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Why
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Why Why is it that those we care about most in our lives are the ones that hurt us the most. I sometimes wonder do they realise just how much it hurts, do they do it deliberately, or are they really that thick that they dont know what they are doing. Right now I am hating myself. Why. Well over the past two days I have been hurt by the action of two people who are important in my life. The reason I hate myself right now is because I know that I shouldnt let them make me feel this way. One I guess Im kind of stuck with (my mother), the other I could walk away from, but cant. My mother made comments yesterday that if you were to pull her up about them she would turn it round and make out that I was paranoid, that she was talking about other people, and didnt include me in it, even though she knows that the subject she was talking about cuts me to the bone. she casually drops these remarks in, especially when there are others there that she knows i wont make a scene in front of. so what do i do, i take it, walk away feeling like shit, and then cry when Im on my own. the other person can make me feel like the most important person in the world, i cant imagine them not in my life. yet, has a habit of making me feel like total shit. the worst part is, that unlike my mother they know that i feel like shit, but think that i am just an over-emotional female. as far as they are concerned life is the way it is, get used to it. why complicate it. why want more than you are getting. they have two ways of dealing with it. they either pretend that its not happening, or else have a row and leave me feeling like its all my fault. right now im going to head off to bed, have a good cry, get up early in the morning, walk the dog, and start a new day. hopefully tomorrow i wont be crying, i will do what i always do, put it behind me and get on with it. what it does make me wonder though is. do i ever make anyone feel like shit. do my , or my family, or my friends, ever leave me,or come off the phone from me and cry because I have make them feel so bad. my god I really hope not.......... |
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1/24/2010 3:37 pm |
Sounds to me that you need to confront the people in your life and bring this up point blank. you can do this either one on one or as a group. I would reccommend one on one with your mother, I have had to do the same with my dad, we drew farther apart for a short while but now things are better than ever. as for the others they need to hear it from you what your feelinigs are.
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