Selected Ariochisms posted January 2009
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Posted:Jan 7, 2009 8:02 am
Last Updated:Jan 11, 2009 1:40 pm
3365 Views
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These are selected lessons I've learned through the course of my life. I decided to move them here because it was brought to my attention that they may be somewhat intimidating to someone who was viewing my profile for the first time. Hopefully you enjoy them, and, if not, cest la vie. They're only one man's observations.
-- Relax and be yourself. Whenever you try to wear false masks or impress someone by acting outside your nature, all that results is discord and misery for both of you in the long run.
-- Think before you act. Ask yourself "What positive purpose will this serve?"
-- Communicate!!!! How can you possibly expect anyone to fix an issue if they aren't aware of it?!?
-- People can't be forced to learn; everyone's on their own journey and will pick up things along the way in a unique fashion. Their lessons will often be the same as yours, even if they learned them differently, but attempting to force feed knowledge to someone is only going to make them resistant to it.
-- Money is a tool, not a deity.
-- Life is nearly always comprised of shades of grey. Yes, things would be much simpler if it were painted in black and white, but it seldom is. So we must learn to differentiate these subtle differences in hue and adjust our actions accordingly.
-- Own your life. Live it with confidence. It's *yours*. It's not like anyone else can live it for you.....
-- There are always going to be problems in the world. Ask yourself "Is this one worth my time? Will my actions make a difference here?"
-- Slowness is the secret to happiness. Allow enough time in your schedule that you never need to rush. This will allow you to savor the little things and remain at peace with yourself and those around you.
-- Things change. Life is dynamic, not static. If we set our goals upon a static objective, it will be different by the time we arrive. A life that does not change is by definition dead. And even dead creatures decay, thereby perpetuating the change that is the cycle of life. If we do not accept that life is change, we are doomed to be miserable.
-- Don't get butt hurt. It doesn't serve any positive function. Look at the situation that's upsetting you and do what needs to be done to remedy it. Communication will solve 95% of issues with other people. Some things are beyond our control though. These are *really* pointless to get upset about.
-- If something is important to you it will get done. Don't stress out trying to get every little thing accomplished. If you forget something, it wasn't that important to begin with.
-- Life partners are like items on eBay: if you're patient, you'll find one that will be worth the investment. It is the relationship you will build together that matters, not some mystical soulmate mumbo jumbo.
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Online Dating Protocol et al
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Posted:Jan 7, 2009 10:04 pm
Last Updated:Jan 11, 2009 1:39 pm
3644 Views
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Online dating isn't all that difficult if you follow a few elementary precautions. The problem is that many people get paranoid and take the safety measures to extremes. So let's walk through this and, please, feel free to point out any errors you see.
1) HotMatch.com starts us off with no personal contact information within the first two emails. Extremely annoying for standard members, but a necessary evil to prevent scammers, spammers, and other abusers of the online dating community.
2) I'm not sure why this needs to be said, but it does. NEVER give anyone banking information, passwords, or anything else like that online. Why the fuck would they need it? I couldn't believe that someone I encountered actually considered giving this data to a stranger.
3) After you've established a preliminary rapport, that's when it becomes a little more grey, but not a whole lot. Keep things balanced. Trust is a two way street. If I give someone my name or phone #, I don't see why they should continue to hide theirs. Sure, one of you has to make the first step. I'm nearly always willing to do that. Bottom line, if someone wants to play hide and seek, they're probably not worth your time.
4) Picture exchange. Some people have jobs where they need to keep their identities anonymous online. That makes sense. But it does not make sense that they should ask you (or me) to expect full disclosure from you without sending you private pictures if they're interested in you. If they're online, they should have current pictures of themselves. Given the combination of webcams, digital cameras, and cellphones with cameras in the modern world, there's no excuse for them not to share current pics with someone they're interested in.
5) Talk on the phone. If the person sounds sketchy, be polite and move on. If you need to, talk a second time. Slow is better than sorry, but don't waste either parties' time. Two phone calls should be plenty to decide if they're worth meeting.
6) Arrange a meeting in a public place where you feel safe. This is crucial. Never meet up in private when you have your first meeting. Regardless of how sweet and charming they may have been online, they are still a stranger at this point. There's no substitute for a face to face meeting where you can get a sense of body language and all of the other intangibles. If the pictures they've sent you don't match with the person who meets you, walk away. They lied to you. Period. There's no excuse for that.
7) From this point treat it as you would any other dating scenario. Don't feel compelled to have sex with someone just because you flirted with them online or on the phone. Take it slow. Don't play with anyone unless it feels right to you. I've gone both ways with people I've met online. Trust your instincts and you'll be fine. Do not let yourself be pressured into doing anything you feel uncomfortable with.
Okay, that's my general protocol which I'm pretty sure will apply to most folks. Now for my personal foibles. I loathe IMing and text messaging. If you need to get a hold of me in real time, call me. If it can wait, email me. If we've exchanged outside email addresses, you'll get a much quicker response. Frankly, HotMatch.com's interface blows.
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Change in friend invite system?
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Posted:Jan 8, 2009 8:28 am
Last Updated:Jan 10, 2009 6:12 pm
3434 Views
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Anyone else having difficulty with inviting friends who are standard members? I've had issues the last several times I tried to invite a local friend who is a standard member. No problem at all inviting the lovely roxy37sexy, but she is a gold VIP member. I'm guessing this another step in HotMatch.com's move towards making everyone pay. Although I can kind of see how it might discourage network spamming.
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Email formatting change re:Read Receipt feature
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Posted:Dec 4, 2008 8:33 am
Last Updated:Jan 26, 2009 12:29 am
3274 Views
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Not sure if anyone else noticed that HotMatch.com changed the default setting on the read receipt feature, but I did. It's not a super huge deal, but it's still annoying to have to remember to uncheck that box every time I send an email unless I want to lose the few points I have. So I sent an email to customer support to see if there was a way to change my preferences back or, if not, if they would be willing to do it for me. Here's what I received back:
"Please be advised that the read receipt box will be checked by default with every message sent to a member. If you do not intend to use the read receipt feature, you should uncheck the box next to "Check to get emailed when read for 100 points" before sending the message. Note that this feature is free for our VIP members. "
I suppose it's good that HotMatch.com is consistent in their philosophy at least. Their motto seems to be "Let's do whatever we can to get as much money as we can as quickly as we can." Customer satisfaction has repeatedly taken a back seat in my experiences with them. Cest la vie. At least I know what to expect.
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Honest people seem to get caught in a double bind
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Posted:Dec 1, 2008 9:33 pm
Last Updated:Dec 4, 2008 3:38 am
3273 Views
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I've noticed that quite a few members say they are looking for someone who is honest, reliable, or trustworthy. It's been my experience that anyone who claims to be any of these things usually isn't. These are all character traits which can only truly be demonstrated via a person's actions over time.
The paradox this creates boggles me. Hypothetical example: Joe Honest is interested in Jane Honesty Seeker. If Joe claims to be honest, it appears he's naive at best, deceptive at worst. If he doesn't then Jane may not give him the time of day. Is one of my premises flawed or does this really make as little sense as it seems to? How are the members advertising their desire for these characteristics expecting to weed out liars from soothsayers during preliminary correspondence?
Then again, I'm not sure why anyone would say they're looking for such traits to begin with. Isn't this one of those things that's sort of self evident? Who would intentionally seek out companions who deceived and betrayed their friends?!? Is it that attraction to bad boys/girls or what?
As always, comments are most welcome and much appreciated.
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Blocked or not: shouldn't I be able to tell?!?
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Posted:Nov 13, 2008 9:14 am
Last Updated:Nov 26, 2008 1:36 pm
3276 Views
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Okay, this kind of goes with the email etiquette post in a way. I just wrote HotMatch.com to inquire if there is any indication when a member chooses to block me. It seems that there should be, but they told me that they do not provide that service for privacy reasons.
I guess it's some sort of cover your ass legal thing, but it still doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. If a member were to get upset at you for blocking them, they'd need to have some sort of personal data for it to do them any good, wouldn't it? So how does masking who is blocked from whom make sense?
The reason it annoys me is because some women apparently find it necessary for a guy to send multiple emails before they will respond. That whole hard to get/persistence is a virtue thing. Others find that to be annoying. So how do I tell the difference? I don't want to harass anyone. I also don't want to waste my time sending messages to a member who has blocked me. Frakkin' aggravating that HotMatch.com is no help at all.
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Email etiquette
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Posted:Nov 11, 2008 3:39 pm
Last Updated:Dec 1, 2008 9:39 pm
3320 Views
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I've become really frustrated lately by people not responding to email. Why do people not use the pull down quick replies that HotMatch.com provides?
I know the probability is that ladies who don't respond aren't interested, but when someone accepts a network invite yet doesn't reply to an email, what does that say?
It seems like basic courtesy to me that you'd reply to someone who took the time to write you, even if it is to tell them you're not interested. HotMatch.com makes it just as easy as deleting the email, so I'm a bit confused why more folks don't do it. Maybe I'm missing something here. Who knows. If you've got any insight, help me out here.
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Communicating with others
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Posted:Nov 8, 2008 6:22 pm
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2009 9:56 am
3217 Views
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I'm a big fan of open and honest communication, as well as safety when interacting with people online. I don't believe in wasting time, however. I've got several pictures posted for all to see, and I'd appreciate it if you did the same. If you are shy about posting your pictures publicly for whatever reason that's fine. But if you're unwilling to share them with me privately, we're not going to get anywhere. Like it or not, a portion of attraction is physical.
I'd also like to get to know prospective partners quickly yet safely. Once we've met HotMatch.com's two email exchange minimum, I'd much prefer talking on the phone and then going for a cup of coffee to see if we click. I'm not a huge fan of IMing or extended emailing. I have no problem giving you my phone number and letting you call me, but I generally let my machine answer unless my caller ID tells me who's calling. If you'd rather I call you, that's fine too. This process is built on trust, so it has to go both ways. I don't mind making the first step in most instances, but I'm also not going to be foolish about it.
I welcome all comments. I'm by no means infallible and I may be totally missing something. This is simply my take on things as I perceive them. As far as initial contact goes, if I notice you've viewed me or put me in your hotlist, I'll email you if I'm interested. Thanks for taking the time to check out my post!
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