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Real Men/Women of Genius is meant to poke a bit of harmless fun at the not-so bright members of this site. Disguised as playful rants, the nobler side of these posts holds the hope that some light will be shed on the sometimes irreparable mistakes that men(and women) make. What makes me the expert? I'm not, but there are two ways to learn from mistakes. By making your own, or by watching others. I've made plenty of mistakes, and seen plenty of them, and I have learned a great deal, and I wish to share my knowledge. I usually post once a week, on what I affectionately call Bloody Sunday. Check back for new posts!
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GLC Presents: Real Men of Genius? 15
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Posted:Jul 8, 2008 5:59 am
Last Updated:Jul 13, 2008 10:23 am
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GLC Presents: Real Men of Genius? 15
Today, I salute you, Mr. I'm Drunk So I'm Gonna Pick A Fight
Few things are simultaneously amusing and frightening as seeing a severely intoxicated individual start a fight...usually for absolutely no reason whatsoever.
The funny part is seeing them put up their fists, exerting every ounce of energy they have left to maintain their balance. Even more hilarious is the fact that they actually believe that in their impaired condition, that they have some respectable level of fighting skill. Could it be the striking resemblance to a practicioner of drunken boxing?
The scary part is that if they actually muster the courage to initiate contact, they could actually, by some miracle, whip someone's ass...their own.
In the event that they pick a fight with someone that is just as inebriated as they are, they may hurt each other.
Of course, there is always the guy who hasn't had a drop to drink, and feels the compelling need to show off in front of his friends. Tough sober guy beating up a drunk one. He'll get his own separate RMOG blog entry soon enough.
After all is said and done, the would-be drunken champion of the world lies on the floor defeated as the tough guy receives high-fives from all who witnessed the two-hit event. Yes, I said TWO hits. Tough guy hits drunk guy. (one hit) Drunk guy hits floor. (two hits)
It is true that the consumption of alcohol impairs judgement. This is, for some, worse than others. Perhaps those who cannot hold their liquor should not partake of the spirits.
Besides, a wise person once told me that they don't drink at all. When I asked why, they replied, "Because there is nothing I'll do while drunk that I won't do when I'm sober."
Alcohol makes you let go of your inhibitions. In other words, it doesn't let you hold back.
If, when you consume alcohol, you find you become a completely different person, then I have a suggestion for the next time you think about drinking.
Stop yourself.
GLC
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GLC Presents: Real WOMEN of Genius? 4
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Posted:Jun 29, 2008 10:10 am
Last Updated:Jun 29, 2008 7:29 pm
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GLC Presents: Real Women of Genius? 4
Today, I salute you, Ms. He's Mine Whether He Likes It Or Not
He may or may not know it, but he's yours now. Especially since you've left your scent on him since that meet and greet.
Yes, you may as well be a wolf marking your territory, pissing all around his feet so that any other woman that comes within fifty feet of him will know he's taken.
Baring claws at the sight of any potential rival, you circle him, challenging anyone who dares take what belongs to you.
There's only ONE problem with this scenario.
Does HE know?
Have you, by chance, discussed with him your intentions for exclusivity?
Ah, I didn't think so.
So, before you call all your former friends "skanks", "hoes", and "bitches", you might want to find out where he stands in all of this, because after all is said and done, you might find yourself standing alone in a crowd of strangers...without him.
Did I mention you'd be ALONE?
Funny how a tiny little thing like jealousy can turn friends into enemies, and lovers into...well...you get the picture.
You could avoid all this mayhem by simply chaining him to your leg. He'd never get away then...right? Of course, if you have to bind someone to you by force, then what is it worth? Why not let them be with you by choice? I don't think it's fair to tie someone down, making them ponder gnawing their own leg off.
Imagine this. Two people meet. They have nice conversation, maybe grope each other a bit, possibly suck a little face, and then...she goes her way, and he goes his. Later on, they end up in the same spot, having more conversation, groping, you know the rest.
That is when two people come together, and STAY together by choice, not by obligation. No tension involved, and no jealousy. Why? Because they both knew where they would be at the night's end, in bed, her lying beside him with his arm around her, as her hand softly rubs his chest.
I'll not go into any more details here. Besides, people need their privacy.
Now, which woman would you want to be? The one who hovers around the guy, always worried that someone will take him away? Or the one that is free, able to return to his side, knowing that he will be there? This is the one that we left when she was rubbing his chest.
Tough decision, huh? Would you choose worry and jealousy, or total trust and security?
Here's a hint: The worrysome one probably lies awake most of the night wondering if her man is faithful. The other...hehe...well...I believe it's their neighbors that are losing sleep. Like I said...let's give them their privacy.
GLC
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GLC Presents: Real Men of Genius? 14
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Posted:Jun 15, 2008 5:15 pm
Last Updated:Jun 15, 2008 6:41 pm
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GLC Presents: Real Men of Genius? 14
Father's Day is a special day. It's meant for the celebration of all dads everywhere, and to give thanks for being there when the or needs him the most. Happy Father's Day to all fathers out there.
Now, I will recount an incident that made me imagine what would happen if it were MY in this situation.
Today, I salute you, Mr. Eighteen Isn't Too Young For Me.
Last week, I was repairing a friend's computer at his house, and discovered that the thirty-one year-old is..."interested" in an eighteen year-old girl.
Granted, I've heard, "age is nothing but a number" a thousand times, but at what point does it start becoming a disturbing difference in maturity?
It is VERY disturbing when I see fifty year-old men hit on an eighteen/nineteen year-old woman the instant she enters the chatroom. Did I say 'disturbing'? I meant DISGUSTING. That's not perversion, that's pedophilia.
I know men reach their sexual prime long before women do, and according to my friend, a "good time" is all the girl is looking for, as is he. The kicker is, is she going to be able to do the no strings attached thing without either becoming emotionally involved or hating herself in the morning? I asked my friend if he was willing to risk it.
His response. "I don't know."
Hmm. Not only does this gentleman voice his contempt for text messaging only minutes before spending the next HOUR messaging her back and forth, he also has no clue where this is headed.
Maybe I'm concerned about the maturity level of the WRONG person. HE seems to have his own set of issues.
She told him she's been hurt before. Well, that would be enough for most people to put two and two together. She just neglected to say the rest, "...and I don't want to get hurt again."
That's the red flag he should be looking for. A red flag on an email says, "There's something wrong." No difference here.
So, Mr. Hormones R Us, even though you're not old enough to be her father, someone out there IS her father, and you can bet that he's gonna be pretty pissed off if you hurt her.
But even though she's an adult, and more than capable of making her own decisions about what she does and with whom, I think this one's entirely up to you. Be a real man, and make the right choice.
Besides, it would be a hell of a Father's Day present for ANY father to learn that his little girl got her heart broken.
You, of course, have heard the saying, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."?
Well...hehe...just imagine how much of Hell's fury is gonna break loose when Daddy takes out his shotgun.
GLC
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GLC Presents: Real Men of Genius? 13
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Posted:Jun 8, 2008 9:15 am
Last Updated:Jun 8, 2008 1:17 pm
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GLC Presents: Real Men of Genius? 13
Today, I salute you, Mr. Is There Anything Wrong?
A fallen silence is more than enough for you to question the fact that you might or might not have screwed up, which compells you to ask "What did I do?"
Insecurity. In case you haven't heard, it is the EXACT opposite of confidence, and if confidence is sexy, that would make insecurity...do I really have to tell you?
A few words come to mind. Annoying. Pathetic. Pitiful. Unsexy. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you're the man that would call a woman ten times because you couldn't reach her the last nine. Your thought, of course, "She's avoiding me." Hell, I would avoid anyone that called me ten times in a row.
Maybe she IS avoiding you. If she isn't, she has your number, and when she listens to the ten messages you left her, she'll return your call.
Or will she?
You sit by the phone, drumming your fingers on the table, waiting impatiently, gathering more and more evidence to further your belief in the existence of Hell as the silence dominates the room.
You check the line, the receiver, and you even check for a dial tone every five minutes, thinking that there are other reasons why you haven't received a return call.
You were supposed to do laundry, go grocery shopping, and pay some bills, but if you did all of that, you might miss her call. So, you sit there for hours, ignoring your duties, hoping upon hope that the phone will ring.
A thousand thoughts run through your mind. Among them:
"Maybe I didn't say my number clear enough."
"Maybe I dialed the wrong number."
"Maybe..."
Okay, let's stop here before I hurl.
My thought: Maybe you should just go on with your life instead of putting it on hold.
If only you could step back and see yourself. You've given her all your time and effort, as well as your power. Your every move depends on her. Is this the life you really want to live? Is this your definition of sexy?
This is the part where you say, "No, of course not."
Truth is, she's probably the only woman that has given you the time of day in the last few months, so you go overboard when you finally get a chance. This is one of the biggest mistakes anyone can make when first meeting someone. You make every effort to please them, ignoring who you really are. You seek their approval, and when you don't get it on one occasion, you change your strategy to make yet another attempt.
Here's a thought. Don't seek anyone's approval. Make them seek yours. As long as you are a good person, there is no need for you to worry about whether or not you are worthy. If they judge you by how you talk, or what you wear, or even by the people you associate yourself with, then the problem isn't you, it is them.
Too often people feel the pressure of trying to "fit in", and ironically, the more effort they exert in trying to do so, the less they actually do. They lose sight of who they are behind a facade they put up to gain approval of their peers.
As long as you are satisfied with who you are, the following motto will serve its purpose.
"If you like me, no problem. If you don't like me, it's your problem."
Problem solved.
GLC
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GLC Presents: Real Women of Genius? 3
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Posted:Jun 1, 2008 5:16 am
Last Updated:Jun 7, 2008 8:44 pm
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GLC Presents: Real Women of Genius? 3
How quickly those twenty-eight days come and go.
Today, I salute you, Ms. I'm Looking for Love While Completely Naked.
It is said that chance favors the prepared mind. However, chance, I'm afraid, did not post those fifteen naked pics of you in all sorts of interesting positions. Chance, it seems will bring every Tom, Dick, and Harry to your doorstep wanting to see what OTHER positions are available.
But, your headline, as well as your profile says, "I want someone to love." You should have added, "I hope you please ignore the naked pics of me, and will want to get to know me for me."
Here's what the horny guy staring at your pics will interpret those words as.
BLAH. BLAH. BLAH.
Of course, that all depends on the chance that hormonal urges allow him a moment to look past the eye candy.
On second thought. Just leave the profile empty. The guys are only going to look at the pretty pictures anyway. Especially the one where your legs (and lips) are spread wide open for all to see.
It IS said that it's what's INSIDE that counts.
Wow, that's good inspiration for a "Love is..."
But what do I know, Ms. Love Me For Me? Maybe, just maybe, I'm wrong. Maybe hormones won't compel men to lick the screen and touch themselves when they see your hard nipples, open lips, and heaving breasts. Maybe the first thing they're thinking will be...
"I'll bet she's a great conversationalist."
There's always a chance. Better prepare yourself.
GLC
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GLC Presents: Real Men of Genius? 12
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Posted:May 26, 2008 9:58 am
Last Updated:May 26, 2008 5:37 pm
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GLC Presents: Real Men of Genius? 12
Okay everyone, Bloody Sunday had to wait a bit, so the geniuses got a day off...but that's ALL. Now, let the flogging...or the BLOGGING, I mean...begin.
Today, I salute you, Mr. I Have to Romance My Way Into Her Pants
Romance. It's when the heart speaks, saying what it truly feels. It isn't a line, or a lie. It is the most genuine selection of words a person can say.
The unfortunate thing about romance is that someone who is yearning to hear the "sweet nothings" is an easy victim for men who are looking for an easy target. They wine her, and dine her, and say she's the most beautiful, that the two were meant to be together...
Only in the hope to curb their raging hormones.
Somebody get me a bucket, because I'm gonna be sick.
Now, if I had the temper I once did, I'd probably already have chosen a place to hide your body. However, I have fortunately matured past the point of contemplating homicide, lucky for you.
When I encounter someone like yourself, who feels the compelling need to play, or shall I say PREY on a woman's emotions in order to get her in bed, I smile a big smile. Do I smile because I think what you're doing is funny? Of course not, but I am able to kind of "fast-forward" your life to the time when you get what's coming to you.
Recently, I've had the fortune to be present at the time when payback arrived for a gentleman like yourself.
I was at my favorite bowling alley, trying my best to conjure a strike out of thin air. There were two young ladies on the lane to the right of me, engaged more in their own conversation than in the game itself.
A gentleman a year or two older than the ladies came into the bowling alley, obviously looking for one of them. He approached her, saying that one of her friends said she would be there. She looked furious, and the tone in her voice confirmed it.
"What are you doing here?" she asked.
The man seemed like an infatuated . "I...had to see you. I've been thinking about you all day. Last night was..."
The man was about to perform three strikes in a row, and it had NOTHING to do with bowling.
The girl cut the man's words short. "Last night was what? The best thing that has ever happened to you?'
"Well...yes." the man replied.
Strike one.
"So, I suppose you love me now?" the furious female said.
"Yes. Yes, I do." the man replied, almost stuttering.
Strike two.
"Tell me then." the girl began, "Why should I believe you, when you lied to HER." The girl was pointing behind her to the friend that had accompanied her.
Strike three.
The man looked, and saw his previous victim, that had fallen into the trap of his lies. "You...don't love me, then?" he said, returning his gaze to the other girl.
The fury in her voice escalated, becoming pure malice. "How can ANYONE love YOU?"
"You two planned this, didn't you?" the man asked.
"No. You brought this upon yourself, and the worst part is...she was right. You're a lousy lover." the girl said, now chuckling in his face.
I had completely forgotten about the fourteen pound ball in my hand, and the next three lanes, including the two on the opposite side of me had fallen silent, with everyone in shock at the spectacle before them. Having struck out, the man retreated with his proverbial tail between his legs, realizing he had been tricked.
He walked past me, and had a look in his eyes as if he were seeking sympathy. I had none to give him.
High fives ensued between the two girls, and one of them quickly took out her cell phone, obviously eager to recount the tale to her friends.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Loosely translated, if you're fooled twice, then you didn't learn the lesson presented to you the first time.
Bottom line, get your heart broken, and you won't so eagerly go out and break someone else's, because you'll know the pain you would be inflicting.
So, Mr. Word Nerd, the next time it occurs to you to woo the pants off some vulnerable female by telling her what she wants to hear, as you're fooling her with every lie you tell, remember this...
Everybody at some time in their life plays the fool. Don't even THINK that you're the exception to the rule.
GLC
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GLC Presents: Real Men of Genius? 11
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Posted:May 18, 2008 5:50 am
Last Updated:Jan 18, 2013 7:39 am
1995 Views
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GLC Presents: Real Men of Genius? 11
Today, I salute you, Mr. Retarded Email Writer
The opportunity to write about this one came to me suddenly, after a friend of mine posted an actual email on her profile.
But, before I reveal your masterpiece, let's get a refresher on our vocabulary.
Definition: retarded, adjective. relatively slow in mental or emotional or physical development;
Now, here's the actual email:
"i'm looking for someone who will help fulfill a fantasy of mine and you look like you'd be perfect. you come over waering a thin white tshirt (no bra, of course) and tight jeans. then you just pee right in your pants right in front of me. then you start humping me, pulling my hair and grinding your crotch into my face. then you pull down your pants and beg me to do you in the butt. interested?"
Notice that he failed to use correct grammar, punctuation, Spell Checker...or his common sense, for that matter. Obviously, he wasn't WAERING his thinking cap.
Am I the only one who thinks he could've saved himself a LOT of time and energy by just saying, "Hey babe, do you take it in the ass?"
I'm thinking that either way, her response would be, "NO."
Granted, the unfortunate recipient of this email is extremely attractive, and to boot, looks GREAT in a red bra and panties, but I have to say THIS to the writer of that email.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
There, I said it. It's been a while. Good thing I haven't lost my touch.
You could've added the phrase, "Just kidding." in the email. At LEAST no one would take you seriously.
But seriously, I probably shouldn't even call you retarded. The retarded people WOULD probably say to you, "What are you, STUPID?"
It's guys like you that make women have to turn their profiles from an elaborate description of themselves to a ranting, angry bitch-session to remind the "romantically-challenged" ones not to waste their time with ridiculous emails like the one above. Unfortunately, profiles like that usually send the good guys running for the hills, making life for the women even more difficult than it already is.
Okay Mr. Words Escape Me, maybe I'm being a bit too harsh on you. Retarded really isn't even the word that should be used to describe you.
My friend said it best. She called you...
SPESHYAL.
She didn't use Spell Checker either.
But, she made the most sense of all.
GLC
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GLC Presents: Real Men of Genius? 10
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Posted:May 11, 2008 6:20 am
Last Updated:May 11, 2008 8:59 am
1828 Views
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GLC Presents: Real Men of Genius? 10
First thing's first. Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there.
Today, I salute you, Mr. First Kiss Screwer-Upper
If there were awards given for botching a first-time kiss, you would be taking home the trophy...not the girl.
Shortly after meeting for the first time, you take her out on the dance floor to show her your mad dancing skills. She seems to be fairly impressed by your demonstrations of gyrations. You continue through the song until...
The beat changes. A slower, more romantic tune begins to play, and you take her gracefully into your arms as you sway to the music.
The moment arrives. You both look into each other's eyes. The signs are there. The mood is right. You have the chance to kiss her, and you go for it.
One hundred percent.
You don't even give her time to lick her lips beforehand. No anticipation. No buildup. Before she knows it, your face is a mere fraction of an inch away from hers.
The next sign you see...a BIG RED one.
It says STOP.
Yeah. It can stand for Spinning Tires On Pavement, because that is EXACTLY what you're doing right now. Going NOWHERE.
Do the words "Meet me halfway" mean anything to you? Obviously not, because you didn't even expect her to do her part. You just pulled the trigger.
Well, nice shootin' Tex. You just shot yourself in the foot.
Speaking of shooting, I'm sure Cupid dropped his bow and arrow from laughing hysterically as he watches her pull quickly away from your failed attempt at sealing the deal.
Oh, and Plan B? Take her to the bar for a drink?
I don't think she's going to change her mind even after a few cocktails. Best to cut your losses and move on.
Oh, but a word of advice Mr. Kiss Me Deadly. A first kiss should be something to remember, not fodder for ridicule by her and her friends when you are gone. It should be that defining moment that brings you just a little (or a lot) closer together, not tear you apart in a whirlwind of uncomfortable silence.
I remember MY last first kiss.
Soft.
Sensual.
Oh yeah, and SLOW.
That's how YOU could've done it.
You had one chance, and one chance only.
Because ONE chance is all you get...
to make a first impression.
Make it count.
GLC
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GLC Presents: Real WOMEN of Genius? 2
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Posted:May 4, 2008 7:17 am
Last Updated:Jan 18, 2013 7:32 am
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GLC Presents: Real WOMEN of Genius? 2
Yes, it IS that time of the month. Time for the women to take it like a man.
Today, I salute you, Ms. Chatroom Drama Queen
Don't look behind you. You know very well who you are.
Don't look so surprised. You didn't think you could create so much chaos for everyone else and escape unscathed, did you?
I didn't think so.
Now, sit back, because I think I'm going to enjoy berating you more than I should.
Picture, if you will, a peaceful morning in chat. Everyone is tossing around sexual innuendos like teens on a volleyball court. Unusually horny guys are getting shot down quicker than rookie pilots in a dogfight. They compose and propose, and crash and burn.
Life is good.
You step in, say hi to friends, acquaintances, and maybe even potential bed mates.
All seems to be well...for now.
Then, someone ELSE enters the room. You can call her your arch-rival, your enemy, or any other derogatory name of your choosing. Either way, you obviously do not like her. You blatantly demonstrate this fact by saying something like, "Oh no. SHE'S here.", coupled by a less than creative and embarrassingly predictable insult. Basically, all levels of recognizable maturity go out the window, and the innocent chatters are left to deal with not only ONE childish individual, but TWO.
Life WAS good. Where's a deathmatch ring when you need one? I'd put you two in it, and either you kiss and make out...I mean, up, or only one of you comes out alive. Either way, problem solved.
But, since that option isn't available so the rest of us can be entertained by watching you two beat each other to a bloody pulp, I'd like you to read a very short book I wrote just for people like you. It's a self-help book of sorts, for those who find themselves compelled to openly voice their contempt for another.
It's a great book. Only one page though, and no pretty pictures to keep your childish mind distracted.
The cover is pretty simple. Black letters on a white background. Title: When You Don't Have Anything Nice To Say...
You open the book to the first page. The words read: "SHUT THE FUCK UP"
There's even room at the bottom for, "The End"
Yeah, it's gonna be an instant bestseller. No pic of the author, though. However, I will include an email address so you can send your "Thank you." mail.
Really though. No need for thanks. I'm just trying to help those who act like fools start acting like wise men...and women.
The difference between a fool and a wise man? Simple. A wise man speaks because he has something to say. A fool speaks because he HAS to say something.
Now, I could say that because of your behavior, that I don't like you. I COULD do that, and follow your example, but I would be lying. I feel SORRY for people who feel the need to hurt others in order to lift themselves into the clouds. I think you are misunderstood, misaligned, and utterly misguided. People view you as malevolent due to your actions. Actions that can easily be changed.
So, Ms. Can't Keep My Mouth Shut, the next time you feel that sudden urge to say something hateful or mean, read the book. Learn its short, yet sweet lesson, and stay quiet, no matter what others may do or say, because...
It's better to remain silent, and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth, and remove all doubt.
GLC
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GLC Presents: Real Men of Genius? 9
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Posted:Apr 27, 2008 6:28 am
Last Updated:Jan 18, 2013 7:30 am
1982 Views
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GLC Presents: Real Men of Genius? 9
Today, I salute you, Mr. I've Got My Eyes On The Prize
Like a sailor having glimpsed a mermaid for the first time, your eyes engage the object of your obsession, and without hesitating, you begin a staring contest...without looking into her eyes.
I have to admire the skill you possess to unflinchingly maintain your unemotional gaze for what seems to be an eternity.
I could be mistaking the skill for the amount of alcohol in your bloodstream, however.
One question comes to mind, though. Doesn't a staring contest involve TWO sets of eyes? I mean, where is the challenge of staring at a woman's legs, breasts, behind, etc? They can't stare back.
Maybe you're trying to perform mind over matter to make her like you. Well, look at it this way. You're not in her mind because you don't matter.
Oh, nevermind. It just dawned on me.
Feel free to say, "Duh!"
You're not staring at her legs, you're staring THROUGH them, at...well, that special place that all men desire.
Now I get it. You can't get any, so you just pick one out and stare at it until it walks away. Did it ever occur to you that it isn't normal to do that? Not to mention that the lovely lady along with her twenty friends, are wondering what is wrong with you. Oh, and let's not leave out the good looking gentleman sitting across from her (you know, the one who respects her?). He's the one to whom you will answer momentarily, and the hilarious thing about it is that you won't even know it.
He will maintain his calm as he her out to his awaiting chariot. He will open the door for her, and take her away...to...well, use your imagination.
Seeing your obsession on the arm of another man must sting like the whipass your daddy gave you when you misbehaved as a .
If "daddy" could see you now. I'm sure he'd feel a great swell of...well, I don't think it would be pride. I'm sure the swelling would be a vein in his forehead.
But, enough talk of your daddy. You're a grown man now, right? Can you give me a hint on the upcoming day when you plan to start BEHAVING like one? Or is it more appealing to return home, and cuddle up alongside your bestest and most loyal of best friends?
The bottle.
Not exactly the poster for sexy, are you?
Ever heard the saying, "A picture is worth a thousand words."?
Of course you have. Well keep it in mind, because a photo is the closest you'll ever get to feeling a woman's touch...without paying, of course.
So, Mr. Guru of the Gaze, the next time you plan a stare-down, bring a camera.
Why?
You've heard the other old saying, right?
Take a picture. It'll last longer.
GLC
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GLC Presents: Real Men of Genius? 8
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Posted:Apr 20, 2008 3:21 am
Last Updated:Apr 22, 2008 2:16 pm
2034 Views
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GLC Presents: Real Men of Genius? 8
Today, I salute you, Mr. Inappropriate Meet and Greet Groper.
Imagine, for a moment, that you're a woman.
Okay, stop groping yourself for a moment, and pay attention.
Imagine that you're talking to a friend at a meet and greet, lost in conversation, thoroughly enjoying yourself, when suddenly...
Some clueless guy takes "lend a hand" a bit too far.
Too far, indeed.
A hand on your ass, breast, or even on your leg in close proximity to the "sweet spot" is the next thing you experience.
You imagine tomorrow's headlines.
"Man beaten to death by own arm at local bar. Body found with arm inserted deep into own anal cavity."
The daydream abrupty ends with the realization that the odds of getting away with it are between slim and none. Too many witnesses.
So, you feign a smile, and while conjuring all self-control, you manage to resist the urge to choke the life out of him.
You have been outrightly disrespected. Fondled inappropriately in places that hands only go when behind closed doors. There's a reason why it's called intimacy. If everyone is allowed to "cop a feel", then the novelty loses its luster.
I suppose you pictured her as a doorknob...everyone gets a turn.
NO. NO. NO.
A woman's body is a treasure, and discovering its hidden beauty is something that is earned by showing her the respect she deserves.
Okay, back to you. Did any of this sink in? Did the loud crack of your hand slapping her ass, all the while provoking gasps from bystanders, possibly instill a reality check? Perhaps looking into her eyes, seeing the fury there, realizing that if looks could kill, your name would be occupying the obituary column in tomorrow's paper?
Okay then, remove your hand from whatever sacred area you dared to place it, and you might just live to see your next birthday. Unless, of course, you look forward to the day when she rises above your lack of decency to demonstrate her own abundance of such ...while she signs your cast on your broken arm.
GLC
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GLC Presents: Real Men of Genius? 7
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Posted:Apr 13, 2008 6:09 am
Last Updated:Jan 18, 2013 7:24 am
1862 Views
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GLC Presents: Real Men of Genius? 7
Ladies, rest now. We'll see you again at your time of the month. Back to the men for now.
Today, I salute you, Mr. I Wish I Were Him.
Instead of taking the time and making the effort to do what the object of your envy seems to do so easily, you sit in the corner and wish upon an elusive star that you could have what he does.
She seems oblivious to everyone and everything else around her as his lips meet hers. He couples the ever-so-passionate kiss with a gentle caress of her face, and a playful nibble on her neck.
You feel powerless, compelled to sit and watch as he lives the moments you're convinced you can only dream of.
My opinion? Bullshit. Get out of the corner, walk up to a beautiful lady, and introduce yourself. You'll never get the opportunity to bump uglies with the beauties if you don't take a chance.
Has a woman ever told you, "You had me at hello."?
No? What a shock.
Gee. Let me think of the possible reason why.
Oh yeah. You have to say HELLO to her.
Kind of like the guy you're watching did. At some point or another, he introduced himself to her, and is now introducing his face to hers.
Man, you're probably thinking about that song, "Some Guys Have All The Luck".
Catchy little tune, I must say.
"Some guys have all the luck."
Remember the rest of the song, too.
"Some guys have all the brains.
Some guys get all the breaks."
There's one more line...
Wait for it...
Here it comes...
This is gonna hurt you more than it'll hurt me.
It may sound familiar to...oh...I don't know...YOU.
"Some guys do nothing but complain."
We'll stop at the part where the background singers go, "Who-hoo", because it conjures up images of you crying in a corner.
Okay, you might not complain much. Hell, you might not even complain at all, but doing nothing but complaining will get you the same result as doing nothing.
Nothing includes sitting there while I'm giving out subtle hints to get off your ass. You want what he has? Sorry, get your own. You want to be like him? That's doable. However, you have to decide who you want to be before you start. Only you can be you.
I'm reminded of another song that says, "If you wanna be somebody else, change your mind."
Words to ponder, Mr. Why Can't That Be Me, because there is only one person standing between who you are and who you want to be.
You.
Write THAT down.
GLC
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GLC Presents: Real WOMEN of Genius?
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Posted:Apr 6, 2008 8:04 am
Last Updated:Jan 18, 2013 7:21 am
3014 Views
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GLC Presents: Real WOMEN of Genius?
Alas, the time has come to give the gentlemen a week off, and focus on the faults of a few choice members of the fairer sex.
Today, I salute you, Ms. Teasin' Without Pleasin'
You put your game face on the moment you walk into a meet and greet. Pouty lips and swaying hips are your weapons of choice, and you zero in on your unsuspecting victim like an assassin on a mission.
You have absolutely no intention of going past first base with any man you meet. Hell, you aren't even planning to swing for the fence. You're here to feed your ego, to toy with the emotions of the weak-minded. Unfortunately for you, all things must inevitably come to an end.
You see him, dancing alone by the wall, trying to feign some level of rhythm as you slowly make your way toward him.
He sees you, and gazes upon your beauty like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time.
Game on.
You stand in front of him like the queen in a game of Chess. To you, he is but a pawn. His mind is a Boggle, trying to figure out what miracle placed you before him. He seems obviously willing to go through all sorts of Chutes and Ladders to win you over. It's a Risk he's willing to take. You turn around, bend over, and press yourself against him, making him feel like numero Uno. Just when his I wanna Poker face appears, holding on desperately to the hopes of visiting Candyland, a heart-wrenching "Sorry!", sends his hopes and dreams toppling down like Dominoes. To him, you suddenly become a mystery as equally solvable as an empty Sudoku grid.
You turn around to focus your attention elsewhere, and see a man standing in front of you. He leans forward, and whispers something in your ear. The loud surroundings, coupled with the raspiness of his voice allow his words to be lost in the crowd. You pay no heed to not having understood him, but when he invites you to a game of pool, you accept.
The game lasts a mere three shots, at which point you step between him and the table, sitting down facing him. You both stare momentarily into each other's eyes, and you lean forward to kiss him. When he leans in as well, you quickly, and teasingly withdraw.
Your heart races as it becomes obvious that he realizes pool isn't the only game you came to play. You remember seeing him talking to another woman earlier, and in an effort to put him on the defensive, you pose the question, "Did you come here with HER tonight?"
He looks you directly in the eyes and replies, "No."
You rephrase the question. "You didn't drive together tonight?"
His voice tone deepens slightly, and he replies, adding his own inquiry. "I said no. Are you questioning my honesty?"
You reply with a firm, "Yes."
He responds with a deadly calm. "Big mistake."
You realize your error, and in a last effort to justify yourself, you state, "All men are liars."
He seems unmoved by your opinion. "SOME men are liars because they choose to follow the rules of another. I make my OWN rules."
You become a bit intrigued. "Oh? What are your rules?"
He replies without a pause. "Rule number ONE. No games."
You press him for more. "What about rule number two?"
His next words cut you like knives. "You haven't gotten past rule number one."
Two words invade your mind. You see them in big bold red letters as if on a television screen.
GAME OVER.
No reset option. No lives left. No continues.
Like a dying warrior gasping for a last breath, you open your mouth, uttering a phrase as you would speak a curse.
"Good luck with HER."
I can be the man of a woman's dreams.
If she will not try to destroy mine.
All that time she was pretending.
So much for HER happy ending.
GLC
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