Cat-ism #4 - Only
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Posted:Aug 9, 2014 6:11 am
Last Updated:Jan 1, 2022 7:57 pm
5993 Views
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If I'm just looking for some ego-stroking and/or a casual situation, then a guy who is fresh from a relationship is fine. They tend to have that " in a candy store" wild-eyed look to them. Plus, doing ANYthing different from what they were used to makes you a goddess in their mind...and that will fade. But most guys freshly out of long-term are either desperate to find a new relationship or sexually ADHD. The first group get overly attached too quickly (the rebounders) and the second group will jump at the next sparkly thing. So, if a relationship is on your mind, I suggest making sure the guy (or girl) has been OUT for at least a year (if the "divorc-ER" and more if the "divorc-EE"). Always best to go in with low expectations. If you get lucky and find a great fresh catch, great...but give him/her (or you) a year before getting serious.
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"Cat-ism" #3 - The 2 contact rule
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Posted:Apr 22, 2014 12:50 pm
Last Updated:Nov 10, 2019 10:46 pm
6750 Views
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I have a rule that I live by and feel there would be less drama in the world if everyone followed it. My rule is that I am only allowed to make two attempts at contacting someone without a response. I figure messages can be lost, numbers deleted, illness and family emergencies happen, life gets busy, etc. But if I've left two phone messages, texts, emails, or some combination of those and they've gone without response, then the guy just isn't that into me so it's time to move on. Once I get a response, the counter is reset. Thoughts?
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"Cat-ism" #2 - Get out of one mess before you get into another
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Posted:Apr 19, 2014 7:13 am
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2021 9:11 pm
6421 Views
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All too often, people decide their current relationship is broken to the point they need to become involved with someone else. Unfortunately, this takes away energy and time from getting out of their current relationship. If it goes on long enough, you WILL eventually get caught....and then act surprised when their significant other becomes angry and vindictive...SHOCKER! So if you find yourself unhappy in your situation, you have two choices....fix what you're in or get out. Otherwise, someone(s) are going to get hurt!
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The Undersexed Husband
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Posted:Apr 19, 2014 12:20 am
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2021 9:08 pm
6847 Views
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I have a feeling this one may stir up some resistance, but please try to read with an open mind. Quite often, I hear men complain that the reason they're on the site is because they don't get enough sex from their wife. Quite often they claim to love their wife, don't wish to change their life, but have unmet needs. I get that...but I think most of those wives would say the same thing but their list of needs is several items long, including sex! I recognize that there is a very wide range of sex drives. My first thought when I hear this from a man who is spending hours each day online is "what if he put that time into his relationship with his wife?" As women, we're wired to be givers/nurturers and often have a difficult time asking for what we want/need sexually (as well as emotionally). Compound that with the messages that good girls don't have sex except under certain conditions, that you must be slutty if you do certain things...and boy does religion create a lot of sexual issues. I believe that the vast majority of women have never truly had GREAT sex! I can honestly say that if I had it to do over, I would pass on 90% of the partners I've had sex with. Partly because, as women, we haven't communicated (or likely even KNOW) what we really like/need. Compound that with men's tendencies go with whatever they've been complimented on in the past, not recognizing that each woman is different...and a woman's body will respond differently from one time to the next. And guess what, guys! WE LIE! If we talk in generalities or you had to fish for compliments, it's probably just us "taking care of" your ego. If she can give specifics, it's more likely to be genuine. Throw in our emotional/mental needs and wow...no wonder you guys have a hard time figuring us out! I find it interesting that many men claim to have a high sex drive but I find they're done before I'm even warmed up. "I want a bj or 10-15 mins of sex each day" does NOT equate " high sex drive". Might as well add that to my list between paying bills and washing dishes! I wonder how many men would want sex daily if their partner agreed on the condition that each session would last 2-3 hours, with multiple erections and a great deal of seduction, emotional intimacy, indirect and direct stimulation, several positions, etc. What if, instead of flirting with a woman you'll probably never meet, your flirted with your wife? What if, instead of meeting another woman for a clandestine lunch, you "dated" your wife? I like to think of it as a sexual savings account. Make regular deposits (without linking them directly to sex) and over time, you'll have the "Funds" saved up for what you want. And instead of finding out what turns other women on, why not find out what turns your woman on? She may not know...exploring is half the fun. It may take time and a great deal of patience to get her to let her naughty side be discovered....and a LOT of trust and feeling "safe". And just because I'm directing this at men, doesn't mean women are off the hook. I just don't talk to women much...and there are fewer on the site. I don't believe women love sex less than men...I just believe women want GOOD sex and most men feel any sex is good. Ok, putting on my armor now....let me have it!
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"Cat-ism" #1
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Posted:Apr 12, 2014 1:58 pm
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2021 9:05 pm
6320 Views
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Sooooo....having been divorced for almost 14 years now, I've developed some theories and while they are far from being 100% fool-proof, I've found them to be good guidelines for mature adult dating in the 21st century. The first is that following the end of a marriage (or significant long-term relationship even), that everyone should get out and play for at least a year before considering another relationship. And that's if you are the divorc-ER...potentially longer if you're the divorc-EE. I know that prior to filing for my divorce, it took me about 2-3 years to mentally "uncouple"; and by the time the ink was dry, I was ready to move on...but not to a relationship. I was, emotionally, an 18 year old (age I met my husband) in a 34 year old body. When you're the one who made the decision to take the step towards the big D, I believe you've done a lot of the healing along the way but if you didn't know it was coming (or were in denial), then that healing process takes much longer. In either case, once you're ready to get back out there and start dating/playing/whatever, it's a lot like Halloween after you get home from trick-or-treating. There's a WHOLE big bag of candy...some seem familiar and you know you like, some you know you can't stand, some probably need an xray to see if they're dangerous and there are those you just need to sample. If you eat the whole bag at once, you get sick. If you only eat one piece from the whole bag, you'll always wonder what other goodies were in there. But if you take your time, sampling carefully before making a choice, it can be SO satisfying!
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Posted:Apr 8, 2014 4:20 am
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2021 9:03 pm
6663 Views
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Over the years I've had an evolution of persona from CurvaceousinKC to Catinkc to Catinthelou as well as my naughtier identity that will remain unmentioned. These identities have joined the various websites as the internet has evolved, starting with the earliest message boards. By far, my longest residency has been with HotMatch.com and I've been asked by men rather frequently, "why HotMatch.com?"
When I was on both HotMatch.com and the "tamer" (as well as wilder) websites concurrently, I frequently ran across the same men. While they would claim to be searching for their soulmate on the tamer sites, their HotMatch.com profiles were more sexual in nature, as were mine. What I often experienced when actually meeting was that those "potential soulmates" were taking things to a sexual level about 15 mins into dinner while those who I'd met on HotMatch.com were not typically as high pressure. My theory became that on HotMatch.com, people were more free to express their whole self from the outset. All of us are sexual creatures to varying degrees. I tend to view myself as pretty far along the sliding scale of sexuality so finding a partner with similar tastes and drive are very important (and challenging). I guess the bottom line is that HotMatch.com has allowed me and the men I've met to see each other in totality from the outset rather than an "unveiling" of sexuality somewhere along the line. Interestingly enough, I believe my experiences with men from the other sites were very polarized...either "hit and quit" or "how fast can I get out of here", whereas my HotMatch.com experiences have been a full continuum, based on natural evolution.
In any case, I believe it's a huge mistake to think everyone sees the purpose of the site the same way. When I was a single mother of young , it was a way for me to have adult exchanges in the chat rooms while my were safely tucked in their beds and a way to satisfy my physical needs on my precious 4 nights each month without . Later, I started to look for men that could provide a more balanced mental/physical connection. Once I was no longer consumed by work and , I was ready to finally find one man who could be everything I need.
So, "why HotMatch.com"? It can be whatever you need it to be. As you encounter those whose needs are different, just recognize that for what it is and move on. Unfortunately, not everyone is entirely honest about what they want/need. And then, there's the issue of our needs/desires changing based on moods, outside factors, and those we encounter....but that's another topic!
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Intro
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Posted:Apr 8, 2014 3:04 am
Last Updated:Apr 22, 2014 5:59 am
6240 Views
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After 13 years of dating and relationships as a divorced woman, I decided to finally use this aspect of the site to share my thoughts. Some will be "guidelines" that I developed over the years (I'll call them "Cat-isms"), others may be deeper, more complex. In either case, take it or leave it...just my thoughts.
C
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To link to this blog (catinthelou) use [blog catinthelou] in your messages.
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