forgettable
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Posted:Apr 5, 2015 7:47 pm
Last Updated:Mar 25, 2016 1:37 pm
5153 Views
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looking past the smoke an mirrors
looking past the personality
looking past the hope
looking past the righteous indignation
I hold my head up
i walk my path
my body screams for love
my soul stopped looking
a spark fell
hope swelled
love blossomed
but only for one
i fought
i screamed
i cried
i failed
it is best to have loved and lost
that is a crock
it is best to have never loved at all
so then you dont have to be broken
to the person you cannot forget
to the person who forgot you
to the person who cannot love
to the person who taught you not to
the heart is lost
the heart is forgotten
the empty shell of a body is all that is left
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going out on a rope..
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Posted:Mar 26, 2015 5:49 pm
Last Updated:Mar 27, 2015 5:53 pm
5123 Views
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well like i said..i would blog about experiences and dates that i have had... this one is for the couple i have began seeing
First the backstory:
i noticed them flirting and hotlisting about a year or more before i contacted them .... it wasnt that i wasnt interested... couples where the woman is truly bi .. they excite me... that is the perfect relationship for me... I was with bone... i was totally in love with him.. he was my fatcat.. he was my everything and everyone paled in comparison to him... but yet everytime i seen that they looked at my profile... flirted.. anything i was intrigued.. i wont lie...
after everything was said and done with bone... i decided that i wanted to get to know this couple that in all honesty had intrigued me from the beginning .... so i sent them an email... it took a few days for them to respond... and i thought i had lost their interest... (insert sad face here) but finally they responded... we added each other on facebook... i brought them to my secret naughty group that i created there... and we started talking and texting...
THey are wonderful... our first "date" was me going to their house ... we ended up creating a new game from life so we can drink and do truth or dare all together... lol yes ... add tequila ... and can get creative to say the least.... ohhh not only was there the game life... drinking... truth or dare... but we also made it strip life  anytime we had to pay we lost an article of clothing
as we were getting a bit tipsy... and flirty .. and fun the games that we were playing kinda went to the way side... we ended up in the hottub naked  happy girl here... and omfg was hot
The female half was truly bi... score for me and it started out with us fiddling around with each other in the hot tub... i couldnt touch her enough... she was amazing... loved every square inch of her beautiful body ... he just sat back and watched.... which was a turn on as well
it got so hot and heavy we ended up going into the bed... they turned me on sooooo much i doused their bed over and over and over... i licked her pussy raw... literally ... it tasted so fucking good.. i hadnt had a female for awhile and anyone who knows me knows i will generally pic female over male all the time... we went for hours... everyone just fucking loved the whole time...
were still friends.. i still will go to their house... and talk and text them often... some personal issues came up in their life and getting together has became harder... but i really cant wait to have some alone time with them again
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feelings
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Posted:Mar 19, 2015 8:00 pm
Last Updated:Apr 25, 2024 8:41 am
4993 Views
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Yes its my own fault...
i fell for the crap again...
i wasnt strong enough to say no...
i wasnt strong enough to run...
i yearned for your touch...
i yearned for your smile...
i wanted to smell your smell again...
yet i hated you....
i wanted to wake up beside you...
i wanted to make you happy...
i wanted to let you see the real me...
your gone again...
and i still yearn..
but i know now that its not really you i yearn for...
I know now... that what i yearned for
what i begged for....
what i fought for...
wasnt you at all....
i know now...
that what what i fought for...
what i yearned for....
what i prayed for....
was what was already inside of me....
so when i see your face now...
when i hear your name...
when i think of you ....
i smile a gentle smile....
and i thank you....
i thank you for hurting me...
i thank you for almost breaking me...
i thank you for treating me like you did....
why???
because ...
without you doing this...
how would i know how much i could handle...
how would i know how much i could take and still stand up....
how would i know what i really wanted....
if i didnt find out what i truly didnt want?
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yes sir ;)
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Posted:Dec 27, 2014 9:46 am
Last Updated:Feb 7, 2015 11:19 am
6302 Views
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So got brave enough to go on another date with someone new.... we had been trying to get the time to get together for a bit... cold feet.... bad neighbors... distractions always seem to get in the way to be able to get to meet up and frankly i started dismissing the fact that we would be able to meet up..
Finally. everything lined up... now we had done some texting back and forth ... a few phone calls.... dirty pics .... facebook shit... but Christmas night we finally got to meet up....
He was definitely nice to look at.... he came over and we had a few beers... i showed him some fo the kink of me from my computer  yea i know not ladylike on a first date... but we been talking every day for a month and i get off on peoples reaction to some of my things i wont lie!!
Well one thing led to another... and lets face it... i needed something to break the thought process in my head that said i wasnt attractive or good enough .... that was put in there by someone else... i know making someone else pay for anothers fuck up isnt cool ... and this isnt what i was doing but i still needed to substantiate in my own head that i was still "normal" and "desirable" ..... and omg he did it!!
within 3 minutes of us starting i was already squirting... just by his tongue!!! he ate my pussy like he was a starving ethiopian and my pussy was the last steak dinner known to man! My eyes rolled back and my body going through orgasm after orgasm after orgasm.... drove me crazy so much ..... i didnt think i could take anymore when all of a sudden he entered me.
OMFG! as soon as he entered me i went through another round of orgasms .... all he did was enter... he didnt pump... he didnt slam.... he just entered!!! i slathered up his dick with suck ferocity that i could feel the cum sliding down my ass and soaking his balls..... he was just enjoying feeling my muscles contract and the orgasms through my pussy ... he was savoring every second which made me even hotter....
i couldnt handle it anymore.... i needed to please him.... I flipped hmi over in bed and went to work..... i wanted to hear him grunt and i wanted to feel his dick pulse in my mouth... i wanted to know that i gave him just as much pleasure as he had given me..... and omg his reaction was perfect!!!! that in itself made me orgasm....
that was just the first round! That night we must have went three or four rounds... and no two rounds were the same.... Without ever explaining my hot spots this guy hit them everytime.... the pinning down.... the roughness... the softness... when to kiss me ... how to kiss me just right... omg this guy was a pro!!
On top of the great sex... we can have such great conversations... So much better then what i have been going through previously with my ex bf.... omg what it feels like to breath and live again... i am really loving my life... I can have experiences like this... and not feel like i am doing something wrong... or i am not pleasing someone... why would i ever go back ?????
To some... i will never be enough.... and to them i say fuck off and let me live in peace...
To the ones like this man... whom i spent two wonderful nights with... i say yes bring it on... lets have some fun... i love it
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restarting and living
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Posted:Nov 22, 2014 4:12 pm
Last Updated:Dec 20, 2014 8:46 am
6422 Views
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well from my previous blogs... we all know i fell in love... unfortunately it didnt work... my love meter still needs to be worked on... not that i dont still love him... but he is toxic to me. he turned to be a painful memory...
i took some time off dating so i can wrap my head around what exactly was happening between him and i and to be sure that i wasnt making a mistake... he stayed in my life for almost the whole time.... without sex... without anything.... until i knew i was ready to move on completely and i accepted my first date since leaving him... then he disappeared... painful but true.... he couldnt handle me dating others.... but he didnt want to love me....
so last night i broke the cycle and actually had sex with someone else... (the first time since who i fell in love with) and it was amazing! exactly what i needed! although i felt really really bad that we both fell asleep (which was against the rules) i enjoyed every second of it!
He knew about the hardship that i had went through the past couple months... and this wasnt the first time we were together.. it waqs just the first time we were together since i was with the person i fell in love with...
HE came in and went to "work" at working me over right off the bat he knows just hour forcefull to be with me and he aims to please! it started with him in uniform "strip searching" me ...... ummmmmm making me melt anyone ? he knew how to make me weak and quiver with ever nibble.... every lick.... every touch .....
He had known me enough to know that i give as good as i get and that match tempo with who i am with so i dont intimidate anyone... my libido and my stamina and my sexual prowness can actually intimidate some (i have had enough experience with bad results in the past to make this statement) but he accepted the challenge and raised the bar !
after the strip search and exploration he entered my head.... working with my imagination and working within the sensuality of my brain.... knowing my exhibtionism and manipulating my mind into thinking about being watched while we were playing.... feeling his dick pressed against my ass.... trying to stroke it for him and him demanding that he be the only one touching... my pussy was soooooooooooooo over excited
finally making it to the bedroom i dont think my bed will every be classified virgin anymore he had me all over that bed in various position.... making me explode in sexuality over and over again... my blankets doused over and over again with my juices... ohhhh how quickly he could make me squirt... so fast ...... over and over and over again.... by the end of it.... we were so physically spent we both fell asleep.... was so amazing !!!
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what i want
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Posted:Aug 30, 2014 10:46 pm
Last Updated:Dec 17, 2014 10:35 pm
6611 Views
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So many times i am asked what i want. This is a hard question to answer... even when i am blunt and to the point about everything....
What do i want?
What do i want????
What do i want ???
This is the closest thing to being able to explain what i want ....
What i want is to feel myself filled to the tilt with pleasure. to have that which feel so empty filled completely... to feel lips on my nipples putting pressure on my piercings .... hands grabbing and pushing me past the point of explosions...
What i want is to wake up and go to sleep with someone who can fill me every morning and every night with ecstasy, and dominate me... to make me quiver with ever touch... make me beg for their lip on my body... their touch all up and down my body exploring every secret spot i have
What i want is for someone to so completely take my mind and body over to a point where all i can do is quiver in want at the sound of their voice....
What i want is for that person to adore me as much as i adore them! What i want is for them to feel all the importance in me that i feel in them.... What i want is for them to feel pride to have me at their side... to not be ashamed or to look for more conquests as if i didnt please them.... what i want is for someone to draw from me the power and the sexuality i draw from them...
What i want is to be loved as much as much as i can love... to touch and be touched as much as i can touch and be touched... to taste and be tasted on equal playing fields....
What i will do until i find what i want?
Experience everything i can while holding on to the self respect and esteem i have! To learn what my body likes and dont like so when i find that perfect person i can show them and tell them what pleases me most...
What i will do until i find what i want??
I will work on becoming the perfect woman for the perfect person for when we meet... it will be equal and fair....
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memory lane
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Posted:Aug 11, 2014 9:28 pm
Last Updated:Apr 25, 2024 8:41 am
6686 Views
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We all know this lifestyle can take its toll on us.... specially when we have a few years under our belt and everything isnt new and exciting anymore... To a certain point i believe that when we first get into this lifestyle everything is like christmas.. new gifts, new adventures, new everything..
I have had some really FUN times and have met some really awesome people! on the flip side, with the good you have to take it with the bad, and i have met some really horrible people who are so hell bent on hurting others that they taint the world as we know it! i dont understand these people. i guess i will never need to understand them.
In my previous post i had wrote that i had fallen in love, and yes i fell hard! Trust me when i say that it was something i needed to do in order to heal from previous scars. But as i sit here wondering if i should keep the faith or walk away i ended up reading my own blogs from the past!
One of the funniest things i realized is i am no closer to nirvana within the lifestyle as i was a few years ago when i wrote them! NO i havent went skydiving... no i havent jumped into shark infested waters.... and yes i have went into my little shadow box a few times since then! i have wondered if i were meant for this lifestyle... and had my faith and trust and heart ripped up more then once!
And yet i still persevere and work at living the lifestyle. I want to know whats out there sexually! I want to learn everything there is to learn. some i have to experience and some i just have to see. I want to know what roping is. I want to know how it feels to be completely dominated... i want to experience so much !
I want to feel love and i want to love. experience all the freedom without being insecure or afraid to announce proudly " I AM ALIVE AND I AM FREE"
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trip, trap, or fate?
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Posted:Jul 13, 2014 2:59 am
Last Updated:Aug 28, 2014 1:24 pm
6974 Views
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You know this road has been long and exciting.... its had ups and downs and always been a learning experience minute by minute...
What many dont know is that a boyfriend brought me to this site a few years ago and introduced me to the world of openness.... Unfortunately he was one that actually hid more and had more secrets then anyone i ever met.... No this isnt a bashing blog! everything happens exactly when its supposed to in order to actually teach us life lessons.... He ripped me apart though.... and taught me i was stronger then i thought... and taught me how important honesty is within the confines of a relationship...
i had a few years now that i have had some great experiences.... fwb... girlfriends..... alll learning about this lifestyle...
One thing that i for one didnt think i was capable of... and two i didnt think i would ever feel again is love.... Plain and simple love! not the puppy love, or lust crap that goes on here all the time... but honestly .... the type where you cant wait to smell their shirt... you cant wait to see them.... your body tingles at the sound of their voice.... when they touch you ever so slightly your body responds as is if you just had marathon sex and just finally allowed yourself the ability to release....
i know sounds so stupid.... but for someone like me its not.... ohh plenty have tried to get me to love them.... to fall for them... to want them.... i just couldnt get to that point... i couldnt open myself up and i truly only had friendship with sex on top with them... it was all i could ever feel for them.... i couldnt force myself to fall in love with just anyone....
The funny part is the person i fell in love with is just as damaged as i am.... trust and love is hard for them... i see the same pain and suffering in their eyes as i feel in my heart... i know sappy right.. for a fuck site ... some zombie chic is talking about love... but we all know it could happen....
I met him from here... one day i got sent an email... and the day i was sent that email i was frustrated and angry at how "girlie" some of the men were on this site..... dont get me wrong i am still not bashing anyone... but i had someone begging me to feel something i couldnt ever feel anything more then friendship for....
it was a simple yet respectful email,,,, attached to a profile that didnt have a cock pic on it (thank god for that cause those turn me off) and the profile was funny yet a bit provocative, promising if i gave this person an hour i wouldnt be let down.... lol challenge accepted
so i emailed him back... telling him i did better at a face to face and if he werent capable of meeting face to face then move on! and also telling him dont even try to get down my pants right off the bat or there would be no way i was going to be dealing with that shit till i knew he wasnt insane! yes we have all met someone insane from this site.... and if you havent.... YOUR probably the insane one (just joking... maybe)
we met for a late night dinner/breakfast at 230 am... only because that is what time my crazy ass schedule allowed me while i was driving home from a 18 hour day....
First thing i noticed is he was late  second thing i noticed is his little boy smile .... third thing i noticed is there was something in his eyes i recognized very well.... it was the look of someone who had been slammed around by life.... but yet hoped that someday somehow something good would come out of it.....
We started up a fuckbuddy type of thing.... something for when i had a free moment in my busy schedule i could swing by and get a bit of tension relief.... OMG the things he could do to my body.... he made me feel things i had never felt before.... he new the right pressures... the right time to be rough and the right time to be soft.... he played my body like a fine tuned violin in the hands of a world renowned violin artist... We fit so good together it felt as if we were made for each other.... Slowly we started talking about something that was beyond the amazing sex we were having.... we started talking about life.... and pains.... and hopes and dreams..... and i started to fall into feelings
I got scared!
Mortified!
And then something happened where i took my scared little girl self and ran away from him! By all means that should be the end of it! it wasnt!!
He continued to text me
he continued to call me
he continued to show me he wanted me back
I didnt understand... i wasnt his only fuckbuddy... he had plenty.... why would he need me in his life so damn bad >>> ?
Then i did the ultimate.... trying to push him away....
I dated his crazy ass ex girlfriend...... but before i did i made sure i told him! if anything would drive ppl away ... THAT would be it!
But it didnt!!
I dated his girlfriend on saturday night (which by chance was a OMG disaster.... AND she was psycho) by sunday afternoon him and i were actually driving around... talking.... and starting to feel things out.... i was terrified!
THis was the only man i had allowed ANY type of feelings other then friendship for in years.... and honestly i didnt think i could ever ever feel them again....Having fun i was good at.... having feelings .... errr not so much... i am not the typical woman that went gaga just because someone paid attention to me for longer then a few dates!! fact is i am more typically male-like when it comes to fucking .... lol ....
Yes we started playing again... and those feelings i had started to feel for him started to grow by leaps and bounds... no matter how much i fought them and tried to push them away they grew.... every touch.... every kiss.... every moment that i could touch him and feel him i did...till one day... i woke up next to him... looked over at him and realized i was in love.....
OMFG !!!! REALLY ???? WTH ?????? this wasnt supposed to happen....
im allergic to commitment
im allergic to love
im allergic to anything that would remind me that i could be vulnerable to some one else
and yet i still fell in love
We have had our ups and downs...
we have had our trips along the way....
others have tried to make me look away from him
and others have tried to make him look away from me
But for some reason.... we keep gravitating to each other
I have no way of knowing how this is going to turn out.... all i know is i cannot wait for the next adventure i can have with him.... He is an amazing man! no matter how much i drive him crazy with my ability to get lost ......... No matter if i use my gps or not.....
I hope that someone reads this rant and feeels hope... because if you would have been here a year or two years or three years ago and told me i would feel like this about someone... i would have laughed at you
as per 8-28-14 i was wrong, the love i felt was only one sided and it was only on my side not his! i played the fool, i allowed myself to believe what my heart knew wasnt real! now i will go on,
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life through the rollercoaster
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Posted:Apr 2, 2014 9:32 am
Last Updated:Jul 13, 2014 2:13 am
6741 Views
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I haven't blogged for a long time, so bear with me
Since my last blog, there has been so much growth, and so many bumps in the road but every one of them much needed. Although my sex life took a back seat to my personal life for a bit i am back, and experiencing even more exciting adventures.
For me its not just about sucking cock, licking pussy's, and getting fucked! Its about exploring the other persons body, its about allowing them to explore mine, its about bringing the sexual explosion to greater heights, and feeling comfortable enough to allow the explosions to come.
Letting someone take control of my body, of my senses, of my reactions is quite the experience! Every nerve tingling, not knowing where the next touch, spank, nibble is coming from makes them all more exciting! Trusting the person to hold the only thing that i truly own and truly honor and respect and to do with as they please is one of the most awe-inspiring things i have ever done.
Random sex cannot give this experience, to get this kind of experience you need to get to know the person, pay attention to their body-language, pay attention to their reactions and learn. One night flings cannot give you this. i cannot wait for the next experience, i cannot wait to meet more ppl and get to know them enough to experience more and more.
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To link to this blog (zgirl74) use [blog zgirl74] in your messages.
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what an ass ! I made up my mind to right then and there show him a side that very few have actually ever witnessed in real life.....
