Fun With Profiles
|
Posted:Dec 31, 2019 1:00 pm
Last Updated:May 14, 2020 2:57 pm
2337 Views
|
In a "Christmas Story" Raphy is super excited about the opportunity afforded him by his teacher to write a theme. I think her name was "Ms. Connie Marbles." Recently she was one of the contestants competing on the "Filthiest People in America" (FPA) show. It's that new reality show on FOX. It's pretty good if you're into filth. Last week she won the approval and adoration of a grateful nation by popping a fresh turd into her gob, and schmeck, schmeck, schmeck, look ma; all gone! I wired in 25 Schmeckles, because it was such a great show...for human/dog-turd-play. Worth it. Now there's a spin-off on FOX: "The Filthiest Dogs in America."
Yeah, I got a little bit off track there for a moment. Back to business. Ralphy's assignment is to write a THEME: "What I want for Christmas." Why, Ralphy couldn't believe his luck. He wanted the Holy Grail of Christmas gifts, The Daisy Model 1938 Red Ryder BB gun, with a compass and a sundial in the stock. The opposition, in the form of every adult person on the planet, discouraged Ralphy refuting his dream with "you'll shoot your eye out." Ralphy wrote his theme, which was a turd that Ms. Marbles wouldn't eat, giving Ralph a C+ on the crummy theme for Chrissakes. Ralphy's old man, on the other hand, loved the theme, ate it up as it wasn't a turd for him, and got Ralphy the gun. Nice.
Q: What's any of this FPA turd eating business got to do with a profile on this site?
A: Now that's a terrific question!
Q: Why thank you. And?
A: On this site as an end advertiser, so to speak, your job is to WRITE A THEME. So, ...
Ms. Marbles: "Class, I want you to write a theme in the form of a profile. "Why I'm so g.d. lovable, desirable, fuckable, and a super-pooper awesome person." Your profile will be graded by other end consumers on this site."
A: Thank you Ms. Marbles. That's very helpful...would you like a tick-tak? You have a touch of Halitosis.
Right, it may seem pretty simplistic, and perhaps I'm flagellating a deceased equine here, but I say all this because your ability to evaluate the construction of a profile can and will help you determine if the so-called "person" at the other end of the thing is legit, or a scammer.
Q: Huh? What you talkinBoutWillis?
A: Don't let some super foxy pictures turn you around and spin you out.
So then some basic red profile flags to look out for:
1. Super Foxy/Studly choreographed images
2. Super Foxy/Studly images slightly off, probably different people w/similar "features"
3. Writing style of a gibbon, or baboon, or one of those cute fluffy little monkeys with the wide eyes. You know the ones.
A: Here's a writing sample from a fictional profile that should raise red flags if you are able to smell the smell of shit:
Dis am me frindz!!
...
...
Introduction:
"
AM single never married no s and am looking for a serious and honest relationship that will last forever . a man with a caring heart I'm here to meet the man we can start something together suck bawlz and see how it goes
"
[Q:] Yeah well the person's not such a great writer, so what?
[A:] Um, yeah, I don't care really except to say that the writing style of the THEME can be a warning sign that perhaps the "profile" is a piece of shit. Really, do you think there is a probability that our sample "profile" is crafted by a person in Tonga-Tonga trying to rip you off??? You gotta figure that for yourself. Don't go sending any iTunes cards to get them English tutors, school supplies, and pencil sharpeners either.
[A:] So I launch a fishing expedition and post up a heartfelt note:
Me are chairman of Revolutionary Command Council (RCC) in Libya.
Polite, caring, loving dictator seeks a good entity with heart to
share with me in an exotic place like Nigeria, Ghana, or Niger
b/c they are in close proximity to my RCC HQ in Libya...
[A:] Also, do yourself a favor, and read the comments other people have left in response to the profile picture. Lots of times there is valuable commentary as to the nature of the profile if something is off, amiss, or otherwise shitty.
|
|
|
3
Comments
|
|
Love you, love me.
|
Posted:Dec 31, 2019 11:33 am
Last Updated:Dec 31, 2019 2:10 pm
1924 Views
|
Love may come
and love may go
but uncertainty is here forever.
I saw this poetic graffiti the other day. Somehow it works for me.
Love is Iike love,
a baby like a baby,
meaning like memory,
Iight like light.
A journey's a detour
and a pocket charm
in which deceits are borne.
A cloud is a cloud and
a story like a story,
song is a song, fury
like fury.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Don't be an easy mark, Patsy.
|
Posted:Dec 27, 2019 6:00 pm
Last Updated:Dec 31, 2019 2:13 pm
2351 Views
|
How Avoid Scams...
We are taught by the the -timey "Shoo Fly, Don't Bother Me" tune that "we belong Company G." There was some discipline in the Spanish American War. So Cypress Hill, "A the K? A the motherf'ing Z." Avoid the plague of Yellow Fever. Keep the G.D. scammer flies away.
Or don't let them bother you at all....
Scammers will usually engage you with promises of an easy hookup.
Then they will tell you that, before meeting, you will have enter your credit card info into a "verification website." This is basically bullshit in order to hit you up and rip you off. DON'T DO IT!!
If an advertiser asks you join a website or "get verified" before meeting it's a scam. You will never meet anyone. You've been had. In the parlance of our times, you're screwed mate. You will never get your so-called "clams," "duckets," or "bones" bac
Here's how spot a RIP-OFF:
1. Is the person asking you contact them specifically by email?
2. Does their phone number look bogus or have an area code from a different city or from a different state?
3. Since this is a "hookup" site, you need objectively evaluate the proposed arrangement. Generally, is the person looking for and immediately promising just a hookup or wanting meet just for fun in some way that your intuition tells you it can't be "REAL" or is outside of the norm?
Be smart. If an add/profile looks too good to be true, in all likelihood, IT IS!!
____________________________________________________________________________
Shoo, fly, don't bother me,
Shoo, fly, don't bother me,
Shoo, fly, don't bother me,
For I belong somebody.
I feel, I feel, I feel like a morning star,
I feel, I feel, I feel like a morning star.
Oh, shoo, fly, don't bother me,
Shoo, fly, don't bother me,
Shoo, fly, don't bother me,
For I belong somebody.
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
To link to this blog (TheloniousEros) use [blog TheloniousEros] in your messages.
|
|
|
| Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
1
|
2
|
3
|
4
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
10
|
11
|
12
|
13
|
14
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
21
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
271
|
28
|
29
|
30
|
312
|
|
|
|
|
|
