get with the program
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Posted:Oct 1, 2013 10:00 am
Last Updated:May 20, 2024 1:9 am
4909 Views
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Do people even read profiles? I know that standard members can't but what about the paying members? I've even put a "disclaimer" on my profile telling them if they're not gonna take the time to read my profile then don't bother emailing me...I won't be interested yet I still get emails from men who stop and do nothing but look at my pics...it's frustrating...right now I'm taking a break but even if I wasn't my profile is still the same...the only exceptions I'll even consider making are my age requirements...other then that leave me alone...I've always answered almost all of the emails I get even if to say I'm not interested...apparently most women don't even give the common courtesy of doing that because sometimes I get a 2nd email thanking me for taking the time to respond...I think it's rude if you don't but maybe it's just me...however, lately I find myself getting a little upset at the emails I'm receiving...the ones that don't bother reading my profile...why is it so difficult? I don't want to send a rude response but get with the program...ok my venting for today is over
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I'm the one with the lonely smile
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Posted:Sep 29, 2013 5:43 pm
Last Updated:Nov 27, 2013 4:08 pm
4618 Views
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I've been separated from my husband for more then 2 1/2 years now and it's been a long road. I have 3 , all teenagers, that live with him but I see them at least 3 days a week, sometimes more.
This is the first time in my life that I've ever lived alone and most of the time I hate it. I enjoy the freedom of coming and going when I please but the loneliness kills me. Sometimes even when I'm with my I still feel soo alone. They are my life but they can't fill the void that I feel.
I think that's why I come here. I think that's why almost every night I'm in IM. The conversations that I share with some of these men helps get me through the lonely nights. For the past week not even that helps me through. Italian #1 is ignoring me which I should be used to by now but it feels like Italian #2 is avoiding me also. I feel almost as alone as I did when my ex first left me.
I need to get past my two Italians but I don't know where to begin. I don't want to just throw myself at the men here because that will only make me feel worse in the long run. It won't solve anything. I need to rebuild an emotional wall and rebuild myself along the way. I know that most men are here looking for sex but some are here for the same reason I am as of late. The loneliness.
I'm friendly with two men in IM but I know they ultimately want more from me then I'm willing to give. I hate to feel like I'm leading them on but I enjoy talking to them both. I'd just like to come across someone who is more then happy just becoming friends. Nothing more. No stress, no pressure. I know there are some out there. Please, come and find me. I'm the one with the lonely smile.
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What do I want from him?
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Posted:Sep 18, 2013 4:02 pm
Last Updated:Nov 11, 2017 11:53 pm
5086 Views
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I've become a night owl as of late mainly because I don't sleep well. Now to some of you staying up til 12:30-1 AM may not be too late but it is for me. Well, the other night I went to bed somewhere around 12:45. I was awakened by a special ringtone on my phone. See, this ringtone is only assigned to 2 people and I know that 1 will never text me...EVER. So it surprised me and I was a little disoriented not knowing what time it was. I looked at the clock...it was 1:15. The text was from Italian #1. Now at this point it was nothing more then "Hey." I responded in kind and got nothing back so I texted again asking if he was drunk texting me. All he said was "nope." So I asked what's up? He then asked if I wanted a kiss and told me he was 5 minutes away. Mind you, he lives at least 20 minutes from me in the direction he just came from. That means he drove right past his exit to come and see me. Even though it was late I couldn't say no nor did I want to. When he arrived we sat on the couch talking for a bit and before I knew it he was spending the night again. He asked me repeatedly what I wanted from him and all I could say was that I didn't know. If I had met him anywhere else besides here I might have a clue but we're all here for the same reason...sex. I just didn't understand his repeated question. Why was he asking me that? We've only just met and already we're on our 2nd "sleepover." He told me he wanted to come over days before but resisted the urge. At least this time I got more then 30 minutes of sleep. It felt more comfortable. I was more relaxed. I'm starting to enjoy his presence in my life and especially in my bed. Fast forward to the morning. He left for work and I enjoyed my morning coffee.
Now believe it or not I still have a very friendly relationship with my ex-husband. Aside from having together, we talk or text almost every day. Part of me still considers him my best friend. It may be unusual for many but it works for us. I tell him almost everything that happens in my life. I don't really have any close friends so he's the one I turn to for advice. I filled him in on the events of the night and he doesn't understand why my Italian would ask such a question either. Shortly thereafter my ex texts me that he's glad I'm happy and hopes that one day I find love again but he also said "If the Italian hurts you, I'll kill him." I found it a little amusing at first but then as I thought about it I realized that he does still care for me. Maybe he's not in love with me anymore but part of him still loves me and probably always will. I sort of feel the same way but it's the first time since we split that he's ever made a comment showing he cares. I felt loved in a weird kind of way.
It's been 2 days and I haven't heard a word from my Italian. He works ridiculous hours but I've been good. No texting, no emails and I would never call him anyway but I feel myself longing for him. I feel like I miss him. I'm not quite sure what that means. My separation from my husband devastated me and it took 2 years to move past it. I thought I built a pretty good wall around my emotions but apparently I was wrong. After all I fell for Italian #2 relatively quickly, which is totally over BTW, and I've been chatting with this Italian for much longer. We had chemistry from the moment we met and it's only growing stronger. What do I want from him? I really don't know but I guess anything is possible.
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My heart hurts
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Posted:Sep 14, 2013 7:21 am
Last Updated:Nov 30, 2013 12:28 am
4594 Views
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When I was 17 I met my first love. We dated for 4 years. I would have married him if he asked but sadly it didn't work out. It took me 7 years to get over him. It wasn't until I met my future husband that I realized that. I was married for 14+ years and I loved my husband with all my heart but it only took me 2 years to get over him. It's funny how your heart works. It's the strongest muscle in your body next to your brain and they both help you form feelings. Sometimes they work together and sometimes they work against each other.
Years ago the first guy I was ever with besides my husband was someone that I attached myself to rather quickly. At that time I didn't know how to separate sex from love. I learned from being with him that you can have sex without a true emotional bond. Once I was able to get to that point he and I had a lot of fun together. We still keep in touch but haven't seen each other in over 4 years. The sex was great but the friendship was even better. To this day I can still text him and he'll respond when he can. We can pick up a conversation as if we've seen each other last week. I can honestly say that I will always have some sort of feeling for this guy but he was my first lover in this crazy game we all play. I'm heading to the Big E next weekend with my and he lives right there. I texted him yesterday and I have a free place to park. It will be great to see him again and all my know is that I have a friend that lives there. I'm a little excited.
Now back to reality...I think it's official that Italian #2 is history. He was online again this morning. He still hasn't read my emails and still hasn't said one word to me. I sent him a text and got no response. So I sent an email to his private account but who knows if he'll read that one. There's nothing left for me to do except move on. Aside from any feelings I may have been developing, my heart hurts because I'm losing a friend. It shouldn't hurt this much because after all, I've never even met this guy.
Unfortunately in life we don't choose who we fall in love with. Our heart has all the say in that. I never said I was in love with Italian #2 just that I was falling for him. I'm sure if things progressed I probably would have fallen in love but it's not something I want to do. Love is too painful sometimes. I'd be happy just liking someone enough to want to spend time with them.
At least for now I have Italian #1. Hopefully things with him will go well enough that we can have fun together and form a friendship. As sad as I am at the moment I'm looking forward to the future. I haven't been able to do that in a few years. Should be interesting. Wish me luck.......
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I'm not the crazy woman he thought I was
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Posted:Sep 12, 2013 5:28 am
Last Updated:Nov 20, 2018 7:55 pm
5049 Views
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Well I finally met Italian #1 the other night, the man I've been chasing for 7 months. I say chasing because we went back and forth since February with emails, texting and no shows. I was at the end of my rope and decided to send him 1 last text. About 30 minutes later I received a response. I think I was in shock and the shock only got more intense as the night passed. It was a last minute decision for both of us but we agreed to meet and within minutes he called me. We picked a public parking lot to meet and it would be about 20 minutes for him to arrive. As I got dressed and just threw my hair up he called again. I could tell he was nervous by the sound of his voice. Once I arrived at the agreed upon place he called again and we stayed on the phone until he got there. I wasn't sure what to expect as I'm sure he didn't either but it turned out to be a very pleasant experience. Once the nerves settled a bit we hit it off. I'm not the "crazy" woman he thought I was and he's not the asshole I've called him on more then one occasion. It turns out that we actually like each other. Who'd have ever thought that a first meet after soo many complications would go soo well?
We talked for about an hour. Talking turned to kissing. Kissing led to my apartment nearby. We didn't actually have sex we just played around for a while. Before we knew it, it was 1:30 AM. He had no gas and no gas stations nearby were open at that time of night. I felt bad and couldn't just kick him out so he spent the night. Go ahead and call me crazy but we've been chatting on and off for months so it felt like we already knew each other. I felt safe enough to let him stay. It was both the best and worst experience I've had in years. Best because he was very affectionate and held me almost all night. Even asleep he was aware of my presence, holding my hand, kissing me or putting his arm around me. Probably worst because I didn't sleep but maybe 30 minutes all night long. I'm not sure if it was elation keeping me awake or the fact that there was a man in my bed.
While this might seem like good news to many it is complicating things for me. See I also like someone else at the same time. I call him Italian #2. This one is different because it's actual feelings. He knows how I feel and hasn't said one word to me since finding out. He hasn't been online much lately but he hasn't read an email I sent to him so I don't know what to think. I'm giving him space in case that's all he needs but I don't want to wait around for something that may never happen. At the same time I don't want to lose his friendship.
For the most part life is good at the moment but will it last? Only time will tell.
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My 9/11 experience
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Posted:Sep 11, 2013 6:18 am
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2013 2:15 pm
4724 Views
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I grew up in a small town in Northeastern New Jersey. Like everyone today I will never forget where I was or the events following the planes hitting both towers. My oldest had just started Pre-K days before and I just got home from dropping her off when the news broke of the 1st plane. I was dumbfounded. I watched the news in horror as the 2nd plane hit. That is when everyone realized it was no accident. I remember frantically trying to reach my husband on the phone to no avail. After the 1st tower fell I was lucky enough to finally get thru to him. I panicked because he was near the Liberty Bell in Philly. I begged him to get out of there not knowing what their next target might be. I grabbed my 2 other and walked as fast as possible to get my from school. Walking there and subsequently to my mom's felt like the longest journey of my life. As horrific as the images were you had no choice but to watch the TV. The saddest part of my personal experience of that day was looking at my 4 year old crying. All she could say was that Daddy promised to take her to the top of the towers and now he can't because it's gone. I held her and we both cried together. From my old 3rd story bedroom I could look out the window and see the smoke billowing across the sky. I couldn't stop the tears from falling. That is when I realized our lives would never be the same.
I was one of the lucky ones. My husband made it home that night while hundreds if not thousands of people in the area were stranded wherever they happened to be. I won't ever forget the first embrace with my husband as we both cried tears of sadness. We both hugged our as tight as we possibly could not fully comprehending the events of the day.
On Wednesday we heard stories of at school not being picked up for hours if not more because both of their parents worked in Manhattan. While not having a direct link to anyone who died on that horrific day, I have friends whose lives were impacted from losing a loved one. In my small 3 mile by 3 mile hometown of 65,000 people, 17 precious lives were taken. As time has passed and life goes on for many I still get chills each and every time I drive anywhere in New Jersey that previously offered a beautiful view of the Manhattan skyline. I haven't lived in the area for more then 5 years but the images I hold in my head will never leave.
Every year we as a nation come together to remember the events and the lives of those that were lost while almost 3000 families deal with this tragedy every day of their lives. Most, if not all, have suffered the loss of a loved one. It hurts, we heal and we go on. I thank God each and every day for the loved ones in my life. We as a nation should remember the lives lost on any given day instead of just holding ceremonies on 9/11 to remember. We are touched by this tragedy each and every time we go to the airport, train station, bus terminal and even amusement parks and concerts. Our lives will never be the same and we shall never forget.
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I don't have a clue
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Posted:Sep 7, 2013 10:25 pm
Last Updated:Sep 14, 2013 5:15 am
4458 Views
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I met a guy online at another site more then 4 years ago. He's married, lives in another state and I never planned on meeting him. We became friends chatting about our lives. Over the years we got pretty close and we both shared things with each other that you wouldn't share with some of your closest of friends. He was support for me when I was going through my separation. He just had an ear willing to listen. Sadly, earlier this year his wife found out about his "other side". Needless to say we stopped talking. I would never want to hurt him or his family so I moved on but I felt like I lost my best friend. I was lost for 2 months.
In early June, I received an email from a man here and since that time we've been friendly with each other via IM. I've become attached to this man in a way I never thought I would be. Like most of us I'm here for sex but this guy became something more. I made the mistake of revealing feelings that I was starting to develop in a previous blog which I know he read. Now he won't say anything to me. Not a word. He won't even read my emails. Once again I feel lost but this time it hurts more. It hurts because of how I feel. I don't want to lose his friendship but I think it's got to come to that. I don't know what else to do. For me, I need some sort of a mental and emotional connection before sleeping with someone. Right now I feel like I don't want to bother anymore with anyone. I'm not looking for Mr. Right because I don't think he exists and I certainly don't think I would want to date someone I met on a site like this but why did I start developing feelings for this guy? I don't have a clue
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The good, the bad, and the ugly
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Posted:Aug 26, 2013 7:52 am
Last Updated:Aug 27, 2013 9:36 am
4644 Views
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ok...I've had my fill of fakes and BS artists...I think it might be time to start a blog and name all of the offenders I've come across and just add to it as time goes on...feel free to join in at any time...that way anyone who looks at it will steer clear of these assholes...it's too bad we can't put a testimonial on their profile to make sure everyone sees it so they know what they're facing...we should have a way to rate someone's profile...the good, the bad and the ugly...can you tell I'm disgusted?
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Why start out with a lie?
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Posted:Aug 10, 2013 6:50 am
Last Updated:Aug 13, 2013 3:09 am
4082 Views
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Why do men lie about their age? I see several men on here that I've chatted with in the past and all of a sudden their profile shows them like 10 years younger then when we talked. Or I look at some of the face pics others have posted and unless they had a REALLY hard life you can clearly tell that they're older then they say. When you include your year of birth in your username it's kind of easy to figure that out. Are men that vain? If you meet someone don't you think the truth will eventually come out? Why start out with a lie? I'm sure there are some women who do the same thing but I don't look at their profiles so I can't say. It just doesn't make sense to me.
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Crazy for Italians
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Posted:Jul 30, 2013 5:38 pm
Last Updated:Sep 9, 2013 2:02 pm
3792 Views
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I've been in love twice in my life and I know that's better then some but one was young love and the other, well, he was true love and let's just say I married him. They were both tall, fair skinned, light hair and eyes and similar in a lot of ways. They both had demanding jobs but only seasonally. I got used to not having them around much during certain times of the year. Here I always find myself attracted to Italians. Something mysterious in their dark features. I'm not looking for love on this site but the attraction I have for dark hair and eyes is overwhelming and I've met 2 Italians recently that I really like. Only drawback is they're both workaholics. One guy it's been on and off chatting for several months. Something always seems to get in the way and I like to have some sort of contact with people. The other guy works like crazy in the summer so his current schedule won't last forever but we haven't talked in almost 3 weeks. I'm still getting emails from other men but something won't allow me to let these 2 get away. Part of me says to just use the new men for the interim but I don't like one night stands and I'm not sure I like any of them enough to have an ongoing thing with. They say patience is a virtue but how long should I wait for my Italians, if at all?
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Was I wrong?
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Posted:Jul 19, 2013 7:30 pm
Last Updated:Jun 2, 2017 9:42 pm
3794 Views
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Lately I've been thinking about my first love. I don't know why but he's been on my mind. I haven't seen or spoken to him in almost 20 years. I heard a commercial on the radio the other day that made me think about him immediately. It was in reference to something we shared together. So what do I do but start searching on the internet. I found his on Face-book, he looks just like him. I go one step further and send an email explaining that I knew his father years ago and would just like to get in touch. I never mentioned the fact that we dated. I told him my maiden name and gave my phone number. I got an email back the day after telling me that he would gladly pass on the message. This time of year is very busy for the type of work that he does so I didn't expect any contact right away. He used to be the shy type so I don't even know if he'll call. In the last few days I've found myself remembering days gone by and even had a dream about him. We live in different states so it's not like we would see each other but it is within driving distance. I'm not looking to rekindle an old romance just merely catch up with an old friend. Was I wrong in trying to contact him?
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Do I have sucker written on my face?
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Posted:Jul 14, 2013 6:28 am
Last Updated:May 20, 2024 1:9 am
3732 Views
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I've said it before but I've been on HotMatch.com for almost 5 years and in all that time I've met lots of men online. Yesterday I met my first pic trader....of course I didn't know it at the time. We were having a nice conversation in IM and then we moved to another IM provider. Everything was going along nicely then we started exchanging pics. After a lengthy discussion he up and says it was just for fun...no harm no foul....WTF? I'm here to meet people and have a good time. What do these people do with all the pics they collect? And what is the turn on to that? I don't get it but I've been had. Do I have sucker written on my face or was I just not on my game yesterday?
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I never said I was perfect
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Posted:Jul 5, 2013 8:33 pm
Last Updated:Feb 15, 2014 6:45 pm
3639 Views
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I've been a member on HotMatch.com for almost 5 years and in that time I've met a lot of nice men...some are just friends and some have been more...and there's also been a lot of jerks...most I just ignore but sometimes if they piss me off enough I block them...
Lately I've been a real jerk to someone who seems to be a really nice guy...he doesn't deserve to be treated the way I've treated him...yet on more then one occasion he's forgiven me...I've become the jerk that I hate to deal with...
He hasn't blocked me...yet...but he just ignores me...that's one of the worst things for me to deal with...I can handle being yelled at, cursed at, even have things thrown at me but ignoring me just makes me angry...
I've apologized each and every time because I know I'm wrong but will I ever learn? Mind you, this is the only guy I've ever done this to...no one else...I don't know what it is about him that makes me act like an ass but I need to let him go and not bother him anymore...I feel bad but I never said I was perfect and everyone makes mistakes
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To link to this blog (Do_u_wanna_kiss) use [blog Do_u_wanna_kiss] in your messages.
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