YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE LATE JUST TO MASTURBATE!
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Posted:May 5, 2010 8:05 pm
Last Updated:May 16, 2010 7:58 am
8872 Views
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ODE TO JOY, O. YES. YESS. YESS !!!
THRU MID-NIGHT DREAMS SO HOT AND SWEET,
THAT STIRS YOUR SLUMBER AND QUICKENS YOUR BEAT,
ASLEEP YOU ARE ALL A QUIVER,
YOU WAKE TO A STATE YOU MUST URGENT LEE DELIVER,
NOW SO HOT AND BOTHERED BABY – JUST REMEMBER.
YOU DON’T NEED TO BE LATE JUST TO MASTURBATE!
YOU CAN.
TWEAK-IT TILL YOU PEAK-IT,
SQUEEZE-IT AN NEAD-IT.
OH YEAH!
STROKE-IT AN POKE-IT,
HUM-IT AN THUMB-IT.
UM. YES.
PINCH-IT AN INCH-IT,
SLICK-IT AN SLAP-IT,
SNAG-IT AN TAG-IT.
OO. OO. BABY.
HIT-IT FASTER,
POUND-IT HARDER.
YUMMY.
SPIT THEN TWITCH-IT,
TWIST–IT SHORTER AND QUICKER.
WOW.
BUILD-IT UP, GET-IT HOTTER,
MAKE-IT SWEAT, HEAT IT UP RITE,
JUST DOO IT BABY, DOO IT DOO IT, DOO IT, OO. OO. BABY.
GEDIT. YES, YES. OO. GEDIT, YES, YES, OO, YES GEDIT. OO. BABY.
O. GOD!!!!!.......YES. WHOOW!
SO. BABY, NOW YOU KNOW.
JUST START A LITTLE BIT SOONER.
IT’LL BE ALL FINE.
YOU CAN HIT “IT” TWICE AND STILL BE ON TIME.
YES. YOU SEE!!!
YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE LATE JUST TO MASTURBATE!!!
O. NO. NO. NO!!!
YOU DON’T GOTTA BE LATE WHEN YOU MASTURBATE!!
BABY.
THAT’S ALRIGHT!!!
YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE LATE JUS TO MASTURBATE!
YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!
YOU DON’T HAVTA BE LATE WHILE YOU MASTURBATE!!!
BAMB. OO. YES, OO. YES, BAMB. OO. YES, OO. BAMB. OO. OO.
BABIE. UM. UM. OO. OO. WOW!!!
XOXO
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MY LOVER, MY FRIEND, MY MISTRESS, MY CONSORT, MY LIFE! JUST HAVE ONE QUESTION!
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Posted:May 5, 2010 8:04 pm
Last Updated:May 16, 2010 7:54 am
8767 Views
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WELL I WAS SO ENTHRALLED WITH THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, MY FRIEND, MY MISTRESS, MY LOVE THAT I SAT AND PONDERED THE "QUESTION". IT WAS A BIG QUESTION, AND I WAS SO THINKING ABOUT HER FOR SO LONG. I PLANNED FOR NEARLY A MONTH JUST HOW I WOULD SPRING IT. IT TOOK SO LONG TO WORK OUT EVERY DETAIL. YOU SEE STITCH LOVES LILO SO VERY MUCH. HE CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF HER EVER. STITCH WILL GO TO THE ENDS OF THE UNIVERSE TO BE WITH LILO. STITCH FOUND THIS CUTE CUSTOM THAT HUMANS DO WHEN THEY ARE REALLY IN LOVE. THEY GO AND GET THESE SHINNY METAL AND PRETTY ROCKS TO PUT ON THE OTHERS HAND AND ASK A QUESTION THAT HOPEFULLY HAS ONE ANSWER. STITCH WENT AND GOT THAT METAL AND ROCK, AND ASKED LILO IF SHE WOULD AND STITCH SAID HE WANTED TO VERY MUCH, AND WITH SOME FOLKS LOOKING ON STITCH EVEN GOT A COUPLE OF PICTURES OF HIM AND LILO KISSING AND BEING ALL CUTE WITH EACH OTHER. LILO TOLD STITCH THAT HE WAS IN BIG TROUBLE WHEN THEY GET BACK TO THEIR. STITCH DON'T MIND, IT WAS NO TROUBLE AT ALL, IT WAS REAL FUN. LILO IS SO SEXY AND FINE, AND STITCH WAS VERY AGREEABLE TO LILO IN EVERY WAY. STITCH IS NOW OWNED AND THE PERSONAL PROPERTY OF MISTRESS LILO IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE. MISTRESS NOW OWNS ONE SLIGHTLY USED MOSTLY ABUSED STITCH, BUT LILO LOVES STITCH AND FINDS MANY USES TO PLEASE EACH OTHER WITH. STITCH CRAZY FOR LILO ALL THE TIME. STITCH LOVES LILO!!! XOXO 
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MEETING DESTINY AND ACCEPTING LOVE
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Posted:Jan 30, 2010 7:10 am
Last Updated:May 16, 2010 7:43 am
8802 Views
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I can not explain the drive and force that initiated this wonderful chain of events, but to say that I designed any of it would be to disregard the fate and chance of life itself. Sometimes magic can happen when you let it. Such was the case of meeting with my new MISTRESS and lover for life. We had the opportunity to chat many times over a few months and exchanged so much together. There were treasured moments of getting to know the little things that fill in the blanks in our histories, and our natures. The late night chats of how the others sexual rendezvous had fared, the enlightenment's of how others have treated us and how we enjoyed this fantasy or erotic moment here and there. The banter of two real people just exchanging shared experiences along the way. Our both being BI was the first and foremost shared detail that so much mutual understanding and affections hinged upon. I was tired of the sexually straight and curious souls out there and was looking for a real BI woman that could relate and appreciate my interests. We were both forever influenced by having such wonderful BI beginnings in our youths. We had settled down to partners and a life that mainly consisted of social and emotional connections in the heterosexual culture most of us live in out of convenience. We had spouses, and families that covet such pride in their restricted sexual domains. Suffice to say that not everyone lives a vanilla life, deep down inside we all have a rainbow just dying to come out and shine with someone we can love and trust. This is a story told by so many people. Bisexuality is a very common thing but it is culture, religion, and many times fear that keeps a lot of people from discovering their true natures. It seems that we both had been mavericks most of our lives while being respectful of others opinions, never to shine too much and keep the veil of humility about our bisexual enjoyments. This is how I started my dialogs with such a wonderful and gorgeous BI friend.
After so long a virtual relationship I had planned almost from the start that there would be an offer for me to invite this very welcome friend to travel for a weekend of fun and exploration for us both. She accepted and we kept the fire burning on our sites, emails, cell phones, and snail mail too. She remarked that she had only a few sex toys and I am of course a pack rat of everything in my life including without any humility a treasure trove of sex toys no less. Well I went shopping and had to find relief for a stranded soul and prepared a stimulus package for my new dear friend. No woman should have so meager a collection of sexual toys to pleasure herself. It ought to be a high crime to deprive any erotic moment for the lack of an object to be affectionate with. The BOX was so well received that I sent a few more. My erotic friend turned out to enjoy the gifts with such delights. But throughout it was always her laughter and excitements that rewarded me most. Naughty Santa dropped off an even larger package, followed by many other KINKY treasures.
Well we both had our social and cultural duties to attend to and our calendars were marked for the day of our eventual meeting. Not nervous but wanting to get everything right for each other we both gathered ourselves and headed to the day with wonder and innocent anticipation. We picked a spot where we could get something to eat together. I was chatting with her on the cell while driving to meet her. All of a sudden I saw her standing on the sidewalk outside the restaurant and told her that she was so very cute while still on the phone with her. She laughed; I said hold on a minute and had to park my car. I walked quickly to her and grabbed her hugging and getting that first passionate kiss where I had so wanted to share with her since first we talked all those months ago. It was a magical kiss and yes, it was full tongue! Right there in the public view for GOD and everyone to see. What a gorgeous woman she is. WOW, what a kisser too! She was way more than I expected, she was just perfect. We sat down and had a bite while we filled each other in on all the last minute adventures of our journey to reach this day. When we finished we went to the motel to �FRESHEN UP�!
Well the plan was to have some fun with some friends together while she was here. We both had discussed our mutual fantasies and the one she was planning for was my being gang banged by lots of guys with large cocks. I had expressed this with her and on my blog. She was evidently serious about her desire to participate in this and had arranged with several guys interested in fucking me for her pleasure. THE LIST � she had gathered several people their profiles, and of the gang that would have the pleasure of my ass while she directed everything. This was to be her made for order BISEXUAL ORGY. We had both changed our profiles to reflect that the weekend was for all interested in participating. Before anything else began later in the evening I decided to enjoy her for myself. After a shower and getting something for her to drink I broke out some of the more outlandish new toys for her to sample and for the next six hours I was intent on her having as many orgasm to reach her self imposed quota of 150 peaks. Now that seems a daunting number for most but it is a good benchmark for creative lovers to aspire. What was not reckoned on was the quality and robust nature of her orgasms being three or four times the level of enjoyment regularly experienced. So its not so much about quantity as it is about quality. Still I was aiming for the 150 just to see how many licks it takes to get to the center of the Tootsie Pop!
To my delight this tender and sweet woman was a wild cat and growled through so many orgasms with me. She was so intense and intent on savoring each and every new charge. She is so beautiful in her orgasmic state of passion. So many wonderful and sweet moments to see her blossom and glow with each new tweak she became more beautiful. It is such a marvelous thing to watch a woman climax out of sheer pleasure. This is the single most enjoyable human act of sharing and mutual pleasure. It rate as the only real accomplishment of all humankind, better than the invention of the Wheel or even Fire!
Game night came with her still trying to reach all the contestants eager to pound and fuck my very willing ass. She had spent enough time lubing and trying to fist my ass so I was ready to have as much fun together with her and her army of players. Well it turns out the rule at these intentions is that if you are planning an ORGY you need to over book the event with a three inch phone book if you want to get more than just two or three people to really commit and attend. Our GANG became just one cool looking 26 year old . When he arrived I was in my apron and planning my act of the �BARBER of the THRILLS�. Yes, I love to shave a pussy nice and smooth so its slick and very neat fro lots of fun. Well I�m looking really silly naked except for my black apron and black gloves. Anyway we laugh a bit and invite him to sit and watch as I clean the 5 o�clock shadow from her privates. Afterward she showers and he joins in. We all retire to the bed where he gets relaxed and settled back to her sucking his nice looking cock. Soon my turn and I get to enjoy his stature and have given him a little too much pleasure. He pulls out from my mouth and within a few seconds he cums from just holding himself. Mistress says that I am so greedy for cock that I make him cum before we even start the party. He is young and after a bit of chat and friendly discussion low and behold as they say down here the �SOUTH SHALL RISE AGAIN�! He was a New Yorker, but he�s in the South right now! Mistress wanted to have him fuck me as wild as he could. She lubed me sufficiently and had him position his cock onto my ass hole and she got to see this nice young stud ease that nice cock into my very willing ass. He began his assault with very deliberate actions and kept getting deeper and more forceful with my rosebud. My ass has taken larger, but he was persistent and exact in his lovemaking. I really enjoyed his pounding and hitting deep into my ass. He was on my back pushing harder and faster, and Mistress was in front of me kissing me and letting me lick her nipples. She was encouraging him to really fuck my ass. She got behind us and saw for herself how nice it looked with his shaft pistoning in and out of my well lubed ass hole. I was delirious with the sensations of everything. He kept up his stamina and was really taking my ass for all he could. The friction was awesome and very welcomed. He started to give my ass short and very hard jabs and soon had cum with the force of ten men. Youth is a wonderful thing. We all sat around and got to know each other better, and after a few minutes he was ready for his third round. This time it was Mistress�s turn to sample the goods. He worked that nice hard cock into her pussy and she was getting a stallion to ride for pleasure. I caressed them both and enjoyed her pleasure with our new friend. It was beautiful to see her having so much pleasure. She was intent with my sexual gratifications and I was now her surrogate to an orgasm we shared. Afterward our friend was exhausted for the night and we all hugged and he left happy and quite spent for sure.
Mistress was so disappointed that she could not get the troops of guys for me to have a real gangbang. I told her that I was happy with anything that happened, and in fact just wanted to spend the time with her either way. Mistress and I cleaned up a bit and went back to having lots more fun and pleasures together before the act of sleep caught up with us both. It was so nice to cuddle with her after our adventures. She is very warm to sleep with and several times throughout the night I would grab her and hold her closer. Its nice to have the body contact with a lover and someone who cares when you cum. It was sweet to have my new friend in an embrace, even if I was the only one awake to enjoy it. She is so cute when she sleeps.
The next morning in spite of the fact that I was already eating her pussy for the first few hours of the morning I was incredibly hungry. Pussy is great but it works up a wicked appetite. I needed the breakfast of champions to keep up with her ravenous pussy. We went out and had some food for our troubles and I took her on a tour of a good local sex shop. We looked around a bit and the sales girl asked what we were looking for and Mistress said she was looking for a sex toy to help her squirt. Well the sales girl woke up from her slumber and started tell us about all the girls in the shop betting each other that they could learn how to squirt and with this toy and that, with a lover, or all by themselves. Mistress and I think they had an after hours orgy of there own or secretly they try the sample toys in an attempt to gratify their urges too. Well enough daydreaming. The sales girl showed us the exact to that Mistress�s friend had used and even pointed us towards a video on how to achieve the flowing fountain of joy that every woman has the ability to uncork. Hey not corny jibe on my part its how the 60�s lady in the video talks. I thought she was describing the fountain of youth the way she went on. Well we left the sex shop with video in hand and intent on getting Mistress through some intense training for her to squirt. We located all her plumbing and even where the faucet was, but the valve was stuck and needed lots of tender attention to unclog the works. Alas it was not quite the moment for her to gush and flow, the ebb of her tides were just behind the seawall of enormous pressure but still no trickle as yet. We did return to enjoy ourselves for several hours. I love Mistress�s orgasms! She is so cute when she cums.
Mistress loves being attended to and having her erotic delights, and I love providing the joy and flavor of her sexual enjoyments. She is a gorgeous woman and a very intense lover. Mistress desired to have fun fucking my ass and I brought her a fully serviceable strap-on that had the best features possible. Aside from the straps and harness for the 9� tool she would fuck me with it also had a dildo for her pussy and ass as well. When she was full strapped in and adjusted for her fit the 8� dildo in her pussy was with a full set of balls that bumped her clit every time she thrusted. This was the joy of this rig. It would give her anal and vaginal sensations with each thrust. Mistress positioned me on my belly over some pillows, spread my legs, scooted up to my ass with her cock in hand, lubed my hole and started to insert that wonderful cock in my waiting ass. WOW, what a feeling as she slid in so deep. She was in heaven watching my ass hole accommodate and grip her new cock. She was biting her lip with the kinkiness of now having her own cock and being able to fuck my ass for herself. Mistress delighted in her new cock with all the passions of a real stud she wielded it with the experience of having a cock all her life. She was made to have a penis, and was thrilled at the new found pleasures. She was orgasming from just simple thrusts and bumping her clit against the vaginal dildo as much as she could. She had her hands on my hips and was drawing me closer and my hips were also pushing back to receive her jutting cock as much as I could. I was moaning with al the delights of the slut that I really am for her. I have had many lovers and none of them showed near the enthusiasm or delight that Mistress showed in her exploration of role reversal. I changed positions so I was on my back with a pillow propping my ass up for her to fuck me face to face. She slid her cock in my ass slowly to savor the delights of watching her cock sink into my ass again and again. She was trapped in the most lustful moment as she geared up to fuck me wildly as much as she wanted. It was incredible how adept she was at the use of this new cock between her legs. She was a natural at having a cock and I am so proud of her skills as well as all her eager nature to explore so many new pleasures with me.
Somewhere along our weekend there were so many moments of bonding that took place, and we may have started as friends, we are way more than that to each other. I am not the type of person that easily falls for the first person that passes by. I was intent on having a friend have a good time. But I must say that you can ignore something special if you all you want is to bang someone. Or you could just resign to surrender yourself to something more special than that. I have surrendered myself completely to Mistress in a way I can�t describe or easily explain. I have been in love many times in my life and that feeling is unmistakable. I feel something for Mistress far better than that. I feel close with her on just a voice over the phone, a text message, or an email reveals more about her with each new moment. I share in her delights and I know that we will share more when we travel to be with each other and friends. Mistress is already designing my gang bang and a host of her friends to take turns fucking me while she films and masturbates to the whole scene. I want to swing with Mistress and visit so many of her exotic places willed with a rainbow of people we can both share. Mistress is generous with me and I am all for her pleasures wherever we go. I desire to please her any way she likes. Mistress is my lover and I am in love with Mistress too. I am BI, a swinger, an exhibitionist, and I guess a whole host of other titles and labels. None of that matters. I am the property of one GORGEOUS MISTRESS to keep and share me how ever it pleases her. Simply, I am her MAN PUSSY.
XOXO, to my MISTRESS,
WITH LOVE, MAN PUSSY!
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ASS.F.U.C.K.E.D.
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Posted:Jan 17, 2010 6:30 pm
Last Updated:May 16, 2010 8:03 am
9002 Views
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This is an open advertisement for ASS.F.U.C.K.E.D.
{ASSociation For Unwanted Cute Keepsakes and Erotic Devices}
A division of Resurrection Retreat
* Do you have a new bright shinny toy and are looking to retire your faithful plastic pal that was so fun to play with?
* Have more toys than you need and don't want to just too that steady friend into the landfill?
* You have moved on to a new dick that is bigger, wider, and better, but don't want to hurt the old Dick's feelings?
If this is you then we would love to offer a new and exciting home for your once favorite dildo, vibrator, or other sexual devices. We are a non-profit organization dedicated to the adoption of used sex toys. We have a happy and hole-some retreat for that revered and once adored object of all your affections. Don't worry about that neglected old friend being thrown to the scrap heap or junk pile. It will have a respected place in another home safe and well kept honoring all of its years of tireless devotions. "NO dildo should ever suffer being trashed after giving such loving and joyful care for the best years of it's life"
Any size, shape, moving parts or solid stature, ancient, or new aged, battery powered, steam powered, or home electric powered, leather, vinyl, silicone, plastic or glass anything what so ever. All toys new and used are welcomed.
At ASS.F.U.C.K.E.D. we strive to help your previous loved ones live out their last remaining years in a dignified yet thrilling and exciting and spiritually rewarding environment far from the worries of neglect or abandonment. Our motto is "Even older toys need love too!"
Our knowledgeable research staff are working diligently and tirelessly to make every to happy in their last life. You can rest assured that your adopted to will live up to ASS.F.U.C.K.E.D. exacting standards of excellence and loving potentials.
So, next time you see that to neglected and abandoned all alone in your toy chest or love closet - give it a new life!
Wrap your toy and send it to:
RESURRECTION RETREAT
MIAMI, FLORIDA 33033
Do encourage your friends to consider donating their tired, neglected, abused, and broken love toys to ASS.F.U.C.K.E.D.
"ALL TOYS DESERVE A SECOND LIFE"
Please, we beg you to consider your donations for the sake of all the love you once share together. You unselfish charity will be kept in the strictest confidence.
If you have suggestions or wish to make comments to our friendly and knowledgeable engineers or customer support staff you are more than welcomed. We would love to hear from you anytime.
AT ASS.F.U.C.K.E.D. we believe that "A dildo is a terrible thing to waste!"
We participate in a group dedicated to giving erotic devices a NEW LIFE!"
Won't you share your loved ones with us?
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MIAMI 01/22 - 01/23 BISEXUAL ORGY HUNG WELCOMED!
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Posted:Jan 17, 2010 5:56 pm
Last Updated:May 6, 2010 9:56 pm
8596 Views
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I HAVE TWO BEAUTIFUL GALS THAT WANT ME TO GET FUCKED BY SOME REALLY HOT AND WELL HUNG GUYS AND GALS WITH STRAP-ONS TOO. THIS IS A BI ONLY EVENT WITH A WILLING BI BOTTOM (ME) THAT LIKES THEM VERY LONG AND VERY THICK. YES I AM A COCK HUNGRY SLUT FOR SOME GOOD FRIENDS TO FUCK AS LONG AND AS OFTEN AS THEY LIKE. GALS WITH HUGE STRAP-ONS ARE ALSO VERY MUCH WELCOMED. DON'T BE SHY, PICTURES ARE WELCOMED. BISEXUAL FRIENDS ARE WHAT WE WANT TO SHARE WITH. THE GIRLS WILL DIRECT ALL THE ACTIONS AND I AM THEIR SLAVE FOR WHATEVER THEY SAY. THIS IS A CHANCE FOR THEM TO BE EMPOWERED AND FOR ME TO ENJOY BEING SUBMISSIVE. I LOVE THESE LADIES TO HAVE THEIR KINK AND MINE SATISFIED. COCKS FROM 7" TO 10+" PREFERABLY VERY VERY LONG AND VERY VERY THICK. I WANT GUYS WITH A HUGE COCK TO PLOW MY ASS SO THE GALS WILL JUST FREAK OUT. YOU CAN CONTACT "Lickin74" FOR HER APPROVAL AND EXACT DETAILS. I WILL BE BENT AND WAITING!
XOXO,
DAN =)
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MIAMI 01/22 - 01/23 BISEXUAL ORGY HUNG WELCOMED!
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Posted:Jan 17, 2010 5:55 pm
Last Updated:May 16, 2010 8:03 am
8564 Views
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I HAVE TWO BEAUTIFUL GALS THAT WANT ME TO GET FUCKED BY SOME REALLY HOT AND WELL HUNG GUYS AND GALS WITH STRAP-ONS TOO. THIS IS A BI ONLY EVENT WITH A WILLING BI BOTTOM (ME) THAT LIKES THEM VERY LONG AND VERY THICK. YES I AM A COCK HUNGRY SLUT FOR SOME GOOD FRIENDS TO FUCK AS LONG AND AS OFTEN AS THEY LIKE. GALS WITH HUGE STRAP-ONS ARE ALSO VERY MUCH WELCOMED. DON'T BE SHY, PICTURES ARE WELCOMED. BISEXUAL FRIENDS ARE WHAT WE WANT TO SHARE WITH. THE GIRLS WILL DIRECT ALL THE ACTIONS AND I AM THEIR SLAVE FOR WHATEVER THEY SAY. THIS IS A CHANCE FOR THEM TO BE EMPOWERED AND FOR ME TO ENJOY BEING SUBMISSIVE. I LOVE THESE LADIES TO HAVE THEIR KINK AND MINE SATISFIED. COCKS FROM 7" TO 10+" PREFERABLY VERY VERY LONG AND VERY VERY THICK. I WANT GUYS WITH A HUGE COCK TO PLOW MY ASS SO THE GALS WILL JUST FREAK OUT. YOU CAN CONTACT "Lickin74" FOR HER APPROVAL AND EXACT DETAILS. I WILL BE BENT AND WAITING!
XOXO,
DAN =)
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PORN STAR 4-A-DAY!
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Posted:Nov 6, 2009 11:30 am
Last Updated:Jan 30, 2010 6:43 pm
8692 Views
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I was minding my own business when a charming couple passed by in front of my screen. What to my surprise but that they were Mistress ONE and Mistress TWO. What a delightful pair they were. One was a STRAP-ON DOM Female and the other was a TS STRAP-ON Wonder Woman! Talk about something just falling in your lap! I was overjoyed with an invitation to participate in their film venture. I am a confirmed BI bottom, meaning that I love anal sex in all forms. I thought I had done just about everything so far. Not a chance these two lovely ladies put that myth to rest for me once and for all. After a pleasant meet and greet, we settled into an afternoon of delightful debauchery. Toys of very large dimensions and stature were produced from their enormous collection. Strap, strings, belts, harnesses, OH MY! Lubes, slicked and slathered, dollops of all amounts were applied, then things turned into a really fulfilling moments that its hard to say which one was better. I had a wonderful experience trying all sizes, and angles, as well as orally pleasuring my creative tormentors. They were outstanding. I have taken to teaching my girlfriend some of the pleasures I had witnessed first hand. That one time was awesome, and I hope my new friends include me in some further adventures yet to cum. My girlfriend wants to witness this insanely erotic fun someday for herself. Hope the opportunity presents itself so we can get a really good group play going. I love being the center of attention. OK, I'm a film . Certainly I enjoy strap-ons and the Transexual element is a marvelous addition to the fun. Both Mistresses are so welcomed in my deviant behavioral modification. In the mean time I will let my girlfriend have my ass as much as she likes. She is a first time master of this play and is a quick study for anything kinky. I am fortunate to have such a great friend and lover. Well all smiles here and a warm throbbing sensation when I sit. Yeah, that is a great feeling. For everyone out there that knows the feeling "Bottom's UP!" DAN =)
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YOU MIGHT BE A SWINGER IF.......
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Posted:Sep 4, 2009 1:33 pm
Last Updated:Jan 30, 2010 6:43 pm
8729 Views
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I just thought this was so funny!
You might be a SWINGER if:
1. Giggling to yourself at the office when your co-workers tell you how wonderful their weekend was.. If only they knew.
2. Before traveling somewhere on business or to visit relatives you look up couples in the area.
3. You have a lot of friends all over the world.
4. You come home with that "There's Something About Mary" hairstyle.
5. When going to a strip club with your guy friend's, instead of your wife, seems like a ridiculous waste of time and money.
6. Your and the baby-sitter ask why Mommy already has her coat on when she comes out of the bedroom every Saturday night.
7. Wondering how to explain to the neighbors why 10 couples show up on a Saturday night carrying over night bags, blankets, pillows and don't leave until early Sunday afternoon…
8. You never open the garage door until you're in the car with the doors closed.
9. You both turn your head to watch the hot woman walking down the street!
10.At the gym shower you're the only one with shaved balls.
11. You make plans to meet a "normal" couple at a nice restaurant and realize you have absolutely nothing you can wear.
12. You spend more time grooming your privates than most porn stars.
13. You only know couples by their first names and e-mail addresses.
14. Many of your pictures are from different hotel rooms and in quite a few you have a convention wristband on.
15. Your nightstand drawer is full of bar napkins with couple's names and .
16. You are sending out online Christmas cards to people with names like: dareustwo wifewetandbi and xoticcouple.
17. All of a sudden.. you have friends in Minnesota, Utah, West Virginia and New Mexico.
18. At work when someone tells a risqué adventure, most are shocked or stunned - you say "Cool !"
19. You are running out of reasons to tell your "normal" friends why you can't go out with them.
20. You go to Jamaica once a year and "Hedo" means something to you.
21. You close an e-mail to your sister with Bi Bi.
22. You closet is filled with 5" high heeled shoes.. and you have more lingerie than most department stores.
23. You are running out of excuses to tell your baby-sitter why you come home at 4am on Saturday nights/Sunday mornings and have a Freshly Fucked look.
24. Every bottle of liquor in your house has a big sticker with your membership number or couple's name on it.
25. You see a really hot girl walking down the street and you say to yourself, I wonder if she'll do my wife !
26. You're walking down the street and your wife hits you for NOT telling her about the hot girl you were looking at.
27. You're at the bar and someone asks you to take them home, and you say "No problem, but only if my wife can play too".
28. You and your wife see a hot chick and bet who could fuck her first.
29. When your wife says it's ok to bring home that hottie who walks her by your place as long as she can fuck her too.
30. You get all excited and rush down to the local community center advertising a swap meet and find out its baseball cards.
31. Your adolescent have more hair on their privates than you do!!
32. You refer to your play friends as couples (Rich and Joyce, Frank and Jennifer). Example - "Frank, of Frank and Jennifer, called today".
33. Whenever you go out, you always throw a small overnight bag in the car .... "just in case".
34. You have more rings on your privates than you do on your fingers.
35. All your links on your computer have something to do with finding couples, toys, clothes and places to go on vacation to explore your wild side.
36. When your birthday or Christmas comes up, there are more presents that can't be opened in front of the family, than there are that can be.
37. When birthday surprise parties take on a whole new meaning.
38. You have numerous pictures of various couples naked, before you meet them.
39. Your wife spends more time checking out the waitress at the family restaurant than you.
40. Your straight husband shops for his underwear at Gay Men's Stores where there is an unlimited selection of makes, styles, colors and fabrics.
41. You are grocery shopping, and supposed to be checking your food out, not the couple in front of you or the check-out gal
42. You always carry two condoms in your purse every where you go...just in case.
43. All your normal friend ask why they are never invited to your parties.
44. When your walks by the computer area and asks what 'The Lifestyle' means
45. You are both well over 55 and don't look a day over 40 and don't seem to be aging a bit. Straight friends look old enough to your parent's friends. They think you are getting younger and want to know your secrets.
46. When your "normal" friends accuse you of being swingers and you try and stumble through some lame reply only to realize they were only joking about you having a hot tub. Another close call.
47. When you are out with the guys and a hot woman walks by and instead of saying "wow, I would love to take that for a ride", you say "wow, that would look great on my wife" That's when the guys turn to you and say "yeh right in your dreams!" and all you can do is smile and tell yourself how lucky you are to be who you are
48. your digital camera batteries are always fully charged and ready to go!
49. You start to wonder whether your wife ever did have pubic hair, or if she is even capable of growing any!
50. You have an entire drawer filled with assorted condoms in various sizes and colors... and YOUR husband has a vasectomy!
51. All of your bras are one size too small (and you like'em that way!)
52. You have more "private" photo albums than family ones.
53. At your "normal parties", no one can use "the Master Bathroom" because you're afraid someone will notice the webcam bolted to the wall in your bedroom on the way!
54. You're constantly afraid that a "straight friend" will pop-in one of your videos that you forgot to hide!
55. You let the answering machine pick-up because don't know whether to answer, "hello", or "Hey Baby!"
56. You make bets with other swinging friends as to how long it will take to 'corrupt' your cute 'straight' girlfriends!
57. You lay odds, while setting at the bar, if they are swingers or they are not swingers.
58. Beating around the bush with your normal friends trying to figure out if they're interested in swapping or not…….without giving away the fact that you're a swinger.
59. When you're in a public place and hear someone say something that sounds similar to your screen name and you start getting paranoid that someone recognizes you off the Internet.
60. When your at a swinger club and don't recognize another couple until you see them with their clothes off.
61. When your swinger friends and your normal friends are at the house at the same time and your normal friends ask the question "So how do ya'll know each other."
62. When your parents / babysitter asks "So why are you going there for the weekend? That seems like a weird place to take a vacation."
63. When you come home from a long party weekend with strange underwear in your luggage and just laugh about it.
64. When the Gynecologist looks at your wife funny for asking for Birth Control and asks "But I thought your husband had a vasectomy" as he shuffles through papers in your file.
65. When your paranoid that you're 12 year old is going to figure out your login password as well as the screen saver password.
66. You get really excited when a new couple joins the site that lives really close to you…."Honey, come here and look at this couple!"
67. Your spouse tells you about a new person at work but prefaces the conversation with "No, we can't screw them."
68. You start having withdrawals after two days without Internet access.
69. You spend more than 5 minutes discussing how you're going to win the upcoming photo contest.
70. Someone asks where your staying when you go to Jamaica and your like "Crap, I forgot the name of the resort….but its supposed to be really nice."
71. Your co-workers ask you to bring back a lot of pictures from your vacation and all you can do is giggle.
72. When you come back from vacation and the only place where you got sunburned was where your tan-lines use to be.
73. You screw up and make plans with one couple for Saturday night and then find out that you're spouse made plans with another couple. Then it dawns on you that this is not a problem, it's an Orgy.
74. Your boss wonders why you're going to Orlando or Las Vegas "in the middle of summer for God's sake!"
75. When you are more concerned about a pimple on your privates than on your face.
76. When you go to a convention and your bags consist of a bag for toys, a bag for leather stuff, a bag for lingerie and a small bag for straight clothes.
77. When you dress at night to party, knowing full well that your clothes won't be on for long once you are at the party 15 minutes.
78. When the 1st thing you do checking into a hotel is to ask for extra towels and a fridge.
79. When your comes to you on Friday afternoon and asks, "Are you going out with people you already know this weekend, or have you made some new friends?"
80. When you come back from a convention and everyone has a male and female name so that you know who you are talking about and can visualize the couple. i.e. what did LINDA & frank have to say about this(Really means Linda) or was FRANK & Linda wearing shoes last night(Really means Frank). If you only say Frank or Linda, our mate can't remember which one was Linda or Frank!!
81. You tell the babysitter that you are going out for dinner and drinks with friends, and when you finally show up at your front door, the paperboy has already delivered the morning paper.
82. Whenever the conversation among your civilian friends turn to "Temptation Island", all you can do is roll your eyes.
83. We came to the realization we were swingers when we realized that cycled from doing things we couldn't tell our parents to now doing things we can't tell our .
84. You're in a straight club & you see your wife w/ her hand down someone's pants, and it doesn't bother you........ then you ask her if he's hung or not so she doesn't get the short end.
85. ... The guys ask everyone to pitch in $60 a man for a bachelor party, and you think to yourself, "What a waste! That money could buy a night at a club where you can watch hot naked women all night -AND- get laid by them!!!"
86. One of your business cards reads "Your first name and your spouse's first name and your "special" e-mail address.
87. You give all your "new" friends your custom-ring number ...the one the are NEVER allowed to answer.
88. As soon as you have a fantasy and tell your spouse, you find a way to make your fantasy come true.
89. When your buddy asks you if you've seen the movie "Swingers" and you laugh your ass off! And he asks you "What's so funny?"
90. You are reading this instead of sleeping.
91. When you send your away for a sleepover to their Aunts, so you two can get ready for your special over nighter Hot Tub party
92. When you ask an exceptionally attractive woman at work for a few minutes to discuss a project and you get an erection when she says:"I'll try to fit you in... I think I can swing it."
93. When you can vividly picture the middle aged female accountant in your office doing the girls in assembly, and you realize that is a common thought in your head.
94. When you go to your computer and the first site you go to is Swinger's Board to check for new e-mails/members.
95. When you're buying each other lap dances.
96. When your wife has a double headed dildo.
97. You find yourselves speaking in code in front of your and those not 'in the know'.
98. You're still smiling on Monday from the party on Saturday.
99. When you take a male and female teddy bear, dress them up in kinky fetish leather B&D outfits and take a bunch of pics off the bears to send your friends.
100. When you are in line at the market, and the only things in your basket are the value pack of condoms, and a bottle of mouthwash.
101. When you get dressed for work & realize the only kind of hosiery that you own anymore are thigh highs or garters...
102. When you take a picture with friends you pose to hide the wristbands & ask no one to flash the camera so you can have a "fridge-worthy" pic...
103. You have a larger variety of condoms & lube than most sex stores & drug stores combined...
104. After 25 years, people still ask if you're newlyweds
105. You know you're a swinger when your wife has slept with more men since you were married than before you were married.
106. On the same note, you know that you are a swinger when you waited to sleep around untill after you were married.
107. You refer to your friends by their online names..."Should we go out with HOTBIGRL4U, or SEXY242FUN this weekend?"
108. You know you're a swinger when the wife has slept with more women since...well...ever!
109. You know you're a swinger when nobody sleeps when you sleep with your friends
110. You know you're a swinger when you plan outings with friends around you're wife's monthly cycle; and when you know when your friends' cycle are.
111. You know you're a swinger when you spent twice as long on your profile than you did on your resume...
112. You know you're a swinger when you can't remember your special friend's birthday or last name but you know when her period is...
113. You know you're a swinger when the only time your vanilla friends see you, it just happens to be that time of the month...
114. You know you're a swinger when you realize that you've scored on MORE dates since you've been married than you did when you were single!
115. You know you're a swinger when you have to get dressed twice to go out- once to drop off the at the sitter, and once in the car on the way to the club!
116. You know you're a swinger when your vanilla friends think you're boring because your weekend stories have NO details...
117. You know you're a swinger when your spouse asks you if you want to have sex, you ask "with who?" and it's not a joke!
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FUCKIT LIST - LIKE A BUCKET LIST BUT SEXIER AND MORE FUN
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Posted:Aug 26, 2009 10:26 pm
Last Updated:Dec 14, 2009 4:33 pm
8843 Views
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There are so many things that I want to accomplish with my life and lifestyle that its hard to narrow everything down to a short list. I think what I will do is start a running list of insane and sensual things that I would like to do so I can gauge the depths and breadths of my kinks and feelings as I go.
1. FANTASY FEST ‒ I would like to share this experience again with a good partner or companion. I used to participate and dress-up and dress-down at these events for almost 10 years. I miss the debauchery with other sexually active adults and swingers. I would love to play there again with a significant other, and have some more fun. I am open to all volunteers!
2. NUDE BEACH ‒ I want to have a friend to share going to Haulover or other clothing optional beaches to fool around or just chill. Love recklessly eyeballing other nude bathers and I’m very voyeuristic about naughty people doing it on the beach too.{yeah Baby!}
3. FETISH PARTY ‒ I would love to go to a fetish party and have fun with other kinky and debauched friends. Love the public sex factor at these parties and the naughtier, the nastier the better, remember I love KINKY! I’m uninhibited and have little or no shame left, just like people that are not afraid to express themselves and enjoy the fun.
4. BI SWINGERS PARTY or ORGY ‒ A good free for all with other friends to just let it all hang out and go for it. Sex with friends, Yes! I would also love to see what the whole PolyAmory issue is all about, if not an orgy then socially with a good group of friends and lovers.
5. CLOTHING OPTIONAL ‒ Nude and Sex Oriented Adult Cruises, Flights (Mile High Club), Skydivers, Camping well there are only a few of these and not too well advertised, but have fantasized about having this fun one day. Could also include a trip to Jamaica to some Hedonist hangouts, or other adult related fun spots in the US like Vegas or California, or some hideaways not yet found.
6. RETREATS AND RESORTS - Swingers, Adult, or specific orientations for BI or other fun. Love the idea of themed parties, and making new friends with a friend of mine sharing the joys and fun together with other new friends.
7. SWINGERS CONVENTIONS - Book a few trips a year with my companion to explore more diverse sexual expressiveness and make new friends for us both.
8. CAMPING or HIKING - Arrange a companion and some friends to have a remote wilderness escape from the world and create our own episode of LOST or SURVIVOR ISLAND with NAKED and BI related storyline. Everyone is a winner and we all cum out with stories to share.
9. SEX MACHINES - I want to make a few really useful and imaginative sex machines for guys and gals to enjoy. Something mass producible and inexpensive so everyone can afford to have these treasures in their bedrooms to use privately or with others for extreme sexual delights.
10. HOST AN ADULT CLUB - I would love to host an adult club for any and all orientations to have access to other like minded lovers and friends to have adult sex and fun when ever they want to attend. Exclusive enough to join at the door and open enough to keep the authorities from having any say in the establishment, but free enough to keep the operation functional.
11. SEXCAM WEB HOST - It would be fun to run multiple WEB pages and CAMS for adult friends to plug in and explore their own ADULT oriented sex sites complete with webcams and resources to give real time interactions with an audience world wide.
12. DEVELOP ADULT FESTIVALS - Expand of Fantasy Fest and the Burning Man in more cities and towns all over the country. Promote a more free expressing and respect for sexual exploration and freedom.
13. ADULT/SEX SHOPS - Create a mainstream sex superstore for a more mature and upscale as well as more urban customers to enjoy the experience of a small shop with superstore prices on all this sex related. Toys, Books, Novelties, and other gifts for lovers, but providing party venue as well as instructions on the premises with a good social environment rather than the peep show theaters. Shop and meeting place.
14. SEXOLOGY - Gather some friends and have professional sex counselors do workshops and fun retreats for adult related educational gatherings. Kind of a social sex fare and clinic for adults.
15. SEX AROUND THE WORLD - Meet and enjoy sex in different cultures and in different places around the world. Limits of experiences only to the country of destination and the cultures experienced while traveling. Book trips to remote places and cities for adult themed travels. Nude beaches, Parties, Groups and Social gatherings.
16. DILDO AND TOY DESIGN - Develop a group of friends that design and test new dildos and toys together. Kind of a research and development group for advanced sexual designs and testing. No white coats, but a party and design group to enjoy the personalization of sex devices and maybe we actually come up with a new product to take to market.
Be free to explore other ideas here and lets grow this list into a fine example of creative sexual expression for all of us to enjoy. I want to have at least 50 to 100 different things we could all experiment with here. Kind of an HBO Real SEX episode of our own designs. They wish they had a list like this when we are done.
Looking for others here to delight in trying some of this stuff too. Any BI single ladies and friends living in Miami, Florida are welcomed to contact me directly if interested and lets have some fun with this and so much more.
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MALE ANAL STIMULATION AND INCREASED ORGASMS
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Posted:Jul 21, 2009 7:03 pm
Last Updated:Dec 14, 2009 4:34 pm
9035 Views
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I am happy to announce that Dr. Ruth has left the building and the Sexual Surgeon General "DAN" will be conducting the lecture tonight.
Our lecture tonight will deal with male anal stimulation and increased orgasms.
I can explain a very normal body reaction to anal simulations. I have had a lot of experience in that regards both as STR8 with the wife and girlfriends as well as BI with some guy and gal friends.
You will find that your normal ejaculation or orgasm is good depending on penis stimulation alone.
If you factor in just touching your anus while your penis is stimulated it adds the additional stimulation to your orgasm.
The butt plug reaches into the rectum a few inches and causes stretching of the rectal tissue and adds even more stimulation.
Go with a larger dildo, toy, or butt plug and it increases to a higher factor.
Now here is what gets really cool. Go to a deep penetration by whatever means you like a dildo, large butt plug, or another guy fucking you deep, and the intensity will have you ejaculating with such force that it will fly over your head and hit the wall behind you. This last effect adds the penis stimulation plus the anal stretching and adds the massaging of the prostate gland located in your rectum just to the front of your lower abdomen which will make you explode. You will be screaming and shooting like never before.
I have been there so much its just the best way to go. Don't get me wrong I like vanilla sex with a gal and nothing else, but if there is anal stimulation of any dimension added to the game I am a rocket ready for launch.
I have had a few gals with strap-ons for this reason, but a lot of gals I know are not to keen on this. But thankfully some really are. They get turned on reversing the roles. Its a kinky power thing for some women. Hell I don't care what they want to call it, just shut up and fuck me! Less think more do!
OK, now for some other lessons of life. If you have hangups about your manliness and all the ego stuff a lot of guys have check that mindset into the next room for a minute.
Forget that I am BI by personal choice, and focus on one simple fact.
There are more nerve endings in your anus than any place in your body. These erotic nerves can trigger intense pleasure.
If you have no interest in another guy get a dildo of a size you can personally handle or work up to a size you may like to stretch too. No your ass won't be deformed unless you like fisting everyday, or some other intensely destructive behavior. I should caution you against this for health reasons. There are extremes to all things and you should tread carefully on this matter.
Just think of your ass like a gals pussy! Duh! They push WHOLE babies out of what you affectionately try and hammer with your little willy? Sorry guy its little compared to what they can handle, not a reflection of your personal size, just proportionate to women its like OK, NEXT! Man you could hit some gals pussy morning, noon, and night, and not make a dent in that thing. Ten minutes latter it will be juicy for some more punishment. IT STRETCHES AND SHRINKS BACK AGAIN! We guys are a gullible breed, OH, BABY IT HURTS, GO SLOW, OH, OUCH, HMMM - SHUT THE FUCK UP! BEEN THROUGH A LOT OF THE FAKE PROTESTS GALS USE. I HAVEN'T MEET A WOMAN THAT FACED WITH A HEFTY MEMBER OR DILDO THAT WOULDN'T WRAP HER WHOLE BODY AROUND THE BEAST AND FUCK IT TILL IT DISINTEGRATED.
OK, now the difference between their PUSSY and your ANUS is that theirs is clean from fecal matter and self lubricating. You on the other hand must clean your ass out first by taking a dump and maybe a warm water enema then use a lube of your own choice with each new insertion. You have to learn how to protect the delicate anal tissues that are very thin and sensitive. LUBE, LUBE, LUBE!
Pay attention to your anus, if it hurts STOP! Never go beyond the pain threshold. Anal sex done well should not hurt. It should be done slowly at first until you can accommodate the length and girth of what you like. PAIN means STOP! Read up on this in the net and you will have fun doing this for yourself or with another partner be it male or female.
On the subject of Lubes, I will suggest that you try ID Millennium Black top. It is the best and it stays slick on your skin like the Exxon Valdiz in Prince William Sound until you degrease in the shower. The other brand of common lube is "WET" but it has to be applied often and is sticky not slick.
Alright back in the room with your masculinity and ego. BI is only a state of mind and it has so many degrees of involvement that its whatever you want it to be. Unlike GAY which is the whole game of one Top, One Bottom, Two competing Tops, or whatever kissing, loving and emotionally bonding just like str8 folks. BI can mean you like only one thing out of the whole gambit of male male activities. It could be just fantasy and that is it, it could be watching male on male porn, it could be any variation you may like. Deep down the flip side of BI is the willingness to have a same sex twist with any degree of hetero desire you like. With BI you choose what you like, nothing complicated.
OK, this concludes my riveting and very informative lecture on some facets of human sexuality with physiological reactions and some social dynamics as well. For the sake of the dean of colleges and the rest of the faculty and alumni I must stress that these opinions are not the expressed view of the campus or any official view, but are in fact the sole opinion of my regular research over years of personal observations and study into the ongoing depths and magnitudes of Homo-Sapien-Sapien sexual behaviors.
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INTRO TO NEW FRIENDS AND LOVERS, HELLO!
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Posted:Jul 18, 2009 12:42 pm
Last Updated:Jan 30, 2010 6:44 pm
8609 Views
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I joined HotMatch.com to see if I could get a few good BI friends together and have some fun. I have had a few scattered friends here and there but have not been able to coach others to get a group activity going. I am interested in Guys and Gals mostly older around 40 to 65. I like friends a bit younger and have been lucky to have some that were much much older. I love all shapes, sizes, and whatever other differences lovers cum in. Gals that are BBW are the sweetest, and older is way better, I appreciate all their affections. I love being a bottom for guys and gals. The gals can use anything up to a strap-on, no limits there. Take that any way you like as it is my preferred pleasure to be ass up and face down. I'm not GAY, but have had GAY friends. I am BI out of choice, because as much as I love getting fucked by a guy I love eating pussy and well who doesn't love tits, lets face it I love sex in too many forms not to be BI. I have had a few friends that are couples and I have to say I love couples sex a lot too. I am looking for a freaky BI gal that wants to entertain couples and more sometime. Would love to have a partner in crime. Now for the Surgeon General: Safe sex is important. Know who you have sex with and make sure you are clean. I like all my friends and lovers to be clean, drug and disease free.
OK now I have said my peace, and want to have your comments. Don't be brief, write whet you feel and take your time to engage any topic you like here.
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To link to this blog (daninmiami2009) use [blog daninmiami2009] in your messages.
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