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I just need to vent. I received an email here from someone I have never had any kind of contact with that really upset me today. First, he called me honey. I am NOT his honey. Second, he told me black men don't listen to CCR, Bob Seger, and the Eagles, so I should stick top my own race. He told me not to make a mistake that would embarrass my family by dating outside of my race. WHO THE HELL IS HE TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO?? WHO IS HE TO TELL ME WHO TO DATE AND WHO NOT TO??? I have no idea who this person is, but he is obviously an asshole. It is white men like him who make me enjoy the company of black men all the more! Thanks for letting me vent. By the way, he was immediately blocked.
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Newest member
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Posted:May 1, 2011 10:05 am
Last Updated:May 29, 2011 6:00 pm
3634 Views
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Emma and the newest member of my family. This past Wednesday, when I drove into work, the was a box of 5 kittens. About 5 weeks old--way too young to be away from their mother--covered in fleas, ants, and full of worms. Of course I had to take one. A male. Still fits in the palm of my hand. However, I got him eating on his own, and using the kitty litter box. Emma isn't too sure yet. He has kicked her off her pillow! Funny as hell. Still trying to come up with a name. Thinking Pumpernickle. He is still only 9.2 ounces. Maybe 10 by now. Playful and very loving. Very attached to me. It's good for me too. I need to be needed.
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2
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Congratulations!!!
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Posted:Mar 14, 2011 3:01 am
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2011 2:46 pm
2995 Views
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Congratulations Mr. Neil Diamond!!!! He is being inducted into the rock-n-roll Hall of Fame today!!! Much deserved. This man walks on water as far as I am concerned. No one better.
"I am, I said. To no one there. And no one heard at all, not even the chair."
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Kind of funny
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Posted:Mar 11, 2011 4:06 am
Last Updated:Sep 21, 2011 5:25 am
3202 Views
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I think it's kind of funny how much people lie. This site, they're divorced. Another, they're single. Neither one true because I know for a fact they are married. Another site, more than one . Another lie. They have ONE. This site, their "endowment" is "thick". Another, it is "short". When will people learn? Who the hell do they think they are fooling? Themselves. That's the only person they are fooling. Sure not me!!! And what is the damn point? The truth will always be found out in the end. Just amazes me. At least I got a good laugh! Glad I do my homework and know what liars they are. I won't be the one getting hurt.
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How was I to know???
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Posted:Mar 10, 2011 5:51 pm
Last Updated:Aug 3, 2011 4:17 pm
2962 Views
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"My world revolved around you
Every word was a promis I was hanging on
Swept up inside a worldwind
I just couldn't see the end til you were gone.
Oh, I thought I would fall apart
With shattered dreams and a broken heart
Scrambling in the dark
How was I to know
That I'd be ok
Thought I lose it all when you walked away
How was I to know
I would be this strong
I have what it takes all alone
How was I to know?\
What I was so afraid of
Turned out to be my freedom in disguise
Now I know what I'm Made of
Guess it just took some time to realize.
Oh, I was blind
I couldn't tell
Put to much faith in someone else
I gave up on myself.
How was I to know
That I'd be ok
Thought I'd lose it all when you walked away.
How was I to know
That I'd be this strong
I have what it takes all alone
How was I to know?"
Well, I do know now. NEVER again will I ever make someone more important than myself. I have all the faith in ME--no one else. I am strong enough to make it all on my own. Never will I put faith in someone who doesn't deserve it. I will never give up on myself. NEVER.
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Another memory
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Posted:Feb 17, 2011 2:59 am
Last Updated:Mar 12, 2011 11:10 am
3248 Views
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Another little memory about the man from my last post--Mr. George Ownens. Growing up in Massachusetts, I know snow! After retiring from the Army (I think)and coming back from WWII, he settled in my hometown, across the street. Then we moved in when I was 5 (1973). He must have been in his 60s then. He worked for the town, drive this HUGE plow when it snowed. He would drive me to school in it (We didn't get snow days!). The song by Three Night "Black and White" came out in '72. Loved that song and still do. I taught him that one. Even a little dance for us. Just heard it. Still rings true today for me. "The ink is black. The page is white. Together we learn to read and write". Think about it! We moved away from my hometown when I was 11. I'm sure Mr. Owens is gone by now. I used to send him birthday and Christmas cards every year. Eventually, I stopped receiving them. He was a great man. I miss him.
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Disturbing
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Posted:Feb 13, 2011 6:13 pm
Last Updated:Sep 23, 2011 6:33 am
4129 Views
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I have been bored most of the day today. No football, no baseball. Watched 3 hockey games. Gets old, especially always watching my Bruins lose. So, I decided to throw a movie in tonight. Can't tell you why I picked this one--but I am watching Mississippi Burning. This is the most disturbing movie to me. I am mad, disgusted, repulsed, and ashamed that this happened AND STILL DOES in my country. It is disturbing to me to think that kind of behavior was/is allowed and even encouraged. My grandfather used to use the "N" word. My brother still does. That is the main reason I do not live with him or have anything to do with him any longer. My mother always said "I don't care what color the man is. He could be yellow with purple polka dots--as long as he treats you well". She was right. There is good and bad in all races. People are people.
When I was growing up, my mother was raising three basically on her own. She was a nurse in an emergency room in a small town in Massachusetts. There was an older gentleman widower who lived diagonally across the street from us. He would fix stuff for Mom. He would watch out for us . I loved that man. I would go over his house and eat all his rhubarb. One day I was out playing in the snow that was up to my eyeballs, in one of those all in one snowsuits that you could barely move in. I came in the kitchen, screaming and crying hysterically. Mom was having coffee with this gentleman. Of course, Mom jumped up, started stripping me until I was stark naked, just standing there crying in the middle of the kitchen. There was no blood. I had all my fingers and toes. I would tell Mom what was wrong. That man picked me up and sat me on his lap--in all my nakedness. He held me until I told him. I told him "God forgot to color me". That man's name was Mr. George Owens. And, yes, he was black.
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Hard times and those who cared.
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Posted:Jan 31, 2011 2:52 am
Last Updated:Jun 20, 2011 8:51 am
2692 Views
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It's really amazing to go through hard times in your life and discover who your real friends are. It's sad that it takes a tragedy or the loss of a job or something major to open your eyes as to the true friends you have. So many say they are your friend, but--as Mom always said--"actions speak louder than words". That is so true. Is it so difficult for some to spend the 30 seconds it takes to text someone to see how they are doing? To email them? To instant message them--especially when they see you online or here for hours on end every day. Some are just so wrappede up in their own little world that they have no consideration for others. There is such a lack of caring about others today. I have always made a point of contacting someone I consider a friend or someone I want in my life--especially if I know they are having a difficult time of it. Even just to say "Hi--thinking of you". ALWAYS. I am assuming if people cannot waste their precious time to text, email, or call, they do not want me in their life. And, at this point, that is more than fine. I can't be bothered with people who are so wrapped up in themselves. In a way, I'm glad these last two weeks happened. Truly opened my eyes and seems to have lifted an emotional weight off my shoulders--FINALLY. Thank you to everyone here who showed support, care, and spent the time checking on me. You have no idea how much that has been appreciated. And to those who haven't--Goodbye.
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Fantastic!
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Posted:Jan 29, 2011 4:40 am
Last Updated:Feb 1, 2011 3:19 pm
2565 Views
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The last two days have been fantastic!!! I was up before the alarm went off because I wanted to be! Things are definitely changing for the better for me. It's such a great feeling!
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I'd like to know
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Posted:Jan 10, 2011 4:30 pm
Last Updated:Feb 20, 2011 7:54 am
3218 Views
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I'm really trying to figure out what I keep doing wrong. What I have done wrong my entire life. Every decision I have made in the last year has been the wrong one. What have I done so wrong to deserve this life???? Am I that bad of a person??? Don't I deserve a good day every now and then? To be happy? I just can't seem to get there. I take one step forward and get knocked five steps back. Just amazing. At least I have Emma. However, she's not enough either. Why am I even here? What's the point? People say everything happens for a reason. I'd like to know that reason. Is life some kind of bad joke on me???
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Music
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Posted:Jan 8, 2011 4:42 pm
Last Updated:Jan 23, 2011 7:57 pm
3099 Views
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Music has always played a very big part in my life. I grew up to music. Its the one thing I could not live without. There are three songs that are "ME". If you want to know me at all, listen to them. Really listen.
#1. "Against the Wind" by Bob Seger. I have always gone against the wind. Still do.
#2. "Desperado" by the Eagles.
"Desperado. Why don't you come to your senses? You've been out ridng fences for so long now. Oh, you're a hard one, but I know that you've got your reasons. These things that are pleasing you can hurt you some how....Desperado. Oh, you aint gettin' no younger. Your pain and your hunger are driving you home...."
#3. "Iam, I said" by Neil Diamond.
"Iam, I said. To no one there. And no one heard at all, not even the chair. I am, I cried. I am, said I. And I am lost and I can even say why. Leaving me lonely still."
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Not a resolution!
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Posted:Dec 30, 2010 5:37 am
Last Updated:Jan 3, 2011 2:36 am
3392 Views
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Well, another New Year's is upon us. I don't make resolutions--I always break them. However, this year I think it's time for me to make some lifestyle changes--FOR ME. It's time for me to be happy. Time to get back on that and forget the past--or at least move forward. I have been stagnant way too long. Three years is more than long enough, especially when there is no future in it. None. And the last year and a half has been hell. Not worth it. For all intensive purposes, time's up. Do I love him? Yes. And a part of me always will. He's my "Maggie May". (Listen to the song) "Maggie I wished I never saw your face. You made a first class fool out of me. You stole my heart, but I love you anyway." However, I don't want to be alone anymore. I can't wait any longer. No more standing on the sidelines. Time to get out there and see what happens. After this experience, I do feel kind of bad for the ones who come after, though. I understand not everyone is alike. I KNOW THIS. Unfortunately, my heart is pretty much stone. Going to take a very special someone to knock that down again. I'm scared. I cannot take that kind of pain again. Never again. That was--and still sometimes is--too much. But I have to try. For my sake.
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Denials
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Posted:Dec 22, 2010 3:31 am
Last Updated:May 9, 2013 11:43 am
2317 Views
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Ever notice what people do not deny is more important than what they do????? The lack of a denial is just like an admission. WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The lightbulb has been turned on and is shining bright!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Words
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Posted:Dec 14, 2010 4:07 am
Last Updated:May 9, 2013 11:43 am
2265 Views
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Mom was so right about this one thing. Actions speak so much louder than words. Words are EMPTY unless backed up with actions. Actions speak VOLUMES. Words mean NOTHING. Anyone can speak them, but until they are backed up with actions, don't waste your time with meaningless words. SHOW me. Don't TELL me. Not like I believe just words anymore. Words mean nothing to me.
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