It's hard to sleep in when it's full daylight at 6 AM
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Posted:Jun 3, 2018 7:02 am
Last Updated:Jun 4, 2018 4:57 pm
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I keep thinking someday I should get new curtains that will block out more light . But as we learned from CCR someday never comes .
I've already worked out , got groceries , checked the sex offender registry and set my line up for the live deathclaw fights on Tuesday night at the Crate . What am I supposed to do with the rest of my day ?
Let's see what orphaned pictures I have in my folder for things I was going to blog about and forgot .
This is a picture of an Australia model that I got for a post I was going to do about the Ashley Madison hack . But I decided no one would give a shit about that . The story with her is that the dude that executed said hack claimed on twitter that he was married to her which is incorrect because she's not married to anyone and isn't into dudes . If you can't trust the Ashley Madison hacker who can you trust ?
I still can't believe that site came from Canada . Canada ! Although I think I did find out one time more people in Canada cheat on their spouses than in the US .
Just goes to show , you know , whatever .
I got an alert from my identity protection service the other day that my name had come up in court records as being found guilty of a misdemeanor in 1995 . I don't recall ever being arrested let alone convicted of anything - particularly when I was 17 . I called the police department and the clerk of courts and various other places and found out exactly nothing . Not sure how much I should care about that .
I think you can be charged with a misdemeanor for speeding if the cop wants to be a jerk about it but the only speeding ticket I ever got was when I was 16 and I was heading to CA with my buddy Sweatshirt . We were driving in Nevada which at the time had a speed limit of "reasonable and proper" during the day but what I didn't know is that at night it was 75 . Although what's the legal definition of night you know ?
I wonder how many people in Nevada are on Ashley Madison .
Part of what "they" learned after the AM hack is that they had 70,000 bots on that site sending dudes messages . I wonder how HotMatch.com stacks up in that regard . You don't want there to be a botgap .
There's a commercial I keep seeing for some Amazon Echo type thing where an old lady is sad because her family doesn't hang out with her more so they give her an thing where she can say "Alexa call home" and then it will video call them .
So I got to thinking what would be a good product for seniors is a chatbot type thing what will masquerade as their family and talk to them . Because realistically when's the last conversation you had with your grandma that couldn't be had by a chatbot ?
I've mentioned this several people and they've all been OUTRAGED . I really don't understand why . Why is "the truth" - which in this case is that nobody really wants to hang out with grandma - more important than happiness ? I get that it's horrible that people turn their backs on their family and would rather binge watch season 4 of Grey's Anatomy than talk to their grandma for 12 minutes on the phone but that's the way it is - why is it wrong to mitigate that fact ?
I rarely understand where people are coming from .
I was talking with my buddy Mathmagician this morning and he's going to start therapy because of his ager and drinking issues and he asked me about my experience with therapy and eventually we turned to the idea of taking "happy pills" and he asked me if I would take them and I said that I would not and he asked me why .
And I didn't really have a good reason . He said "Is it because you don't need them ?" but what does that really mean ? No one needs happiness , it's just nice to have you know ? I don't need to watch porn and jerk off but I still do it . Yet I don't need to take Zoloft and I don't do it . What's the difference ? Also it's largely questionable if jerking off makes me happy . Sometimes I wonder if it's just a thing I do .
Remember Zoloft the Rock & Roll Destroyer ? I do . They were defeated in the 2006 Mountain Dew Circuit Breakout challenge Halifax - the band , not the city .
Maybe I can get a job working for Mountain Dew - selling sugar to fatties seems less evil than most jobs I could get . Looks like all they have in the area is driving a forklift at night . That probably doesn't pay so good . My dreams were destroyed before they began .
BTW my company has been looking for a CFO the entire time I've worked there . Really it's a chief actuarial position . If you're interested and you're a lady please send me several nude pictures with your phone number and home address .
I was thinking , the people that colonized the US probably didn't fight harpies - but you can't prove that they didn't .
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There's no trick to it , it's just a simple trick
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Posted:Jun 2, 2018 11:05 am
Last Updated:Jun 3, 2018 6:32 am
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I'd like to be someone who decides to be nice , heroic , caring , loving and/or compassionate for the same reasons the nihilist decides to be a pessimist social Darwinist omnicidal maniac .
I'd like my doctrine to be something along the lines of "Don't cling to pain . Don't expect happiness . Don't fear loss . Accept reality as it is . Enjoy the good . Endure the bad . Don't make a big deal out of anything . Be selfless and unconditionally kind and just , without ever expecting a reward . We're all going to end up as piles of dust , so why not be nice to each other and get those pleasant feelings ?"
Instead of angsting all the time about "Life is short , we're all gonna die and you can't stop it forever , thus we might as well start killing each other right now" I'd like to think more like "Life is short , we're all gonna die and you can't stop it forever so why not make each others' lives worthwhile and enjoyable ? The only thing that matters is letting people know that you care about them , because whatever someone is , has , or can do doesn't mean a damned thing in the end ."
I'd like to be someone who knows how cynical the world is and decides to stick to a particular value and make meaning out of it, because they know how utterly meaningless , pointless and unrewarding life is if you don't .
I'd like to adhere to a utilitarian morality to work for happiness , maybe even border on self-made blue and orange morality .
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Cool your tits numb nuts
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Posted:May 30, 2018 7:55 pm
Last Updated:Jun 1, 2018 6:38 pm
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I flipped past Big Bang on the TV the other day and I saw this
And I was enraged because Smurfette doesn't wear a red dress - she wears a white dress . What kind of bullshit are they trying to pull here ? Also why is she wearing a blonde wig when she has blonde hair ? This whole thing makes no sense . Whoever wrote this episode needs to answer for what they've done .
Numb nuts is a strange insult . What's it supposed to mean ? As far as I know there's only two reasons for testicular numbness . One of them is having TONS and TONS and TONS of super hot sex - so much so that your sack goes numb from all the meat slapping . And accusing a man of having too much sex isn't an insult . For a woman it's a different story obviously but they don't have balls . Usually .
The other reason is testicular torsion which is just what it sounds like and has to be one of the worst things ever . But if you call someone numb nuts you're saying they already have it right ? Which I guess is an insult ? I mean saying to someone "you have cancer" is an insult of sorts but it's not as bad as telling someone you hope they get cancer right ? So really you shouldn't call someone numb nuts you should say "I hope you get numb nuts pal , and NOT from fucking !"
Numbskull is also strange because your skull has no sense of feeling right ? There's no nerves in bones right ? You wouldn't call someone numbfemur would you ? Even if you did what would it mean ? Your scalp can be numb but scalps and skulls are different . At least until the Republicans have their way .
I went to the dentist yesterday and two things happened . Well lots of things happened but two that I'm going to mention .
One was that while the hygienist was stabbing inside my mouth with that sharp hook they love she looked at something in the hallways and did not stop scraping . I found this disconcerting . I realize intellectually that she's probably done this literally tens of thousands of times and could probably do it without looking but when you have a sharp piece of metal in my face could you at least pretend to be paying attention of my benefit ?
I know it's not likely but if the dentist cuts your mouth that can lead to DEATH via heart infection . It happens .
The other thing that happened was the dentist complimented me on my flossing . Which I don't ever happens , but was especially weird because I don't floss regularly . I wonder if my low-sugar diet is also good my teeth . Maybe less sugar is as good as flossing ? That would be a nice bonus .
And I'm not a moron , I know that sugar is bad for your teeth , but everything I read seems to say that artificial sweeteners (which I ingest by the fuckton) are almost just as bad .
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Where's Admiral Akbar when you need him ?
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Posted:May 28, 2018 4:06 pm
Last Updated:May 30, 2018 7:36 pm
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As I'm sure you all remember I stopped watching the Walking Dead a while ago because it had 100% fallen into "the Lost Zone" where the popularity of the show made them abandon any attempt at storytelling and their new goal is to make the show last as long as possible without anything ever happening .
But I was trapped with my family this weekend so my sister and I watched a couple episodes of FEAR the Walking Dead (yeah , there's two of them now) and it was decent enough but a thing happened that annoyed me . The characters encounter what is obviously a trap and they stop for a moment and say "this could be a trap" and then they walk right into the trap for no real reason . I watched this happen 4 times in one episode .
Now , I don't pretend to be a real writer , but I know a few things about writing and one of them is that it's pretty hard to move a story along if the character's don't make bad choices but come on FTWD writers if you have the character's constantly making the same dumb decisions over and over again unless there are real consequences . Which of course there wasn't . Every time these dum-dums got captured five minutes later they were rescued by some third party that let them go to fall into the same damn trap again . Boo . Boo I say . If you're going to be lazy and have this constantly happen you at least have to have terrible consequences OR at the very , very , very least have the characters get out of the jam through their own actions .
Having the problem solved by someone else just makes it worse .
And this is by no means an issue just with the Walking Dead , it's endemic to lots of shows - the protagonists do something stupid , they get saved through no actions of their own , and what was the point ? We didn't learn anything about the characters , nothing was accomplished , it's just shit happening .
I've written one halfway decent thing and the reason it because halfway decent is because I realized that I needed to take out all the scenes where nothing happened and expand the scenes that I had in mind from the beginning . If you're thinking "I need something here" you probably don't . No filler .
Again , not that I claim to be a authority on writing or anything , but I feel like I know a few things about story structure .
I've said it before and I'm sure it seems silly but you could do worse than following the structure of a wrestling match when writing a certain kind of drama .
Before the match you set the scene , who's involved , who's the bad guy , who's the good guy , what's the source of the conflict ?
Then you have the "the shine" , where you show the good guy should win .
Then you have the "cut-off" where the bad guy does something dastardly to get the upper hand .
The you have the "heat" where the bad guy presses his unwarranted advantage .
Then you have the "false comeback" despite the bad guy's chicanery the good guy is about to turn the tables when the bad guy does something else wicked to get the upper hand again .
Cycle through heat-false comeback as necessary until it's time for the "comeback" despite all the bad guy's best efforts the good guy finally overcomes his wicked ways .
Then you got the finish and the wrap-up and then it's on the next town/episode .
In other news as every male public figure in the world continues to get taken down in the creep hunt I'm starting to wonder if maybe I don't live in the rest of the world as everyone else . I just can't image rubbing all up on some lady without written permission witnessed by a notary .
I'm not trying to be all holier than thou but just the other day I remember one time an old lady friend of mine was hanging out here at the house and we were talking about this and that and she says to me she says "Do you have any condoms here ?" and I said to her I said "I might , why do you need one ?"
Sidenote some women at work were making fun of another lady because she still uses condoms - they were implying that was immature and that adult women should have IUDs . Is that a real opinion or was this a strange isolated thing ? Because if you're slinging it around and IUD isn't going to keep you from getting chlamydia right ? And that stuff is everywhere . Seth Rogan said so .
Anyway back to grabbing ass and taking names , I was talking about this with a dude friend of mine who I thought was a reasonable normal fellow and he said sometimes you just have to take a chance and grab a woman because you don't know if she'll like it until you do it .
When I told him this was insane he said "Sometimes THEY don't know if they're going to like it until you do it ."
I don't think I need to be friends with this guy anymore . And yet I'm going to play tennis with a dude who went to prison for filming women without their consent so it's not like I have any moral high ground .
The point is if men are from Mars and women are from Venus I think I must be from Cygnar because none of what's going on makes any sense to me .
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Finishing each other's sandwiches
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Posted:May 26, 2018 7:13 am
Last Updated:May 29, 2018 2:36 pm
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A while back I went to pop off a text message to a lady friend of mine and I noticed that before I had even typed anything the predictive text suggestion said "Please Give Head" . Which is strange because I don't send dirty texts . Well one time I did to BigLala but that was a part of gag . Yeah , that's right , I know her IRL , jealous ? [blog BiggLala]
Anyway , I went head and sent it because why wouldn't I - and after I explained the context we had a good laugh because upon receiving that message her phone's suggestion was "Getting In The Car" .
If only it was that easy phone , if only .
And now I present to you a very poignant Batman story written completely by predict text ;
Batman is looking for a secret weapon to use on his birthday . (sure we all get like that on our birthday) He gets involved with gangs and discovers that his is exactly what he wants . (I guess beating up gangs is a pretty good way for Batman to find self-acceptance) Batman learns that he has been abducted from his past and he is merely a series of stories related to justice . (oh shit , this is like some 4th wall action right here ! )
Batman isn't paid to destroy crime corners . (true he's doing this pro-bono) He is actually attracted to crimes and also the Penguin . (whoa , plot twist ! )
The Penguin begins to fall in love with guns and gangs all over Gotham . Batman is destroyed . Batman must join the Penguin . He loves him a criminal . (don't we all , amiright ladies ? )
The Penguin finds out that Batman is destroyed and that's where the real victim is .
He makes an advance on Gotham's toughest cop , Harvey Dent (I like the idea of a world where Harvey is a cop instead of the DA). Batman finds out . Batman is destroyed and his face is an explosion . (I think this means he was crying , next time you talk about someone crying say 'their face was an explosion' )
Batman must stop the Penguin in order to keep his confidence he suspects that the Penguin is an addictive face and has no choice but to ask for more Penguin . (I feel like no one EVER asks for more Penguin)
The Penguin makes things worse by killing Batman . (understatement) He has happened to Batman and he is visible criminal . (very true you look at the Penguin and you know what's up) Batman isn't still around . Batman is in the cloud . (please start using this also as a way to describe death - grandma is in the cloud now little Jimmy) The Penguin finds that he is astounded by killing the man who loves him most . (I should think so) He feels responsible for the death of Gotham's prominent Batman . (as he should) He loves the man that Batman isn't . (whoa , that is DEEP )
Batman learns that he is merely being put on parole which grants Batman the death of his own death . (reincarnation ? ) Batman manages to be himself after being struck down by the Penguin who he loves . (We've all been there right ? )
The Penguin and Batman solve the mystery of their separate ways and travel to the island of rescue with an actor best known as Bruce Wayne . (Batman isn't Bruce Wayne in this universe ? Another stunning twist ! )
Batman learns of a dream society in Europe with all the fabled six months of laughing . (huh ? ) He reluctantly decides to obey his Barbara Batman and stop his medical school in Gotham . (Fantastic , I wonder who the mother is - clearly Batman is just his last name)
The Joke also receives and award for outstanding music and combat .
Things kind of fell apart there at the end (act 3 problems that plague us all) but before that we had a pretty solid tale about Batman and his illicit love for the Penguin .
Someone with a more popular blog should do the Predictive Text Game on said blog - people would get a kick out of that I think .
In other news it seems like the whole "squirting" fad is finally starting to die down . For a while there all anyone wanted to talk about was squirting . Squirt , squirt , squirt , it was annoying . I'm sure it will be replaced with something equally as annoying . People are such followers , wake up sheeple !
What really pissed me off about this whole squirting obsession was that I had a pretty close to 100% success rate at squirting and no one seemed to care . There were all these articles and discussion about how to get squirting to happen during sex and I would say "I can do it easy-peasy" and for some reason not one would ever respond . I mean what's the story ? Someone would post a story about how they finally managed to squirt for the first time after hundreds of tries and people would lose their shit . I've been doing it for decades .
I don't understand . Must be some kind of racial thing .
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Fifteen miles to the, Love Sac, Love Sac yeah
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Posted:May 23, 2018 5:04 pm
Last Updated:Jun 2, 2018 10:59 am
60173 Views
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This will probably be my stupidest blog post ever but I stand by it .
Last night I turned on the TV for a minute while I ate my bowl of rice and I saw a commercial for the Love Sac . Which is turns out is not testicles at all , but an enormous bean bag .
The commercial features a comely lass leaping high into the air (it's quite a jump if legit) and then falling onto the sac in super slow motion , where she snuggles it contentedly .
And they call it the Love Sac . This is a real thing that's actually happening .
They have to be doing this on purpose right ? Their website claims 'Sacs are the closest you’ll get to sitting on an actual cloud.' It also says "Sink into a Sac" and offers Sac financing . They even have couches they call Sactionals .
Is this some kind of marketing genius or did two stoners who inherited their great-uncle's bean bag factory dare each other into this . Dude , dude , I'm TOTALLY gonna do it dude . Dude , do it dude !
I don't want my sack jumped on or sat on , but I wouldn't mind some cuddling .
Models include "The Big One" , "Super Sac" , "MovieSac" and "CitySac" . And the cheapest one is like 600 bucks . I feel like if I applied myself I could get an actual nutsack for about that same price .
They've also got one called the Squattoman which someone seems even more suggestive .
In other news a dude at work today said "I don't think an 18 year old and a 77 year old man have the same idea of fun" . Which I think is probably not true . I'm pretty sure they both want to get wasted and bust their Love Sac . Just one of them actually has a chance to do it .
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Would you could you in a boat ?
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Posted:May 22, 2018 5:11 pm
Last Updated:May 25, 2018 7:28 pm
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Every now and then I come across a picture on this here fuck site that I want to post in my blog and talk about . I say to myself "they posted it on here so it's okay that I post it in my blog on the same site" but I know that's shenanigans so I don't do it . But I try to talk myself into it .
That's pretty cut and dry but what's less clear to me is that once in a great while I see a picture I like (you know the way I mean) and I save it to my PC . That's probably not cool either . In fact that's probably worse because then if someone access my machine they could get that picture and post it all over creation . Although I guess I could do that anyway . Huh . I wonder why anyone does post pictures of their naked nude no-clothes genitals on here when anyone could take them and plaster them all over the place .
I watched a bit of some random crummy action movie the other day and I was reminded that every super tough action chick at some point employs the same move - the flying head scissors (aka the flying butt pliers) . And I assume the reason for this is because the super tough action chick is also super sexy sexy sex chick and they need to put in a scene where she wraps her legs around a guy's head because that's sexy sexy time AND violence time which is of course that the men want .
She may look harmless but that belt is a secret weapon with which she can defeat and entire army of trained soldiers - all without mussing her hair !
I use to often complain that having 90 pound supermodels as fighters in movies was stupid but then I saw the only real girlfight I've ever seen and it was pretty prissy princess girl against a really rough looking beast of a woman and pretty princess destroyed her . It was a shocking turn of events . So that shut my mouth about that .
Even the Black Widow has done it - in EVERY Marvel movie she's been in - and she's gotten relatively fair shake when it comes to action girl stuff .
The point is if a dude ever comes at you jump up and throw your pussy in his face . Even if it doesn't work you can sue Marvel Studios and they have deep pockets these days .
There's probably a joke in there about men's ineptitude at cunnilingus but I can't find it .
BOOM , meta-joke bitches !!!!
The other takeaway I had from that movie was just how silly fight scenes were back in the day . You got two muscled-up douchbags throwing the most ridiculous haymakers and roundhouse kicks at each other like two bears fighting over a salmon .
Did I ever tell you about my Abenaki friend Salmon Two Bears ? He was a good dude .
Anyway , while I mostly detest MMA I guess I do have to give them credit for pushing a SMALL amount of realism into movie fights . Which is apparently a thing I care about I'm just now realizing ? Man , what I am 14 ?
Yes , in many ways I am .
But on the plus side I have a wondering singing voice . So it balances out .
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The Bitch Protocol
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Posted:May 21, 2018 5:36 pm
Last Updated:May 22, 2018 4:46 pm
58583 Views
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I'm on the verge of really not liking my company's CIO . I was talking to her today about our strategy for the board meeting and she was explaining that her plan was to deflect all the (valid) criticism leveled at our department by saying how awful Finance is at their job . This is obviously immoral but the one thing I can say I learned at my last job at Evil Corp LLC (a division of Satan Industries) is that making a moral argument is laughable . Morality means nothing to corporate people , you may as well invoke Eikþyrnir and Heiðrún for all the good it does . So I was trying to frame my argument in the terms of it just being bad strategy - which it is . If someone asks you about your issues and what you're going to about them whining and pointing at someone else is not going to work . At least it shouldn't . If it does I may have to quit .
Anyway I said this about 77 different ways and she kept saying "I don't understand what argument you're trying to make" so I finally said to her "It just seems like a bitch move to me ."
NOW for a little background please know that this lady drops cluster f-bombs when she's talking about a good cup of coffee . Her whole persona is tough as nails corporate swearing broad .
But she clearly didn't care for that . And I guess I should probably be more careful when talking to a woman . I mean it's not like I was calling her a bitch , but it was a thing you know ?
I guess the point is you shouldn't hire women .
The other day I was talking with my niece and she asked why my sister and I are so paranoid and untrusting and I told her that it's because when we grew up the cold war was still going on so they told us we could all be blown to bits instantly ALL the time . On top of which when we were the media was in one of the kidnapping panics they like to stir up every few decades or so . They made it clear everyone was going to get kidnapped eventually so you needed to some survival tips . They'd have the local policeman (a guy with a mustache) come to tell us about "Street Smarts" and he'd say "Now when you get kidnapped . . ." not IF , WHEN .
Nathan Fielder has a funny bit about it in his new special and his still constant fear of "secondary locations" because as everyone of my generation knows - WHEN the kidnapper takes you to the secondary location that's when you're dead meat .
Anyway , one good thing about these modern times is that people seemed to be over that particular hysteria BUT now it seems like they're trying to gin it up again . For about two weeks there have been several articles about how to protect your from kidnappers on MSN . It's a real bummer .
I remember one year the Street Smarts dude claimed that 1 MILLION were kidnapped AND murdered every year in the US . I didn't know how many there were in the US at that time , and I still don't , nevertheless both and adult me thought "that seems a bit high mustache man" .
Alright so I've offended woman and anyone with - now for the trifecta .
I don't believe in The God (most of the time anyway) but I don't like it when aggressive atheists make fun of people that believe . I don't understand why they seem to need to belittle religious people so much . But that having been said I pretty did that exact thing to CSI-GF back in the day .
We were talking about something horrible that had just happened I don't remember what exactly (which may say something about me eh ? ) but it was a plane crash or a terrorist attack or something like that . And she said "Well everything happens for a reason" which really ticked me off at that moment . So I said to her "Doesn't that seem like a bit of a cop out ?" and it turned into a whole thing . She said that everything happens according to god's plan . So I asked her if I burned her house down if that was god's plan . And she said that it would be . So I asked her "So by NOT burning down your house I'm thwarting god's plan ? Which is impossible right ? So I HAVE to burn your house down now ?"
Which was a jerk move I admit . It wasn't fair and I regret it . But it really does bug me when something awful happens and people invoke god's will .
That is all
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Do you have the willpower to take Marg Helgenberger to the bone zone ?
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Posted:May 20, 2018 6:14 pm
Last Updated:May 21, 2018 5:01 pm
58527 Views
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One time I dated this lady - unbelievable but true . She loved CSI and I didn't hate it so I watched a LOT of CSI with her . Because what else does a couple do ? Exactly . It's like Rachel Feinstein said "A good show makes a good relationship" . Anyway shortly before things went south with her I was in Vegas for a conference and I saw Marg Helgenberger sitting at a little table in the lobby . Not sure why . It looked like the table had been put there for her . I can't come up with a decent theory on what was going on .
Now , I don't give a shit about autographs and I don't really understand anyone else does , one time a friend of mine was hanging out in a bar where all the wrestlers went after a show in town and he got all their autographs for me and when he gave it to me I feigned thanks but mostly I was thinking "how long before I can throw this away without him noticing ?"
But I knew my GF would be over the moon if I got her Catherine Willow's autograph . There was this girl , and I say girl because she looked to be about 17 , hovering around her with a blazer and a clipboard - she appeared to be Helgenberger's handler or assistant or a lackey or some kind . So I go up to her and I tell her my GF is a huge CSI fan and I ask if it would be okay to ask MH for her autograph . And the blazer-girl is super nice and sweet , maybe she was a publicist , she goes over and has a little powwow with MH and she says that Marg would love to give me an autograph for my GF .
So I walk up to Helgenbeger's little table and she looks up from her PDA or Blackberry or whatever (this was a while ago) and I tell her my GF is a big fan and I ask for an autograph .
And she says to me she says "Go fuck yourself asshole ."
This forces us to examine exactly what happened here . Did blazer-girl set me up ? Did Marg tell her no and she told me to approach anyway ? Did Helgenberger tell her to send me over just to she could tell me to f off because she's a weirdo celebrity and that's how she gets her kicks ? Were they in on it together ? Like that's a bit they do anytime someone asks for an autograph ?
What I choose to believe though is that blazer-girl actually was not associated with MH in any way and she was just someone to happen to be standing by a celebrity and when I went up to her she thought "Ah-ha , this will be hilarious" .
Question for the ladies . When a dude is bragging about scoring with you to his Laser Tag team would you prefer that he said he took you to the "bone zone" or to "pound town" ?
What if I told you one option comes with a shirt ?
I find it interesting that people imagine they have all this mental fortitude that they clearly don't have . Such as I feel like most people would say they could run a marathon if they "had" to just by sheer force of will . Which is clearly insane . And maybe by most people I mean most guys , not sure . I mostly talk to guys so maybe women a little more realistic about what they could accomplish under some kind of duress .
Many moons ago I read a book of short stories about ghouls . A few of them were pretty good . Some of them were awful . About half of them were about goth chicks banging ghouls . Apparently ghouls have massive cocks - which isn't something your hear a lot about . The orientation of mythical creature genitalia remains largely a mystery .
My question is though , I know goth-girls are all into death and darkness and all that , but do they really want to bang a grave-robbing monster that eats putrid flesh ? Because I don't think they do .
On the other hand the two-headed guy from the freakshow claims that be fucked a bunch of chicks who just wanted to be able to say they humped a two-headed freak . Because people are weird .
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You'll never believe what the millennials did this time !!!!!
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Posted:May 18, 2018 4:12 pm
Last Updated:May 20, 2018 5:52 pm
58678 Views
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This blog has mostly been a archive for the various ways that millennials have RUINED our otherwise legendary society and check out what they've killed now . Ice tea . Ice tea is GONE . No more ice tea . Do you like ice tea ? Too bad sucker it's DEAD . You'll never have it again . If you think you have ice tea in the fridge think again , it's gone - no check right now . See ? Lipton , Nestea , Crystal Light and Snapple are all out of business as of today and all their employees killed themselves in shame and horror . Which is something you'd think would be in the news .
But there is good news and that is that millennials are done for . Corporate America officially no longer gives a shit about them and their dumb avocado-toast smeared faces . All they care about now is Generation Z and heretofore everything will be done to cater to them . How's that taste millennials ? You're OUT . This will sting them especially hard because they're all soft and sissified . Everyone says so , or they did anyway , no one says that about them now because no one cares anymore .
Generation Z is what targeting marketing campaigns are about starting today because they have 22 billion in annual purchasing power .
But 40 , isn't that nothing compared to the hundreds of billions if purchasing powers in (insert my generation) ?
Shut up ! Your generation is OLD and WEAK no one cares what you do with your money grandma/pa !
Go generational analytical constructs !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In my experience 100% of women I've dated or gotten to know well love ice tea . Can't stand the stuff myself . That's probably why I can't land a wife .
This morning as I was walking into work I saw a squirrel laboriously dragging a bag of hot buns down the sidewalk . And I was delighted because you know life is a tough prospect - you have to fight for everything . And while you're doing that you still have to mow the lawn and change the oil and install a new toilet main and every other damn thing . But good things can happen . I mean a single hot bun is the find of a lifetime for a squirrel and this lucky SOB was walking off with a whole bag - and it was the 12 pack folks , not the six . That squirrel struck the mother fucking motherlode , it's got it made you know ? It's probably up to it's squirrel tail in squirrel pussy and/or squirrel dick right now .
And while I may never find my proverbial bag of hot buns , it's good to be reminded that it can happen .
I told this to some of my co-workers and while they enjoyed the tale one of them said "he's probably going to have a squirrel party" and one person laughed - but they laughed in the 'weird" way . So I thought "oh no , clearly 'squirrel party' has some obscene sexual meaning' . And indeed it does and it's NASTY .
Can't anything be sacred anymore ? Must everything be perverted ?
Next blog topic - having sex when you're sick
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You'll never believe what the millennials did this time !!!!!
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Posted:May 18, 2018 4:10 pm
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2018 6:45 pm
56814 Views
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This blog has mostly been a archive for the various ways that millennials have RUINED our otherwise legendary society and check out what they've killed now . Ice tea . Ice tea is GONE . No more ice tea . Do you like ice tea ? Too bad sucker it's DEAD . You'll never have it again . If you think you have ice tea in the fridge think again , it's gone - no check right now . See ? Lipton , Nestea , Crystal Light and Snapple are all out of business as of today and all their employees killed themselves in shame and horror . Which is something you'd think would be in the news .
[image2]
But there is good news and that is that millennials are done for . Corporate America officially no longer gives a shit about them and their dumb avocado-toast smeared faces . All they care about now is Generation Z and heretofore everything will be done to cater to them . How's that taste millennials ? You're OUT . This will sting them especially hard because they're all soft and sissified . Everyone says so , or they did anyway , no one says that about them now because no one cares anymore .
Generation Z is what targeting marketing campaigns are about starting today because they have 22 billion in annual purchasing power .
But 40 , isn't that nothing compared to the hundreds of billions if purchasing powers in (insert my generation) ?
Shut up ! Your generation is OLD and WEAK no one cares what you do with your money grandma/pa !
Go generational analytical constructs !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[image3]
In my experience 100% of women I've dated or gotten to know well love ice tea . Can't stand the stuff myself . That's probably why I can't land a wife .
This morning as I was walking into work I saw a squirrel laboriously dragging a bag of hot buns down the sidewalk . And I was delighted because you know life is a tough prospect - you have to fight for everything . And while you're doing that you still have to mow the lawn and change the oil and install a new toilet main and every other damn thing . But good things can happen . I mean a single hot bun is the find of a lifetime for a squirrel and this lucky SOB was walking off with a whole bag - and it was the 12 pack folks , not the six . That squirrel struck the mother fucking motherlode , it's got it made you know ? It's probably up to it's squirrel tail in squirrel pussy and/or squirrel dick right now .
And while I may never find my proverbial bag of hot buns , it's good to be reminded that it can happen .
I told this to some of my co-workers and while they enjoyed the tale one of them said "he's probably going to have a squirrel party" and one person laughed - but they laughed in the 'weird" way . So I thought "oh no , clearly 'squirrel party' has some obscene sexual meaning' . And indeed it does and it's NASTY .
Can't anything be sacred anymore ? Must everything be perverted ?
Next blog topic - having sex when you're sick
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A question for the day
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Posted:May 13, 2018 5:01 pm
Last Updated:May 25, 2018 7:27 pm
58495 Views
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How sexist is it that I assume a mother would be more disappointed in a doing porn than a ? Like 60% ? I assume your typical mother would be mortified and feel like a failure either way but I believe that somehow it wouldn't be as bad with a porn . Not by much , but a little .
I say this on pretty much every holiday but it's always a little weird to me when people post about their family get togethers on here - I get it for some people this is just where they blog and it's NOT a sex site for them but just the sheer number of cock pics is overwhelming .
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The House of pain is in effect
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Posted:May 12, 2018 1:53 pm
Last Updated:May 14, 2018 6:33 pm
59103 Views
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Do you ever wonder if the caveman who first tried anal was straight or gay ? I do . Often . And the sad part is we'll never know . Even if you could travel backwards in time , which you can't . Logically it seems like it had to have been a gay caveman but if it was how did it make the leap to male-female cavepeople sex ? Regardless at some point there was a caveman who was like "huh , I'm going to put my dick in there and see what happens" . And consider this , this was going on for THOUSANDS of years before lube was a thing . Yeah . . .
I often wonder why I have a "thing" for anal . It does make a ton of sense when you look at it . Unless you like getting urinary tract infections maybe . And the really weird part is that I've had anal sex literally SOME times and it's kind of "meh" yet 88% of the time when I want the pornography what I want to see is hardcore ass slamming . Why ? What's the appeal ? I mean as Amy Schumer says "That's where the poop comes from" .
The argument was once that it was like a taboo so it was like forbidden fruit but I don't think that can be true anymore . It's like basically mainstream at least conceptually .
According to the internet here's the explanation - It's all in the mind. Anal sex screams "domination" sometimes, be it the man over the girl, or the girl over the man. Guys tend to get a mental pleasure on thinking they're "getting her what she deserves" and stuff like that. Some girls like to have it on their asses because then they feel some "control". You know, "mistress" kind of thing.
Which is exactly the kind of semi-literate response I expect from the internet .
I read a book once written by a ballerina that was ALL about how anal sex is the best ever and it's all about submission and how the pussy can "lie" but the asshole always "tells the truth" . Pretty sure that broad is cuckoo bananas .
Did you know that June Diane Raphael is married to Paul Scheer ? I didn't . Talk about punching above your weight class - that mofo is goofy looking as hell and she is GORGEOUS .
You see that ever now and then , a beee-utiful lady with a real weirdo - not an uggo usually but just an unhandsome strange looking fella . But when have you ever seen a gorgeous hunk manflesh with a plain Jane type gal ? It doesn't seem to happen . But does that mean men are more superficial or just better at going after that they want/more delusional ? I suppose it's probably both . I just know for sure that no matter how monstrously ugly he may be most dudes think they score with ScarJo if they got a shot .
Speaking of , as you all know I do most of my shopping online but yesterday I decided to stop by the old comic/gaming store to see what was up . Ugh , I hate being reminded that the stereotypes about gamers are mostly true . I think of myself as a real dweeb but I forgot how close I am to the mainline compared to most of these monsters .
I walk in there and immediately my thought is "dudes use your inside voices , why are you shouting EVEYRTHING YOU SAY" . I can hear you , I'm literally standing 2 feet away . Oh and your favorite character from whatever horrible sci-fi TV show you're talking about is the socially awkward genius who bangs the hot chick ? I wonder why . And your second favorite character is the hot chick ? And your third favorite character is the hot chick who was on screen for 30 seconds and had no lines ? But you don't like the other hot chick anymore because she's "getting a little chubby" . And now you're just listing Magic cards that you own ?
Great conversation .
Debi Mazar - what do I know her from ? She looks very familiar but I can't place her.
I commented to my co-worker the other day that I was amused an old invoice had 19,999 on it for the year instead of 1999 . And then I mused "I wonder what life will be like then" and they expressed their opinion that it probably wouldn't be that different . I of course jumped down their throat about that and they said defensively "Well things don't really change that much , I mean 18,000 years ago was it really that much different from now ?"
I said that 18,000 years ago was the GD Stone Age and he was confused and said "It was , I thought the bible times were like millions of years ago" .
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To link to this blog (40Deuce) use [blog 40Deuce] in your messages.
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