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| Blogs > 40Deuce > Sherry Stringfield's ass in 93 |
Wonderful , wonderful
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Wonderful , wonderful Some quiet evening, I sit by your side And we're lost in a world of our own I feel the glow of your unspoken love I'm aware of the treasure that I hold Is there anything worse than when there's a great wrestling match but the crowd is dead ? Yeah , lot's of things . If you thought that Kumail Nanjiani didn't have a podcast where he reviews every episode of the X-Files you were wrong . Dead wrong . The audio is crap though . There's about 2 billion podcasts in the world and roughly all of them have shit audio . What's the deal ? If you're going to start a podcast figure out how to get decent audio . Remember when I said a while back that podcasts were on their way out ? Well my friend Grizzly wants me to do a podcast with him so now you know it's official over . Once I get involved with something it's been dead for several years . Like blogging . If you thought that Gwenyth Paltrow didn't sell magic jade sex eggs you were wrong . Wrong and foolish . I read a review by a lady who purchased one and , brace yourself , she didn't feel like it made her any more sexualized . I believe it was titled 'I Tried the Goop Jade Egg to Awaken My Sexual Chakras or Something' . Why do I know about this ? Because They Might Be Giants tweeted about it . Why did TMBG tweet about it ? Probably because of this part of the review ; 'When I opened my jade egg, I immediately got a They Might Be Giants song stuck in my head. You know, the one where they sing about Albany's egg-shaped stadium. It's very catchy."  My favorite excerpt 'Sex was good but it could always be better. Having stronger muscles anywhere sounds nice. Make me better, egg.' The conclusion ; 'Once it was in, it felt like close to nothing. I got up and walked around, figuring I'd have to use my pelvic floor muscles to keep the egg from falling out, but I couldn't even feel its weight. I jumped up and down, which made me slightly aware that it was there, but even doing kegels didn't feel at all different from when I did them any other time. There's only one explanation for this: my vagina is swole as hell." If Gwennie is selling us bum steer jade sex eggs is life even still worth living ? Yeah . Louis CK told a story one time about how he met Paltrow before she was famous and he wanted to put the moves on her so he went on stage at the party they were at to impress her by playing the trumpet - despite the fact that he had never played the trumpet before in his life . Didn't work so well . He didn't say anything about drinking but he had to be pretty drunk to think this was a good idea right ? So what happened with Phelps and the shark , he die or what ? Someone today was talking about how they were 'eaten alive' by mosquitos last night . Which is a common expression but probably what we should say is that we were "drunk alive" by mosquitos right ? Mosquitos transmit malaria , yellow fever , Chikungunya , West Nile virus , dengue fever , filariasis , Zika virus and other arboviruses , making it the deadliest animal in the world - by a lot . It's not even close . The shark that killed Michael Phelps could eat everyone in Russia and it wouldn't even move the needle compared to mosquitos . That's a strangely high number of animals in the world that feed on blood . It must be pretty good stuff . Sometimes during droughts lions kill just to drink the blood . Which seems like it wouldn't work as blood tastes very salty . Remember how I told you about the sad backstory of the Chuck E Cheese rat the other day ? I've started on a screenplay based on that . It's about the Birthday Killer and how he's a sad orphan who was taunted for not knowing his birthday . But now he's all grown up and every day is his birthday and his present . . . . is MURDER !!! Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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I'm not a big steak guy but I went to a local fancy steakhouse yesterday for a birthday deal and as seems to be the case at many steakhouses your choices were essentially an insane 200 oz monstrosity for 150 bucks , or a piece of meat the size of your fingernail for 149 bucks . Also I kid you not they wheeled the food out on a piano bench . Is that supposed to be fancy ? It was not a food cart , it was a piano bench . Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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I have to wonder about the whole food chain thing if we have to have spiders and bats to kill the mosquitos. and phelps never actually swam alongside a shark, kind of much ado about nothing. sighs You cannot conceive the many without the one.
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a piano bench isn't very sanitary. wood sucks up stuff. You cannot conceive the many without the one.
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