Her 16 year old is pregnant.
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Posted:Nov 18, 2015 10:10 am
Last Updated:Nov 18, 2015 4:07 pm
5415 Views
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A woman takes her 16-year-old to the doctor.
The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"
The mother says, "It's my Darla. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."
The doctor gives Darla a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Darla is pregnant - about 4 months, would be my guess."
The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you, Darla?"
Darla says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"
The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out of it.
About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?"
The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I'll be darned if I'm going to miss it this time!"
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Black Portrait
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Posted:Nov 16, 2015 8:59 am
Last Updated:Nov 27, 2015 6:26 am
5424 Views
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A friend of mine and his wife were at the local art gallery in Seattle and staring at a very expensive portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.
The owner of the gallery, a well recognized expert, realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of black men in a predominately white, patriarchal society.
'In fact,' he pointed out, 'some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.'
After the owner left, an Irishman, approached the couple and said, 'Would you like to know what the painting is really about?'
'Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the owner of the gallery?' asked the couple.
'Because I'm the guy who painted it,' he replied. 'In fact, there are no black men depicted at all. They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch.
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The Beautiful Woman Pleaded Not Guilty
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Posted:Nov 14, 2015 11:58 am
Last Updated:Nov 27, 2015 6:26 am
5372 Views
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A beautiful young woman was appearing in court to face a
public disorder charge. When her name was called out in the court foyer, she
brushed her hair, checked her make-up, took a deep breath, and walked into the
court and took to the witness stand. The charges were read out, and she was
asked how she pleaded. "Not guilty," the woman answered
emphatically.
The prosecution council then approached the woman and
said: "Is it true that on the 11th of December, last year, you committed acts of
gross indecency with a one-legged dwarf - who was waving a union jack - on the
roof of a car, whilst travelling at over 100 mph through the center of London,
in a blizzard, and you were totally nude?"
The woman composed herself, looked straight at the
prosecution council and calmly said, "What was the date again?"
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Orgasms...
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Posted:Nov 9, 2015 2:13 pm
Last Updated:Nov 10, 2015 1:46 pm
5398 Views
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You know they say a pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. ("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
How about you
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BIG NEWS!! 3 OF MY SUGAR BABES ARE EXPECTING!!
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Posted:Nov 2, 2015 1:43 pm
Last Updated:Nov 3, 2015 8:01 am
6229 Views
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CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? One after another over the weekend broke the news. I was not going to say anything to anyone. But how could I not? Three! Not one, not two, but THREE sugarbabes are all expecting in a little over 8 weeks. I am overwhelmed. Never would I have guessed all three would be expecting. And I just had to tell you. I have been blogging for a long time and assume you have gotten to know me. I cannot keep it a secret. But here it is. In black and white. All three are expecting Santa Claus in just over 8 weeks!!!
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
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Halloween party to honor 9/11
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Posted:Oct 30, 2015 11:27 am
Last Updated:Oct 31, 2015 6:52 am
6167 Views
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So one of my female friends inspired by memories of 9/11 decided for Halloween she was going to the party as a fire fighter. She rents the jacket. She rents the hat. But she decided she needed a fire truck. So she ties her to her ’s red wagon. Off she goes. Feeling like she might win best costume, she takes off for the party, “fire truck” and all.
When she got there, one of my other male friends walks up to talk to her. “Great costume!” he said.
“Thanks, “ she smiled back.
It was then my guy friend noticed the woman has attached the to the “fire truck” by its testicles.
“M,” he said, “I am not trying to tell you how to run your fire truck, but I would guess you would go faster if you tied the rope around the dog’s neck.”
To which she responded, “You are probably right, but then I wouldn’t have a siren.”
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How safe is it to meet someone from online.
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Posted:Oct 29, 2015 8:16 am
Last Updated:Oct 30, 2015 7:24 am
6423 Views
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There are people who are afraid to fly because airplanes can crash and they would die. But those same people will get in a car. The odds of dying in a car accident are so much greater than dying from a plane crash.
There is this idea that meeting someone from the internet is unsafe because you never know the person really is. But statistically 2/3 of all [censored word - you know what it is] are committed by someone known to the victim. 15% of sexual assault and [that same censored word] victims are under the age of 12 and 44% are under the age of 18. 93% of juvenile sexual assault victims knew their attacker. Those are stats from the Department of Justice. But conventional wisdom is internet meetings are unsafe.
For murders, between 1993 and 2010, the time of the internet, between 73% to 79% of murders were committed by persons known to the victim. About 1/4 by strangers. Figure in the drive by shootings, robberies, etc. and the number is less than 1 in 5 by a stranger.
Go figure. Some people are afraid to meet someone off the internet which is actually safer than the people around you.
One other point. I remember one lunch I had with one of the founders of Match.com. This is way back in the beginning. He explained how much better it was to pre-qualify women with those characteristics, personality traits, abilities, etc. you were seeking in a mate. Meeting someone in a bar was random. I told him the business plan made no sense. If it was me, I would pay my monthly fee of $14.95 (or whatever it was) for three months. I would find women who met my criteria and then go date and pick the best one. Then I would no longer need their site. A better business plan is on going revenue.
Well, how wrong I was. Not only that, modern statistics today show in one of five marriages the people met online. And in the gay community it is one in three.
Not the first time I have been wrong and no question, it will not be the last.
What do you think about all this?
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The Ugly Truth of Online Dating - a survey results
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Posted:Oct 28, 2015 8:31 am
Last Updated:Oct 29, 2015 8:03 am
7306 Views
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The study of 1,000 single men and women -- all of whom belong to various leading mainstream dating communities -- was conducted across the US and the UK by global research agency OpinionMatters:
Women lie more than men by nearly 10 percentage points! The survey found.
Americans lie more than Britons, by 9 percentage points. More than 53 percent of Americans fabricate parts or all of their dating profile details, compared to 44 percent of Britons
Top 10 Lies Told by Men 1. Job (better than it is)
2. Height (taller)
3. Weight (losing a few pounds)
4. Physique (athletic)
5. Money
6. More senior than they really are at work
7. Interesting profession
8. Knowing celebrities
9. Having an assistant or employees
10. Working in the film industry
Top 10 Lies Told by Women 1. Weight (losing a few pounds)
2. Age (losing a few years)
3. Physique (toned)
4. Height
5. Money
6. Bust (gaining proportions)
7. Glamorous profession
8. Knowing celebrities
9. Having an assistant or employees
10. Working in entertainment
Check out the full blog:
http://HotMatch.com.com
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10 Things Guys Think You Lie About on Your Dating Profile
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Posted:Oct 27, 2015 8:15 am
Last Updated:Oct 30, 2015 7:25 am
6862 Views
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According to www.marieclaire.com Lodro Rinzler,considered an expert, reached out to men across the country to ask what they were worried about when looking at your online dating profile. Here's what guys think women might lie about online:
1 -Your Looks
The number one thing the guys polled think a woman might lie about on her online dating profile is her looks. I am using "looks" as an umbrella term here that covers everything from your height to your weight to your body type to you using a photo of yourself from five years ago. Also, please note that a picture of just your face tells us that you either don't have a nice body or you don't like the body you have. Be confident enough to show your full form.
2-Your Age
"I've definitely gone out with women who say they're 25 but are actually 29," said Eddie. Sometimes a woman may change her age to initially attract a man, but it's such a silly lie to chose; was Eddie's date going to pretend to be four years younger for the rest of their relationship? Since so many men have had this experience, don't be surprised if a guys casually glances at your drivers license when the bouncer asks for it at the door.
3-That You LOVE to Travel
Many women will put that they "LOVE to travel" even if they haven't gone on any real trips or vacations in three years. I don't recommend saying this on your profile because a) everyone says it so you don't stand out from the crowd at all and b) even if you do love to travel, if you haven't lately it might get real awkward real quick when he starts grilling you about all your recent vacations.
4-The Amount of Time You Spend at the Gym
One of the gentlemen I reached out to, Dave, told me, "I think women will exaggerate the amount or frequency of exercise they do." A woman may want to show off how important it is to her that she takes good care of her body, but if you list that you go to the gym every single day a guy may think you're exaggerating.
5-That Impressive Book/TV Show/Movie You Mentioned
One person I reached out to, Sam, said, "I think women will leave off interests that might be considered too girly or immature-any kind of guilty pleasure TV show or magazine, etc. and try to list more intellectual things like books they've read, even if said book was required in high school ten years ago." If you love Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man, put it on the profile, but don't be surprised if your date expects you to actually remember it in detail.
6-Your Level of Independence
Lots of pictures with you and the girls is nice, but when a woman keeps posting about being fiercely independent and not at all clingy on her dating profile a fella might raise an eyebrow and grow suspicious. It's a bit like saying "don't think of a pink elephant." Why bring it up if you don't want a guy's mind to go straight there?
7-How Easy Going You Are
Similarly, when a woman says how she is a laid back, easy going, go-with-the-flow sort of person a man may begin to question if, in reality, she is actually very sensitive/easy to trigger. Best to leave those qualities out of your profile and show, don't tell.
8-Your Interest in Sports
I
f a woman says how much she loves a sport, a man might be suspicious about whether she is just trying to appeal to how much he loves that sport. If a woman says she loves a specific team or calls out a particular player as her favorite, he tends to be less skeptical.
9-How Successful You Are
"I think some women want to project high aspirations even if they aren't successful right now," said Eric. Men are guilty of many of these ten things too, but perhaps I'd say men more often inflate their job title or position. We may be suspicious of how successful you say you are because we lied on our own profile about this one!
10-What You're Looking for Romantically
If you say you're looking for something casual a guy may not take that at face value. Many of us (us being all genders) have had that casual hook-up buddy that after a few months all of a sudden wanted more. Sometimes you may think you want one thing (to be casual) and end up wanting something else (a real relationship). There's nothing wrong with that, unless you're purposefully trying to trick someone. If a guy has had that experience, he's likely to be wary of you stating that you just want to be friends-with-benefits.
Lodro Rinzler is a teacher in the Shambhala Buddhist lineage, the author of five books on meditation, and the founder of M N D F L and the Institute for Compassionate Leadership.
SO DO AGREE OR DISAGREE?
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BIG NEWS!!
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Posted:Oct 26, 2015 9:11 am
Last Updated:Oct 27, 2015 7:57 am
6078 Views
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The world was stunned by the news today of the death of the ENERGIZER BUNNY. He was 16 years old. Authorities believe that the death occurred at approximately 8:42 PM last evening.
Best known as the irritating pink bunny that kept going and going and going, "Pinkie", as he was known to his friends and relatives was alone at the time of death.
An emergency autopsy was performed early this morning. Chief Medical Examiner, Dura Cell, concluded that the cause of death was acute cardiac arrest induced by sexual over-stimulation.
Apparently, someone had put Mr. Bunny's batteries in backwards, and he kept coming, and coming, and coming.....
What a way to go, huh?
So what will you be doing for Halloween?
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Interestting look at sex in 19th and early 20th C
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Posted:Oct 23, 2015 8:11 am
Last Updated:Nov 27, 2015 6:27 am
6031 Views
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Nineteenth-century male society held an ideal of womanhood to which women were encouraged and forced to adhere: selfless and compassionate; the ideal woman’s criminal counterpart was ruthlessly obstinate. Studies into emphasised the class divide in sexual morals: Cominos wrote that women were viewed as either ‘sexless ministering angels or sensuously oversexed temptresses of the devil’, with no middle ground (Himmelfarb, 1995: 74). Butler argued men had created this divide and spoke of the exploitation of both respectable women and prostitutes, the two described thus:
The protected and refined ladies who are not only to be good, but who are, if possible, to know nothing except what is good; and those poor outcast daughters of the people whom they purchase with money, with whom they think they may consort in evil whenever it pleases them to do so, before returning to their own separated and protected homes (Butler, 1879: 9-10).
This reveals the male exploitation of a lower class to uphold the ideals of a more respectable rank of women, who were equally repressed.
Offering an interpretation of why men imposed these feminine ideals upon women, Tait wrote that ‘men are, in general, possessed of greater mental power and activity than females; but that is why they ought to extend towards the latter that sympathy and protection to which they are entitled in virtue of their weak and unprotected condition’ (Tait, 1840: 152). Despite male power, it was thought that women were ‘morally superior’, controlling their sensibilities and regulating their sexual desires in a way which was supposedly beyond male capability. The Westminster Review in 1850 noted that men merely exploit this ‘strange and sublime unselfishness’ by making them servile (Miller, 1859: 6). (Reinvention: An International Journal of Undergraduate Research)
The chief characteristic of Victorianism was not moral virtuousness, but the appearance of moral virtuousness. The world did not have to be perfect, it only had to seem so. The necessity of maintaining a good image put quite a strain on people, especially those connected with morally dubious businesses. But people made do, as did the anonymous author of a guide to whorehouses in New York City, who resorted to an ingenious contrivance to give his book respectability. Beginning his volume with a quotation from Shakespeare, he went on to explain that his little book was written to give the reader “an insight into the character and doings of people whose deeds are carefully screened from public view; when we describe their houses, and give their location, we supply the stranger with information of which he stands in need, we supply a void that otherwise must remain unfilled. Not that we imagine the reader will ever desire to visit these houses. Certainly not; he is, we do not doubt, a member of the Bible Society, a bright and shining light, like Newful Gardner or John Allen. But we point out the location of these places in order that the reader may know how to avoid them. . . .
Our book will, therefore, be like a warning voice to the unwary—like a buoy attached to a sunken rock, which warns the unexperienced Mariner to sheer off, lest he should be wrecked on a dangerous and unknown coast.” This explains why the book describes the houses in vivid detail and even reports on the beauty of the women and advises whether a letter of introduction is needed at any parlor. SOURCE: The Gentleman’s Directory (New York: privately published, 1870), passim.
So what are your thoughts?
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My friend needed a costume for Halloween ..
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Posted:Oct 21, 2015 4:29 pm
Last Updated:Oct 22, 2015 9:39 am
5865 Views
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My friend is bald and has a wooden leg. A couple weeks ago he told me he got invited to a Halloween party and had some issues getting a costume.
He decides that he would like to wear a costume that conceals his slightly odd appearance, but can't think of any costumes that would look good and do the job. Out of ideas, he writes a note to a costume company explaining his issue. A few days later a package arrives with a note:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
The man thinks this is a terrible idea because they have emphasized his wooden leg, so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head. So again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint.
The next day he gets a small parcel and a note, which reads:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
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A big gamble!!
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Posted:Oct 15, 2015 10:50 am
Last Updated:Oct 17, 2015 4:25 pm
5957 Views
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One of my lady friends was having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. She was down to her last $500. Exasperated, she turned to me and said, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?"
I tried to calm her down and suggested "I don't know... why don't you play your age?"
I had been losing too too, so I headed to the black jack tables. I had just sat down when there was a great commotion at the roulette table. Thinking maybe she'd won, I rushed back to the table and pushed my way through the crowd.
The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.
I was stunned: "What happened? Is she all right?"
The operator replies, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29, and 41 came up. Then she just fainted!"
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