And now for something completely different...
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Posted:Aug 22, 2009 6:39 pm
Last Updated:Mar 10, 2010 4:00 am
4113 Views
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So it's been a weird few weeks.
David's home from Oxford. Yay. And off to school again. Also yay, although a bit less enthusiastically on my part.
And last weekend I participated in the Landmark Forum. Interesting stuff, and pretty useful. It really illuminated a lot of Zen ideals for me. You can say "Life's a journey, not a destination" a billion times and you won't be any closer to living without the words "in order to". You have to get it, not just understand it. Until you make the language powerful, a part of a distinction, it's all just Aerosmith lyrics. If you get the opportunity, try it out. It's eye opening.
Anyway. And now I've got the flu. David brought it back with him, and we've both been quite sick for the past few days. It's kind of fun when you choose to look at it from a positive light. Curled up close, not going anywhere, hot tea (coffee for David, who disdains the leaf), bit of Netflix, a computer game or two. Just sharing space. And when you've taken the time to get present to what's going on in that moment, it's a really neat place to be.
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Heroes
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Posted:Aug 1, 2009 4:21 am
Last Updated:Nov 27, 2013 8:00 pm
4267 Views
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"Now heroes are the ones who cherish lofty designs in their bosoms and have plans to achieve them. They have all-embracing schemes, and the whole world is at their mercy. The only heroes in the world are you and I."
A different take on heroism, exchanged between two ancient Chinese warrior princes. What does heroism look like to you? What defines a hero? Who are the heroes in your world?
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Friends without benefits
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Posted:Jul 30, 2009 8:43 pm
Last Updated:Sep 20, 2012 3:57 pm
3927 Views
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I'm in a bit of a wierd mood, and so I'm thinking about the foibles and peculiarities of people in general.
The curiousity d'jour is related to friends...the kind you don't have sex with. Yeah, I know. We're not looking for any of those on HotMatch.com. 
I'm finding more and more that I meet people that would be really entertaining friends, people I'd love to hang out with. But I'm not into them sexually. I don't see this as a problem, save that it always seems to make the other person feel like they're "not good enough" or whatever. Which makes me wonder if I'm "not good enough" to hang out with if there isn't a blow job involved.
Am I making any sense here?
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You know it's time to get out of bed when...
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Posted:Jul 11, 2009 8:58 am
Last Updated:Sep 20, 2012 4:00 pm
3753 Views
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Honestly, I just went over to drop off my new pal's cellphone charger, left at my house last weekend. Yes, I wanted to see him, maybe sneak a kiss in. But it was just dropping off, saying hi and going out for dinner.
And then I got to meet his roommates a bit more formally (last time one of them came to the door in a towel and a scowl). And we hung out and put away a few beers while they learned to do the soldja boy dance (which isn't kosher, btw). And then we went to Waffle House. We head back to their place, and I say "Gee, I guess it's probably late enough I should head home". You'd have thought I'd killed his dog...he was so crestfallen. So I stayed, and not just because of the hang look, but because he's got a great body and is awesome to sleep next to.
At some point, we actually went to sleep. I don't know when. He doesn't have a clock in his room, and I'm only vaguely aware of the passage of time when he's pressed up against me.
Anyway, about 8 in the morning his cell gets a text from someone we know mutually. The message doesn't make sense to him, so he reads it to me. Call Kitten in College Station ASAP. Turns out it's for me. My sister Kitten in B/CS has been trying to reach me all morning, and when she called the house Holly relayed the point of her concern to everybody we know mutually.
It's not every day I get an ASAP attached to a message from my sister. So I decided it must have something to do with either mom or dad, both of whom are in elder care. I felt bad about leaving the bed with my still sleepy buddy in it, but managed to make out with him most of the way to the door and got a good cuddly hug in at the door before leaving.
I got home around 9, to be told that my father had died. Holly seemed to think I was going to fall apart and wanted to know if I needed someone to drive me to College Station. She doesn't ever overreact...really. Dad has Alzheimer's. As harsh as it sounds, knowing he's dead and in a better place is a lot easier to deal with than watching the greatest guy who ever walked the earth by my estimation slowly lose touch with reality.
I called my sister for details. Turns out, Dad told the nurses he was just going to take a little nap. Thirty minutes later he was dead, having passed in his sleep in about as peaceful a fashion as one could possibly envision. Again, so not broken up over this, although I will miss my Dad. Wherever he is right now, I hope he's happy and not having to wait in line with Micheal Jackson. It amuses me no end that my Dad passed quietly in his last nap while I was napping with a cute guy. I don't know why, it just seems funny somehow.
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You can't get a body like this in a bottle...
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Posted:Jul 1, 2009 1:07 am
Last Updated:Sep 20, 2012 4:01 pm
3881 Views
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...unless the bottle has Stacker 2 written on it. J/K
I'm starting my new workout routine Wednesday morning.
Yes. Morning. Me. Workout. It can happen. Okay, barely morning. But the pool doesn't open until noon, and I'll end up running about a mile to get there and another mile back. Up, stretch, hydrate, run, swim, run, weights, cooldown, hydrate. Every other day to start, with weights and pilates on the off days. It's my new deal.
What do you do to knock off the cobwebs, clear the ring rust and get everything ship shape? What's your biggest motivator to work out?
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Love, Lust and Lollipops
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Posted:Jul 1, 2009 1:02 am
Last Updated:Sep 20, 2012 4:05 pm
3920 Views
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I'm in love with a guy. A really great guy. I also lust after him. David and I are forever.
But for the rest of my FWBs, random hookups and light romances, I try to keep both the L words out of it. There's a Bruce Lee quote from the philosophical work "Circle of Iron" that encompasses the concept, something about "enjoying the fruit without needing to consume it". I don't become emotionally or sexually attached.
That may have encountered a snag. Yes, David already knows. He recognized it before I did. I really like this guy. He's a great guy, and what I feel for him is very different from my feelings for David. Not better or worse, just different. I don't even have a name for what I feel, as it's not really lust or love. It's just an odd sort of sensual connection. I'm a little disconcerted by it all. I'm not sure where to go with it. I don't know if he feels anything at all for me, and I don't want to fuck up something beautiful that may also be fragile.
My head isn't on straight about this. I'm gonna sleep on it and take it into my workout in the morning.
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Read this!
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Posted:Jun 17, 2009 1:50 am
Last Updated:Sep 20, 2012 4:09 pm
3753 Views
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I like bloggers. Really, really I do. All of them have a this narcissistic tendency to believe that people want to read the stuff they write. It's never helped by the fact that a torrent of people actually do read what they've written, whether they actually wanted to or not. Some read because they're bored, others because they think they'll find some tidbit to help them score with the blogger or one of the blogger's hot friends. Some are topic hunting because they have an opinion, and some like me just have an opinion on everything.
Shared between all bloggers is the conceit that our scribblings should command some sort of attention. This leads female bloggers, more than any other group of people, to be righteously indignant that nobody who emails them has actually read their profile. And seriously? Some of these ladies write absolute torrents of information, streams of abject prose, waves of pent up desire and fountains of sparkly sensuality hoping to get just the right people into their sphere of influence. If you don't turn out to be the right people, those may be minutes (or even hours at the estimated reading level of the average male poster) of your life that you'll never get back. ^_^
All that to say, I've had a weird week of it. After a particularly bad hookup put me off sex with men for almost 2 days, I decided that the problem wasn't the people I was hooking up with. It was my failure to communicate with them what I wanted before I met them. My profile page hadn't been updated in more than a year, save for a different photo. I've had a lot of important ideas in that year, changed patterns of behavior, taken to drinking more vanilla rum in my coke, started dating younger men that aren't David occasionally and even taken up blogging about some of it again after an extended layoff. I'm not that old page. I'm not really the new page either, but it's more representative of my desires.
So...now that you've read this, go and read that! If...you...dare! You might come to a slightly different understanding of me than you had before. You might decide you like me. You might decide you hate me. You might hold off on decision making until after breakfast and then forget about it because the coffee is just so damn good. I dunno. But read it.
Only part way through though. I want to be able to bitch about you not having read all of it. ^_^
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Long hair...hot or not?
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Posted:Jun 13, 2009 11:24 am
Last Updated:Sep 20, 2012 4:10 pm
3803 Views
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A picture of David, second date, about 5 years ago now.
A year later, while back out in California with friends, some bright joker convinced him that the long hair made him look like David Cassidy. He got it cut, and it's been shorter ever since. I've asked around trying to find out who actually said something negative about his long hair, but apparently the person responsible has gone to ground. Other people's hair will be the least of their worries when I find them...
I loved David with the long flowing locks, but of course I'm biased. I also had long hair for a while before I got tired of messing with it (mine's curly, so it's more of a pain to deal with). What's the general consensus these days? Is long hair something that you enjoy on a hot guy? What do you like (or dislike) about it?
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What's at the movies this weekend?
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Posted:Jun 13, 2009 11:02 am
Last Updated:Jun 13, 2009 11:57 am
3749 Views
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Think Captain Kirk is the only one ever to romance the green? Obviously you've never been to Singapore. ^_^
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The only wiener shot I have posted anywhere...
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Posted:Jun 11, 2009 3:41 am
Last Updated:Sep 20, 2012 4:13 pm
3872 Views
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...and I like to sit and stroke him. ^_^
His name is Munchkin. He's my pal, a lazy lap one minute and a guardian of all wildlife in the back yard the next. Seriously. He located and defended newborn kittens from our lawn guys this spring and came to get me Lassy style about some baby mockingbirds that had been knocked out of a nest in a rain storm last summer. He's got exactly 1 kill on record...a lizard that would still be alive if Holly had allowed him to put it back down rather than trying to take it from him.
He's looking a little cranky in this picture because I didn't schedule a photo op far enough in advance. Holly says he's spoiled, but I always correct her. In order for something to spoil, it has to have been good to begin with. ^_^
Munchkin is currently in exile at my sisters for a bit. He and the roommates had a falling out. He should be back to curling up in my lap for a nap soon though.
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Love at a distance
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Posted:Jun 10, 2009 4:39 am
Last Updated:Aug 9, 2009 7:11 am
3903 Views
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I was writing a response to one of [blog 05realman21] blog posts this morning and kind of got carried away. I know, don't I always. I do tend to ramble on a bit. But apparently I really had something to say on the topic, so I cut most of what I'd typed and dropped it over here to finish off rambling. ^_^
This is going to come off harsh in places. It will come off a lot harsher now that it isn't on someone else's blog. ^_^
Long distance relationships can work just fine. The main reason LDRs fail is jealousy over time not shared and disinterest caused by not having been in anything more than lust to begin with. Both ends of that are pretty easily remedied by someone prepared to be an adult.
Mine works incredibly well. I see David maybe one weekend a month. Maybe. Over the summer I expect not to see him for about 3 months. When we first got together I didn't see him for more than a year. I talk to him on the phone every other night. We send emails back and forth and catch up on Facebook. And when I do see him that time is incredibly intimate BECAUSE we haven't seen one another for days, weeks or months.
You want to spend every waking moment with the person you love, right? Me, too. How in the hell is that their fault? Love them no matter where they are, try to spend as much time with them as you can and accept that you can't always be together. If you can't handle that, take some personal responsibility for it. This has to be something you want for it to work, and you have to want it more than an instant gratification ego stroke.
I might mention that I had the option to move in with David in Austin. Then I could spend all the time in the world with him. And be distracting as hell while he finishes his degree program at UT. How stupid and selfish would that make me? If I really love him, why would I do that? Why wouldn't I give him the time he needs to do important things with his life? It's his friggin' book...I don't have to have my name on every page.
He could have demanded I move in with him. Curled up to me late at night he's broken down to say that he really wishes I would. But in the same breath he'll come to the conclusion that I have my own story to write as well. For my part, I try to write him in as often as I can. He's got a best actor credit coming for his role in my life. ^_^
It's also important to separate the emotional end of a relationship from the sexual end. David and I both have sexual needs 'cause we're human. That doesn't have a blessed thing to do with love. Would I rather be with David than someone else? Damn right. But that doesn't stop either of us from occasionally needing the comfort of someones arms. Would you want a loved one to have any discomfort if it was preventable? What about if sex with someone else was involved? If you answered that two different ways, take a moment to consider that you might have some personal growth issues regarding sexuality to work through.
And if they find other love? Great. As a minor American poet once wrote, "What's your man got to do with me?". ;P It doesn't affect our emotional connection that David is still in love with his old high school flame (Lizzy...who's a lesbian...and loves him still, too). That has nothing to do with how much David loves me, or how much I love him. The same is true of my feelings for a certain lady when David and I first met. As long as our emotional relationships are happy, healthy and not interfering in our mutual connection there is no problem.
We're going to be making friends, meeting loved ones, engaging in intimacy and having time together and apart for the rest of our lives. We'll always be in love, because we're always focused on our love for each other and our mutual growth as opposed to our egos.
'kay. The bi guy is done ranting for the moment. You can break cover. ^_^
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Free at last...free at last!
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Posted:Jun 8, 2009 1:09 pm
Last Updated:Nov 27, 2013 8:06 pm
3861 Views
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Okay, maybe this isn't drastic enough for a King speech. Still...
As some of you may have heard, I have a pair of roommates that I love dearly in that "they're family" sort of a way. Occasionally it's more of a "they're the family we never invite to Thanksgiving and gripe about in whispered tones" kinda thing, but all the same we've known one another a long time. And been in each others company a loooooong time. So it's nice to get a little space every now and again.
The normal method of accomplishing this is for me to go to Navasota or Austin to see the boyfriend, but honestly that mucks up our personal time. I'm there to see him, not lose the accumulated disdain for my roommates. But it's what I've got to work with, as Holly and Patrick never go ANYWHERE. They're like hermit crabs. Work, dinner, comics, home, rinse, repeat. If they go anyplace any further away, chances are they'll be back in a few hours or I'm the one driving.
But Holly's somewhat more adventurous younger brother went of to chef school at Johnson & Wales in Rhode Island, and met a nice young lady he's going to be marrying Wednesday next...in Jamaica. Holly and Patrick will be down there for an entire week. I'll have the entire house to myself for 7 days.
I don't even know what to do with the time. I'll likely have a light work load, and David will be in Nebraska that week. I'm looking at a clean slate with near endless possibilities.
Okay, maybe that does call for a King speech. I have a dream! ^_^
And there's a 12 year old somewhere inside me screaming to click "Group Sex/Orgies" in the Show in Forums tab for this post...no oreos for my lascivious inner today. ^_^
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To link to this blog (rm_RebelRainbow) use [blog rm_RebelRainbow] in your messages.
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