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Body image my struggle
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Body image my struggle I was recently on chat IM here with a 56 yr old guy. Now keep in mind this is past my maximum age limit but I thought, " what the hell don't be closed minded and explore your horizons." I didn't see a face picture of him so all I had to go off of was his personality. This for me comes easily, since I try not to judge people solely on their looks. He seemed like an ok guy, he was a standard member so after a few shared messages he asked for a few pics. I hesitantly sent one of me in a black dress. He said, he like curvy women and then asked me, "How big are you?" My thought, and response were, "What do you mean?" His response, " I don't mind curvy women, but I don't like fat women who have skin hanging in front of their pussy, it makes it hard to get in." I was taken aback by this, partially because I have lost weight and do have an apron of skin that hangs down and will always have that unless my fairy god mother pops in to give me the money it will take to have it removed! I told him that I have that, I have lost weight and am continuing to lose weight,and I was done talking to him, he was obviously looking for something else. He continued to try and talk to me telling me I seem like a really nice lady, etc. I was so upset that I just blocked him before I said anything I would regret. I understand that I am not everyone's type, hell I even have that comment in my profile but damn if I don't get the guys that know right where to stick that knife! I had to assure myself that he was JUST ONE GUY! But the talk didn't work so well. it took some time to pull myself out of the funk. I had to remember that I have been seeing a guy in Colorado for three years know who knows and accepts me for all my bumps and warts. I have a guy or two here as well. I also sat down and thought, he can't reach my pussy???? Does he have a 3 inch dick? Does he not like to be ridden? What about doggy style? I just had to shake my head and shake him off. It also made come to the realization that quite possibly the reason I don't keep the weight of is because of past hurtful relationships. Perhaps I stay fat to keep a wall up around myself, to prevent anyone from getting in, getting too close. Its sooo easy to blame my weight for guys not wanting to be with me. Because of this realization I am scheduling an appointment with my doctor to discuss this and my eating disorder that has seemed to rear its ugly head again. Hopefully with some help I will be able to come to terms with myself and be able to open up once again. Folks I am very cautious about who I meet for numerous reasons, but I do not reject someone because of their looks alone. I truly do try to see beyond that thing that I may find unattractive. Now don't get me wrong, I will not be with someone if I don't feel the chemistry is there but that has more to do with physiological circumstances. How many out there reading this have struggled with body image? Do you have instances to share? I am not asking to call anyone out for their lack of tact, or ability to see their actions hurt. Just wondering if I am a minority in this...  |
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