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The most romantic present you can give is a gift certificate for butt surgery
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The most romantic present you can give is a gift certificate for butt surgery I'm not normally in the habit of recommending anything to anyone but I feel I must alert anyone who doesn't know to the presence of Reductress . I stumbled across it last night while searching for the really freaky porn and I was so entertained I didn't even jack off ! And I'm man ! Of sorts . Think about what that means - have you ever known anything to prevent a man from jerking it ? No , you have not . What is Reductress ? Here's how it describes itself "The first and only satirical women’s magazine, the mission of Reductress is to take on the outdated perspectives and condescending tone of popular women’s media, through the eyes of the funniest women in comedy today. Also, we want people to think we’re pretty." It is funny . You guys know me the only thing I like more than list articles is making fun of list articles but this is great . Here's an example I plagiarize for you now ; 6 Things He Can Say While Spanking You to Prove That You’re Still Equals We know that the only thing better than a pat on the back from your beau is a pat on the backside. And while it’s great to let things get a little kinky in the bedroom, it’s essential that he shows you enough R-E-S-P-E-C-T to honor your equality outside the bedroom. Here are some helpful phrases he can throw out mid-spank to remind you that you’re both equals. 1. “We need to close the wage gap.” While deep in the throes of a spank sesh, your guy can prove that while you may not be equals in the workforce, you are definitely equals in the boudoir. Clapping each cheek as a toy monkey claps his cymbals, your guy can do his part to close that wage gap by enthusiastically closing the gap between his hand and your ass. Wow, your bae is so woke! 2. “Can I borrow some cash?” This fun phrase will help keep the power and his checkbook balanced. Having him hit you up for a few hundred bucks while tapping your tushie will let everyone know that the net power imbalance in this act of sexual play has been corrected. Is your man too uncomfortable to ask for a loan? He can ask for other favors instead—your Netflix password, a job reference, a spare kidney, whatever you’ve got that he doesn’t! 3. “Me next, brah.” Pull out the old fraternity paddle! You get to practice a little role reversal AND bring bae back to his college days. Have your little rushee give you a good hazing, but in a way that reminds everyone that you are both each others “brah”s—which is to say, equals. If he doesn’t still have his paddle, feel free to flog your guy with a wooden kitchen spoon or his copy of The Feminine Mystique. 4. “(silent, meaningful tears)” There’s nothing more empowering than a sexy thwack directly followed by some silent weeping. Is he moved to tears by your unyielding femininity? Is he erotizing a childhood of spankings? We don’t know. But what we do know is that whoever’s not crying is automatically more powerful, so go ahead and chalk this one up as a win, girlfriend! 5. “While you might enjoy the physical sensation of me spanking your buttocks along with the emotional and mental release you receive from assuming a submissive role, the fact that you’re even able to entertain these notions make me fully realize how strong in will and mind you truly are—and for that, I admire you.” Wow, what a sensitive guy you have! That’s so hot. 6. “We are equals.” Kind of straightforward and vanilla, but this one gets the point across. You’re equals—sweet! Now, pull out the blindfold and let him whack you like a dirty rug. There you have it, gals. You can totally keep your kink while keeping the power. Spank away. That's good stuff I don't care who you are . I need to meet these broads , they sound like my kind of chicks . Other noteworthy articles "Six Hairstyles to Make People Think You've Never Had Anal" and "How to Save a Bad First Date with Anal" . Yeah , I have a thing for anal , what of it ? Although I hate the term . What do they call anal in French ? Rapports anaux ? Maybe . In other words is OK Cupid still a thing ? I used to hear about it all the time . I never thought about it until the other day but that's kind of a weird name for a dating site . I think of a sentence that starts with "OK" as generally kind of aggressive or conversely kind of low-energy . Such as ; "Ok Cupid , lets see what you got you bastard !" OR "Ok Cupid , whatever you say ." I found out today that Brittany Spears is only 34 . I thought she was WAY younger than me . I retroactively don't feel so disgusting for the lust I once I had for her . Which isn't to say I wouldn't still do her today , just that I stopped lusting for her a long time ago , as we all did . South Park explained why . Who wins in a fight - Brittany or Christina ? Back in the early 2000s I would say Christina , but today I'd probably go with Brittany - I feel like Christina has softened why Brittany has grown strong on bitterness and insanity . If you're going to karaoke Brittany do you do Toxic or Hit Me Baby One More Time ? Wrong , everyone knows you do Toxic . Also did Christina have implants or did pregnancy just fill her boobs out like that ? Because DAMN , I don't remember her like that . And finally , I've never seen 16 Candles but it was explained to me there's a subplot about some dweeb making a bet about banging Molly Ringwald (Ringwold ? ) and the proof that he had done it was showing her undies . I have two problems with this , first of all this doesn't prove anything - I could easily get the underwear of a woman I haven't banged , not to mention the fact I could just go buy a pair . But also conversely I think it would be pretty hard to steal the panties of a woman with whom you did just have sex . When she's getting dressed she's going to look for them right ? The only time I've known a woman to leave her underwear behind is if she's shame-creeping away without trying to wake you up . They might be stuffed in a purse instead of worn out , but I think she's going to get them most of the time . In conclusion Kozilek can influence time and space . This is true . This is its purpose . But time and space are meager domains compared to the kingdoms of love and mercy . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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That's almost priceless !!!
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wild and crazy as hell
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Dude! Another kick ass blog! Thanks
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I love the idea of whapping a dude with The Feminine Mystique (I'm sure you're not surprised). The consensus of people in my online OKCupid group is that it's going downhill. OKC has been taking away the side stuff like personality quizzes and forums, that people enjoyed, and dumbing down the user interface to make it more like Tinder. They do still have the match questions, which I think are helpful for seeing at a glance whether a guy is an old fashioned misogynist. Basically I've probably glanced at the profile of every guy in my age group who seems remotely viable, so the site is getting pretty stale for me. It could still be worth trying for someone who's new on the site (they give new people a lot more visibility, sending their profile out in "this weeks' new matches" emails etc.).   
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