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Its Leap Day Eve - do you know where you fancy undergarments are ?
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Its Leap Day Eve - do you know where you fancy undergarments are ? We all know the story of Christmas , how Jesus died saving Santa from his Iraqi captors after his sleigh went down in Baghdad . We all know the story of Thanksgiving , how Abraham Lincoln killed the master vampire and saved all the Southerns from their blood curse . But how many people know the story of Leap Day ? Gather round and let me tell you the tale of Leap Day . Leap Day was been celebrated long before the rise of humanity by the Great Red Ape and his enslaved Martian minions , but I'm going to tell you about the modern celebration of Leap Day as we know it . It began in early 2004 at West Point Academy of all places with a failed panty raid . It wasn't a very happy Leap Day that year , for many were killed . Company Commander Roger Phillips , a junior at the academy at the time , was among the injured . At the time we reported in a full-body cast , after he fell from a third-story window after he was wounded by a bayonet thrust in the tomfoolery . "A bunch of us were goofing around after lights-out, and we started daring each other to sneak into Bartlett Hall and steal some of the girls' underwear ," Phillips said . "I guess , as a result of our training , we just can't help but think strategically . Before we knew it , the whole panty raid had somehow turned into a meticulously planned 16-man undergarment-acquisition mission and reconnaissance force ." According to sources within the academy, male cadets crossed the borders of "women's country" at 2115 hours Monday for a carefully coordinated prank strike on Room 245's personal-underclothes storage facilities . The female cadets , alerted to the coming attack by unsuppressed laughter , were able to put up a solid defense . Before the raiding party reached panty-lock-on range, the female cadets laid down a curtain of machine-gun fire and fell into defensive positions inside their barracks . "We met with an unexpectedly high level of resistance and spunkiness from the female cadets ," Phillips said . "The women engaged us with close-quarters skirmish tactics , and we were forced to drop smoke charges to cover our retreat . We withdrew, pantyless , to an adjoining hall , where we were able to regroup ." "I take full responsibility for the hijinks-related combat fatalities ," he added . Phillips noted that the female cadets' resistance was in the "finest tradition of the service ." The women's accounts confirm Phillips' description of the incident. "They neutralized our sentry early , through sheer numbers ," said Battalion Leader Joanna Russell , who received the Purple Heart, the Bronze Star, and 10 demerits for her part in repelling the panty raiders . "But once we had beaten back the first wave with small-arms fire and consolidated our strength around the footlockers , it was only a matter of waiting them out . We knew they'd be back , primarily because they hadn't gotten to the panties yet , but also because they'd left [sophomore] Bernie [Holman] gut-shot and bleeding in the hallway . The boys may be a bunch of immature idiots , but they'd never leave a downed man behind ." But from this tragic incident of deadly horseplay came the tradition of stealing underwear on Leap Day that we all enjoy today . Now , everyone knows that the goal of Leap Day is to steal the most expensive underthings that you can find - but do you know why ? Why its because of the Leap Day Septineybra of course !  The Leap Day Septinebra is a magical horrifying creature that lives in the Gulf of Mexico and comes out every Leap Day to devour the genitals and fingernails of those wicked souls that don't offer up sacrifices of the finest and frilliest French undergarments . So Happy Leap Day everyone , snatch all the underwear you can - and watch out for the Septineybra ! Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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Congrats , just keep an eye on your underwear Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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