Subject: Ya might be a redneck if..........
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Posted:Feb 19, 2007 8:38 pm
Last Updated:Feb 22, 2007 12:32 pm
4558 Views
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...You carry more than two extra tires in the back of your truck.
...You've taken a pregnancy test and a sobriety test on the same day.
...You were married in a Laundromat.
...You think a "sex change" means trying it in the backseat.
...A screwdriver is required to open the trunk of
your car & front door.
...Your bucket seats are real buckets.
...You eat cotton candy more than three times a week.
...The only thing you inherited from your father
was alcoholism.
...You've ever heated a cup of coffee with a welding torch.
...Both you and your wife wore ponytails on your
wedding day & your cousins.
...There is a four-wheeler parked in your bedroom.
....Your wedding reception was a tailgate part
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THE BEST E-MAIL OF THE YEAR !!!!!
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Posted:Feb 19, 2007 10:03 am
Last Updated:Feb 26, 2007 11:06 pm
4349 Views
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A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed quot;Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through, so please
allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the , set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the checkbook. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.Ran to the school to pick up the and got into an argument with them on the way home.Set out milk and cookies and got the organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the , and put them to bed.
At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to
get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."
The Lord,in his infinite wisdom, replied: "My , I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were."
You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night."
Voted Women's Favorite E-mail of the Year
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real police comments........check them out to funny
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Posted:Feb 18, 2007 9:15 pm
Last Updated:Feb 22, 2007 8:28 pm
4534 Views
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The following 15 Police Comments were taken off actual
police car videos around the country.
#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new.
They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
# 14 "Take your hands off the car, and I’ll make your birth
certificate a worthless document."
#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case
you didn’t know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet
fired from my gun."
#11 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that
means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
#10 "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I
don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the
shift supervisor?"
#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O. K., I'm warning you not
to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether
you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place
where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in
monkey DOO."
#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets
a toaster oven."
#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
#4 "Just how big were those two beers?"
#3 "No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have
quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we
want."
#2 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal
friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your
bail."
And................... THE BEST ONE!!!!!!!
#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're
right, we don't. Sign here
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Subject: : kansas girl.....thats me
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Posted:Feb 18, 2007 2:55 pm
Last Updated:Feb 20, 2007 6:28 pm
4464 Views
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ok heres alittle joke for u all.a very special friend showed it to me & i loved it.of course being a born & raised kansas gurl made it that much better he he he.i hope u enjoy it just as much as i did.giggles it kinda fits with some of the bunched up panties that have been around lately ha ha ha
The Joke......
A girl from Kansas and a girl from the east coast were seated side by side on an airplane.
The girl from Kansas, being friendly and all,
said, "So, where ya from?"
The east coast girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence."
The girl from Kansas sat quietly for a few moments and then replied:"So, where ya from, bitch?"
FORWARD IF YOU'RE A Kansas GIRL or if you Love them Kansas Girls!!!!!
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the bar special
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Posted:Feb 15, 2007 6:01 pm
Last Updated:Feb 23, 2007 9:50 am
4622 Views
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A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks,
"Bartender, got any specials today?"
Bartender answers, "Yes, as a matter of
Fact we have a new drink, invented by
A gynecologist patron of ours.
It's a mix of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and Smirnoff Vodka."
The guy asks, "Good grief, what do you call that?"
The bartender replied, "It's a "Pabst Smir."
"May you always have love to share,
health to spare, and friends that care."
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oooops looks like i pissed a few people off
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Posted:Feb 13, 2007 9:07 pm
Last Updated:Feb 18, 2007 2:47 pm
4401 Views
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i posted my blog......A Tribute For Our Military.....Please Read in blog world.
all i was trying to do is thank the men & women that risk thier lives for us because i am thankful!!!
wow did i raise a few hackles lol.opened me up a big ole' can of worms.realy pissed off at least 2 people....one is a american which blows me away.
so needless to say its getting hot & heavy which is not what i intended when i posted it.
maybe in my responses i got alittle heated as well after being what i feel was attacked just for saying thanks.
anyone who has checked me out or knows me ...u know i'm not a mean hateful person but a very careing loveing one.
so if u want some good heated reading go check it out.its in Blog World > A Tribute For Our Military.....Please Read
please let me know how u feel about it.
crystal
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what a scary fri i had.......very important worth reading
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Posted:Feb 12, 2007 6:50 pm
Last Updated:Feb 15, 2007 11:10 am
4739 Views
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it started fri afternoon.i was watching my grandbabies a little girl that is 2 & a boy that is 4.ya all know the flu has been going around.the whole family has had it the last 2 weeks.my grandson wasnt feeling to well that day.
later that afternoon he ended up haveing a FEBRILE SEIZURE.it scared the crap right outta me.i thought he was dead after it.i pray none of u ever have to go threw this.
for ur info a FEBRILE SEIZURE is caused by ur temp spikeing up or down to quickly.it dosent matter if the temp is normal or high.the dangerous part is the rapid spike it is what causes the seizure which can last up to 10 mins or longer.
thank god my friend was here.he was a combat medic in the service.we all were watching willow a very cool movie.my grandson had a slight temp & i kept trying to get him to take some tylenol but he refused.i was getting ready to give him a bath after he finished his lunch but all of that changed in the next 10 mins.
he was fine except for the slight temp .then all of a sudden he was complianting about his head hurting him realy bad.i had to use the bathroom it took me like 30 seconda to walk to my bathroom & shut the door.
i hear my friend screaming "CALL 911 BUBBA'S HAVEING A SEIZURE" all i could think of was omg omg as i ran to the phone.i could see my little grandson laying on the couch flopping around like a fish outta water.i was so scared this was a 4 yr old baby things like this dont happen to them.he had never had one before why now.
as i was talking to 911 i moved to the couch.he was still in his full seizure.jerking & shakeing around,his little hands clasped in fists drawn up to his cheast,his eyes rolling all over the place,gritting his teeth,spit bubbles forming at his mouth.my friend was checking his pulse & breathing thank god he still had them & they apeared fairly normal.i was still on the phone with 911.it seemed like ages everything was moveing in slow motion.where were the paramedic's?? only 60-90 seconds had past but it was the slowest seconds of my life.
he started to relax not shaking as much.his fist slowly dropping to his side.his eyes rolled back once more & then closed shut.then his breathing became raspy & uneven.my friend keep checking him.he turned him on his side prying open his mouth.it wasnt untill later he told me he had stopped breathing.where were the paramedics at?? i was realy scared now thinking omg he is dyeing .....god please get someone to help us.....will he have brain damage...why is this happening.why couldnt this be happening to me instead of this inocent little baby.so many thoughts were running crazy in my brain.only 2-3 mins had past by at this point.
it seemed like hours but had only been 3-4 mins the 1st paramedic arived.i ran to the door yelling "please hurry "within 2 more mins 2 more paramedics came.all his vidals were checking out ok except his temp was 101...not a realy high temp & he appeared to be asleep.i was getting freaked out more as each min past by.my heart was pounding about to burst from my cheast.
as they were loading him on the streacher he started to come to.this little boy looking around not knowing what was going on or what had happened.we spent 4 hrs at the hospital getting him checked out untill it was determined he had a FEBRILE SEIZURE due to a sudden spike in his temp.he was gonna be ok but needed to be monitered closely.
he has a 30 % chance of this happening to him again before the age of 6.normaly they dont have them after the age of 6.only 3-4% of get them.noone knows why they can come on so suddenly & why it takes years before the 1st one strikes.or what causes the sudden spike in thier temps.
now heres more scary stuff for u to ponder if u have small or grandkids.after this happened of course u start talking to others about it.last week in a hospital within a hr from here 6 other under 6 yrs old had these seizures.that was only at one hospital.i talked to 3 others whos or grandbabies had one of these seizures in the last few weeks also.now i live in a fairly rural area so that seems like alott more than 3-4% of all under 6.could this be a flu or something else causeing them?? noone knows but i do know it scared the hell out of me.
i thanked god he was ok & prayed it will not happen again to him or any other .its so weird how fast things happened & how they could of been different.seizures can cause brain damage & deaths.we were lucky.watch ur babys just in case i wouldnt want anyone else to go threw that ever.
crystal
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Who Are You??
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Posted:Feb 7, 2007 10:24 pm
Last Updated:Feb 14, 2007 12:41 pm
5057 Views
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I saw this on GSV's blog & took the test lol.It just takes a few mins....So why not come play this game with me & figure out who u r.
Everyone has a personality of a cartoon character. Have you ever asked yourself what cartoon character do you most resemble?
Answer all the questions with what describes you best, add up all your Points (which are next to the answer that you choose) at the end and look for your results.
(I scored 40 pts. I am Charlie Brown)
1. Which one of the following describes the perfect date?
Candlelight dinner (4 pts.)
Fun/Theme Park (2 pts.)
Painting in the park (5 pts)
Rock concert (1 pt.)
Going to the movies (3 pts.)
2. What is your favorite type of music?
Rock and Roll (2 pts.)
Alternative (1 pt.)
Soft Rock (4 pts.)
Country (5 pts.)
Pop (3 pts.)
3. What type of movies= do you prefer?
Comedy (2 pts.)
Horror (1 pt.)
Musical (3 pts.)
Romance (4 pts.)
Documentary (5 pts.)
4. Which one of these occupations would you choose if you only could choose one of these?
Waiter (4 pts.)
Professional Sports Player (5 pts.)
Teacher (3 pts.)
Police (2 pts.)
Cashier (1 pt)
5. What do you do with your spare time?
Exercise (5 pts.)
Read (4 pts.)
Watch television (2 pts.)
Listen to music (1 pt.)
Sleep (3 pts.)
6. Which one of the following colors do you like best?
Yellow (1 pt.)
White (5 pts.)
Sky Blue (3 pts.)
Dark Blue (2 pts.)
Red (4 pts.)
7. What do you prefer to eat?
Snow (3 pts.)
Pizza (2 pts.)
Sushi (1 pt.)
Pasta (4 pts.)
Salad (5 pts.)
8 What is your favorite holiday?
Halloween (1 pt.)
Christmas (3 pts.)
New Year (2 pts.)
Valentine's Day (4 pts.)
Thanksgiving (5 pts.)
9. If you could go to one of these places which one would it be?
Paris (4 pts)
Spain (5 pts)
Las Vegas (1 pt)
Hawaii (4 pts)
Hollywood (3 pts)
10. With which of the following would you prefer to spend time with?
Someone Smart (5 pts.)
Someone attractive (2 pts.)
Someone who likes to Party (1 pt.)
Someone who always has fun (3 pts.)
Someone very sentimental (4 pts.)
Now add up your points and find out the answer you have been waiting for!
(10-16 points) You are Garfield: You are very comfortable, easy going, and you definitely know how to have fun but sometimes you take it to an extreme. You always know what you are doing and you are always in control of your life. Others may not see things as you do, but that doesn't mean that you always have to do what is right. Try to remember, your happy spirit may hurt you or others.
(17-23 points) You are Snoopy: You are fun, you are very cool and popular. You always know what's in and you are never are out of style. You are good at knowing how to satisfy everyone else. You have probably disappeared for a few days more than once but you always come home with the family values that you learned Being married and having are important to you, but only after you have had your share of fun times.
(24-28 points) You are Elmo: You have lots of friends and you are also popular, always willing to give advice and help out a person in need. You are very optimistic and you always see the bright side of things. Some good advice: try not to be too much of a dreamer. Dreaming too big could cause many conflicts in your life.
(29-35 points) You are Sponge Bob Square Pants:
You are the classic person that everyone loves. You are the best friend that anyone could ever have and never wants to lose. You never cause
harm to anyone and they would never not understand your feelings. Life is a journey, it's funny and calm for the most part. Stay away from traitors and jealous people, and you will be stress free.
(36-43 points) You are Charlie Brown: You are tender, you fall in love quickly but you are also very serious about all relationships. You are a family person. You call your Mom every Sunday. You have many friends and may occasionally forget a few Birthdays. Don't let your passion confuse you with reality.
(44-50 points) You are Dexter: You are smart and definitely a thinker. Every situation is fronted
with a plan. You have a brilliant mind. You demonstrate very strong family principles. You maintain a stable routine but never ignore a
bad situation when it comes. Try to do less over thinking every once in a while to spice things up a bit with spontaneity!
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wondering what others think........
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Posted:Feb 7, 2007 9:52 pm
Last Updated:Feb 12, 2007 12:05 am
4255 Views
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i have became friends with alotta realy nice people in here.i hate to see anyone hurting or confussed about life or love.i know others in here have become close friends as well & would want to help a friend out if they were hurting.so i was wondering if any of u have some advice on what she should do.please be honest maybe it can help her figure things ou.
*************************************************
my friends feelings.........her blog entry
That I might be on my way off HotMatch.com. Basically its like the U2 song..... "still haven't found what I'm looking for...." perhaps thats my own fault.
Maybe its my handle in reverse. When I picked 'wontknowtillutry' I was thinking "hey guys don't knock us big girls" but in reality there is a lot that I won't know until I try, but I am not sure I want to try.
Sometimes it is as if I'm living a dual life...public persona is very professional and calm, but here the latent wild woman comes out (at least in theory) but I can't bring myself to act out on her.
I guess I'm just wanting more than casual sex, and while one may find that by an accident here, starting from that basic place makes it hard to get there. Or maybe I've got it wrong.
The guys that I dated from here who looked like there was potential for something ongoing sort of disappeared into the woodwork to appear occasionally as a wink or a blog comment.
Again, I know what the title of the site is, and I suppose you could say "I told you so" but please don't.
I have ended up hurting (or at least frustrating) people by pulling away right when it was time to meet them. And my intent was never to be gamey here. Truth be told, It is a bit like a in a candy store for a woman. There are soooo many opportunities and it is hard to rule them out, even with a well developed sense of personal guidelines. Anyways, it is easy to check them all out, but hard to make actual decisions.
And it would not be wise to try out every single piece of candy on the shelf. Is this making any sense? Perhaps yes, perhaps no. I guess maybe I'm just a bit confused right now. Sorry to have hurt anybody.
*********************************************** a mans opinion.........a reply on her blog
One of the best blogs I've ever written!
Your words are so honest and heartfelt. Maybe you will eventually find someone that wants to be more than a sex partner. Can't argue that this site is crafted for just that. Don't feel bad about 'pulling away right when it was time to meet'. We all have had second thoughts. I think most of us want what you express,,,something dearer. Maybe we are reluctant to admit it so freely as you have done.
What you want is in your words. I find it to be very soothing. Refreshing actually. What you desire may be on this site, or maybe not. You don't strike me as someone to give up or give in. Leaving this site won't matter much,,,it may be smart even. The brass ring is out there somewhere. I hope one day your search ends. We all deserve a little goodness.
All my best...
Be good!
************************************************
my opinion..............
hey sweety dont give up yet ok.whats that saying.....u gotta kiss alotta frogs before u find ur prince.dosent mean u gotta sleep with them tho.take it slower theres no rush.if a man pressures u now or cant wait to get to know who u r..... let him go.
i do know there r some very nice real people on this site looking for more than just a roll in the sheets...then theres alott people looking for just that.be careful get to know them online 1st before u ever meet them.i was kinda werry myself about comeing on this site .but after i joined the so called regular dateing sites & got more rude crude offers for just plain sex i figured why not check it out.
i have a few girl friends that met thier mates in here.bottom line wherever ur gonna look sweety sex is something we all r looking for.we all wanta fall in love & be loved back.we all would like to be well off enough to not worry about our bills.we all need a true friend to share our dreams & fantasys with.but without a great sex life togeather the other things will fade away.
if nothing else just stay in here bloggin i know i have come to value u as my friend & i'm sure lots of others do as well.
when i started dateing again after 25 yrs of beening married faithfully i got my feelings & heart stomped on crushed so hard that sometimes it is hard to belive i'll ever find what i'm looking for.but hun in real life its not much different is it?? everyone u meet wheather it be in here or in the so called real world u realy dont know if u can trust them or belive all that they say untill u get to know them better.u take it a step at a time watching,listening,seeing what happens.....sometimes it works out but if it dosent u cant just give up never to try again can u??
life sucks sometimes .it hurts so much u wonder if u can go on.wondering why try cuz it will just hurt again.but by giveing up the one person that god puts here specialy for u might not find u.u can never give up on love or life.its hard sure but when u find that special one everything u have gone threw seems just like a passing brezze.be upfront about what ur looking for & dont give in stay stronge.most people want the same thing but just dont have the courage to be open about it.
alotta people,friends & family kept telling me i was trying to hard to find that special one that if i stopped looking so hard bam he would come along.lol thats hard to do when u do want someone to be in ur life that cares but its true to.slow down take it a day at a time & before u know it something wonderful will happen.
big hugs & always a shoulder here if u need it,
crystal
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Today Feb 6th Was A Double Birthday
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Posted:Feb 6, 2007 10:50 pm
Last Updated:Feb 13, 2007 7:32 pm
4524 Views
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just wanted to share a special day with all my blogger friends.yep today 24 & 25 years ago i gave birth to 2 beautiful little girls.thats right i had my last two babies born on the same day feb 6th one year apart lol.its a family thing my mom had twins on her birthday & my granddaughter just missed her mamas birthday by 4 days lol....giggles it almost happened again.
so it was a extra special day today.of course they had to have separate cakes always been like that.so i baked one a white cake & the older one a chcolate cake mmmm my favorite.we had a special home cooked dinner as a family .that was realy nice.
can u imagine comeing home with another baby when i had one 2 yr old & a 1 yr old baby? i told the one yrs old that the new baby was her birthday present....she got a real live babydoll for her birthday.they grew up just like twins shareing everything.they r very close sisters.its funny for yrs they told people they were born on the same day one yr apart but noone belived them till they got i.d's & could prove it lol.
anyone else share a birthday with someone else or know someone that dose??
crystal
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A Tribute For Our Military.....Please Read
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Posted:Feb 6, 2007 10:24 pm
Last Updated:Feb 14, 2007 10:09 pm
4410 Views
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Everyone of us either have a family member,friend or have served in the Military themselfs.We forget that our freedom is a privelege not a given.We also forget all the brave women & men that risk or give thier lives everyday so that we may enjoy our wonderful freedom.
Do u think about them as u watch t.v.,talk on ur cell phone,shop at the store,drive your car,pick a mate,let your play outside,speak your mind,pick your job,decide who's gonna be your friend's,take a vacation......plus so many other things.Things that we do not relize is part of our freedom.Without them serveing & fighting we will not have the rights to be free.
I understand alotta people have gripes about the war we r in .That its wronge but think about it a min.Why shouldnt others have the right to enjoy the wonderful lifes we do.The freedom we take for granted every min of everyday.Can you imagine liveing the terrible lives they do without haveing a chance or choice to make it better.to not know if today will be the last day u see your childeren alive.If you will have food or water on your table tonite.If your wife or will be & murdered today.Thats not a way to live.Everyone deserves a better life than that.Why should we let rulers or terroist run the world that not only kill us but kill thier own get by with it.Do you want them leading your life??
A friend that served in the veitnam war,the gulf war #1 & #2 plus helped rescue many people after Katrina sent this to me.I feel very strongely about how lucky i am to live in america & have the freedom to walk out my front door take a breath of air & not worry that my or grandchildren will live in fear without freedom in thier lifes.I wanta thank everyone who serves in the military.You are our hero's !!!!
Thank You,
Crystal
In case we find ourselves starting to believe all the anti-American sentiment and negativity, we should remember England's Prime Minister Tony Blair's words during a recent interview. When asked by one of his Parliament members why he believes so much in America,
he said: "A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in... And how many want out." Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you:
1. Jesus Christ
2.The American G.I. One died for your soul, the other for your freedom.
YOU MIGHT WANT TO PASS THIS ON, AS MANY SEEM TO FORGET BOTH OF THEM.
AMEN!
Prayer chain for our Military...
Please Don't break it!
Please send this on after a short prayer.
Prayer for our soldiers. Don't break it!
Prayer:
"Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands. Protect them as they protect us. Bless them and their families for the selfless acts they perform for us in our time of need. Amen."
Prayer Request: When you receive this, please stop for a moment and say a prayer for our troops around the world.
Please send this to people in your address book.
Post on your blog. Do not let it stop with you. Of all the gifts you could give a Marine, Soldier, Sailor, Airman, & others deployed in harm's way, prayer is the very best one.
GOD BLESS YOU FOR PASSING IT ON!
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9
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going threw the bank drive through
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Posted:Feb 2, 2007 12:38 pm
Last Updated:Feb 12, 2007 8:09 pm
4762 Views
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so sorry ladies i know this makes fun of women
even tho for some women it is so true but.....
it was so freakin funny.
i couldnt help myself
would u belive a guy sent it to me lol
crystal
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM Machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures Outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed.
Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
*************************************************
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
Unfortunately, much of this part is true!!!!
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car
wind ow with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to
locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its
excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the
inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in
back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag , locate card holder and place card into
the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
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10
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famous quotes
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Posted:Feb 1, 2007 9:57 pm
Last Updated:Feb 12, 2007 8:09 pm
4652 Views
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mamacat had this posted it was so funny i had to share it with u all.ENJOY.......
"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
--Tom Clancy
"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."
--Steve Martin
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
--Woody Allen
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
--Rodney Dangerfield
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
--Lynn Lavner
"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your vacation at the taxidermist."
--Matt Barry
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
--George Burns
"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other e eight are unimportant."
--George Burns
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
--Sharon Stone
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex ---no matter what she's reading."
--Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a -of-a-bitch."
--Jack Nicholson
" Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
--Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady -- and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor)
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
--Robin Williams
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
--Roseanne
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
--Billy Crystal
"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
--Robert De Niro
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
--Dustin Hoffman
"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
--Jerry Seinfeld
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
--Rod Stewart
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
--Robin Williams
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