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| Blogs > 1269Inferno > Some Truth |
I fucked up and fell for the wrong one again.....
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I fucked up and fell for the wrong one again..... So after 3 years of avoiding this .... i fell hard ... and what sucks is that it all ended before it even started.... so one drunken night this came out : I once met an amazing woman. She drove me crazy in everyway...as a fool I dove in head first ...only because I didnt realize it .....at least til it was too late...till i had fallen completely head over heels for her... she was perfect in everyway... Sophisticated, and classy, yet so Deliciously Beautiful... words wouldnt do her justice on the best of days...after years you would feel ike you've only scratched the surface ...A heart that beats of everything good in life, that can only be truly seen in her eyes....ooohhhhh those mezmorizing eyes... Every mans dream yet every mans worst nightmare.... because in reality.... we all knew...i knew... she is to good for us.... yet we had all fallen so hard and so deep yet we didnt even know it yet... She is the modern day Medusa, but instead of turning us into stone... into a sense of loniness, she melts your heart away... She takes what ice is left to leave you barely floating in a vast ocean of loniless instead... a loniness that you did not know exsisted till this very moment... and she did it all.... With only a smile, a gaze and sometimes just a giggle.... even though you would never admit it... she just made your heart skip a beat...in that second you forgot to breath... in that moment nothing else mattered... she filled that empty ocean in your heart... Her beauty is far beyond the reach of what words can say...but who she is...is so much more... thats what makes her the most beautiful girl in the world to you... She is the one, that if you could take all her pain away and have it to yourself.... you would..and your heart wouldnt even get a chance for a second beat.. you know in your heart all she deserves is happiness...Even carrying her pain and hurt seems like yesterdays thought.... because she smiles... she looks at you with those blue eyes... and in those blue eyes you see what lies ever soo deep...it makes you forget all the pain and hurt you bear for her... how does she not see this...how does she not see what she has done without doing...without ever knowing she has made someones day...with only a smile... how does she have this spell, this ability to take you from the highest of highs to lowest of lows in a single second... is this really worth the rollercoaster ride that you are about embark on...is it really worth that first drop which may very well lead you back into that empty abyss ... why should you or anyone want to bear the pain of someone else...is the answer really so simple ... yes....its right in front of us... but we all look past it and try to find a deeper meaning ...we dig so deep but the meaning of it all just escapes us... to find out why or how can someone do this... but yet we seem to miss it because it was ever so simple...all it ever was ..... was her smile....thats all she had to do...thats all she ever did...since the day you met her... Because she smiles you look deeper, and the eyes say it all... the true passage to someones soul... her heart... the purest thing you have ever seen, all it is... is everything good in life...everything what life should be full of... even after all this she still doesnt see what she has done...maybe its the power she yields that she never tought she had... to turn your life so upside down and inside out...even you didnt know it till it was too late...how could she ever have? That everything you ran from.... you did to avoid... to make as if it did not exist... she made you realize it does...in a second... all it took... you avoided it for so long ... she brought it all back in a moment... you thought to yourself no... she doesnt have the ability to get past your defenses... to melt the ice around your heart away...fort knox cant be broken into... your crazy no one is suppose to have that power.... you werent suppose to ever care again...to care meant you were going to get hurt...that was never going to happen again...you promised yourself that... that no matter what happened it wasnt your problem anymore...life was to be black ...not black and white and sure as hell no grey was to ever exist... it was you against the world and all you had was you... the pain.... the hurt....everything you ran from so you would never have to feel again... you learned how to keep everyone out and put up that no vacancy sign...but you never met her...you never met the one that could do all this to you...yet again......who is she???? where did she come from???? how could you be so careless and let someone do this to you?..didnt you learn the first time ???? did you not learn that wearing your heart on your sleeve was stupid???? that it was another mistake???? but you did it anyway...because at the end of the day you didnt know anything else...you've never known anything else... even though you knew the more you cared the more you got hurt... you did it anyway....you decided the ride was worth the abyss... because it was no different than what you were living .... you just never admitted to yourself...at least not till now.... but one thing still didnt change ....that everytime you got hurt.... you ran because it was easier... why stay to bear the pain?? you said "hey maybe you can take hers with you instead"... when you can run and drink it away why bother to stay.... but still the answer was still was soo easy you didnt want to admit it... you didnt want to see it.... you would of stayed for her.... because all that mattered to you was her... you fell so hard and so fast .... but you were falling since you saw her that cold winter day...you just couldnt admit it to yourself...you saw her smile .... and donesky....because she was everything you wanted and everything you ran from.... She is you... |
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 well done !
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 ((hugs)))
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