Exhibition or Soft Swap?
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Posted:Feb 5, 2015 3:44 am
Last Updated:Mar 26, 2015 4:42 am
10606 Views
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Actually added this originally as an update to an older post. But then thought, maybe start over and see if more respond.
For a little over a year now, we've been chatting with and emailing another couple who have been discussing the idea of her being shared with other men. It's something that he wants to see happen. But she tells a different story in her emails. She's been extremely distressed by the idea of him wanting this, wondering about how he could if he really loved her. It's obviously been causing them a good deal of stress and tension in their relationship. Eventually things appeared to calm down because he got the message and backed off. He told her that he would leave it up to her to bring up the idea of expanding their experiences, and he began to focus more on the things that she normally liked.
Now recently he tells me that they'd opened up to each other and had a good, loving conversation about it all. She finally understood that his arousal by the idea stemmed from how much he just enjoyed seeing her being more outgoing sexually. She confessed to him that she'd always enjoyed exploring the boundaries, and she'd noted how he would react with more passion toward her when she did. But there had to be an emotional connection. She could only do that with him. So they discussed a possible middle ground. He asked her how she might feel about the two of them making love while someone else was in the room, as a sort of compromise I guess. And to his shock, she agreed to consider the idea. That it was only him that she wanted after all, but something like that might actually be enjoyable to herself as well.
So now they're discussing an area that we don't really have a lot of experience in, ourselves. Although we have been with each other during our times with other singles and couples, we've never done that exclusively. A soft swap, as we understand it to be. One thing that I told him was they needed to choose the other person / persons carefully. Someone that the both of them could trust to not violate the boundaries while she's feeling so vulnerable. And we know that there are a lot of guys (and couples) who would do so because they're really only there just to get to her.
But other than that.......... not sure what else we can do for them. They're both really good people. And we'd like to try to help. But we're left at a bit of a loss here. Any other suggestions or shared experiences (good and bad) like this that we could pass might be helpful.....
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Having Someone Else There?
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Posted:Sep 14, 2014 4:14 am
Last Updated:Mar 8, 2015 10:51 pm
6965 Views
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Responded to a posting in a group that was interesting, and thought that I'd repeat it here in order to see if we could get a broader range of responses. The question was directed to the single guys out there and their own thoughts and experiences with being involved in a 3-sum with a couple.
Some just aren't comfortable with the idea of having a third (or more) in the room. We've run across that barrier at times with different individuals and we understand if that's the case. Yes, she will often go out on the first date on her own. Just the two of them, to simplify things and allow them to see where it's going to go without any additional pressures (perceived). But this is an experience that is shared by the couple after all, and is something that we've clearly stated that we'd like to consider as a possibility. It can come across as being selfish when the other man only wants her to himself.
We've come to believe that many of the single guys out there are under the impression that it could involve activities between them and the husband. Although it's not our preference we still believe that's cool for them and hope everyone has a great time. But it's not always the case and the fun would be strictly between each male and the wife. It depends upon the couple and is something that we make clear at introductions. But this may also lead to some of the guys thinking that it's what we are looking for and they just aren't comfortable with that.
What other things do you find uncomfortable in these situations? Or just simply would prefer to avoid?
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pictures?
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Posted:Mar 6, 2014 3:54 am
Last Updated:Mar 8, 2015 10:53 pm
7007 Views
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Ok. Have been on here a month now. I know because I got billed from the auto-renewal on the account. Even though it was turned to "Off" just the other day. (But that's another issue.)
But here's the most common debate that seems to appear (or appears to be seen) on here. The question of what pictures people post to their profiles. I know that we're not the only ones who feel that a close-up of your "package" (male or female) is jumping the gun (no pun intended). How about wait until the question is asked? "So, how big is your equipment?" And then provide the photographic proof along with your answer. Not right off the get-go. Think of it this way...... would you walk up to a woman in a bar, whip out Mr Johnson, wave it in her face as a means of greeting, and say "Hello"? Even if it were a bar at a nudist resort, I doubt that approach would garner many positive responses. Sure, there's always a few. But you're eliminating a large number of the prospective pool to choose from. Thereby reducing your chances of actually connecting.
So unless you're Anthony Weiner, aka Carlos Danger, start out with something more than the "junk trunk". I get it. Many say that they don't want to put themselves out there "because of their jobs". So then what were you going to do if/when you actually met the other person for real? Wear a mask to continue hiding yourself? Or is it that you never really intend to meet? And you're only on here for the cyber fun? If that's the case, cool. Just please be up front about that to begin with.
For the others, certainly you can come up with a nice, tasteful picture that can be used in your profile. Take a look around at some of the other profiles. The ones you've been browsing. Get some ideas from them. Use your imagination. That's more impressive to a prospective partner than a "selfie"......
Hoping to hear other positions on the subject. A little self-improvement may be needed here as well....... 
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Why the Guys Have to Work Harder on Here
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Posted:Mar 1, 2014 4:59 am
Last Updated:Feb 21, 2015 12:14 pm
6519 Views
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A while back, I tried matching her up with someone I thought she might like. He and I had emailed, and had even talked on the phone. We arranged a meet and greet. And then......... surprise........ he didn't show. We'd confirmed more than once throughout the day. The time and the location. (Both of which he'd chosen, by the way.) But when that time came....... no word. Of course, I wasn't able to reach him on the phone because HIS number was blocked. (Learned from that one.) Finally, he sends a message that he's unable to make it. Which was what he and I'd specifically discussed ahead of time. I'd wanted to avoid that exact situation and see our time and efforts wasted. And so that was my only response to his last message. Let it drop, ignore him, and move on.
So now, over a month later he blames us for it not happening. And continues to send occasional messages on here, calling us fakes. After he was the one who'd stayed in the shadows and failed to meet as agreed.
These are the ones who are making it so darn difficult. For the guys out there who are sincerely trying to meet and have some fun........ it's because of situations like this that the couples and single women put all the requirements on you. It's unfortunate. But the only way to try to weed out the ones who aren't really serious...........
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Why Do We?
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Posted:Feb 22, 2014 5:23 am
Last Updated:Feb 5, 2015 2:34 am
6437 Views
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For some time now, have been having a discussion with another couple regarding their entrance into the swinging lifestyle. He would like to see her try being with another man. But she's totally against it, and is hurt by the idea. Of course we get two different versions from each of them regarding their own discussions on the subject. With her saying that she's hurt and frustrated by his idea, and him saying she's liking the idea but only hesitant on who to take as a lover. We've now found ourselves in the position of trying to be friends and counsel, in order to help them resolve the conflict in their relationship.
But it has raised a question that all of us must have asked ourselves at some time......... Why have we chosen to go outside of our current relationship? In some cases, the marriage bed (that sounds so formal doesn't it?) What made us want to seek other partners in experiencing pleasure?
Going to make a prediction here that the answers are going to vary, based upon gender....... You think, maybe? lol It's mainly for the couples out there. But singles can chime in as well........
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Where to Go?
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Posted:Feb 20, 2014 4:42 am
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2014 9:19 pm
5803 Views
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We've been away from the lifestyle for a while. And have been trying to find out where folks hang out at around town. Any clubs, etc that are popular with other couple and singles who are looking to meet? Where no one would raise an eyebrow if she walks out with someone other than who she walked in with?
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To link to this blog (vabeachhotwife) use [blog vabeachhotwife] in your messages.
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