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A Rough couple of days....
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A Rough couple of days.... Hi there, Sorry that i hav'nt posted again for a few days,i hav'nt been online much in the last week. It has been a rough few days with BOTH of my mums ill at the moment. My birth mother went in for a knee replacement operation last week,got through that allright,but began to have heart palpatations,& loss of blood pressure.She needed to be taken to another hospital for two days,just so she could be monitored. She went back to the first hospital on Monday,& has even been sent home,because she has made rapid progress with her new knee.She's even walking on it after just over a week.I think that great.She's such a fighter,& won't let something like a knee operation get her down. My mum at home is another story altogether.She is very ill at present with a terminal Cancer.Nothing can be done for it,& she remains on Paliative care from the Hospice here in Dublin.They are controlling her pain with tablets which is fine,but it's the other things going wrong that are causing her worry. I've changed my working routine so that i can be here nearly all the time,making sure shes ok,but i have to admit that i'm finding it hard on my own. On top of all the physical problems associated with her condition,her sleeping has become very irratic,& she seems to be totally exhausted all the time. The night before last,she got NO sleep what-so-ever until finally yesterday she went to bed at 6.30pm.She slept until around 9.55pm when she woke up with a startle.She came into my room in a panic,& crying out looking for me. All she kept saying was that she thought she was dying,& was afraid to leave me. After calming her down,she told me that she had just had a "vision" of my Nana,Grandad,& my Dad in her room with her,& that she took that as a sign that they were calling her to Heaven.She also said that she "felt" like that something "bad" was going to happen to her soon. All i could do was to hold her,& reassure her that she may had just had a bad dream that woke her up,but she was SO convinced at what she saw.She was terrified from it. I have to admit that i was kind of panicking as well,& i rang the Hospice 24 hour line to ask them for advice on the subject.They maintained that it may just have been a bad dream,like i said,& that i should give her another sleeping tablet to calm her down,& let her rest. We sat downstairs for a while chatting about what had just happened,after i had given her some of her nightly pills.We discussed the whole thing,& i tried to reassure her that things were ok,& that she was'nt going to die. I did'nt dismiss her vision as nonsense,but rather embraced it as maybe something positive.I tried to reason with her that they MAY have been trying to let her know that they were there,& that she was'nt alone in her fight against the cancer. We looked at OTHER possible reasons for her vision & i did my best to put a positive slant on most of them. She suddenly felt this urge to SEE her old home where she grew up with nana & grandad.It's not that far away,& my aunts still live there.So i took her in the car,& we drove up to the house at around 11.30pm last night.I told her to touch the door,& let her close the gate upon leaving the garden.I guess in MY mind,this was a form of "Closure" for her. I don't think that it was an odd request,& thats why i brought her.I looked upon it as her way of tying up some loose ends,but i did'nt tell her that.Today,i'm going to take her to see Dads grave once again,& i think i might go to nana & grandad's grave too,just so she feels happy about seeing them one last time,assuming of course it is. I know that this is a weird posting to have here,& i hope that you don't mind me sharing my thoughts with all of you on this subject. It's just that i am alone here with mum,& i don't really have anyone else to talk with about it. Have YOU ever had an experience like this with one of your relatives? Do you think such "Visions" DO exist? Do you think that i handled it well,or would you have done anything differently? Your thoughts would be very much appreciated on this.I know it's kind of morbid,but i REALLY DO NEED to hear what YOU think on it,as it will be a great help to me in coping with my situation. Thanks for listening! Hugs, D. XXX  "Always remember...keep smiling!"  Hugs,  D. XX  |
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8/2/2008 3:43 am |
awwwwwwww daighi.....I am not a good one to be answering this....especially now since you have me crying with this post. I think you handled it wonderfully.....your Mum needed you to handle it the way you did. Do visions exist? How do we know they are visions? Yes in my heart of hearts, I believe she saw your Dad, Nana & Grandad. Often times it's NOT wishful seeing as some believe, it is not dreams but actuality. Angels do exist and yes they are waiting for her....hence, the "vision". But look at that on the positive side hun....She will be free of pain, she will be at peace ans she will be reunited with your Dad. I can say when my aunt was passing, she kept reaching out to the corner of the room, staring into that corner as if there was someone there....nothing was visual to us as we stayed with her....yet time & again her outstretched hands were reaching for something. At that time, the hospice workers toldd us to tell it's ok ...she can go.....we did, several times and during that night she passed. Do I believe in spirituality in that sense...yes. As for a different twist, you know I was struck by a car 11 years ago. I vividly remember a conversation with my father, telling him "I can't stay Daddy, I've got to go home, the babies need me"....I truly don't remember if that was my last conscious thought or my first unconscious one but I do remember NOT seeing him...just feeling him and knowing he was there....my Dad had been dead 8 years when I was struck....so yes I do believe people wait for us in Heaven. Huggz daighi...if u need to talk...holla @ me Share my journey...I write when my soul cries.
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8/2/2008 7:09 am |
I think that it is great that you are with your mother in her hour of greatest need and that you are handling things very well. It is said that dying is the lonliest experience we will ever have and to have someone close to her must be a great comfort. You were right to take her back to her old home, that probably helped her in some way to cope with what she is facing. As for visions, I've not yet experienced at first hand the death of someone close to me, and I don't consider myself very spiritual, but I have an open mind on all of these things. I suppose we'll all find out for ourselves one day.
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Everything seemed great going except for the doing it alone; isn't there in-home hospice type care available, even if 'only' for an hour or so a day? I know you're not in the States, so that's why I phrased it that way. Here, when they're disabled, elderly, etcetera, there is Medicaid and/or Medicare that will send someone in for a bit to help out in certain ways. Wearing yourself OUT is not the way to go, because if you do wear yourself out, then what? Both {or all 3} of you will be 'down'.
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So many good points here... I'm going to second what AB said about respite care. Isn't there someone over there who can just give you a break for a few hours? I know, understand, and respect the fact that you want to be with your mum as much as possible but you need to take care of yourself as well. I am a firm believer that at critical times in our lives, we see people from the other side. When my aunt passed away from cancer she was seeing her mom, dad and brother for the last few days before her death. They were waiting for her. None of us doubted her in the least. I also had an experience similar to TF's above. I was in a very serious accident when my son was 6. I saw my mother-in-law who had passed away very unexpectedly earlier that year. She was basically telling the powers-that-be to "hold the phone, here".....this is just not fair. She didn't want my son and husband to face another loss so soon after her death. She argued her case well because I'm here to talk about it. Many hugs for you each and every day, Daighi. Your devotion is amazing. rc
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Hi there to all of you,including those of you who commented above.I'd like to thank you ALL for your support.It has really helped me to know you care,& i feel like i'm not alone in my thoughts. Mum is grand now for the time being.We feel it was just a bad dream,but it made us have a real heart to heart,which is always good. The people from the Hospice have been very good in offering their support also,& that helps too. Things are ok again thank god,i'm back at work,& am able to take my mind off things,which is good too. Hugs & a Kiss to you all, D. XXX "Always remember...keep smiling!" Hugs, D. XX
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