these commercials and is trying to stop them . But on the other hand Pop Tart sales have gone up 40 years straight so , you know .
Today at Thanksgiving my niece was begging for some expensive thing for her phone so I says to her I says ;
See , back in my day , entertainment was cheap ! You just walk yerself down to the newsstand or drugstore and pick yourself up a comic-book for one thin dime - or if you're cheap , you could just stand there and read it for free , but Old Man Carruthers - he was the guy ran the drug store - he'd prob'ly shout at you about how it weren't no lending library . Course we'd say we knew that already , coz our local library didn't carry no comic-books , heck they didn't even get magazines until thirty-six , and that were just a subscription to Juggs . Anyway our library would never of carried the comic-books I liked, like 'CRIME SQUAD' and 'True Tales of Murder Justice' what with the blood and violence in 'em . Worse things in them comics than you get on television these days , let me tell you . Loved 'em .
What was I talking about ? Oh yeah , money . See entertainment used ta be cheap , but not anymore it ain't ! money , money , money , that's all that anything is about these days and everything costs ten times more than it's got any right to . You may think shows is free, but nossir ! Not to them folks what run the thing and make the numbers go up and write the jokes and what not . Don't care for them jokes myself , don't see the need for all these pop-cultural references and whattayacallems 'post-modernisms' and 'metahumors' all talking directly to the audience , why back in my day we were perfectly satisfied with a good knock-knock joke , but no , everything these days has to be modern and whatnot .
Seems a shame to me , you just don't get good jokes like we saw Fatty Barnes tell in the vaudeville hall back when I was young . You don't get the dollar ride for a nickle , that's what my pappy told me , and what his pappy told him . My great grandpappy was a goat and couldn't talk , so that's as far back as that goes , but you can bet yer britches that he would have , if he could've talked or had a brain that could process complicated thoughts like that .
But of course she had walked anyway by that point .
I got all my Christmas shopping done . So as a little reward for myself I'm going to get one of those nice clean hookers down at the Hilton Garden tomorrow .
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Get naked - I have a plan
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Posted:Nov 20, 2017 5:19 pm
Last Updated:Nov 23, 2017 6:44 pm
91484 Views
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Something wonderful happened last night . My spine is broken from picking up leaves so I didn't want to cook , ergo I ordered a Meatball sub and some onion rings from Sandwiches Sandwiches Sandwiches down on Fuller and Wabash . So the delivery lady turns up at my doorstep and hands me her phone to "sign" because we live in an era of fancy technology and at that precise moment a dude texted her a dick pic . That definitely made my whole week . Possibly my whole month . Potentially my whole 4th quarter .
Although it did make me wonder - was it a dick pic ? Is a dick pic just a picture of a dick or a picture where you can see the dick ? Because this dude was showing everything from the dick up . So maybe it wasn't a dick pic per se maybe it was just a nude ? Dunno . What I can tell you is that the guy had a so-so penis , a great body , and whiteman cornrows . Which I hope was a dealbreaker for this gal . Of all the hairstyles white people have stolen that's the one that never works out for them .
One mildly interesting factoid is that aside from noticing she was a lady I didn't really look at said delivery person until after the dick pic , on account of where I come from looking at people is considered to be extremely rude . But then I had to check her out of course because how else could I wonder what it would look like when they were doing it ? I tell you , she was pretty cute . I mean she had a bunch of facial piercings which I don't care for but a young woman who's banging a white dude with cornrows probably doesn't care about what I find attractive (nor does anyone else) .
Hey , you wanna feel old ? Consider this , Pikachu is in his late thirties now and just went through a really rough breakup he didn't see coming .
If they made a new version of the Fly where Jeff Goldblum accidentally mixes himself with a swan would it be awesome ? Yes .
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Marty you're drunk as a crow
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Posted:Nov 19, 2017 2:18 pm
Last Updated:Nov 20, 2017 5:00 pm
91877 Views
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I pulled a lady hair off my crotch area today which is puzzling because a lady's hair hasn't been near my crotch in 14 days (which is actually a pretty short amount of time for me) . I can only surmise that said hair made it's way to the crotch back then where it was transferred to the underwear and it somehow managed to stay attached through the wash cycle and then upon being donned again made the jump back to my man zone . I don't shave my junk but I do trim the junkhair so I can't believe it was just hiding out there all this time like it might had I a full pubis .
Speaking of (not really) I was shaving my ass the other day and I thought "Who is this for ? What's the point ? A no one is going to see your ass and B you're gross anyway so even if they did that's not going to help" . My inner monologue is pretty mean , but I've known people who's internal speech is way worse . I wonder what that's about . Is that kind of thinking somehow beneficial evolutionarilywise ? I suppose it's part of risk avoidance - you suck so don't even try . Which was probably helpful back in the day when you were thinking about trying to run away from a dire wolf .
After pulling the lady hair off my balls I headed to the grocery store (drink ! ) where a lady came up to me in the parking lot and kept calling me "Marty" which for the record is not my name . I tried to explain to her that I thought she had me confused with someone else but she plowed ahead like my words meant nothing . She was older but not really in the age where I would expect dementia , but that can happen early in life for some people .
Point is if I had gone along with it and let her think I was Marty and we ended up in bed how immoral would that have been ? Like on a scale of slacking off at work to totally betrayal of all that humanity holds dear ?
I picked up some reprinted newspapers from 1917 a while back and one thing that was interesting was the sheer volume of ads . People (the few who still read the paper) today complain about all the advertisements in newspapers but they don't know how lucky they are by comparison . I wonder how expensive a newspaper would be if they tried to get by just with subscription fees . One thing I can tell you muslin (whatever that is) was big 100 years ago .
$1.95 seems like a great price for a silk shirt but then again people only made 500 bucks a year so maybe not ?
There's an article about a "successful" search for some missing canoeists by which they meant that they found their dead bodies . Which I guess technically is successful but reading that headline I assumed they had been found alive .
The personal ads are pretty entertaining - not the least of which because they exist at all . They are all from men though . One dude says he has a house and a car and he doesn't like dancing but he would be willing to learn . Sounds like a pretty good prospect to me . Another dude was a widower and said that he had waited the requisite year and was no ready for action . I had always heard the year of mourning thing thrown around but I didn't know it was a real thing , certainly not that recently . One fellow mentioned that his girl complained he never has anything to talk about . His solution ? Write to the newspaper and ask them what he she talk to her about . Brilliant ! I imagine him making her sit in the stoop and wait while he drafts the letter and then waits the response in the paper .
I was checking out the CDC website the other day because I was worried I had Dengue Fever again and I noticed they have the yearly death statistics on there , so for course I checked it out .
One interesting factoid is that a certain banned topic that rhymes with schmooicide is twice as likely as murder . And neither is really statistically significant when it comes to the death rate . People are worried about gun violence , and rightly so , but just based on the figures people would be several thousand times more worried about heart disease and cancer . And it's not that people don't care about those things but the proportion is all out of whack . Especially because disease is something that you can do a lot more about .
The root of violence is hard to pin down and even harder to address but we have a much better (not perfect of course) understanding of medical issues .
Another interesting thing is the difference between men and women . Up until about age 8 the death rate is the same (I had always been told that males have higher infant mortality rate) at which point the male rate is higher until around age 24 at which point it switches and the female rate is higher and then they go back to being pretty much the same in the 30s and forward . I wonder why that is . It seems like it kind of makes sense that once you're old enough to run around and do dumb stuff that men would have a better chance of dying but as I just mentioned accidental and violent causes aren't actually very common . I'm sure it could teased out of the figures if you did a deep dive but I was just perusing .
The race/ethnicity differences were exactly what you're expect but I didn't see any breakdown by income . I assume more money = more life but that doesn't mean it's true . I would have liked to seen that codified .
In conclusion while I was picking up leaves today some of my neighbors were loudly pontificating about how we shouldn't have to pay taxes and I decided that maybe we should try that for a while and let people see what a world without any public services would be like . Maybe then everyone would shut the hell up about taxes . Which probably sounds somewhat libertarian of me but it's not . I think that would be a good object lesson also - let the libertarians live in a society where they're depending totally on the kindness of corporations and see how long they think that's a good idea .
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Will eat pussy for food
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Posted:Nov 18, 2017 5:55 pm
Last Updated:Nov 19, 2017 1:33 pm
91889 Views
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I like apes better than monkeys but I realized the other day that Beppo the Super Monkey was a good guy but all the powered apes are bad ;
Gorilla Grodd
The Ultrahumanite
The Ape Gang
Monsieur Mallah
Titano the Super-Ape
So what conclusion can we draw from this ? Apes are smarter than monkeys , ergo smartness must lead to evil . Watch out for Steven Hawking is all I'm saying .
Meanwhile , wrestling ;
I've been debating ALL day if I should do a "normal" post or a post decrying the 17 or so stories this week about wrestlers and sexual assault . I decided to go with the former but here is one disturbing thing I learned about myself . One of the victims is a lady wrestler and her gimmick is a super-slut and she posts tons of semi-nude photos of herself and jokes about blowing guys on the way to the gym . After her allegations become public she posted a picture of herself with her tits hanging out being all sexy and said "does this make you believe me less ?"
And it doesn't but I have to confess that in my heart of hearts it does make me wonder if maybe her experience wasn't as bad as it would be for a "normal" woman . Which I know is wrong but that doesn't stop it from being my first thought . I know that it shouldn't make a difference but my brain does say "well if you're constantly rubbing up on dudes and carrying on in a sexy manner is it really a huge deal if some dude grabs you ?" Makes me sad .
Anyway , at my new job there's a dude who looks like this (this isn't a picture of him but it's a very close likeness)
Not a hideous monster but clearly not an attractive fellow . He's in his mid 50s , basically a jerk , firmly middle class , definitely on the smarter side of the scale but thinks he's WAY smarter than he really is , somewhat of a bully to people he thinks he can get away with it with . And as far as I can tell he is banging young hot chicks on the reg . I've seen him with a couple different "girlfriends" none of whom I'm confident are old enough to drink legally and all of which are gorgeous . One of my co-workers said that this is a normal thing that has been going on for years .
You bump into these guys ever now and then , not attractive , not rich , shitty personality , and yet they've got women all over them . It's an interesting phenomena . Must be the kevorka . Or they're just sociopaths who are really good at manipulation .
Someone I was talking to the other day expressed regret that in a job that had when they were younger they sexually harassed a co-worker . And then they said "She sexually harassed me too but that doesn't negate what I did ?" Which didn't make sense to me because how can two people sexually harass each other - doesn't that mean they just want to bang ? But I thought about it and I suppose that it's possible . If you're harassing someone just to try and belittle them even if your attack vector is a sexual one that doesn't have to mean it's about sex . And they could retaliate in kind .
Doesn't seem like it would happen very often but it's possible .
The other day someone asked me if a Jedi could lift Thor's hammer (Mjolner) and the answer is obviously that it depends on the Jedi .
Qui-Gon Jin - Definitely
Obi-Wan Kenobi - When he was young for sure , old Ben maybe not
Yoda - I don't think so
Ahsoka Tano - Perhaps
Luke Skywalker - Nah
All other Jedi no chance .
Speaking of , in case you were wondering as I suspected it would Thor Ragnarok did indeed rock my face off . But there was NO Guardians of the Galaxy cameo . What the hell man ?
In conclusion one time I said those "suburban housewife was secretly a " stories that were popular for a while in the "news" are all BS (well not all it did happen once) but then a local woman got arrested for just that . A fairly well to do lady who's a bit of a know entity around town got busted for trading cold hard cash for sexy times . And because people need all the prurient details they mentioned that she was charging 200 bucks for a blowjob . Now I realize that she was just hooking on the side for laughs but if you're a full time sex worker and you're getting 2 bills per blowjob you have to be raking it in . Even if you only suck 1 dick a day only on weekdays that's 50 grand a year TAX FREE (in the sense that it's illegal income) which adjusts to the equivalent of 80k in normal salary - for literally minutes of work a week .
I'm not sure which I would be more jealous of , the money or the free time . Wait is jealous right or envious ? Whichever , you know what I mean .
Also who are these dudes that can blow 200 bucks so cavalierly ? It's a good thing I'm not a whoremonger because my cheapass ways would definitely have gotten me stomped by a or two by now .
When I (briefly) worked at the strip club in college some of the women working there gave handjobs in the back but I never asked how much it was . I'll always kick myself over that . I can't imagine it was much but then again at a strip club it's 14 bucks for a Miller Light so , you know .
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That just raises further questions
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Posted:Nov 12, 2017 7:29 am
Last Updated:Nov 15, 2017 5:27 pm
92175 Views
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I didn't want to cook last night so I ordered a pizza for the first time in literally forever (literally) I mean what I am gonna do , go out to eat by myself ? Laaaaaaaaame . Anyway so an old Ukrainian man delivers the pizza and it's all wrong but I don't really care so I eat a couple slices anyway . About 20 minutes later he comes back and I tell him I already started eating on it and he gives me an exasperated sigh like that was a dick move on my part .
My first question is was he really just going to take that pizza to the people who had ordered it ? I could have jizzed all over it for all he knew .
And secondly how long should I have waited ? I mean if he was back like 5 minutes later I could see that , but 20 minutes ?
Also just for the record I didn't think I was eating someone else's pizza I just assumed they screwed up the order .
Sidenote I don't really care if my order is screwed up but I seem to have a habit of dating women who are very particular about their food and invariable don't get what they want . Although if you ask for 10 substitutions when you order something I feel like you're setting yourself up for disappointment . Just eat whatever slop they bring you and be glad you're not in a Chinese labor camp eating ground up bone paste and leaves .
On the most recent episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm was it Sophia Loren they were wondering if she had ever been nude on film ? That's what I remember but that doesn't seem right because she was naked a ton of times in movies . Of course a lot of those were films in Italy so maybe people aren't aware of them . Plus she was in Playboy right ? It must have been someone else .
What happens if you try and sue someone in the witness protection program ? As an example let's say that I'm at Felix and I see Kate Upton and Justin Verlander at the next table . So I send my buddy Fatpants out to make a big scene and distract their bodyguards and various toadies and then I go up and congratulate them on their recent wedding . Verlander gets pissed and shoves me , and I ain't no punk so I grab his arm and bite into his elbow (because that's how a real man handles his business) severing his radial collateral ligament with my mighty jaws . Also the wound gets infected because my mouth is dirty as hell - you know why .
So he's out of action for several months next season and the Astros get off to a bad start and miss the playoffs . So they want to sue me for lost revenue . But here's the problem , I'm in witness protection because I testified against the D-Company . So does that mean when the Astros try to come after me does that mean the Marshals Service hustles me out of there and sets me up with a new identity ? Or do they leave me out to hang ? Or is the identity they set up for me robust enough to stand the scrutiny of a trial ? For what matter how much scrutiny is there really ? If I tell people my name is Doobie Keebler and someone tries to sue me under that name does the service fail because that's not my real name ? It can't be that easy right , otherwise everyone would using a pseudonym .
Speaking of , why do author use pseudonyms ?
When a law enforcement agent is undercover and as part of said cover they commit crimes how is that justified legally ? Is it part of the criminal code what an undercover person can do ? Are they granted some kind of blanket immunity ? And for that matter how does immunity even work ? Who gets to make that decision ? Can some rogue prosecutor (wearing rouge) hand out immunity willy-nilly to whomever ? Why have I never heard of any kind of scandal where bribery is involved in immunity ?
Do you think people would pay 99 cents for a poker app ? I hear that sexting is way down because people are bored with it (as they are with sex in general) . I think if you could tie in sexting with a strip poker type scenario there's some money that could be made there .
I was at the dentist the other day and I got to wondering back in Ye Olden Tymes before dentistry was a thing when people's wisdom teeth came in were they just in agony for the rest of their lives ? Maybe that's why everyone was so murdery . Or because there was no dentistry and they had teeth falling out all the time did they actually need those teeth ?
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Too many questions Mister Wayne ?
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Posted:Nov 11, 2017 5:31 pm
Last Updated:Nov 12, 2017 6:51 am
92102 Views
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A Repost in Honor of Current Events I was about to-hijack this post with a long response but at the last moment I realized I could just write about it MY blog . You know what they say even a stopped clock finds a nut every now and then .
A friend of mine who's in his late 20's moved back in with this parents (loser ! ) and the other day he was complaining about not being about to jerk off . To which I was completely unsympathetic . Not being able to masturbate is not a hardship so shut the hell up . "Oh you don't understand 40 because you're a sexless robot" . Screw you pal . If someone is nice enough to let you crash with them you're guest in their home - don't be a dick . You want to do whatever you want ? Get your own place . Then you can walk around stroking yourself all you want .
But to SAW's comment about how she didn't buy his story because there's always the shower option , I don't know how common a straight up shower jerk is . Every once in a while I'll watch some porn and then jump in the shower at like the 90% mark but a 100% showerjack I may have only done once or twice . And that was mostly just to see if I could masturbate without looking at porn .
Also to the question of "What would I get out of watching you jerk off ?" I used to think the same thing , but it turns out a some women really like watching guys pound it . One of the few really active groups on this very website is dedicated to just that . My first sexual experience (if you can call it that) was jerking off in front of a lady . Different stokes you know ?
Anyway , here's the question . Your bf/gf/wife/husband/whatever comes home and you ask them about their day . And they tell you they just got pulled over by the police on their way home . And you chat about that and you ask if they got a ticket and they say no and you ask how they got out if it and they say "Well the cop asked if I was in a hurry and I said no , I'm just going home to see my /gf/by/husband/wife/whatever and he said 'oh yeah , do you have a picture" so I showed him a picture of you on my phone and he says 'you got any dirty pics ? I'll let you off with a warning if you show me something hot' so I showed him those pics you sent on my birthday and he didn't give me a ticket" .
Would you be cool with that or would you be pissed ? Would it matter if you and said gf/bf/wife/husband/whatever were a single financial entity ? Would the gender of the cop matter ? Would it make a difference if they would lose their license if they had one more violation ? How much would it change things if you asked him to delete those pictures and this is how you found out they didn't ?
I was doing the dishes the other day and I noticed that the carafe that I bought says "flower vase" on the bottom . At first I was pissed at Pier One but then I wondered "is there really any difference between a carafe and a vase ?" Some carafes have a spout for pouring but not all . Or is that the difference and a lot of restaurants are feeding people water out of flower vases ? I was so worried about the difference between a decanter and a carafe I didn't even think about someone slipping me a flower vase . I just imagine some day having a fancy lady over at my house (LOL right ? ) and after she takes a drink throwing the water in my face and saying "this is flower vase water you cad !" And then we bang .
The Ric Flair 30 for 30 was not nearly as depression as I worried it might be . But it did get me to wondering , what exactly is a "functional alcoholic" ? I feel like that may be a nonsense term because to me alcoholism indicates dysfunction . Since I don't drink I probably have no clue , but if someone drinks 15 beers a day but it doesn't cause any issues I'm not sure what that really means .
Also I didn't know he was adopted .
I did like that Hulk Hogan admitted that Ric Flair is a way better wrestler than him but somehow he still seemed to come off as a smarmy asshole to me - I felt like he was trying to put himself over with how magnanimous he was being . It's possible I just hate HH so much at this point that I'm going to find fault with whatever he does .
And finally , on my last day at my former job one woman was rebuking another for getting her restraints on Amazon . She accused her of being a "50 Shades of Grey (Gray ? ) wannabe poser" . I don't know why but I find the sense of superiority people have about silly things like this to be quite hilarious . Also a lot the pictures of restraints on Amazon have the same blonde woman who looks like she dead . I can't tell if it's a really aphetic real lady or a really high quality sex doll .
Which begs the question , would you rather have sex with a real person who was super lethargic and giving you nothing or a really top notch sex machine ? I know my answer .
Also I've been watching some cuckold humiliation videos and have to say I like the bit where the lady makes the dude suck the other dude's cock . So I'm probably gay . Again .
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My dreams, they gotta kiss it, 'cause I don't get sleep
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Posted:Nov 5, 2017 5:52 pm
Last Updated:Nov 6, 2017 3:19 pm
92142 Views
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I was driving this weekend and I saw that appeared to be a human skeleton in a ditch . I grant you I didn't get a good look but it didn't appear obviously fake . But I figured it was a Halloween thing and ignored it . But what if it wasn't near Halloween ? I'd still probably ignore it . I feel like if you live in the country you could probably murder people , render them down to skeletons and then put them were cars driving past would see them and nothing would happen . Not sure what that means about our society , if anything .
Speaking of , I went and checked out a WW1 exhibit this weekend and it was strangely both depressing and uplifting . Depressing because things seem almost exactly the same as in 1917 , but uplifting for the same reason - things seem bad right now and people are all in a panic about whatever but things are always bad and people are always in panic and we're all still here panicking and freaking out . It's just the natural order . People are often like 'things used to be better" but they didn't .
Also I learned something because I thought the sinking of the Lusitania is what spurred the US into the war but apparently the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back was the Zimmermann Telegram in which German proposed an alliance with Mexico to attack the US if the US entered the war .
There was a section about socialist resistance to the war and the a newspaper that was put on trial twice for treason that had a quote I really liked about how all they did was tell the truth and they don't know if it really meant anything in the long rung but they felt good about doing it . But I couldn't remember it well enough to hunt it down on Google . Sad panda . I was going to tweet it out and be a big damn hero . Because taking to social media is how people take action these days .
Now the next installment in the infinity part series "millennials ruin everything" - did you know that millennials now say third base to mean a hand job ? What is wrong with these damn . I mean maybe it kind of makes sense because third base is getting your hands on the goods but who uses the base analogy talking about a dude ? It makes no sense . Dudes are down for anything and everything .
The good news is though that playing Yahtzee and holding hands is still a home run in Christian baseball .
I still haven't figured out what an in-the-park-HR is though . And what does it mean when you get to second when there's already a runner on base in a three way scenario ? Because an RBI is something else .
Baseball is so dumb . Congrats to the Astros though !
Touch your bat dicks together in victory !
Meanwhile , wrestling ;
In other news a dude was sentenced to 4 years in prison for sending dozens of hookers to his neighbors house . He would tell them that his "kink" was pretending that he didn't want them to be there and they had to entice him to let them in by committing lewd acts on the porch . Which is a pretty good scam but it had to have cost the dude a fortune . I wonder if he's super crazy or if he's just really dedicated to ruining that guys' life for some reason .
And finally scientists have found a new species of orangutan (P. tapanuliensis) in remote jungles of Sumatra - making it the 3rd known orangutan species ! Only two more until my plan is complete .
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8 pages behind
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Posted:Nov 1, 2017 6:15 pm
Last Updated:Nov 18, 2017 5:05 pm
92216 Views
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I'm not sure why I've been posting so much lately - must be something with my monthly cycles .
I could never put my finger on why but I always suspected that I wouldn't like Thomas Middleditch . And I was totally right . I tried to listen to part of an interview with him and the dude is a goofball - and not the good kind . More like that time Mitch Randler stood up in the middle of physic class and said "vagina" 22 times , ate a raw can of green beans and then started cornholing himself with a ruler . That's not comedy . Well it is but it's not funny . Well humor is subjective so maybe it was . Point is fuck that guy . He works at NAPA Auto Parts now .
I noticed a trend this Halloween that a lot of groups were dressing up like the folks from the Office . I'm not sure why this is happening now 4 years after the series ended (and 6 years after it stopped being funny) but I can see why it would be a good option for the lazy , I mean all you do is wear your work clothes and slap on a nametag and you're done . The only costumes who were usually identifiable were Dwight and Pam - they had pretty distinct looks . Sometimes you could pick out a Jim if the dude had the right hair to make it look like whatever that sloppy style was . Strangely none of the 15-20 groups I saw had a Michael , I guess no one wants to dress up as the idiot boss .
Also there were no Kellys or Stanleys - I tend to forget how whitebread Iowa is . Maybe because I work with a lot of people of color . My company has a LOT of issues but they are pretty diverse - except in management of course , that's wall to wall old white dudes . Anyway , what I wonder is if you're going to do an Office theme group costume thing and you have one black dude and one Indian lady is it "wrong" to expect them to be Stanley and Kelly ? And if you are said Indian lady or black dude how much would you care about that kind of thing ? And what if you're a black lady and they want you be to Stanley ? Is that a jerk move ? And now that I think about it if you're a fat guy does it bother you when people want you to be Kevin ? And if you're not fat and people say you should be Kevin does that mean they think you're a moron ? If they say you should be Meredith does that mean they think you're a giant slut ?
Is there anything that can rip a group apart faster than a group costume brainstorming session ?
The general census was that I should be Creed . With is mildly insulting but maybe accurate ?
Speaking of (not really) did I mention that there's a Golden Girls porn parody ? Because there totally is .
SBJ said that I had to talk about wrestling more so here's something I was thinking about as I listened to my 15th wrestling podcast of the week . The WWE definitely messes people up , which makes sense , I imagine most people get into 'the biz" because they don't want a corporate gig which is what working for WWE is ; and it seems to go two ways .
Dudes that just wanted to be wrestlers after the WWE fucks them over they stay in the biz and generally are happy .
Dudes that just wanted to be wrestlers in WWE after they get fucked over usually quit the biz and are super bitter and angry .
Also they were talking about famous backstage fights and what REALLY happened and they gave DDP a lot of flack for sucker punching Scott Steiner . Which I don't think is quite fair . If a dude is pushing up on your wife and you know you can't take him in a fair fight I feel like a sucker punch is totally fine . Seems like one of those no-win situations because if you do nothing your a pussy . If you fight the guy you get your ass kicked . If you sucker punch him you're also a pussy .
I always wonder what the woman thinks in that kind of situation . Never get married I guess is the lesson .
Thankfully I've not seen a lot of fights in my life sadly I would say 90% of the time the party who's "in the right" (as much as the term applies to someone willing to fight) gets beat down .
SAW said that I had to talk about handjobs so here's my take on that . Not a fan generally (as most guys aren't I believe) but I will say that the most pleasurable orgasm I ever had was some a handjob . So I don't know what to believe . On that same topic I also don't really get excited about anal but again one of my most pleasurable orgasms ever was from anal . Granted when I pulled out my cock was all shitty so that was kind of a downer . But I didn't get an UTI so it all worked out .
I've had this picture in my blog file for a while , I don't remember why .
Has anyone read the book Bladerunner ? Not the PK Dick novel that the movie Bladerunner is based on but the book titled Bladerunner which is totally separate . I wonder if it's any good . Also I kind of respect Ridley Scott for buying the rights to a book just because he thought the name was cool and wanted to use it for a movie based on a completed different book .
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To link to this blog (40Deuce) use [blog 40Deuce] in your messages.
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