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Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
OLE'S FARM   9/26/2013

Government surveyors came to Ole's farm in the fall and asked if they could do some surveying. Ole agreed, and Lena even served them a nice meal at noon time.

The next spring, the two surveyors stopped by and told Ole, "Because you were so kind to us, we wanted to give you this bad news in person instead of by letter."

Ole replied, "What's the bad news?"

The surveyors ...


0 Comments, 73 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
RYE BREAD   9/26/2013

Two old Jewish guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one morning. The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87-year-old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ...


0 Comments, 61 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
GOLF   9/26/2013

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for the little blue "Viagra" pill.

The pharmacist asked "How many?" The man replied,

"Just a few, maybe a half dozen. I cut each one into four pieces."

The pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you through intimacy.

The old fellow said, "Oh, I'm past eighty years old ...


0 Comments, 73 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
LENA & OLE   9/26/2013

Lena is pregnant with Ole's .

Late one night, Lena vakes Ole and says, 'I tink it's time!'

So Ole fired up the Yohn Deere tractor and took her to the hospital to have their first baby..

She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Ole and said, 'A ! Ain't dat Great!' Well, Ole got excited by dis, but yust den the doctor spoke up and said,

'Hold on! We ...


0 Comments, 61 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
'What can I do for you?'   9/25/2013

An Arizona couple, both well into their 70's, go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?' The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?' The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the ...


0 Comments, 78 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
You just got to love the Brits.   9/25/2013

A devout Arab Muslim entered a black cab in London. He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music because in the time of the prophet there was no music, especially Western music which is the music of the infidel.





The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the ...


0 Comments, 82 Views, 6 Votes ,5.64 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
REALLY HURT   9/24/2013

Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each ...


0 Comments, 96 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
CHICKEN   9/24/2013

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.'

'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'

'When it was over, ' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.'

'Really, ' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?'

She said, 'Come out from under the bed, ...


0 Comments, 91 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
FUNNIES II   9/24/2013

1)How do you embarrass an archeologist?

Give him a tampon and ask him which period it came from.

2)What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?

Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.

3)What is the biggest problem for an atheist?

No one to talk to during orgasm.

4)Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

The ...


0 Comments, 76 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
FUNNIES   9/24/2013

My wife just came in and said, “I don’t know if I am coming or going. ”I said to her, “Judging by the look on your face, you’re going – ‘cus when you’re coming, you look like a fucking Down Syndrome trying to whistle!”

Which is the odd one out: a woman, a microwave or a fridge? The microwave, the other two leak when they’re fucked.

Bungee ...


1 Comments, 69 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE OUTBACK TOILET   9/24/2013

An old salty Sailor who had lost both legs in different nautical accidents was managing quite well on two wooden legs until one day in his travels around Australia he found himself in a outback Pub. Came the time he had to go to the toilet for a number two and asked the barman where it was.

The barman warned him, that it was quite primitive and that it was just a plank over a hole in the ...


0 Comments, 85 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
SHOPPING AROUND   9/24/2013

A store owner hires a young woman who loves mini-skirts. A young man walks in, glances at her, and spots some raisin bread on the top shelf.

"Some raisin bread, please." The man says.

She climbs a ladder to reach the bread, and the man looks up her skirt, admiring the view. By the time she 's back on the ground, there's a line of men behind the first young man. Each one asks for ...


0 Comments, 82 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
WHERE FROM???????   9/22/2013

A hillbilly went hunting one day in West Virginia and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home where he was confronted by an ornery game warden who didn’t like hillbillies. The game warden ordered to the hillbilly to show his hunting license, and the hillbilly pulled out a valid West Virginia hunting license. The game warden looked at the ...


0 Comments, 107 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
SHE WAS ONLY PART 3   9/20/2013

She was only a fisherman's , but she smelled like her father's catch.

She was only an locomotive engineer's , but she loved to pull a train every Saturday night.

She was only a woodworker's , but she loved getting nailed.

She was only a dentist's , but she loved getting drilled & filled....


0 Comments, 71 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
SHE WAS ONLY PART 2   9/20/2013

She was only a moon-shiner's , but I loved her still.

A stockbroker's , but everyone got their share.

a cabinet maker's , but everyone knew what's in her drawers.

She was only a carpenter's , but boy! could she take a good screw!

She was only a bicyclist's , but she let everyone have a ride!

She was only a ...


0 Comments, 46 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
SHE WAS ONLY   9/20/2013

A Road-maker's , but she always liked her Asphalt.

A Cricketer's , but she could always take a Full-toss in the Crease.

A Band-leader's , but she always hummed in Ragtime.

A Signalers , but she 'Di-dit' because her 'Da-Da di-dit'.

A Stable Hand's , but all the Manure....


0 Comments, 52 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
TOILET   9/20/2013

So little Johnny (four years old) is out shopping with his Mom and Grandma. He says to Mom, "I have to go the toilet." Mom. "I'll take you." Johnny. "No, I want Grandma to take me." Mom. "Why can't I take you?" Johnny."Because Grandma's hand shakes."...


1 Comments, 111 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
GIRAFFE   9/20/2013

Two old spinster Maids were visiting their local zoo. As they approached the Giraffe enclosure one noticed that one of the giraffes was standing close to the barrier. She commented to her companion that she could reach through and pet the animal. Instead of patting the animal she reached through and squeezed one of it's testicles.

As to be expected the animal jumped. It jumped high ...


0 Comments, 101 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
PANCAKES   9/20/2013

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old to the doctor.

With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.

After examining the , the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.'

The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, ...


0 Comments, 99 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
The Hypnotist at a Senior Citizen's Center   9/19/2013

It was entertainment night at the senior citizens' center.

After the community sing along led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show- Claude the Hypnotist!

Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance.

"Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time." said Claude.

The excited chatter dropped to silence ...


2 Comments, 134 Views, 8 Votes ,5.56 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
The Indian With One Testicle.   9/18/2013

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle and whose given name was 'Onestone'. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, ' If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!'

The word got around and nobody called him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Blue ...


0 Comments, 112 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
A PRAYER FOR LEROY   9/17/2013

In a Detroit church one Sunday morning, a preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs" who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."

With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."

The ...


0 Comments, 106 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
PUNS   9/17/2013

I tried to catch some Fog. I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun ...


0 Comments, 48 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
CHOICES   9/17/2013

If your wife or girlfriend ever asks, "If I were to arrange a three way for your birthday, which of my friends would you choose?" NEVER give her two names!!!...


0 Comments, 71 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
FROG   9/17/2013

A six year old goes to the hospital with her grandmother to visit her Grandpa.

When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her Grandma and bursts into her Grandpa's room ....

"Grandpa, Grandpa, " she says excitedly, "As soon as Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"

"What?" said her Grandpa.

"Please, please, please make a noise like a ...


1 Comments, 110 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
SPEEDING   9/17/2013

One Sunday, sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.

He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five little old Indian ladies - two in the front seat and three in ...


0 Comments, 100 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
GYM TODAY....   9/17/2013

Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Could only use it for half an hour, as I started to feel sick, It's great though. It provides me with everything I need - KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Crisps, the lot.."...


0 Comments, 51 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
I Love You Message   9/17/2013

There was a group of women at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband. The women were asked, “How many of you love your husbands?”

All the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, “When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?”

Some women answered today .... some yesterday .... some didn’t remember.

The women ...


0 Comments, 92 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
The Polish pickle factory   9/17/2013

Yossel worked in a Polish pickle factory. For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer. Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist. After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Yossel to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of mind. The next day Yossel came home from work very early. His ...


0 Comments, 66 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
rm_Fuckem1235 40 M
4  Articles
laugh out loud   9/17/2013

does size matters I don't know?


0 Comments, 45 Views, 1 Votes
rm_Fuckem1235 40 M
4  Articles
laugh out loud   9/17/2013

does size matters I don't know?


0 Comments, 12 Views, 0 Votes
rm_Fuckem1235 40 M
4  Articles
laugh out loud   9/17/2013

does size matters I don't know?


0 Comments, 8 Views, 0 Votes
rm_Fuckem1235 40 M
4  Articles
laugh out loud   9/17/2013

does size matters I don't know?


0 Comments, 14 Views, 0 Votes
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
GREAT TASTE   9/16/2013

An old guy walks into a bar and asks for a bottle of forty-year old Scotch. The bartender, not wanting to give up the good liquor, pours a shot of ten-year Scotch and figures that the guy won't be able to tell the difference. The guy downs the Scotch and says: "This Scotch is only ten years old! I specifically asked for forty-year old Scotch."

Amazed, the bartender reaches into a locked ...


0 Comments, 96 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
CaptainDilfCT 39 M
1  Article
amusing 's song   9/15/2013

Not so much a joke, but something amusing. Any of you who have probably have heard of the tv show Barney and Friends. You would also so the main song that always play at the end. Here is my version.

I love booze, booze loves me Holy shit I have to pee I'm so smashed I'm falling on the floor Alcoholic dinosaur!

While reading this, picture one of those stuffed Barney dolls lying ...


0 Comments, 54 Views, 1 Votes
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
MISCOMMUNICATION   9/15/2013

The mother-in-law dropped in after shopping to find her -in-law boiling angry and hurriedly packing his suitcase.

"What happened?" she asked anxiously.

"What happened? I'll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife --- your --- telling her I was coming home a day early from my fishing trip. I got home ...and guess what I found? Your , Jean, in bed with a naked guy! ...


0 Comments, 126 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
CHOICE   9/14/2013

Last night a complete stranger asked me if I liked breasts or thighs, I told him that I preferred a hot, wet, pussy. Apparently that wasn’t an option with the KFC Bargain Bucket....


1 Comments, 51 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Drill Instructor   9/13/2013

A former Sergeant in the Marine Corps, who had been a Drill Instructor, took a new job as a high school teacher. Just before the school year started, he injured his back. He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body, but fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable.

On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest ...


0 Comments, 118 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
LOOK GOOD   9/12/2013

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it....


0 Comments, 33 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
BIG FIRE   9/12/2013

How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood? His hand caught fire....


0 Comments, 28 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
SMELLS???????????   9/12/2013

Q: What's 40 feet long and smells like piss?

A: A conga line at the old folks home....


0 Comments, 18 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
CALL HIM????   9/12/2013

A man is visiting Ireland for the first time and after a long day of sightseeing, decides to stop by a traditional Irish pub. He sees an older man sitting by himself at the bar as he walks in and says hello to the man.

After a while and a few drinks, the old man says to the tourist "Oy! You see this bar, laddie? Oie made this bar wit me own two 'hands."

"That's great." replies ...


0 Comments, 100 Views, 4 Votes ,5.19 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
TURKEYS   9/12/2013

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."...


0 Comments, 67 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
INDEFINITELY   9/12/2013

What's the definition of indefinitely? When your balls are slapping up against her ass, you're in ... definitely!...


1 Comments, 45 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
PERVERTS????   9/12/2013

How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb? Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!...


0 Comments, 28 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
COULD YOU GET MY SNEAKERS??????   9/11/2013

A guy stops by to visit his friend who is paralyzed from the waist down. They talk for a while and then the friend asks, "My feet are cold. Would you be so kind as to go get me my sneakers please?"

The guest obliges and goes upstairs. There he sees his friend's daughters, both beautiful, who were home from college. Being the adventurous and quick thinking kind, he says:

"Hi, ...


0 Comments, 103 Views, 8 Votes ,3.71 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
GOOD GOLFER   9/11/2013

A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees.

He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit through.

Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.

As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked ...


0 Comments, 94 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
MISSING HER   9/11/2013

Two men were golfing, and happened to be putting near the road that ran past the golf course. Just then, a funeral procession went by, and one of them bowed his head, took off his hat, and held it over his heart until the procession had moved past.

"Wow, " said his friend, "I didn't know you could be so moved by the presence of a stranger's funeral."

"I wouldn't say we were ...


0 Comments, 71 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
WOMEN DRIVERS   9/11/2013

This morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 65 MPH with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner.

I looked away for a couple of seconds ......... to continue shaving, and when I looked back she was half-way over in my lane still working on her make-up.

As a man I don't scare that easily but ...


0 Comments, 77 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX   9/11/2013

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.

The husband yelled, "When you die, I'm getting a headstone that reads: Here lies my wife - Cold as ever."

"Yeah, " she replies, "when you die, I'm getting a headstone that reads: Here lies my husband - Stiff at last."...


0 Comments, 89 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
CONFOUNDED SEX   9/11/2013

A man was in a terrible accident, and his manhood was mangled and torn from his body.

His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery as it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3, 500 for "small", $6, 500 for "medium", $14, 000 for "large"

The man was sure he would want medium ...


0 Comments, 85 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
QUIET SEX   9/11/2013

Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?" She glanced at him and replied, "You're never home!"...


0 Comments, 67 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
LOUD SEX   9/11/2013

A wife went to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, Doc. Everytime we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out an ear splitting yell."

"My dear, " the shrink says, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is."

"The problem is, " she complained, "It wakes me up."...


0 Comments, 69 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
PENSION SEX   9/11/2013

Two men were talking. "So, How's your sex life?" "Oh, Nothing special. I am having pension sex." "Pension sex?" "Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on."...


0 Comments, 52 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
RIGHT GIRL   9/11/2013

"When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.

When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with ...


0 Comments, 69 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
WARDEN QUESTIONED   9/10/2013

Warden questioned in the suicide of Ariel Castro...

When asked how Ariel Castro was able to kill himself the warden replied...

"It was a snap."



Ariel Castro should have tried out for the NBA because his hang time was longer than Michael Jordan's.



TOO SOON?...


0 Comments, 58 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
MY DOG   9/10/2013

A pretty young lady had a pet Chihuahua that had a pedigree and she loved to enter it into shows. She was unhappy that every time she entered her in a show it always won second prize in it's group. Frustrated with this she asked one of the judges why. He explained that her dog's coat was too long compared to the winner of the group. She decided to get some hair remover from the chemist to fix the ...


0 Comments, 97 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
SNEEZES   9/10/2013

A young lady goes to the Doctors. The young Lady says. "Doctor you have to help me. Every time I sneeze I orgasm."

Doctor. "What are you taking for it?" Young Lady, "Pepper"....


0 Comments, 55 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
PET MONKEY   9/10/2013

A young girl moves inter-state to attend University. She finds the traveling to and from University takes a lot of time so she asks her Father to send her the money for a motor bike to make the trip shorter. Father sends her the money but on the way to the bike shop she passes a pet shop and sees a baby Chimpanzee in the window. She falls in love with it and decides to buy it with the money Dad ...


0 Comments, 68 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
WIFELY DUTIES?????   9/10/2013

A woman pregnant with her first paid a visit to her obstetrician’s office. After the exam, she shyly said “My husband wants me to ask you…, ” To which the doctor replies, “I know, I know, ” placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder.”I get asked that all the time. Making love is fine until late in the pregnancy.” “No, that’s not it, ” the woman confessed “He wants to know ...


0 Comments, 100 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
GOLF   9/10/2013

A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack!

"Help me dear" she groans to her husband.

The husband calls 999 on his mobile phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt.

His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. "I'm dying here and you're putting?"

"Don't worry dear" says ...


0 Comments, 90 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
THE KINGDOM OF THAILAND:   9/10/2013

In the original native culture of Thailand, when males reached the age of 18, they had to participate in the following community ceremony:

They lay themselves stark naked in a large circle, feet facing inward. A beautiful young naked girl kneels over the ankles of each of the men. She places a blob of honey and various crushed sweet fruits around his navel to attract flies and insects. ...


0 Comments, 84 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
GHOST SEX   9/10/2013

GHOST SEX

A professor at the University of North Dakota was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?'

About 90 students raise their hands.

Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'

About 40 students raise ...


0 Comments, 74 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
This is Priceless   9/10/2013

He's My Brother - This is Priceless





Two walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, ", how old are you?"

"Eight, " the boy replied.

The man continued, "do you know what these are used for?"

The boy replied, "not exactly, but they ...


1 Comments, 98 Views, 6 Votes ,2.80 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Dishwasher was broken   9/10/2013

Wanda's dishwasher was broken, so she called a Sears repairman.

Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. Oh, by the way, don't worry about my dog, Spike. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, DO NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!" ...


0 Comments, 84 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
salsagirl822 67 F
21  Articles
Oranges   9/9/2013

A young teenaged girl was a and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her Grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl.

The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl became frantic.

Sure ...


2 Comments, 187 Views, 9 Votes ,3.64 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
FROG IN YOUR THROAT   9/8/2013

A lonely woman is looking for an unusual pet. The pet store owner brings her a frog and says, "This frog has been trained to perform cunnilingus. Just $500.00!"

The woman buys the frog, takes it home, and lies on the floor with her legs open. The frog does nothing. The woman angrily returns to the pet store and complains about the frog's non-performance.

"Show me what you did, " ...


0 Comments, 67 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
CROSS NUNS   9/8/2013

Two nuns, Sister Marilyn and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a diminutive Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses at them through the windshield.

"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Marilyn. "What shall we do?"

"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of ...


0 Comments, 68 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
SPELLING   9/8/2013

Remember the little Rascal's Well one day Ms Crabtree asked who can spell "Dictate" immediately Spanky hand goes up " He says D-I-C-K She says no sit down, Alfalfa stands up and starts D-E- she stops him and say sit down, Buckwheat stands up and say 'D-I-C-T-A-T-E , dictate. She says very good Buckwheat, now can you make a sentence he says yes " Darla say my dick tate good"...


0 Comments, 63 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
FUNNY SIGNS   9/8/2013

FUNNY SIGNS: At a radiator shop (A-1 Radiator) "Best Place in Town to take a Leak"

On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

Sign over a gynecologist's office "Dr. ...


0 Comments, 61 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
OUCH!!!!   9/8/2013

Lorena Bobbitt's sister was arrested yesterday for trying to do the same thing to her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago.

The sister was not as accurate as Lorena. She missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper leg, causing severe muscle and tendon damage.

She has been charged with a misdeweiner....


1 Comments, 62 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
TEN PUNS   9/8/2013

1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Did you hear that NASA recently put a bunch of Holsteins into low earth orbit? They called it the herd shot 'round the world.

3. Two weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a ...


0 Comments, 60 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
BLONDE HUMOR   9/8/2013

A blonde walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer, He asks her anheisuer bush, she replies with fine, hows your dick....


0 Comments, 65 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
BIKER GRANNY   9/8/2013

A little old Lady had always wanted to join a local biker club, so one day she goes up and knocks on the door. A big, hairy bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers.

She proclaims, "I want to join your club."

The guy was amused, but says she needs to meet certain biker requirements in order to join.

The biker asks; "Do you have a motorcycle?"

The ...


0 Comments, 80 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
FIRE TRUCK   9/8/2013

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung on the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a and a cat.

The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look "That sure is a nice fire truck, " he says ...


0 Comments, 59 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
DOUCHE   9/8/2013

Did you hear about the new douche they've made for women?

It's made of Marijuana, Arrid Deodorant, and Kentucky Fried Chicken...

It leaves you high, dry, and finger licking good!...


0 Comments, 31 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
A NEW BEVERAGE   9/8/2013

Pfizer Corp. announced today that VIAGRA will soon be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one!

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and a good old fashioned "stiff ...


1 Comments, 49 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
YOUNG & NAIVE   9/8/2013

The young country girl left home at a very young age to make her fortune in the big city.

Her mother wrote several times over the first few months, with no reply.

Finally, the girl sees a sign in a shop that advertises "Make your own record". She thought she could make a record for her mother to tell her how she is doing.

She walks in and asks how much to make a record. ...


0 Comments, 49 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
SPORTING CHANCE   9/8/2013

A man suspects that his wife is having an affair, so one day he sneaks home early toting his shotgun.

Sure enough, he finds his wife making love to his best friend.

He tells his wife to get out of the way and he levels the shotgun at his friends balls.

His freind pleads with him to please at least give him a sproting chance, since they were best freinds once... ...


0 Comments, 63 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
FISHY??????   9/8/2013

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week.".

"This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box? We're leaving from the office and I will swing by ...


0 Comments, 72 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
The Pope went on vacation   9/8/2013

The Pope went on vacation for a few days to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska .. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope Mobile when he heard a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. He found a helpless Packer fan wearing shorts, sandals, a 'Go Pack’ cheese hat and a “The Pack rules” shirt. The man was screaming and struggling frantically, thrashing all about, and ...


0 Comments, 70 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Mess with seniors and you're going to lose!   9/8/2013

There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you, in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.

A 75-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'

'There's ...


0 Comments, 65 Views, 0 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Marital Humor   9/8/2013

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6. A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" He replied, "They had avocados." If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again! Men will get it the first time. My work is done here. ...


0 Comments, 57 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Cheers   9/8/2013

One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin said to his buddy, Norm Peterson: "Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this.. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by ...


0 Comments, 53 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
(Love southern humor!!!!)   9/8/2013

A large jet plane crashed on a farm in the middle of rural Kentucky .

Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force.

By the time they got there, the aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left smoldering in a tree line that bordered the farm.

The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no remains of ...


1 Comments, 78 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
SIGNS   9/7/2013

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there....


2 Comments, 55 Views, 7 Votes ,2.28 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
COLLEGE?????   9/7/2013

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red “H” on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor. “Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love, ” she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a ...


0 Comments, 66 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
CUT IT   9/7/2013

Q: Why do elephants have four feet?







A: Because in the animal kingdom, six inches just doesn't cut it....


0 Comments, 26 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
S&M   9/7/2013

Sue and Sally were discussing their sex lives. Sue said, "Mine's OK. We get it on every week, but it's no big adventure. How's yours?" Sally replied, "It's great ever since we got into S&M." Sue was surprised. "Really, Sally, I never would have guessed that you'd go for that." "Oh, sure, " says Sally, "He snores while I masturbate."...


0 Comments, 47 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
FREUDIAN SLIP   9/7/2013

A man sits on a bus looking ashamed. The man next to him notices and asks what is wrong.

He says that when he went to buy the bus ticket, the woman serving him had the most unbelievable breasts, so he got flustered and asked for two tickets to Tittsburgh instead of Pittsburgh.

The man next to him laughs, "Don't worry about that. We all make Freudian slips. This morning I was ...


0 Comments, 57 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
BEST VIEW??????   9/7/2013

Q: Where's the best view of falling stars in Los Angeles?







A: A rehab center.


0 Comments, 22 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
LEARN THE LANGAUGE   9/6/2013

In Texas there is a town called New Braunfels, where there is a large German-speaking population.

One day, a local rancher driving down a country road noticed a man using his hand to drink water from the rancher's stock pond.

The rancher rolled down the window and shouted: "Sehr angenehm! Trink das Wasser nicht. Die Kuehe haben darein geschissen."

This means: “Glad to ...


0 Comments, 65 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
bigmel1963 55 M
17  Articles
friend sex   9/5/2013

A married couple has a long time friend visit. They have not seen each other for many years. They decide to go out and party. When they get back to the studio apt the couple live in, they suggest that the friend stays with them, due to all the drinking. The couple inform the friend that they sleep in the nude, he should too and they will all share the same bed, since they are long time friends. ...


1 Comments, 95 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
A MEDICAL QUESTION   9/5/2013

Whats the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer?





THE TASTE..........


0 Comments, 22 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
A FEW LAUGHS   9/5/2013

The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.

I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next bowel movement could spell disaster.

My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.

I spent a couple of hours ...


0 Comments, 58 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THAT SMELL   9/4/2013

A husband and his wife are driving down the road, they see a skunk hurt and limping. They decided to stop and pick it up and take it to a vet, the wife picks it up brings it into the car, says to the hubby its cold and shaking, what should I do? The hubby replies, put it under your dress and between your legs. The wife says what about the smell? Hubby says..just hold his nose he'll be ok...[...


0 Comments, 65 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
hotfunnow902 24 M
10  Articles
6   9/4/2013

material for adding points always something to try. got no choice


0 Comments, 23 Views, 2 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Young doctor   9/4/2013

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor. At the first house a woman complains, "I've been a little sick to my stomach." The older doctor says, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the ...


0 Comments, 108 Views, 7 Votes ,4.31 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
FOOD   9/2/2013

a hot walks into a bar and say's "bartender I'll have a beer" bartender says" I'm sorry we don't serve food here ! "...


0 Comments, 49 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
NO ONE GETS THIS ONE   9/2/2013

A snail walks into a bar, ,says bartender, " I'll have a beer " bartender says we don't serve snails" and throws the snail out of the bar, ,, , two weeks later the snail walks back into the bar and says" what did you do that for !"...


0 Comments, 71 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
I DREAM OF GENIE   9/2/2013

Bill is sitting in a pub and pulls out a tiny piano and a little guy about a foot tall. The little guy sits down and starts playing the piano quite beautifully. The fellow on the next bar stool, Joe, says, 'That's amazing. Where did you get him?' Bill says, 'Well, I got this magic lamp with a genie inside. He granted me one wish.' 'That's great, could I use it?' Bill agrees and hands him the ...


0 Comments, 63 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
HEAD?   9/1/2013

A group of U.S. scientist got together and did a study on why the head of a man's penis is bigger than the shaft. after much study and discussion they came to the conclusion that it was to give a man more pleasure during sex.

not to be outdone a group of British scientist did their own study but came to a different conclusion. their answer was that it was to give more pleasure to the ...


0 Comments, 64 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
OH BOY A BLONDE JOKE   9/1/2013

A blonde and a brunette were walking along a road. The brunette says



"Hey look a dead bird!"



The blonde looks up in the sky and says



"Where?"...


0 Comments, 67 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THICKER   9/1/2013

Kleenex man size:





Because cum is thicker than snot....


0 Comments, 32 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
TASTE   9/1/2013

Wife and husband have bought condoms with different flavors. - Darling, I will turn off the light, put one on and you guess the flavor. As soon as he turns off the light, she takes it in the mouth and says: - Gorgonzola! - Wait, it is not on yet....


0 Comments, 79 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
HUNGRY BUM   9/1/2013

A man goes to the doctor's and says, 'Doctor, I rally need some help. I can't seem to get an erection.' The doctor examines him carefully and suggests a number of remedies - all to no avail. 'Herbal remedies, Viagra, hydraulic pumps - nothing seems to work, ' says the man. 'Well, ' the doctor says, 'There ia a last-ditch option. Scientists at the local hospital are doing some experimental work ...


0 Comments, 82 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
138? sounds like fun   9/1/2013

What's a 138?



Dinner for four.





Which is better 69 or 77?



77 because you get 8 more.


0 Comments, 43 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
ACCIDENT   8/31/2013

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it. He was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at ...


0 Comments, 86 Views, 8 Votes ,3.25 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
WINDY DAY   8/31/2013

3 Couples decide to play a round of golf.. The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. 'Good God, Woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?', Ole demanded. Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.' The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the ...


1 Comments, 104 Views, 9 Votes ,4.49 Score
hughjorgans 53 M
2  Articles
Sheep Joke   8/31/2013

A guy walks into the marital bedroom with a sheep upder his arm and says to his wife "This is the pig i have sex with when you've got a headache"

To which the wife retorts "I think you'll find its a sheep"

To which the guy replies " I think you'll find I was talking to to the sheep"


0 Comments, 94 Views, 12 Votes ,0.68 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Using logic...   8/31/2013

An old country preacher......had a teenage , and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young Men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four ...


0 Comments, 81 Views, 7 Votes ,4.31 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
TO EXPENSIVE   8/30/2013

A man goes to a bar and meets an after talking to her for a bit, he asks her, "Alright. Enough talk. How much is it gonna cost me for a handjob?"

"$50, " She says.

"$50 for a handjob? You've got to be kidding me!" He replies. "Come over here, " She says. "See that car outside?" She points to the window. He looks out, and sees a brand new sports car.

"Wow, that looks ...


0 Comments, 101 Views, 9 Votes ,4.28 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
FOOD PLAY   8/30/2013

To liven my sex life up my girlfriend and I thought we'd try a little food play. How did it go? asked my friend Great I replied, I even slipped a few grapes up her ass. Ouch!! said my friend, did she scream he asked. No! but she did let out a little wine....


0 Comments, 67 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE QUEEN????   8/29/2013

The Queen was showing the Archbishop of Canterbury around the royal stable, when one of the stallions close by farted so loudly it couldn't be ignored. "Oh dear, " said the Queen, "How embarrassing. I'm frightfully sorry about that." "It's quite understandable, " said the Archbishop, and after a moment, added, "as a matter of fact I thought it was the ."...


0 Comments, 64 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE MONKEY   8/29/2013

A man is hitch-hiking up the dual carriageway when a lorry stops for him. As he climbs into the cab he notices a monkey sitting on the dashboard. After chatting for a few miles, he asks the driver what the monkey is for. The driver says, "I'll show you." He hits the monkey very hard with the back of his hand, sending the poor creature rolling across the cab. The monkey picks itself up and ...


0 Comments, 70 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
FAIR DEAL   8/29/2013

A couple had just bought a new house. The husband turned to his wife and asked her to go to the hardware store and get a door hinge for him. She kindly agreed and left. When she got to the hardware store, she found the hinge she wanted and put it on the counter in front of the clerk. He noticed that she didn't have any screws for it, so he asked her, "Do you want a screw for that hinge?" She ...


0 Comments, 79 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
TOO MUCH MEDS??????   8/29/2013

A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed the male hormone testosterone for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing. "Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but I'm afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started growing excess body hair." The doctor reassured her, "A little hair growth ...


0 Comments, 71 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
A LAWYER   8/29/2013

A lawyer is standing in a long queue at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands massaging his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around and says, "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line." "Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"...


0 Comments, 81 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
NICE GARDEN   8/29/2013

A beautiful woman loved gardening, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day while taking a stroll she came upon a neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes. The woman asked the gentleman, "What do you do to get your tomatoes red?" The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato plants and flop my willy out, and my tomatoes ...


0 Comments, 79 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
CONFUSED NURSE   8/29/2013

Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny. "She's incredibly dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards." said one doctor. "Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of Percocet every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He nearly died on us!"

The second doctor said, "That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to ...


0 Comments, 81 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
GET USED TO IT......   8/29/2013

An elderly man goes into his doctors office for an annual physical. After a while, the doctor comes out and says, "I'm sorry Bill, but we have discovered you have a condition which only allows you another 6 weeks to live."

"But Doctor, " Bill replied, "I feel great. I haven't felt better in years. This just can't be true. Isn't there anything I can do?"

After a moment the doctor ...


0 Comments, 69 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
TOO DRUNK   8/29/2013

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.

The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring the customers!"

"I'm just ...


0 Comments, 65 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
MOVE OVER   8/29/2013

pubic hair is like parsley, you always move it to one side when your eating...


0 Comments, 31 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
RINGS   8/29/2013

A man wakes up after an epic night of partying and sees two rings around his cock. One is red, the other is brown. Horrified, he goes to his doctor, who takes samples of the substances from off his wrinkle-stick and analyzes them.

After a short wait, he comes back to the exam room. "I have good news. The red ring was just ordinary lipstick. " says the doctor. The man breathes a sigh of ...


0 Comments, 63 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
SHERIFF EXAM   8/29/2013

A young Texan grew up wanting to be a lawman. He grew up big, 6' 2", strong as a longhorn, and fast as a mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces. When he finally came of age, he applied to where he had only dreamed of working: the West Texas Sheriff's Department. After a series of tests and interviews, the Chief Deputy finally called him into his office for the young ...


0 Comments, 61 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
HOW MANY????   8/28/2013

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...."

The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"...


0 Comments, 36 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
PRECIOUS   8/28/2013

A naive young girl from a small town was visiting friends in San Francisco. She phoned her mom to let her know how she was getting along. "Things are rather strange here. I see men who hold hands, kiss and hug each other. They're called 'gays' or homosexuals. Even more surprising, there are women here who do the same things and they are referred to as 'lesbians'. You probably won't believe ...


0 Comments, 82 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
GO HOME   8/28/2013

A guy on a date parks and gets the girl in the back seat and they make love. The girl wants it again, and the guy obliges her. She wants more, and they do it again. She still wants more, so the guy Says, "Excuse me a minute. I have to go relieve myself."

While out of the car, he notices a guy a half block away changing a flat. He asks the guy, "Look, I've got this gal in my car, and ...


0 Comments, 71 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
ENERGIZER BUNNY FOUND DEAD   8/28/2013

Today, the world was stunned by the news of the death of the Energizer Bunny. He was six years old. Authorities believe that the death occurred at approximately 8:42 pm last evening.

Best known as the irritating pink bunny that kept going, and going, and going, "Pinkie, " as he was known to his friends and relatives, was alone at the time of death.

He is survived by his equally ...


0 Comments, 61 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
GOLF   8/28/2013

A woman is learning how to golf. She has been teaching herself to play for more than three months and she is really bad. She decides to consult a golf pro.

When she sees the golf pro, she explains how bad she is and he tells her to go ahead and hit the ball. She does. The ball goes about 50 yards into the brush slicing to the right. The golf pro says to the woman, "I can see that you ...


0 Comments, 62 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
AGAIN?????   8/28/2013

Two guys in a bar are watching the TV. There is a news report about a man who threatens to jump off a 5 story building unless the cops give him 3000 dollars. One guy at the bar says to the other: "I bet you 100 bucks the guy jumps". The other guy takes the bet, and the guy on the TV ends up jumping. The guy hands over the $100, but the winner gives it back, saying that he had already seen the guy ...


0 Comments, 53 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
BEARS   8/28/2013

A bear walks into a bar an says to the bar tender, "I would like a bourbon and...... a coke." The bar tender says "What's up with the big pause?" The bear said "I've had them all my life...


0 Comments, 42 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
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823  Articles
TO DRUNK   8/28/2013

There was once a man who was in a bar, terribly drunk. The bartender noticed this, and when he asked for another beer, the bartender politely told him that he was too drunk to be served another drink. The man leaves. He walks in the side door and asks the bartender for a beer. A little frustrated, the bartender repeats the answer he said before. The man leaves. He then comes in the other side ...


0 Comments, 54 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
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823  Articles
NO EARS   8/28/2013

A man with no ears is trying to find a new reporter for their news show. The first guy walks in and the boss says, "This job requires you noticing a lot of details. What is one thing you notice about me?" And the guy says, "Well shit! You got no ears man!" So the boss yells "Get the hell out!". So the next guy comes in and the boss says to him, "This job requires you noticing a lot of details. ...


0 Comments, 43 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
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823  Articles
BIRTHDAY   8/28/2013

It's this man's 33rd birthday. He gets a package at the Post Office and goes to collect it. At the counter the woman brings his package to him, and the man says, "It's my birthday today." "Oh, happy birthday, how old are you?, " asks the Post Office worker. "33, " says the man. "Well, have a good day, " says the worker. "Thank you, " replied the man. To get home, the man has to take the bus. At ...


0 Comments, 56 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
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823  Articles
JINX   8/28/2013

After thirty-five years of marriage, Bernie is lying on his deathbed and with a tear in his eye he says "Annabel before I die I have to tell you something". She replies "Yes, yes dear anything what is it?" He starts, "The first year we were together, I caught pneumonia and almost died. You sat by my bed and nursed me back to health."

To which the wife nods her head and he continues, ...


0 Comments, 50 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
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823  Articles
CAP   8/28/2013

Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool

The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom.

Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs ...


0 Comments, 40 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
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823  Articles
YOU SICK???????   8/28/2013

This guy goes into a whorehouse and tells the mistress he wants to eat out a girl for the first time. She sends him up and he meets this deadly blonde chick. She whips down her pants and he starts licking her twat. Minutes later he feels something in his mouth and spits out a corn niblets. Thinking this is normal, as he has never done it before continues eating her out. Minutes pass and he finds ...


0 Comments, 43 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Startled by a late model car   8/28/2013

My neighbor was working in his yard when he was startled by a late model car that came crashing through his hedge and ended up in his front lawn.

He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair. He said with excitement, "You appear quite elderly to be driving."

"Well, yes, I am, " she replied proudly. "I'll be 97 next month, and I am now ...


0 Comments, 82 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Nair   8/28/2013

This lady found out that her dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet quickly discovered that the problem was ear wax and hair clogging the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell her that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the store, get some "Nair" hair remover, and rub it in ...


0 Comments, 59 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
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823  Articles
KNITTING????   8/27/2013

A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lungs. "No!" the blonde yelled back, "Scarf!"...


0 Comments, 57 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
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823  Articles
QUESTION?????   8/27/2013

Q. What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive? A. Popeye almost killed him!...


0 Comments, 23 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
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823  Articles
HOW OFTEN??????   8/27/2013

John just graduated from clinical psychology and opens his first office. After some successful advertising he is astounded to have nearly 300 people wanting to be in group therapy. John decides to rent a big hall and invite the entire group. To break the ice, and to get the therapy started, John decides to ask a show of hands how often the attendees had sex. He first asks for a show of hands of ...


0 Comments, 54 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
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823  Articles
CATCHING IT ALL   8/27/2013

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionalism goes right out the window...

He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.

"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?

"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.

He tells her to ...


0 Comments, 54 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
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823  Articles
STEALING SAMPLES   8/27/2013

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are ...


0 Comments, 35 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
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823  Articles
READY FOR SEX??????????   8/27/2013

A man and his wife got into bed for the night. The wife had curled up ready for sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on to read a book. As he was reading, he stopped and reached over to his wife and started fondling her pussy. He did this only for a very short while then stopped and went back to reading his book.

The wife got up and started stripping in front of him. The husband was ...


0 Comments, 50 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
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823  Articles
AGAIN??????   8/27/2013

A blonde walks into a dry cleaners and drops her dress off, and heads for the door. The assistant shouts, 'Come again'. The blonde replies, 'No, it was toothpaste this time!!!'...


0 Comments, 30 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
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823  Articles
NEW CASE   8/27/2013

The Mother Superior calls all the nuns together. She then says to them, " I must tell you something very serious. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."

A nun in the back responds, "Thank God! I'm so tired of Zinfandel."...


0 Comments, 48 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
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823  Articles
MONKEYS AREN'T SO DUMB   8/26/2013

A man and a monkey walk into a bar. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. He then jumps onto the pool table and grabs one of the balls. To everyone's amazement, he sticks it in his mouth, and somehow swallows it whole. The bartender looks at the guy and says, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

"No, what?"

...


0 Comments, 54 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
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823  Articles
GOLF INJURY   8/26/2013

Two women were playing golf.One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a ...


0 Comments, 61 Views, 4 Votes ,5.19 Score
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823  Articles
TRUCKER   8/26/2013

A trucker who has been out on the road for two months stops at a brothel outside Las Vegas. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!" The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my prettiest ladies and a three-course meal." The trucker replies, "Listen darlin’, I’m not horny ...


0 Comments, 62 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
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823  Articles
LOOK??????   8/26/2013

You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither!...


0 Comments, 24 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
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823  Articles
PANTIES   8/26/2013

Two guys were out walking home from work one afternoon. “Shit!” said the first guy, “As soon as I get home, I’m gonna rip the wife’s panties off!” “What’s the rush?” his friend asked. “The bloody elastic in the legs is killing me.” the guy replied....


0 Comments, 61 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
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823  Articles
UGLY???????   8/26/2013

A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock at the front door. He opens it to find two sheriff’s deputies there. He asks if there is a problem. One of the deputies asks if he is married. The man replies, “Yes, I am.” The deputy then asks if he could see a picture of the man’s wife. The guy says, “Sure…” and gets a photo to show them. The deputy says, “I’m sorry, sir. ...


0 Comments, 64 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
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823  Articles
DR'S VISIT   8/26/2013

This guy visits the doctors and says, “Doc… I think I’ve got a sex problem. I can’t get it up for my wife anymore.” The doctor says, “Come back tomorrow and bring her with you.” The next day, the guy shows up with his wife.

The doctor says to the wife, “Take off your clothes and lie on the table.”

She does it, and the doctor walks around the table a few times ...


0 Comments, 64 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
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823  Articles
SHEEP ARE COMING HOME   8/26/2013

A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and so he phones a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.

The guy doesn't have the slightest idea what this means, but not wanting to show his ignorance, he asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The ...


0 Comments, 55 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
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823  Articles
LOST GRANDPA   8/26/2013

A small grandson that was shopping with his grandfather got lost in the mall. The boy approached a uniformed security guard and said, “I’ve lost my grandpa!” The guard asked, “What’s his name?” The boy replied, “Grandpa.” The guard smiles, then asks “What’s he like?” to which the little tyke hesitated for a moment and replied, “10 year old malt whiskey and women with ...


0 Comments, 60 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
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823  Articles
KINGS   8/26/2013

Little Bobby was sitting in class when the teacher asked him “Can you tell me the name of three great kings who have brought happiness and joy into people’s lives?” To which little Bobby replied “Smo-king, Drin-king and Fuc-king”....


0 Comments, 49 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
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823  Articles
THE POPE IS HAVING A SHOWER   8/26/2013

Although he is very strict about the celibacy rules, he occasionally feels the need to empty his scrotal sacs, and this is one of these occasions. Just as he shoots his load, he sees a photographer taking a picture of the holy seed flying through the air.

"Hold on a minute" says the Pope. "You can't do that. You'll destroy the reputation of the Catholic Church."

"This picture ...


0 Comments, 54 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
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823  Articles
ROSE   8/26/2013

There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.

The director says, "This is the most Important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose ...


0 Comments, 37 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
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823  Articles
GOLD?????   8/26/2013

A woman goes to the doctor's office. "Doctor, I've got a strange problem I need your opinion on."

"Could you describe the symptoms to me ?" he asked.

"Well, it's easier if I show you, " she said and, standing up, proceeded to undress. When she was down to her underwear she sat on the edge of the examining table and spread her legs to reveal two small green circles on her ...


0 Comments, 60 Views, 0 Votes
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823  Articles
HOWARD   8/25/2013

A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door "Is your dad or mom home?" said the farmer. "No, they went to town." "How about your brother, Howard. Is he here?" "No, he went with Mom and Dad." The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself. The boy said "I know where all the tools ...


0 Comments, 85 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
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823  Articles
PJs   8/25/2013

Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.


1 Comments, 45 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
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823  Articles
ONE HOUR??????   8/25/2013

The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on sexual morality.

"We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation, " she said, "ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?"



A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, "Excuse me, but how do you make it last an ...


0 Comments, 72 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
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823  Articles
WHO LIKES WHAT??????????   8/25/2013

A guy walked into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day." "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."

The next day, the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger ...


0 Comments, 64 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
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823  Articles
    8/25/2013

Maria gets married and has 17 . Then her husband dies. She remarries two weeks later, and has 22 by her next husband. Then he dies. A few weeks later, she dies. At the funeral, the priest looks skyward. "At least they're finally together." "Excuse me, Father, " says one of her sons, "but do you mean her and her first husband, or her and her second husband?" .......... "I mean her legs."...


0 Comments, 70 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
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823  Articles
FIX MY CAR??????   8/25/2013

There was a guy riding through the desert on his camel. He had been travelling so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the desert so the man turned to his camel. He tried to position himself to have sex with his camel but the camel ran away. The man ran to catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride again. Soon he was feeling the urge to have sex ...


0 Comments, 60 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
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823  Articles
LIGHTS OUT   8/25/2013

Little Johnny and his two friends are sitting on the front porch one day. The first one says, "My Daddy is so cool he can eat four Burgers at one meal." The second one says, "That's nothing. My Daddy can eat six." Little Jonny starts laughing and says, "My Daddy can eat light bulbs." The other two boys tell Jonny that he is out of his mind. They ask him why he thinks His daddy can eat light ...


0 Comments, 63 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
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823  Articles
SWIM & RIDE   8/25/2013

Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine years old and the other one is four years old. The nine year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for checkout. The cashier asks, "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?" The nine-year-old replies "Nope, not for my mom." Without thinking, the cashier responded "Well, they must be for your sister then?" The ...


0 Comments, 56 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
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823  Articles
BANK   8/25/2013

How do you cancel an appointment at the sperm bank? You call them up and tell them you can't come.


0 Comments, 36 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
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823  Articles
TRUTH??????   8/25/2013

A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They had sex for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation... She is speaking in a cheery voice) "Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. ...


0 Comments, 54 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
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823  Articles
MY DREAM WOMAN   8/25/2013

"When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life. In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability. When ...


0 Comments, 45 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
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823  Articles
TIGHT   8/25/2013

This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her pussy. "Put your finger in me..." she asks him. So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning. "Put two fingers in...", she says. So in goes another one. She's really starting to get worked up when she says, "Put your whole hand in!". The guy's like, "Ok!". So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning ...


0 Comments, 46 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
You're very welcome..   8/25/2013

Until recently, I didn't know this... A slave from Sardinia named Gedophamee was attending a great but as yet unnamed athletic festival 2500 years ago in Greece .. In those days, believe it or not, the athletes performed naked.

To prevent unwanted arousal while competing, the men imbibed freely on drink containing saltpeter before and throughout the variety of events.

At the ...


0 Comments, 53 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
You're laughing aren't you?   8/25/2013

A little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something, but the boy continues. "Johnny!" Mom screams. "Knock it off." You're going to break something.

He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to the shopping center. Johnny ...


0 Comments, 58 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
"Why is that?"   8/25/2013

Two black guys are at a bar talking, one says to the other, "You ever notice after you have sex with a white woman that your eyes burn, your nose runs and you get all teary-eyed?"

The second black guy says, "Yeah, all the time."

The other says, "Why is that?"

The second says, "I think it's the pepper spray."


0 Comments, 58 Views, 0 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Empathy for a homesick snowbird   8/25/2013

I was in Bonita Springs, FL the other day. I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read:

"I miss Chicago ."

So I broke the window, stole the radio, shot out two of the tires, added an Obama bumper sticker and left a note that read, "I hope this helps.”


0 Comments, 46 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
"I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow.   8/25/2013

A young woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean, but just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.

"You have so much to live for, " said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you ...


0 Comments, 51 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
rm_sexydoc1950 67 M
6  Articles
bikes   8/24/2013

girls who ride bikes pedal their ass all over town]...


0 Comments, 14 Views, 0 Votes
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
HOW DO YOU CATCH A RABBIT   8/24/2013

How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it!

How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way, unique up on it!


0 Comments, 17 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
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823  Articles
A LITTLE HELP?????   8/24/2013

A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack, (Churchill Downs ) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (Bourbon), but mostly to see the horses.

When it was time to take the to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. ...


0 Comments, 39 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
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823  Articles
CONFUCIUS SAY AGAIN   8/24/2013

Confucius Say The Army is like a blow job. The closer you get to discharge, the better it feels.

Confucius Say Women are like convertibles. They're both more fun with their top down.

Confucius Say Viagra is like Disneyland... a one hour wait for a 2-minute ride.

Confucius Say A Rubix cube is like a penis. The longer you play with it, the harder it gets.


0 Comments, 26 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
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823  Articles
CONFUCIUS SAY   8/24/2013

Confucius Say A Greek tampon is called "Abzorba the Leak."

Confucius Say Treat your woman like your vacuum cleaner. If she stops sucking, replace the bag.

Confucius Say Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is 2 hearts and a diamond. A few years later you'll want a club and a spade.


0 Comments, 18 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
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823  Articles
LITTLE TOMMY   8/24/2013

One day, little Tommy is walking back home after school. He opens the front door, and sees his father banging his mother doggy-style on top of the kitchen table. With a nervous smirk, his father jumps down, and says, "We didn't realize you'd be home so early! Go downstairs, and I'll come talk to you in a few hours." Head hung low, little Tommy recedes down the stairs whimpering the whole way. ...


0 Comments, 48 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
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823  Articles
BLONDE   8/24/2013

Two blondes were sipping their Starbucks when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of sod.

"I'm going to do that when I win the lottery, " announced Blonde #1.

"Do what?", asked Blonde #2.

"Send my lawn out to be mowed."


0 Comments, 38 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
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823  Articles
WOMEN'S REVENGE   8/24/2013

'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.

'No, ' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,

and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him ...


0 Comments, 31 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
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823  Articles
THE SILENT TREATMENT   8/24/2013

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5 0 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew ...


0 Comments, 28 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
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823  Articles
WHO DOES WHAT?   8/24/2013

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning..

The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,

and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'

Wife replies, 'No, ...


0 Comments, 29 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
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823  Articles
WORDS   8/24/2013

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day....

30, 000 to a man's 15, 000.

The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'


0 Comments, 27 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
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823  Articles
WIFE VS. HUSBAND   8/24/2013

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and

neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,

the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'

'Yep, ' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'


1 Comments, 46 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
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823  Articles
MARRIAGE SEMINAR   8/24/2013

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,

Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,

'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.'

He addressed the man,

'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it?


1 Comments, 40 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
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823  Articles
TAINT??????   8/24/2013

A man and his best friend are sitting on the sofa and love seat, respectively, arguing about the area of skin between their dick and their asshole. What is it called, a taint or a runway?

The man's wife come into the room, wondering what they are arguing about. The man says to his wife what is that area called between your dick and the asshole?

Wife replies.... The coffee table?


0 Comments, 27 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
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823  Articles
PICKLE SLICER   8/24/2013

A guy went to see his psychologist and tells him he has a great temptation to put his penis in the pickle slicer at work, he goes on to say the more he thinks about it the harder he gets. The shrink tells him about the extreme damage and pain it would cause.

This went on for several months at every visit with the doctor, he would talk about how bad he wanted to put his dick in the pickle ...


0 Comments, 19 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
rm_cherimore 57 F
7  Articles
Let have a laugh   8/24/2013

I had posted this long ago.

Q & A..........FUNNY!!!!

Q.) What's the speed limit of sex? A.) 68 because at 69 you eat it.

Q.) What does a Rubix cube and a penis have in common? A.) The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Q.) What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick? A.) You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

...


0 Comments, 37 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
"Bring them all as well,"   8/24/2013

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food, " the poor man replied. "Wehave to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed ...


0 Comments, 37 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
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823  Articles
LONE RANGER   8/23/2013

One day Lone Ranger and his side kick Tonto were out riding when Lone Ranger stops to take a piss. So Lone Ranger goes over to the bush pulls down his pants and then he screams. He runs over to Tonto and says, "Tonto I've been bitten by a snake on my penis go to town and ask the doctor what to do."

So Tonto rides to town and goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, Lone Ranger has been bit ...


0 Comments, 43 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
CHANGE ANYONE??????   8/23/2013

This women goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I don't know what's up with me, Every time I go to the toilet for a pee, these 5 pennies come out

The Doctor said, go home and put your feet up and just rest then come back in a weeks time

The following week the woman goes back and says, Doctor it's getting worse, when I go to the toilet now, these 10 pennies are coming out ...


0 Comments, 45 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
YE GODS   8/23/2013

Thor, the Viking God of Thunder, and Odin, the King of the Gods, are enjoying a flagon of mead in Valhalla, the Norse heaven. Suddenly, Thor turns to Odin. 'You know, my Lord, ' he says, thoughtfully thumbing his mystical hammer. 'Being a God is brilliant, but it's been millennia since I had any sex.' Odin nodded and pondered for a while. Raising his mighty head, he took pity on his ...


0 Comments, 35 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
NO GUILT   8/23/2013

A man walks into a pub and orders a drink. He drinks it quickly and then pees all over the bar. The landlord is furious and tells the man to get out. He apologizes profusely, saying he doesn't know what came over him, and that he will see a psychiatrist and get help.

A week later, the man goes back into the pub, orders a drink, and does the same thing.

Again, the furious ...


0 Comments, 42 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
NOW WHERE?   8/23/2013

Following the dramatic escape from a burning freight vessel, two men are adrift in a lifeboat. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of them finds an old lamp. Remembering old wives' tales of luck, he rubs the lamp vigorously - and to the amazement of the castaways, a genie emerges from the spout and offers them one wish.

Without giving much thought to the matter, the first ...


0 Comments, 38 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
MY AGE????   8/23/2013

An old guy walks into a bar and asks for a bottle of forty-year old Scotch. The bartender, not wanting to give up the good liquor, pours a shot of ten-year Scotch and figures that the guy won't be able to tell the difference. The guy downs the Scotch and says: "This Scotch is only ten years old! I specifically asked for forty-year old Scotch."

Amazed, the bartender reaches into a locked ...


0 Comments, 38 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
MEN JUST CAN'T WIN   8/23/2013

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.

If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive ...


0 Comments, 32 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
WHAT MORE???????   8/23/2013

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical and a good cook….. But the law allows only one wife.


0 Comments, 27 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE MAILMAN'S LAST DAY   8/23/2013

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the ...


0 Comments, 41 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
GIRLS NIGHT OUT   8/23/2013

The other day, my friends and I went to a ladies' night club. One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek!

Not to be outdone, another friend pulled out a $20 bill. She called the guy back over, licked the $20 bill, and stuck it to his other butt cheek. ...


0 Comments, 32 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
STOP SEEING MY WIFE!!!!!!!   8/23/2013

"Boy, I'm scared, " John said to one of his friends.

"I got a letter from a guy who said he'd break my legs if I didn't stop seeing his wife."

"Well, " replied his friend, "I guess you'll have to stop seeing his wife."

"Easy for you to say."

"You like her that much?" the friend asks.

"It's not that, " declared John.

.

.

. ...


0 Comments, 36 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
FLY OFF????????   8/23/2013

Q. Why did the condom fly across the room? A. Because it got pissed off.


0 Comments, 17 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
QUESTION??????   8/23/2013

Q. What did the cock say to the condom? A. Cover me up I'm goin' in.


0 Comments, 9 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
QUESTION??????   8/23/2013

Q. What did the cock say to the condom? A. Cover me up I'm goin' in.


0 Comments, 6 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
365 CONDOMS   8/23/2013

Q. What do you call 365 condoms rolled into 1? A. A Good Year


0 Comments, 12 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
RECYCLE   8/23/2013

Q. How do you recycle a condom? A. Turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it


0 Comments, 10 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
500 pounds   8/23/2013

What do you call a 500 pound woman with a condom in her hand? A. A half ton pickup, with a box liner!!


0 Comments, 27 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
WHAT SIZE?   8/23/2013

Harry noticed he was running low on rubbers, so he stopped by the local drugstore. “What size?” asked the blonde pharmacist’s assistant sweetly. When he admitted he wasn't sure of his size. The blonde led him into the back room, lifted her skirt and told him to enter her. He was delighted to oblige. “Size six, ” she told him after a moment. “Now, take it out. How many?” Harry ...


0 Comments, 40 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
rm_sexydoc1950 67 M
6  Articles
what do they call a women   8/22/2013

what do they call awomem who rides her bike around town

she pedals her all over town


0 Comments, 34 Views, 4 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Are you having any side effects?"   8/22/2013

A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital.

Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him. "I have some good news and some bad news, " says the surgeon. "The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!"

"Oh God no!" cries the man "My golfing is over! Please Doc, what's the good news?"

"The good news is, I have ...


0 Comments, 60 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Are you a doctor? "   8/21/2013

A father walks into a restaurant with his young . He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking. Looking at his , the father is panicking, shouting for help. ...


0 Comments, 62 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
"AH"   8/21/2013

A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a red light. The driver is a real bastard, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!

So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., ...


0 Comments, 78 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Is that what happened?   8/21/2013

Sex After Surgery

A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, one Anne Jones, has sued St Luke's hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.

A hospital spokesman replied ... "Mr. Jones was admitted in Ophthalmology – all we did was correct his eyesight."


0 Comments, 66 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
This is for you old folks   8/11/2013

Tetanus Shot. (This is for you old folks, I.e., anyone over (or close to) 60 is eligible! )

An old man in his mid-seventies struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat.

His wife, seeing the unexpected behavior, asks, ”Where are you going?”

He replies, 'I'm going to the doctor.'

She says, 'Why, are you sick?' He says, 'Nope, I'm going ...


4 Comments, 162 Views, 11 Votes ,4.48 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
grew up wanting to be a lawman   8/11/2013

A young Texan grew up wanting to be a lawman. He grew up big, 6' 2", strong as a longhorn, and fast as a mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces.

When he finally came of age, he applied to where he had only dreamed of working: the West Texas Sheriff's Department.

After a series of tests and interviews, the Chief Deputy finally called him into his ...


0 Comments, 116 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
The Sensuous Wife   8/11/2013

"Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?"...the woman asked her husband.

"No"...said her husband.

She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse...and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra...and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.

He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her ...


0 Comments, 122 Views, 6 Votes ,4.50 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Confused?   8/11/2013

I become confused when I hear the word "Service " used with these agencies:

Internal Revenue 'Service' US Postal 'Service' Cable TV 'Service' Civil 'Service' Federal, State, City, & public 'Service' Customer 'Service'

This is NOT what I thought 'Service' meant.

But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had bought a bull to 'Service' his cows. ...


0 Comments, 64 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Test   8/10/2013

The last question was on the biology test was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk. The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages. However, he wrote: 1) It is perfect formula for the . 2) It provides immunity against several diseases. 3) It is always the right temperature. 4) It is inexpensive. 5) It bonds the to ...


0 Comments, 112 Views, 7 Votes ,4.06 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Misc Humor   8/10/2013

Wedding At a wedding reception the D.J. yelled... "Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."

The bartender was almost crushed to death.

Sex Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.

Lance Armstrong I think it is just terrible and disgusting ...


1 Comments, 94 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
commercial airline flight   8/10/2013

During a commercial airline flight an experienced Air Force Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms. When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as possible. The pilot pretended not to notice, and, upon disembarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related items.

When ...


0 Comments, 109 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
EMPLOYEE NOTICE   8/10/2013

Due to the current sequester, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put all workers 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.

This scheme will be known as R.PE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be R.PED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After ...


0 Comments, 76 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
pushing carts around Wal-Mart   8/10/2013

Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too... I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The old guy ...


1 Comments, 114 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
awaiting surgery   8/10/2013

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his , a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his .

"Yes, Dad , what is it?"

"Don't be nervous, ; do your best, and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with ...


0 Comments, 79 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
distraught senior citizen   8/10/2013

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.

"Is it true, " she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"

"'Yes, I'm afraid so, "' the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO ...


0 Comments, 88 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
XXXplaypal 62 M
12  Articles
...   8/8/2013

A guy walks into a bar waving a gun shouts "whos been screwing my wife?" the bartender yells "YOUR GONNA NEED MORE AMMO!"


0 Comments, 58 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
non-racist version of "SnowWhite   8/8/2013

Walt Disney's new film called "Jet Black, " the non-racist version of "SnowWhite, " has been put on hold.

All of the 7 dwarfs: Dealer, Stealer, Mugger, Forger, Drive By, , and Drugie have refused to sing "Hi Ho" because they say it offends black prostitutes.

They also say they have no intention of singing "It's off to work we go."


1 Comments, 85 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Remember when O. J. was acquitted   8/8/2013

Remember when O. J. was acquitted, and all the white people protested, rioted, looted, and raised hell all over the country and the Attorney General, the Dept. of Justice, and the President decided to get involved?





. . . me neither.


0 Comments, 90 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
FtWaltonBlackk 46 M
9  Articles
Puddles   8/6/2013

3 Penguins walk into a bar...

1st Penguin asks the bartender for a beer, bartender asks " so how as your day", he looks up and says it was a long day and ive been in and out of puddles all day.

2nd Penguine asks for a shot, bartender says what about you big man?.. he says well my day was pretty good except for car problems and ive been in and out of puddles all day.

the ...


1 Comments, 109 Views, 6 Votes ,2.23 Score
TrevBrad2 36 M
8  Articles
Everywhere   8/5/2013

A woman approaches her husband one morning after he'd been out one too many times the night before. "You can't go go out anymore without me. We never go anywhere anymore." He says: "Hey, I used to take you everywhere. I'd drive out to the country, to the mountains, to the lake, to different cities even different countries. Everywhere."

To which she replies "Well why did you stop?" ...


2 Comments, 136 Views, 6 Votes ,1.94 Score
TrevBrad2 36 M
8  Articles
Disappointment   8/2/2013

When it comes to sex, it seems that one person will always be disappointed.

Thank god it's never been me.

- Drew Carey (when he was still funny)


0 Comments, 65 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Truck for Sale   8/2/2013

A sixteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream, 'Where did you get that truck???!!!'

He calmly told them, 'I bought it today.'

'With what money?' demanded his parents. They knew what a Chevrolet Avalanche cost.

'Well, ' said the boy, 'this one cost me just fifteen dollars..'

So the parents began to yell ...


0 Comments, 169 Views, 13 Votes ,3.65 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
The meaning of stress   8/2/2013

You pick up a hitchhiker, a beautiful girl.

Suddenly she faints inside your car and you take her to the hospital. That's stressful.

At the hospital the nurses say she is pregnant and congratulate you that you're going to be a father. You say that you are not the father, but the girl says you are. This is getting very stressful!

You request a DNA test to prove that you ...


0 Comments, 121 Views, 9 Votes ,3.00 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
New Chevy Truck   8/2/2013

I stopped by the Chevrolet Dealership yesterday, for a look at the new Silverado 1500 pickup. Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that new "feel" before they become extinct.

The salesman (a black man wearing an Obama "change" lapel pin) sat in the passenger seat describing the truck and all its "wonderful"options. The seats were of particular interest. He ...


0 Comments, 92 Views, 6 Votes ,3.08 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
New Chevy Truck   8/2/2013

I stopped by the Chevrolet Dealership yesterday, for a look at the new Silverado 1500 pickup. Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that new "feel" before they become extinct.

The salesman (a black man wearing an Obama "change" lapel pin) sat in the passenger seat describing the truck and all its "wonderful"options. The seats were of particular interest. He ...


0 Comments, 42 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Grandpa's Drink   8/2/2013

There was a family gathering, with all generations around the table. Mischievous teenagers put a Viagra tablet into Grandpa's drink, and after a while, Grandpa excused himself because he had to go to the bathroom.

When he returned, however, his trousers are wet all over.

'What happened, Grandpa?' asked by his concerned .

Well, ' he answered, 'I don't really know. I had ...


1 Comments, 153 Views, 6 Votes ,2.80 Score
4KKMatureWomen 44 M
11  Articles
Diary Of A Mad Viagra Housewife:   8/2/2013

Dear Diary:

Day 1 Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried.

Day 2 Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell me something I don't know! I mean, gimme a break. He's ...


0 Comments, 112 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
4KKMatureWomen 44 M
11  Articles
Texan Divorce   8/2/2013

Storming into his lawyer's office, a Texas oil magnate demanded that divorce proceedings begin at once against his young bride.

"What's the problem?"

"I want to hit that adulterin' bitch for breach of contract, " snapped the oil man.

"I don't know if that will fly, " said the lawyer. "I mean your wife isn't a piece of property; you don't own her!"

"Damn ...


0 Comments, 89 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
4KKMatureWomen 44 M
11  Articles
Loud Orgasm   8/2/2013

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear-splitting yell."

"My dear, " the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is?"

"The problem is, " she complained, "It wakes me up."


0 Comments, 107 Views, 7 Votes ,4.06 Score
4KKMatureWomen 44 M
11  Articles
Playing Doctor   8/2/2013

Morris complained to his friend Irving, that love making with his wife was becoming routine and boring.

"Get creative Morris. Break up the monotony. Why don't you try 'playing doctor' for an hour? That's what I do, " said Irving.

"Sounds great, " Morris replied, "but how do you make it last for an hour?"

"Just keep her in the waiting room for 55 minutes!"


0 Comments, 63 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
4KKMatureWomen 44 M
11  Articles
Playing Doctor   8/2/2013

Morris complained to his friend Irving, that love making with his wife was becoming routine and boring.

"Get creative Morris. Break up the monotony. Why don't you try 'playing doctor' for an hour? That's what I do, " said Irving.

"Sounds great, " Morris replied, "but how do you make it last for an hour?"

"Just keep her in the waiting room for 55 minutes!"


0 Comments, 12 Views, 0 Votes
4KKMatureWomen 44 M
11  Articles
Cigarettes   8/2/2013

Man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment. After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3AM and says, "Oh no, ...


0 Comments, 92 Views, 11 Votes ,4.10 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
West Coast Disaster   8/1/2013

Rumors are circulating in California that radical Muslims are planning to go on a rampage in both Los Angeles and San Francisco, killing anyone who is white, straight and born in the U.S.A.

Police fear the death toll could be as high as 49 .


0 Comments, 85 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
TrevBrad2 36 M
8  Articles
A little pussy   8/1/2013

A man, feeling a little frisky one day, says to his wife: "hey, I'd like a little pussy." She says; "me too, mines the size of a house."

A knock off, I know, but funny, no?


0 Comments, 58 Views, 4 Votes ,1.30 Score
tallyoungstud5 36 M
1  Article
abstinence   7/31/2013

Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went. The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final couple was newlywed. Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no ...


1 Comments, 90 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
4KKMatureWomen 44 M
11  Articles
devil inside the church   7/30/2013

One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.

Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, ...


1 Comments, 104 Views, 7 Votes ,4.31 Score
4KKMatureWomen 44 M
11  Articles
cheating   7/30/2013

A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly.

Suddenly, Lorraine died.

At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."


1 Comments, 82 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
4KKMatureWomen 44 M
11  Articles
funeral   7/30/2013

A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.

They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.

She lives for 10 more years and then dies. They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.

As ...


1 Comments, 95 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
4KKMatureWomen 44 M
11  Articles
bride and broom   7/30/2013

Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk."

The groom broom says, "How can that be possible? We haven't even swept together!"


0 Comments, 62 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
4KKMatureWomen 44 M
11  Articles
banister   7/30/2013

A man comes home from work to find his wife sliding down the banister.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"Warming up your dinner."


0 Comments, 61 Views, 0 Votes
TrevBrad2 36 M
8  Articles
Twelve inches   7/28/2013

A man is walking down the street when he is suddenly smitten by the most beautiful woman that he has ever seen. Instantly he is in love! He runs up to her and says "lady, you are the most gorgeous creature that I have ever laced eyes on, I will do anything and everything for the rest of my life if you will go out with me." She says, "Sorry, I only date men with a twelve inch penis. If you have ...


0 Comments, 140 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Asking For Directions   7/27/2013

Q: Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize an egg?

A: Because not one will stop and ask for directions.


0 Comments, 39 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Sex Is Like Riding A Bike   7/27/2013

Q: Why Is Sex Like Riding A Bike?

A: You can do it by yourself, but it's usually not as much fun.


0 Comments, 27 Views, 0 Votes
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
WISHING WELL   7/26/2013

A man walks up to a wishing well. Throws a quarter in and says "I want my dick to touch the ground" Instantly his legs disappeared!!


0 Comments, 77 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
A SEAL   7/26/2013

A seal walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "What'll ya' have?".

The seal says, "Anything but Canadian Club.".


0 Comments, 76 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Just a cheap pun..   7/26/2013

Even though funerals are held in the afternoon I still get mourning wood.


0 Comments, 49 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
GOOD WASHING   7/26/2013

Just had to give my cock a good wash. It was so cheesy, it'd started singing Barry Manilow songs.


0 Comments, 39 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE ROYAL BABY   7/26/2013

OBGYN... The royal baby is crowning.

Charles runs in the room screaming... "Wait your damn turn!"

Today's UK headlines

GUARDIAN: It's a boy! TELEGRAPH: It's a boy! DAILY MAIL: Has Kate lost the baby weight yet?

Rumor is that Kate's had a Caesarian. They wanted the baby to come out through the sunroof as a tribute to its grandmother.


0 Comments, 56 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
DESERT ISLAND   7/26/2013

Two guys and a girl get marooned on a desert island.

After one week, the woman is so ashamed of what she's doing, she kills herself!

After another week goes by, the men are so ashamed of what they're doing, they buried her!

After another week, they're so ashamed of what they're doing they dug her back up again!


0 Comments, 83 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
DINNER   7/26/2013

My Girlfriend caught me blow drying my penis one night.

She asked me what I was doing.

Apparently heating her dinner, was not the right answer.


0 Comments, 37 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
DEARLY DEPARTED   7/26/2013

Martha had recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio table. Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him....

"You know that dishwasher you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money!"

She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then ...


0 Comments, 83 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
ANOTHER VIRGIN   7/26/2013

There was a virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it. Her grandmother says, "Sit here and let me tell you about those . "He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that." She continued, "He is going to try to feel your breast; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that. He is going to try to put ...


0 Comments, 90 Views, 9 Votes ,4.07 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
A man goes into a restroom   7/26/2013

A man goes into a restroom, walks over to the urinal and unzips. As he's relieving himself, a midget walks over with a step stool. The midget then proceeds to put the step stool next to the man, climbs up on it and stares at the mans genitals. The man asks, "What are you doing?" The midget replies, "Those are the nicest set of testicles I have ever seen. They hang so nice and look so smooth." The ...


0 Comments, 87 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
NO CHARGE   7/26/2013

A man who’d just died is delivered to a local mortuary and he’s wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed, pointing out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him ...


1 Comments, 84 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
man most intelligent   7/26/2013

Q: When is a man most intelligent... before, after or during sex? A: During sex because he's plugged up to the knowledge source


0 Comments, 39 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
rm_bgpness 48 M
1  Article
My Mom is SuperHero   7/25/2013

A little boy rushes up to his father and says "DAD, DAD DON'T MESS WITH MOM SHE'S A SUPER HERO!!" The father replies "What? Why do you say that?" The responds " I found a cape, a mask, a costume, a whip, a pair of hand cuffs and big silver bullet in her drawer. She must be a superhero!" The father answers " I already know and you can never reveal you mothers secret identity to anyone, not even ...


0 Comments, 128 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
rm_bgpness 48 M
1  Article
Golf and G spots   7/25/2013

What is the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot? guess then scroll down

















A man will spend two hours searching for a golf ball.


0 Comments, 55 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
knowsyj 46 M
9  Articles
Dumb Joke   7/22/2013

What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?



Your wife will always blow your bonus!


1 Comments, 52 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
knowsyj 46 M
9  Articles
Joke   7/21/2013

Why is air a lot like sex?

Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.


0 Comments, 22 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
TrevBrad2 36 M
8  Articles
Poor sap   7/21/2013

So I'm a guy with little free time, but one of my few pleasures is to head down to the local pub and sit quietly with a pint, alone with my own thoughts, undisturbed. Lately I'd been working a lot of overtime so I was in particular need of "me" time. I walked in, greeted the bartender and made my order. All was good for the first couple minutes until this fella slinks into the stool next to me ...


0 Comments, 89 Views, 3 Votes
knowsyj 46 M
9  Articles
Bad Joke   7/21/2013

How is pubic hair like parsley?



You push it to the side before you start eating.


0 Comments, 26 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
knowsyj 46 M
9  Articles
Poor taste   7/21/2013

Whats the best thing about dating homeless chicks?





You can drop them off anywhere.


0 Comments, 34 Views, 0 Votes
knowsyj 46 M
9  Articles
Jerk   7/21/2013

What do you call a man who cries while he masturbates?

A tearjerker.


0 Comments, 65 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
knowsyj 46 M
9  Articles
Another bad one   7/21/2013

What's the difference between a and a drug dealer?



A can wash her crack and sell it again.


0 Comments, 27 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
knowsyj 46 M
9  Articles
Bad Joke   7/21/2013

Why do they call it PMS?

Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken


0 Comments, 20 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
knowsyj 46 M
9  Articles
Snowman   7/21/2013

Why did the snowman smile?





Because the snowblower is coming.


0 Comments, 29 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
knowsyj 46 M
9  Articles
Dumb   7/21/2013

What do you call a cheap circumcision?



..............a rip off


0 Comments, 22 Views, 0 Votes
knowsyj 46 M
9  Articles
Joke   7/21/2013

Q: Whats long and hard and has cum in it?



A: a cucumber


0 Comments, 62 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
TrevBrad2 36 M
8  Articles
Letter to Penthouse forum by a disgruntled Employee   7/20/2013

Dear Penthouse, (Particularly Gary in editing)

I never thought it would happen to me... I've been a fan of Penthouse forum (and had been a loyal employee) for well over a decade now, using only the minimum sick days that my contract allowed without complaint, and have always been amazed at the wild stories that the subscribers sent in. I always thought that a lot of them were too far ...


0 Comments, 103 Views, 4 Votes
fortwaynelover33 28 M
13  Articles
knock knock   7/18/2013

knock knock whose there orange


2 Comments, 58 Views, 5 Votes
voyeurs69in2003 73 C
107  Articles
SEX and BUSINESS   7/18/2013

Two bankers talk about their wives.

FIRST: My wife is beautiful, good cook. excellent mother and marvelous in bed!

SECOND: How could you brag about her. Don't you know that she has four lovers on the side?

FIRST I do know, but figured out that it is better to have 20% of good business than 100% of s..t Once every five days is good enough for me

Comment in our ...


0 Comments, 149 Views, 5 Votes ,1.19 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME ................   7/18/2013

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

What disease did ...


4 Comments, 112 Views, 10 Votes ,5.18 Score
TrevBrad2 36 M
8  Articles
Auto-correct Erotica   7/17/2013

Jim was a big man with a big cuckoo. He had spend most of the past three months working in the far note, as a logger, but now he was back on the propel looking for some your thing to stick his meets dick in. The outpost town where he went for a drink was small and quiet. The only bar in a small community, Jim didn't expect to see any action until he reached the next major city, still days ...


2 Comments, 79 Views, 4 Votes
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
WEE ONE   7/14/2013

Daniel Runningbarenake d calls his buddy the rancher & says he's sending a friend over to look at a . "How will I recognize him?" the rancher asks. "That's easy; he's a small little brown fella with a speech impediment." So the wee little NDN shows up & the rancher asks him if he's the guy looking for a to buy. The wee NDN replies; "Yeths, a female horth." So the rancher dude shows the wee-man a ...


0 Comments, 110 Views, 5 Votes ,5.10 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
MARRIAGE/MARIJUANA   7/14/2013

For those who haven't heard, Washington State just passed both laws - gay marriage and legalized marijuana.

The fact that gay marriage and marijuana were legalized on the same day makes perfect biblical sense because Leviticus 20:13 says, "If a man lies with another man they should be stoned."

We just hadn't interpreted it correctly before!


0 Comments, 98 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE    7/14/2013

A woman is standing at the edge of a cliff trying to get the nerve to jump off. A passing stops and says, "Since you're about to kill yourself, if you don't mind, could we have sex please?" The woman says, "No, fuck off." The turns to leave and replies, "Fine, I'll just go and wait at the bottom."


0 Comments, 83 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE    7/14/2013

A woman is standing at the edge of a cliff trying to get the nerve to jump off. A passing stops and says, "Since you're about to kill yourself, if you don't mind, could we have sex please?" The woman says, "No, fuck off." The turns to leave and replies, "Fine, I'll just go and wait at the bottom."


0 Comments, 29 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
NOT WORKING   7/14/2013

I came home from the golf course today. The wife left a note on the fridge:

"IT'S NOT WORKING, I can't take it anymore!! Gone to stay with my Mother."

I opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer was cold...

What the hell is she talking about?


0 Comments, 102 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
TWO REDNECKS   7/14/2013

Two Rednecks were in a bar drinking. One says to the other, "If I went to your house, screwed your wife and she had my baby, would that make us relatives?" The other says, "No, but it would make us even."


0 Comments, 86 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
GROWN UP?   7/14/2013

Teacher asks the in class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Lil' Johnny: "I Wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".

The teacher, ...


0 Comments, 88 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score