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Cyanide - A loving tribute to Poison
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Cyanide - A loving tribute to Poison Today at work the handful of us oldsters were gathered about griping about the state of the world today and someone mentioned how when they were a they were jealous of all the VHS tapes one of their friends had . It got me trying to remember what tapes we had in the house and a treasured memory long forgotten came flooding back to me . The year was 1990 . I was bored in only the way an indoorsy pale friendless virgin in the era before the world wide web can be . Out of desperation I decided to watch the Poison tape my sister had gotten for her birthday the year before - and never watched , hmmph typical . So there I am , being slightly less bored by the antics of glam rockers when BAM ! Out of nowhere , they're doing some behind the scenes nonsense and there's naked chicks everywhere ! It was as if the heavens themselves had opened up and boobs were falling from the sky . When you're a horny preteen its one thing when you're trying to see boobs , but when you're not expecting it ? That's a whole other ballgame . I was very nearly struck dumb . I had to play it cool though , anyone would have walked in any time - plus I needed to keep things on the DL otherwise eventually someone would ask why I was watching Poison all the time . So I was patient in only the way an indoorsy pale friendless virgin in the era before the world wide web can be - a minute here and a minute there I navigated my way through the finest music 1986 had to offer to find the nuggets of booby gold . And then the unthinkable happen . I had a full 20 minutes alone to watch the tape . I quickly went through the greatest hits and then moved on into uncharted territory - and was rewarded with a treasure trove of nude groupies . And that's when it happened . Frontal male nudity . Was it CC DeVille ? Was it Bret Michaels ? Was it Rikki Rocket ? I don't know . What I do know is that my world came crashing down around me . I had seen a man's penis . Life as I knew it was over . One minute I'm happily enjoying the bounty of the human race and them just like that I'm staring down the barrel . In time I learned to live again and then I did what anyone would do - I decided to share the pain . I would say to the dudes at school "Hey , I totally have this tape full of naked women , you should come see it" and like lambs to the slaughter they would come . I'd have the taped all cued up and ready to rock - 10 seconds of sweet , sweet lady nudity and then WHAM ! The hammer comes down , the hammer in the form of a Poison dude dick . I was the destroyer of worlds . I finally decided to stop when one legit started crying . I laughed , but it was shame laughing . Sidenote one 's reaction to the Poison cock did not make sense to me at the time . He wasn't upset at all . "Oooh" he remarked "I'd like to see a little more of that" . In other news there was a dude in the breakroom today reading a paper from February . Time traveler ? Coma waker-upper-from trying to get caught up ? Hoarder ? In other other news me and the crew were hanging out at the greek food fair yesterday and the Greek Orthodox Youth Athletics basketball team was nearby shooting the rock and this one is mad dogging me as I shove gyros down my gullet and ogling the gomenes and finally I says to him I says "What's your problem bro ?" and he says to me he says "Quit staring at my mom" and I retort "I'll stare at your momma all I want" and he goes "lets settle this on the court !" And I won't run when I get called out . So we're playing and having a grand old time , they're young and quick so we can't really guard them but they can't move our FWBs out of the paint plus Joey Bats is a left who shoots right and I'm a righty who shoots left so they can't stop us either - its a scoring bonanza like in the ABA . Throughout the whole game though the Lesbionic Woman and this mouthy dude are banging under the boards and then they both come down with this rebound and LW tears it away from him like an eagle snatching a trout . The force sends the flying he smashes into kneecap of one of his teammates - he comes up and his mouth is a bloody nightmare , he busted out several of his front teeth . So now I'm thinking uh-oh , some of these mánkas are going to tear us up . But everyone was cool about it . I guess Greeks are pretty laid back ? Maybe it was all the ouzo . And then the mom wanted to bang but dude it was like a million degrees and I was sweating my balls off and I had just eaten 99 gyros - smashing was the farthest thing from my mind . So I just fingerbanged her behind the church . I realized afterwards I had a kind of ragged nail . I really should get a no-polish mani if there's any chance I'm going to be fingering someone . Its only polite . No picture today , deal with it Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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[image] You should not have been traumatized - they look like a bunch of 3 inchers Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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You have a rich fantasy life sir.  
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I haven't had Ouzo in ages. Crosswords increase your vocabulary. Cross words increase your blood pressure.
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