What Are You Grateful For?
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Posted:Nov 17, 2014 7:32 pm
Last Updated:Nov 20, 2014 4:30 am
9754 Views
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Here's a challenge: When was the last time you were able to count every single thing that made you happy in one day? It may sound easy, but chances are if you wrote them all down, you'd still be missing some.
We know that taking stock of what we're thankful for can make us more joyful -- but there are ordinary things that happen each day that we may not even think of as noteworthy for our gratitude list. If we slow down, we may actually notice the things that really make us happy. Here are some things that happened to me today that I am grateful for:
A good conversation.
The old-fashioned heart-to-heart -- a deep conversation where listening is practiced just as much as talking -- is a lost art these days. Too often we're bogged down by small talk, despite the fact that a lot of us are averse to it. Today my work colleague and I spent time working through a personal problem she was having - and we laughed, we cried and I appreciated the bonding time that resulted from it.
A big hug.
We tend to shrug hugs off as soon as they happen -- but those embraces have a multitude of feel-good benefits that we should take the time to enjoy. Hugs release oxytocin in the body, the happy hormone in charge of creating those warm and fuzzy feelings. Studies show hugs can also lower blood pressure and promote heart health. Today as I was concluding a session with an eight year old , she spontaneously reached out and gave me a big hug. It made my day much brighter to know that I had made a difference in one person's life.
That feeling you get when you do something to help someone with no expectation of reward or reciprocation.
It's no coincidence that you just feel better when you make a good moral decision. Studies show that helping others can make us happier overall, while other research suggests that guilt can make us feel physically weighed down. Today I relished in the relief I received when I acted genuinely out of kindness. After getting off work, I invited a friend, who is experiencing challenges to a gourmet dinner I prepared just for her. It made me feel good to brighten her day.
Self Appreciation.
Self-criticism seems to come easier than self-praise -- and there's really no reason why it should be that way. Studies suggest that we don't practice enough self-appreciation, despite the fact that it's a quality that tends to boost our happiness. Today I gave myself a pat on the back for the little accomplishments -- dealing with a cranky, sick 12 year old, fitting in a short, early morning workout, a lunch time 6 mile run combined with a 30 minute yoga class in my hectic workday. I am grateful my health allows me to work out. Some people aren't afforded this luxury.
When was the last time you slowed down to take stock of the things you were grateful for? Curious minds want to know what are some things that make you feel happy and joyful?
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7
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The Kiss
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Posted:Nov 16, 2014 6:55 pm
Last Updated:Nov 18, 2014 4:20 am
9225 Views
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There's a moment,
Between a glance and a kiss,
Where the world stops,
For the briefest of times.
And the only thing
Between us
Is the anticipation
Of your lips on mine.
A moment
So intense,
It hangs in the air,
As it pulls us closer.
A moment so perfect,
That when it comes to an end,
We realize;
It's only just the beginning.
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6
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Randomness
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Posted:Nov 16, 2014 8:23 am
Last Updated:Feb 9, 2015 6:58 pm
8825 Views
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1. I haven't left my house since Friday.
2. I haven't worn makeup since Thursday.
3. I spent over 13 hours in bed last night and only slept 6 of those hours.
4. I have a secret tattoo. Bonus points if you can guess where it's at!
5. I made the most amazing chicken enchiladas for dinner yesterday.
6. I have a Calico cat named CC.
7. I am sitting here cuddling with H on my couch as I type this.
8. It's cold as fuck outside right now and snowed again last night.
9. I have to leave my house today. 
10. I am starting to feel like a hermit.
11. I'm addicted to the show Impractical Jokers and DVR it so I never miss an episode
12. I have an idea for HNW but it would require me to be naked outside in the snow.
13. That being said, I'm taking requests for upcoming HNW Household photos.
P.S. We had sex immediately after I posted this.
Can't argue with the photographic evidence.  Oops my bad.
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3
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Surprise for Him
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Posted:Nov 15, 2014 1:22 pm
Last Updated:Dec 28, 2014 7:03 am
9462 Views
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H surprised me with a dozen roses last night! He is such a sweetheart! I am making a surprise dinner and I also have another surprise for him when he gets here..
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11
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Brrrr!! It's Cold!
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Posted:Nov 15, 2014 10:04 am
Last Updated:Nov 16, 2014 8:57 am
8793 Views
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I was supposed to drive to Wichita to attend an 8:30am alumni board meeting but guess what I woke up to this morning -
(View from my backyard)
I opted to attend the meeting via teleconference instead. Sitting here listening to budgets and growing the college for over 3 hours is making me bored so here I am taking pictures to distract myself.
I also gave myself a pedicure! H picked out the polish!
What are you up to this weekend? I am focusing on staying WARM. H is helping me with that. 
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6
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Say No to Shallow?
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Posted:Nov 14, 2014 5:27 am
Last Updated:Nov 18, 2014 6:06 pm
8368 Views
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What’s in the bag? Apparently personality.
London-based dating service Loveflutter recently put a twist on a speed-dating event where 30 men and 30 women "met" face to face. The singles put on personalized paper bags before they sat down to get to know each other. Loveflutter's app won’t let you see profile pics until a nonvisual match is made.
Loveflutter, dubbed "Tinder for the thoughtful," wants singles to #SayNotoShallow. The stunt was replicated in New York on Oct. 8. Think of it as masquerade that gets to the heart of the matter.
What do you make of this dating experiment? Would you participate? If so, what would your paper bag say?
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4
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Thoughts While at the Gym
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Posted:Nov 13, 2014 12:39 pm
Last Updated:Nov 15, 2014 6:57 am
8728 Views
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As a runner, I absolutely hate running outside when it is below freezing. Due to the recent surge in frigid temps, I've been forced to take my runs indoors on the treadmill at the gym with today being no exception.
There are times that even a proficient runner like myself totally succumbs to being at the mercy of random thoughts that pop into my head while trying to disassociate from the drudgery of a 7 mile treadmill run.
A bit of a disclaimer: these are simply THOUGHTS I had while running today. I have absolutely no intent or desire to follow through on some of these but thought you would find them amusing.
1. "Don't make eye contact with that hot guy, he may think you want to fuck him."
2. "Fuck, here we go (starting my run) only 55 minutes left" Sigh.
3. Don't think about how far you have to run. Focus on watching HGTV.
4. "Holy shit, I would love to have those property brothers tag team me! They are so hot." (as I increase my running pace)
5. "Get your mind out of the gutter and focus on your run." (as I count my footsteps in military cadence to distract me)
6. "Are you fucking serious?" * Inwardly glaring at the out of shape guy* that got on the treadmill right next to me in spite of the entire empty row of treadmills he could pick from.
7. "Don't stress out about him, he probably won't last long." Sure enough, he quits after about a minute. Ahh...back to mentally undressing the property brothers on HGTV.
8. "Okay, is it just me or is that creepy old guy who keeps circling the perimeter of the track next to me checking me out?" Ewww.
9. *Mopping up the sweat dripping off of me* "Yuck, this is gross. How could any guy be even remotely interested in this sweat hog."
10. "Only 15 minutes left, Yay!"
11. Uh Oh, crap, my shorts are feeling a bit loose like they could fall down. "Mentally praying, please don't let my shorts fall down."
12. Silently pretending I am a rock star while pretending to sing along with Katy Perry on my IPOD.
13. Pulling up my shorts, fuck, please let this be over. ( 1 mile left.)
14. Getting mad at my IPOD and flinging it off because the ear buds keep slipping out of my sweaty ears causing me too much distraction. (yes, I am still running btw, I can multitask like a SOB when I am running!)
15. While sweating profusely and running like hell, the hot guy walks by and says, "you're killing it!" *Thinking, Oh god, I wonder what fucking him would be like*
16. Kicking the last 2 minutes of my run into overdrive and reaching my goal of 7 miles in 55 minutes and 23 seconds. "Wow, I'm a fucking rockstar!"
I'm curious, what do you think about to distract yourself when you are at the gym?
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6
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HNW: Denim
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Posted:Nov 12, 2014 5:30 am
Last Updated:Nov 15, 2014 10:13 am
9664 Views
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Here is my contribution to this week's theme:
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13
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For Him
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Posted:Nov 11, 2014 6:58 pm
Last Updated:Nov 13, 2014 12:43 pm
7790 Views
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You want brutal honesty?
I am terrified of falling in love.
To fall in love is to slow dance with bliss
and the prevailing chance of misery.
Knowing that it will either save me
or completely cripple me.
For if there is one thing beautiful
in this crumbling world: it is love.
The curling of souls.
But, if there is one thing that is horrific,
then it is most surely loving something
with your entirety
only to have it all vanish away
within one hint
of a second.
What do I choose?
I choose love.
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3
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Making Peace with the Past
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Posted:Nov 9, 2014 8:01 am
Last Updated:Nov 16, 2014 7:37 am
8392 Views
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The last few blog posts have been somwehat melancholy which I am sure has raised concern. Not to worry, I am well.
I have been spending the weekend making peace with a ghost of my past which isn't an easy thing to do hence my last post.
When I first started blogging, I wrote about a professor I had a romantic interest in. If you scroll back many years ago (5-6 to be exact) you will see that we carried on a lengthy emotional affair (he was married) that culminated in a one-time sexual encounter. Why is this so important now, you ask? Well, you see, I fell in love with him.
I ceased contact with him two years ago because it was causing me a lot of emotional suffering. I had moved on. Or so I had thought...
Six years later, the ghost of professor still haunts me. In the last several months, he slowly crept back into my life via email. I learned that he is estranged from his wife who resides in another state. He is lonely. He desires to reestablish a connection with me with no intent to end his marriage. With each email, I found the surpressed feelings I had started to come pouring back.
Yesterday I emailed professor that it is over. No more contact means NO MORE CONTACT. I told him about my current feelings for "H" and that I had moved on with my life. He wished me well.
I sat down with H last night and told him everything. I am tired of keeping secrets. Secrets aren't healthy. I am sure I didn't answer all the questions H has about professor but intend to. I don't want H feeling threatened which is why I felt making this disclosure was important.
I know deep down inside it was important to put this ghost to rest but I keep second guessing myself wondering if the decision to let H in on the past was the right choice.
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5
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Untitled
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Posted:Nov 8, 2014 4:45 pm
Last Updated:Nov 9, 2014 6:52 am
7588 Views
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Don't tell me that you understand,
Don't tell me that you know.
Don't tell me that I'll survive,
That I will surely grow.
Don't tell me this is just a test,
That I am truly blessed,
That I am chosen for this task
Apart from all the rest.
Don't come at me with answers
That can only come from me.
Don't tell me how this loss will pass
That I shall soon be free.
Don't stand in pious judgment
Of the bonds I must untie.
Don't tell me how to suffer
And don't tell me not to cry.
Life is full of challenges
The stress is all I see,
But I need you, and I need your love
Unconditionally.
Accept me through these ups and downs,
I need someone to share.
Just hold my hand and let me cry
And say, "My friend, I care."
- J. Hendel
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2
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Letting Down Walls
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Posted:Nov 6, 2014 5:57 am
Last Updated:Nov 8, 2014 8:03 am
8568 Views
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As some of you know, I have had many challenges lately. Independently, these challenges are surmountable but add several to the equation and even experienced therapists like myself are prone to succombing to the effects of anxiety and stress.
I have started to realize that I am doing the very thing that I caution my about when they seek therapy to help find resolution to stress. It took a phone call to my mom last night who pointed out the noticable change in my demeanor for me to understand the impact that stress is having on those I love and care about.
Being a former cop and military veteran, I have always been very decisive. Lately I find myself thinking in more black and white terms. Having insight into Maslow's Heiarchy of Needs, I am aware that when a person's basic needs are unstable or threatened a person becomes focused on trying to maintain homeostasis.
Not having a reliable source of income has created more focus on this in my life. I began compensating by focusing on the things I could control, something I recommend to my . I increased my runs, practiced yoga daily, tried to look at positives etc. etc. It increasingly became more and more difficult for me to continue the "status quo." For a person that is used to being decisive, I expected to see positive results. Yet, mentally, I began to feel increasingly more disconnected than ever from those around me.
I began to withdraw and savor alone time, I found myself internalizing stressors for fear of pushing away those I cared about with my problems. Problem is, they all knew something was wrong.
Last night, my significant other wanted to "talk." To tell you the truth, it was not something I looked forward to. I do enough listening and talking about my problems in therapy, the last thing I wanted to do was to talk about MY problems.
Letting down my own protective defenses or "walls" I had built up was not easy. Being in a new relationship, I cautiously dipped my toe in the water and as I found myself talking about my stressors, I expected my disclosure would cause my partner to turn tail and run.
The thing is something amazing happened. He put his arms around me and just held me while I tried holding back silent tears. Letting down my walls with him was a catharsis. I did not get judgment. I got love and understanding. I got something I terribly needed: emotional support. I had been too strong, too stubborn to let others in for fear of pushing them away and the opposite happened last night. It actually drew us closer to each other.
What I am getting at is it is important to let others in when you are struggling. Holding back your feelings and internalizing them for fear of pushing others away can be a detriment. I hope by sharing this experience that if you are struggling, you reach out to someone.
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7
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Untitled
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Posted:Nov 4, 2014 8:29 am
Last Updated:Nov 4, 2014 7:08 pm
8530 Views
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I watched the rain today;
studied close,
as it collided
with the pavement,
and dispersed.
It reminded me of the way
I fell into you;
helplessly,
hopelessly,
and in its entirety.
The whole of myself
crashing down
and becoming lost
in you.
While your attention
was occupied
by every other drop
of water
that floated so lightly down
to kiss your skin.
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4
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