for Sale...
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Posted:Nov 17, 2010 2:54 pm
Last Updated:Apr 27, 2024 11:41 pm
1408 Views
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A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a would be eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
'Ten dollars,' the guy says.
'Ten dollars? This is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'
'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that crap.
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DIVORCE VS. MURDER
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Posted:Nov 17, 2010 2:31 pm
Last Updated:Dec 27, 2010 3:51 pm
1319 Views
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A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, 'I would like to buy some cyanide.'
The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?' The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.'
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!'
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'You didn't tell me you had a prescription!'
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Menopause Jewelry
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Posted:Nov 17, 2010 2:10 pm
Last Updated:Dec 22, 2010 1:42 pm
1211 Views
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My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.
We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead.
Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond; Dumb ass!
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Penguins
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Posted:Nov 15, 2010 6:52 pm
Last Updated:Dec 27, 2010 8:56 pm
1162 Views
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Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go ?
Wonder no more ! ! !
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.
The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird
to be rolled into and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
"Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow"
"Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow."
"Then they kick him in the Ice Hole."
You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you! ROFLMAO!!!
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Butticons
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Posted:Nov 15, 2010 6:11 pm
Last Updated:Dec 27, 2010 8:57 pm
1387 Views
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Ok, we all know about cute little computer symbols called "emoticons", where:  means a smile and  means a frown. Fortunately, someone has come up with a different set of these little symbols for adults that, for lack of a better term, are called "butticons". So, without further ado, here's the latest butticon collection:
1. (_!_) = a regular ass.
2. (__!__) = a fat ass.
3. (!) = a tight ass.
4. (_*_) = a sore ass.
5. {_!_} = a swishy ass.
6. (_o_) = an ass that's been around.
7. (_x_) = kiss my ass!
8. (_X_) = leave my ass alone!
9. (_zzz_) = a tired ass.
10. (_E=mc2_) = a smart ass.
11. (_$_) = money coming out of his, or her, ass.
12. (_?_) = dumb ass.
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Little Johnny's Sister...
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Posted:Nov 15, 2010 6:05 pm
Last Updated:Feb 28, 2011 9:14 pm
1071 Views
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Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her Mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his Weenie today!"
Before her mother could voice her concerns, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a Peanut!"
Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mom asked, "Really small, was it?" 
Sally replied, "No...Really Salty!"
Her Mother fainted!
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Success...
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Posted:Nov 15, 2010 5:58 pm
Last Updated:Dec 27, 2010 8:59 pm
1025 Views
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At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 17 success is . . . having a driver's license.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
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Bi Women ~ How to Spot us in a Crowd? ~
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Posted:Nov 7, 2010 10:28 am
Last Updated:Jul 4, 2022 12:56 am
1519 Views
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Openly "butch" women and openly gay men are easy to spot. Why are Bi-women so hard to identify?
Bi women are single, married, divorced, widowed or attached...They are the women we pass in the grocery store, they are soccer moms, the flirty barista or the receptionist at our hair salon. They play (or want to play) alone, with their boyfriend/husband, or with a couple.
But, how do we know?
Bi women don't have a "look" or "walk" or speech pattern to identify us to the lookers. We don't have a secret handshake or special barrette to wear in our hair.
When I spark up a conversation over the cantaloupes, I'd like you to know I'm NOT discussing the virtue of fruit and nutrition.
How do we make this happen?
How can we make ourselves "Known" without being "Out" to others?
Any input would help us ALL...Bi women AND those LOOKING!!!
 Waiting for your reply...
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Labor Day 2010 Weekend...
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Posted:Sep 8, 2010 3:27 pm
Last Updated:Oct 20, 2016 6:10 am
1250 Views
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Hello my Love...Just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed our Labor Day 2010 Weekend!
I seriously can't remember the last time we had so much incredible sex. Dude, you completely Rocked my World! Three days of no work, no workouts, (missed those a bit) no cooking, no cleaning, no ...just us.
Just a Fucking, Sucking, Spanking, Licking, Ass Pounding, Nipple Pinching good time!
Whew, Thanks Babe!
Maybe, one day, we will find our Vixen. I can't wait until we have a lady friend to join us and share in all the fun we have together. I've always told you how much having a girlfriend would mean to me. After all, working side by side with you-and only you-for Twenty-Three years has been a Blast. But, not easy to find friends or lovers!
There is a woman in Southern California that would enjoy Gettin' Naked and Gettin' Nasty...and we WILL find her!
Love ya Babe!
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Heading out of town...
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Posted:Aug 16, 2010 2:43 pm
Last Updated:Dec 30, 2010 9:44 am
1435 Views
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Hello Ladies,
We are looking for someone real and down to earth. Local, 420 friendly, and ready for fun. We enjoy getting out of the house and having a blast with the free time we get.
No takers? Really? How great would it be to have fun with the people you want to have sex with? Kayaking and Sex...Hiking and Sex. Camping in the Nude....and having Sex. Seriously, is nobody interested?
Are we going about this all wrong? 
Willing to listen to advice. 
Say something!
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