Never assume anything - It makes an ass out of you and me
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Posted:Jan 26, 2012 10:23 pm
Last Updated:May 5, 2013 9:08 pm
13429 Views
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Tips for how people on HotMatch.com should conduct themselves.
EDITORS NOTE: I apologize in advance for the length, but I wanted you to first read the details of the chain of events a couple has setting up meetings and then advice on what would have made it go smoother.
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I have had great luck on HotMatch.com. That I won't deny. But that may be due to my intense screening process. However, my recent trip to Las Vegas left me satisfied and pissed off all at once. See, my partner and I decided in October 2011 to take a lovers vacation to Las Vegas for some well-deserved fun time. We picked January dates that fit into our schedule and started making a list of fun, adult things we wanted to do. Thanksgiving rolled around and we started conversing with Las Vegas HotMatch.com members to try to set up a gang bang and couple swaps.
We had some good leads and some people with potential. In mid-December one GB group member - Diamond (not full screen name)- asked my partner to have me call him to voice verify and set things up. We followed his request and I called Diamond. We had a great conversation loaded with potential. We were 6 weeks out from our trip and this seemed like it was going to be a great fit.
The next week passed with one or two text exchanges with Diamond and we had said a Tuesday or Wednesday would work better for our gang bang and he said he would line it up.
As the week progressed, my partner found a post to the gang bang being lined up on HotMatch.com. "I'm trying to find 10 guys for a gb with a very dear friend of mine - Diamond certified. No flakes," posts Diamond. Has a Tuesday, Jan 24, date in the title - the date we said could work for us.
Alright - kinda weird that he posted an ad to a gang bang of mine that he said he already had clean members that he regularly plays with but we shrugged it off and I mention seeing it next time Diamond and I talk.
"oh I want to make sure we get enough people for you but don't worry dear, most HotMatch.com members don't pan out and I have 5 solid guys for you. You and I will be good friends at the end of this and I can even pick you up at airport and pick you up at hotel to bring you to gang bang - don't worry, I got your back."
Ok cool. So i move forward and send the dude a list of my likes, dislikes, rules, and several body pictures on Dec. 12, 2011. I Facebook friended him and gave him my personal email. Pretty forward right?
Weeks pass by with no words exchanged about the Gang bang process. Finally, I texted christmas greetings with Diamond. I receive an acknowledgement of text. Another week passes with no contact and I send a Happy New Year text and get a one-word response.
Now, it's January and three weeks to our late January trip (22-26). Suddenly, we realized we haven't heard from Diamond since our mid-December phone call other than my attempts to start conversations with my Merry Christmas and Happy New Year texts.
Well, shit. Looks like this isn't panning out at all even after i made a point to make sure I was providing all the information to get the experience I wanted. So much for that set up. So my partner moves on trying to get a backup plan - who knows we may hear from Diamond the week before but wanted to make sure this would happen for us.
See, our thoughts on it to move forward with other couples was that since I had made all the attempts to contact Diamond from the get-go, that we would hold off talking to him to see if he would make an attempt to contact us to keep it going. This would be our test to see if he was really interested in setting this up. So, we back burnered it thinking if it was going to happen, he would contact us the week before, or at least a few days.
The excitement builds as we talk to people promising 'fun times' but we are having difficulties locking them down to set times. See, we are on vacation and want to make sure we have things scheduled out and ready to go so we know what we are doing between sex dates and touristy site seeing.
Sunday comes (flight day) and I've been having good chats with Vince about setting up a gang bang as we hadn't heard from Diamond on this since our chat 6 weeks ago. "Open all night Tuesday," i say "or late Monday night as we want to go to a show that night."
We land in Vegas late (11 pm) and hop in our car and go to the Green Door hoping to catch the end of AVN conference there. No such luck. We gambled on the place and lost. But wasn't all bad - made my partner come drink with me at the gay bar next door. Lol.
Meanwhile, Vince decides 9 pm Monday is the only time during our stay that will work for the gang bang. Well, the show we wanted was at 730 Monday and down the strip from our hotel - there was no way we would make it back in time.
"can we push it to 10 pm so we make it back?" I ask. Response from Vince "no, that won't work - have a busy schedule. you did say Monday baby and 9 pm works for us."
Again I explain about the show (sometimes people really don't hear you) and again 9 pm was the only time that would work during our four-day trip. "well, that won't work for us, so I guess we have to pass," I write Vince.
"Awwww, that's too bad baby, we were really looking forward to banging you."
Really? Cause you didnt seem like it being the time push of one-hour wasnt going to work. I get people have busy schedules but an hour push didn't seem like that big of an inconvenience. To me it meant they didn't really want to do it in the first place being I had given advance notice of our show. Now, maybe I'm being critical, but an hour change didn't seem like that crazy of switch.
So instead we moved on to try to set up another gang bang for Monday. Looking good but the guy we are chatting with is refusing to text us or call us or even give us his number to be reached at. So, needless to say that fell through.
Well, ended up that we booked wonderful, well-built and well-hung sexy Will for Monday night and I left satisfied from that one black stud as I probably would have been from 5 in a gang bang. So no complaints there. Had a sexy fun time and my partner got to video tape the whole thing. Purely awesome and had a very sound sleep 
That morning I wake up to two texts - one from Vince saying "too bad we couldn't meet, just got done fucking a wife" and one from Diamond saying "still on with the gangbang for tonight right darling?"
REALLY?! First, I don't care who you went and fucked cause it didn't work for us - no need to texted me that and brag about what I did not miss. And second, where the heck did the gang bang come from? This dude hadn't talked to me in more than 6 weeks - no contact - none! What-so-ever - and he wanted to know if we are on for 6 pm at his house? Not cool. I didn't respond to either - figured what's the point when the first was just bragging about a fun night (I could do that too thanks to Will) and the other was clearly an after thought.
Leaving my phone on silent (I have a vacation policy that my ringer gets turned off and I won't check email and rarely my texts) I threw the phone down and forgot about it and we went on with our daily schedule of activities which included shopping, massages and light drinking.
My partner meanwhile is texting from his phone a fun, sexy Nevada couple in town on a Tuesday 'date night.' Most of our hookups have been scheduled this way by my man texting others and it seems like this hookup would work out great as both couples had 7:00 cirque du soliel shows and could meet up late after.
After a late afternoon lunch, I finally get around to checking my phone and was shocked by what I saw: five missed calls from Diamond, five voice mail messages and a series of long text messages from him too.
Listening and reading the messages had both me and my man really wondering what the hell was going on.
The messages consisted of begging, pleading for me to get a hold of him for this gang bang at 6 pm which turned into frustration and then anger. He was pissed I wasn't answering my phone and kept calling every half hour and texting too. (He facebooked me and emailed also I later discovered). All the day OF the gang bang.
It was a range of phrases ranging from "com'on baby don't do me like that" to "I never thought you would be flakes".
The texts ranged also from this pleading content to angry content that included a picture of myself with the statement "got this from a buddy of a buddy saying you flaked out on him after drinking for free - wth are you about".
Um..... Creepy.
One: I never met anyone for drinks Sunday or Monday night and Two: what the hell is that statement suppose to prove or do? Why send a false statement about my own actions? Red flags and alarms are going off in me and my man's head. This guy is obviously panicking because he must have promised his buddies a gang bang that wasn't happening because he dropped the ball on it. Must be trying to guilt me into it now.
So, shit. Better text this dude back. It's 2 pm, and apparently he wants me at his house in four hours because he has 8 guys coming.
So, I texted Diamond back saying I wasn't sure what was going on but that after we lost communication after our Dec. 12 chat and my attempts at holiday greetings didn't spark any conversation. That since we technically hadn't heard from him in 6 weeks that we had assumed it wasn't going on and had made other plans to go to a show and see another couple. That I'm sorry but the lack of communication indicated lack of interest. And that I never had drinks with anyone so he better get facts straight before accusing me of being a stiff.
Plain and simple right?
Oh no ....
I proceeded to get a phone call from Diamond which I answered because I figured I owed him that (why I thought I "owed him" any explanation isn't clear to me). What I was greeted with left me fuming. It started with pleading and begging to come to the party so he wouldn't look like a liar.
I said "I'm sorry but we have plans and I'm not backing out of $300 tickets and another couple who had been in constant contact"
This was followed by more conversation how I made an agreement with him and was flaking out and should feel bad because I was being a shit.
I finally got firm and said "L--- you and I talked 6 weeks ago for 20 minutes on setting something up. In the past 6 weeks we haven't heard from you. We didn't set a time or anything. We had a dates of what may work for us, but that was 6 weeks ago. We moved on. This lack of conversation is lack of interest to us, we have made other plans. I'm sorry but you dropped the ball."
Then it turned to "well, can you and I meet up for drinks still?"
Me "No! what's the point? No."
Diamond "you're saying in your busy fucking schedule you can see me?"
Me "Yes. That's what I'm saying. Plus, there isn't a point now is there?"
Then he tried to plea more and when I wouldn't budge it ended with a "go to hell bitch then!"
Wow. I looked at my guy and just shook my head. Really? The guy was 40-something years old and resorting to name calling?
"I think we dodged a bullet there" my man said.
So I texted Diamond back and said "really? Name calling? Real mature."
Response: Fuck Off Slut
Me: I will later, but I am glad this happened cause it shows your real colors an that is something I am happy to avoid.
More vulgar texts ending with "flake"
Alright, well that's said and done.
Wrong.
At 5 pm, I got two phone calls from a dude I never ever talked to who said "I heard you're having second thoughts about the party, want to go dancing?"
And at 6 pm, another new number and texts from another dude I never talked to and had never given my number out to saying "I hear you need a ride to Diamond's party tonight - I'm at the strip want me to pick you up?"
What. The. Fuck.
Apparently Diamond never contacted his boys that it was canceled and was giving out my number to see if they could convince me. Maybe they could have if he hadn't been such a jackass earlier. Not cool. So, I texted the one guy back saying what happened and I was sorry but Diamond dropped the ball.
Response: hey it's Vegas - still want to meet up for one-on-one action at MGM?
Nope - have a couples swap set up. Which we did after the show and it was a lot of fun.
Wednesday rolls around and we enjoy our last day in Vegas. We were hoping to meet with Will again and/or another couple but events of our day didn't pan out so we had a night to ourselves.
Thursday, we woke up and guess what - had another angry text from
No other than Diamond saying he heard we flaked on another gang bang Wednesday night and didn't get what the fuck our deal was.
Well, now I'm pissed. Why does this dude keep texting me and accusing me of doing shit I'm not involved with. My first thought is he is getting me mixed up with someone but I knew better. He is trying to make me look like the asshole in this situation so he doesn't lose credit with his boys. Whatever.
I texted him back and said "delete my number and don't contact me again. This is borderline harassment. Quit contacting me with lies. Never had a gangbang set up last night - we have and always were talking with a couple. We have met with all HotMatch.com members every night we officially set up. We have had a lot of fun with the exception of you. I'm not sorry we didn't met up. This was a deal that fell through because of lack of communication. I need to have communication so I know pp are doing what they say. That's how I role. Now, I haven't talked since Jan. 1 when I said Happy New Year. The deal never seemed to materialize and i moved on. Quit making up lies and other crap to make yourself feel better. It doesn't help the matter the ball was dropped. I have kept my end of the bargains with HotMatch.com members every night we've been here. Stop acting like a jilted boyfriend - this was a meeting and nothing more. Stop contacting me. We are not friends, we are not lovers - we are a meeting that never materialized. And stop giving out my number to your friends - this had always been about my wants and needs and after you were disrespectful to me why on Earth would I change my mind and still come over that night? It's done and over with. Move on. I have. See you later and hope you have better luck next time."
That be that. Or so I hope. He responded that I was "Ok, Number delete. Bye flake."
I'm sorry, but how am I the flake? To all the people out there trying to hookup and set stuff up, you need to treat each other with respect and communication. Treat it as if it was a date.
We aren't looking for much but when we give someone our number 3 times and request a text or call to see if you are for real, don't be surprised when the deal falls through. If you can't follow simple requests like that, what would make me think you would be mindful of requests I made about my wants and needs in the bedroom? Makes me think you would ignore them as well. Not a fun thought being we are a couple with little, but still a few rules.
If you are not willing to set time and dates with people or exchange , the likelihood of the meeting panning out has a high chance of failing. And the failure isn't because someone is all talk and no action (aka flakes) but because you aren't a willing partner and giving the other member the info they desire to feel comfortable or to even be an active member in the making of the meeting. I'm sorry, but not being contacted for four weeks and the other gb not texting or calling us is preventing us from being involved as a member of the encounter. One-sidedness does not work.
And when you go forward to schedule things, make sure the other person knows. I'm not sure why even after my 2 pm phone call saying the gb with Diamond wasn't going to happen that people still were at his place at 6 pm. I don't know and I really don't care as I was not an active member in planning this party. Again, it shows Diamonds lack of communication that a bunch of horny guys showed up and he had to answer to them about his failure. Though, it is apparent he will not own up to his part in it as I am the "flake".
The way I was treated and harassed about it has me wondering how many women are actually confronted by this HotMatch.com member or others like him and have now turned away from the site. It was by far my worst experience and if I haven't had others show me that there are real people out there who are respectful, I may have quit the site and say "fuck this shit."
But no, life goes on and I wanted to share my story with you all in case you are unintentionally making some of these mistakes and wondering why things keep falling through.
I'm not saying text someone ten times a day to make sure they are still on for the night (creepy). But at least check in. Treat it like a date because essentially it is.
As my favorite saying goes: don't assume anything - it makes an ass out of you and me.
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Advice on reputable places to go Swing while in Vegas?
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Posted:Sep 17, 2011 7:26 pm
Last Updated:Dec 8, 2013 1:35 pm
12933 Views
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I need help and advice on where a swinger couple would go to find or steps to take to set up a fun, safe encounter for gang bangs, swapping, and other fun activities. Any advice would be great. Thanks!
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