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GLC Presents: Real Women of
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GLC Presents: Real Women of GLC Presents: Real Women of "Genius"? #8 Today, I salute you, Ms. I Don't Have Any Friends This week's post is actually one of a sadder tone, because too often I encounter people who actually think they are alone in this world. Just because they don't feel comfortable enough with someone to be able to spill their heart to, they don't consider them a friend. Well, I met someone like that recently, and my kindness toward her struck a nerve. She told me that she trusts me, yet she cannot explain why. She also added that she has absolutely no friends, meaning no one she trusts. Her and James Bond 007 would get along great. My advice to her is this. Redefine your definition of friend. Anyone you don't consider an enemy, you could very well consider a friend. It doesn't mean you have to tell them your life story or lend them money, nor does it mean that all your secrets will be entrusted to them. It means that they are on your side. Trust is hard-wired into your system. You know right away if you meet someone with bad intentions. The problem nowadays is that too many people ignore their first impression of someone, and allow (yes, I said ALLOW) themselves to be deceived. Now, the worst part of this is that there is a staggering percentage of people out there who second guess their decisions on a regular basis. They have little or no confidence, usually stemming from a lack of self-esteem. Those are the ones who have the INTENTION of keeping their word, but break the bond of trust by not following through. Take, for instance, the semi-handsome guy who manages, by some miracle (in his mind) to get the number of a very attractive woman. Of course, the conversation ends with "I'll call you.", but the guy waits at home, while convincing himself that he's doesn't have a chance with her. One day goes by. Two days. Three. Meanwhile, the woman is expecting the call, saying to herself, "I knew he wasn't going to call." Of course, he never finds the courage to do so. Here's the kicker. She WANTED him to call her, and he WANTED to make the call. The problem is that the guy second guessed himself, creating a situation in which HE was the untrustworthy one. If encountered again by the woman, surely she would accuse him of being a liar, when his every intention was to pick up the phone to talk to her. He didn't say to her, "I'll call you." without ever planning to do so. Confidence is so scarce these days, that when it is found, it is too often confused with arrogance. Arrogant men are perceived as heartless, conceited jerks, and assertive women are seen as bitchy. So, where's the incentive to be trustworthy? Self-esteem, that's what. A trustworthy person is usually a confident person. They will tell you the truth because they aren't concerned with your opinion of them. They stand their ground on their beliefs, yet do not waste a second trying to convince others to agree. They don't argue, they discuss. They don't debate, they present. That's it. Here I am, take me or leave me. A few years ago, I met one of the best friends I have today. She, at first, was very rude and bitchy to me, and because of my confidence, still often jokingly calls me an arrogant -of-a-bitch. But, I knew that her rudeness and attitude was simply a mechanism to weed out the men from the boys, and sooner or later her true personality would shine through. I'm glad to say that she did show a better side of herself, and that I'm proud to call her a friend. To consider someone a friend, they don't have to know everything there is about you. They just need to know your name. That's why, whenever I go out, I say hello to people I see. Whether it's the 27 year-old waitress at a restaurant, or the 89 year-old greeter at Wal Mart, I introduce myself, shake their hand, and after finding out their names( either by asking, or by looking at their name tag), I say their name back to them. It makes people feel connected, which we all are. We're all in this together. The world isn't playing the divide and conquer game, nor is it playing favorites. No one is better than anyone else, nor does anyone NOT deserve to have a friend. A wise man once said... When divided we stand, united we fall. GLC |
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