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| Blogs > 40Deuce > Sherry Stringfield's ass in 93 |
I didn't touch your vibrator LINDA !
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I didn't touch your vibrator LINDA ! Did you know that when you forgive someone something its assumed you won't throw whatever you forgave them in their face afterwards ? I didn't . Had I know that I would have never forgiven anyone anything . I love throwing things in people's faces . Its fun . Why would I give that up ? That would be like giving up cake , not because you're on a diet , but for NO reason . Its crazy . As you all know I used to just avoid elevators as a matter of course . Then I got out of shape enough I started using them . Then because of that time when an elevator LURCHED SLIGHTY I went back to the stairs and was just okay with being out of breath . But the other day I was walking to a lady with a meeting , no , I was walking to a meeting with a lady at work and she went for the elevator . Usually I have no problem splitting off from people and taking the stairs in such a situation even though is it "unspeakably rude" but this gal was wearing a skirt with a hemline WELL north of the knee so I was staying in her wake like . . . you know , whatever . So anyway , the elevator gets stuck and I says to her I says "We're going to be here for a while , did you ever see that movie There Will Be Blood ?" and she says that she has so I sit down and say "Good , then you can tell me about ." She thought that was "super weird" but if you ask me she was the one being weird . That movie is what ? Four or five hours long ? A good plot summary is going to be 20 minutes at the least and its not like she had said summary in the chamber ready to fire , she'd be thinking about it as she goes along so its more like 30 minutes . Seems like a good way to kill time to me . Am I right here ? Also we TOTALLY did it .  I'm envious of women in some ways but generally I'm glad I'm a dude . One reason if that if I start fooling around with a lady and for whatever reason I'm not into it but I just keep going because its easier than making it a "thing" its no big deal . I just shove it in wherever and that's that . But as a woman when you're in that situation and you decide to just have the sex because its easier than finding out if the dude a-kissin' on you would actually stop if you said no you have to decide which hole on your body him jamming his junk into will make you hate yourself the least . I'm glad I don't have to deal with that . The other day I put on a blue shirt with black pants but I didn't realize how dark blue it was until I got to work - basically it looked like I was in all black . I felt foolish but I decided to just go with it and a little eyeliner and some black lipstick and I was just a goth dude instead of an idiot who can't dress himself proper . On the plus side my man-tits were barely noticeable . I guess black is slimming . A lady the other day was bragging about how she shit all over some poor waitress and her tagline was "She tried to give me attitude and she's a WAITRESS . . . at a SEAFOOD restaurant ." Now we all know that anyone in the service industry is a piece of trash that you should treat like subhuman slag but I didn't know there were different levels . Like I didn't know being a server at a seafood restaurant meant you were even more of a piece of human garbage . I wonder what the hierarchy is . If you work at , say a steak restaurant , does that mean you're like three quarters of a real human and you can be treated with some SMALL amount of respect ? I think my favorite thing about America is that there's no class system here at all . Everyone literally is treated the same and has the same opportunities . The other day there was a big hub-bub around the old water cooler (which doesn't exist) because someone stumbled upon the fact that there is a federal law that anyone who comes in contact with extraterrestrial biological matter be placed in quarantine . Everyone took this to mean the government was covering up tons of aliens coming to earth . Being the pedant asshole I am I pointed out that it was probably just for meteors and the like - which one time MAYBE had some bacteria . Also aliens totally live amongst us . Its in vogue right now to complain about millennials , and rightly so , they're the absolute worst - but you know who I hate more ? People from 1534 . I mean what's their problem ? They can't even work a computer . They're useless in the office . And the way they talk ? What the fuck ? Speaking ENGLISH asshole . REAL English . I mean There is not any man of the church of England but the same man is a member of the Commonwealth, nor a member of the Commonwealth which is not also a member of the Church of England What the hell does even mean ? And the way they drive ! Jesus Christ . And they go nuts every time you say "Jesus Christ" like its some kind of blasphemy . And they keep asking about Count Christopher of Oldenburg and the Hanseatic League like anyone gives a fuck . And you know what 1534 people ? I AM going to publish ecclesiastical laws without royal permission ! What are YOU going to do about it ? Shoot me ? It takes like a damn year for them to load their stupid 1534 guns . God , why don't they just to back to where they came from ? I mean the only people worse then people from 1534 are people in the service industry right ? But at least their not aliens with all their damnable anal probes . 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1 post 5/14/2016 4:43 am |
Nicely done! I love linear tangent type writing style you're rockin'. thought provoking in an almost nonsense kind of way. Made me want revisit my Douglass Adams library. thanks
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