Virtual Symposium On Inappropriate Temptations: Some Swinging Solicitations Are Not In The Cards
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Posted:Nov 1, 2014 5:42 am
Last Updated:Nov 8, 2017 9:31 am
52117 Views
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This blog entry is part of the third virtual symposium, an informal collection of bloggers who – purely for the hell of it – voted on a single topic (Inappropriate Temptations) and agreed, on or about Nov. 1, to post their interpretations of that topic. A continually updated list of participants can be found here: Participants List For The Third Virtual Symposium Inappropriate Temptation Participants List For The Third Virtual Symposium: Inappropriate Temptation
I’m quick to defend members of the swinging community when they’ve been hit with unfair characterizations… but sometimes members of this community get a little over exuberant, and they should be taken to task when this happens.
Consider the case of apparent non-swinger Elyse Anders, who in May 2012 wrote about giving a keynote address on vaccinations at Skepticamp Ohio, a gathering of critical thinkers. That’s vaccinations. Needles. Disease. Nothing to do with sex. Certainly nothing to do with swinging.
Nonetheless, after her presentation she was approached by a couple who handed her what appeared an upside-down business card, but wasn’t. As Anders wrote in a skepchick blog titled “Sex and the Keynote”:
“A minute or so later, I had a “wait… what?” moment, then flipped the card over and looked at it not peripherally to discover I had not been handed a business card, but a card with a naked photo of the two of them, with their information on how to contact them should I want to fuck.”
Anders offers an anonymized version of the card hidden behind a link on her blog. It’s a pretty typical lifestyle calling card: It features the first names of the couple, as well as an address where their lifestyle profile can be found.
*Sigh* I understand why some folks might be attracted to people they see speaking at conferences. A good speaker garners a lot of attention. A good speaker comes across as informed and willing to communicate, which can be very sexy. A good speaker is just that – a good communicator. To some, any of the above can be very sexy. And of course, a good speaker may flat-out be physically attractive.
But there is a vast difference between fantasizing about someone one sees at a conference, and acting without provocation on that fantasy. The types of calling cards Anders was given are appropriate within the lifestyle: They’re usually given out at meet and greets, or at clubs or parties – in short, places where people might be receptive to receiving them. At vanilla events? No and no and no. Doing so there is a pretty big violation of the “what happens at a club stays at the club” lifestyle ethos.
Anders doesn’t need me to defend her. She makes her displeasure known in eight terse statements – and it’s hard to disagree with any one of ‘em. I’ll list her thoughts, below – but read her blog anyway, as she elaborates on each.
1. It’s not okay to assume that any woman (or non-woman) is at a conference to be your plaything.
2. It’s not okay to assume a stranger welcomes your nakedness.
3. It’s not okay to remove another person’s ability to have a say in the situation you’ve put them in.
4. It’s not okay to proposition someone while they are at work.
5. Your speaker’s looks are irrelevant to everything else she brings to your conference. And so is your boner.
6. If there is a conference policy on not propositioning people at your conference, don’t approach people for sex.
7. I cannot think of a single situation where it’s ever appropriate to hand someone an invitation to group sex if you haven’t already had or discussed having sex.
8. Outnumbering a stranger while putting them in an uncomfortable situation is a dick thing to do.
Anders is absolutely right about these actions being wildly inappropriate in a vanilla setting. I’ll add that a few of her comments are valid at a swingers’ event – especially her point number eight.
Conference organizers contacted the couple, who apparently at first tried to explain away their behavior with “It was a joke.” Anders isn’t having any of it – and neither am I. As Anders puts it, “this was a case of it being easier to apologize later than to consider my feelings ahead of time… because best case scenario, they get to fuck me. Worst case scenario, they get to say ‘It’s a joke! Boobs in your professional face! Get it?’”
Pushed further, the couple gave something of an apology, in which they said (in part):
“We had no idea that there would be an objection to sharing what we call our ‘pleasure card’ with Elyse. The intention was not sexual, it was comical, and i truly apologize that there was a misinterpretation of what I did on a whim.
“We didn’t give cards to anyone else (except our business card to stay in contact with other participants), and had no intention of harassment. It was an act of boorish behavior on my part, but it won’t be repeated. I certainly have learned from this experience.”
My closing thought on the whole matter: If this is how this couple behaves at a vanilla event, what would they consider appropriate in a more sexually charged venue such as a swingers party? And why would anyone in the community risk be willing to risk finding out?
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“Inappropriate Temptation” Is The Topic For The Third Virtual Symposium on Nov. 1!
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Posted:Oct 26, 2014 12:06 am
Last Updated:Nov 5, 2014 1:27 am
42448 Views
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There was a healthy amount of support for several potential topics of the third virtual symposium, but “Inappropriate Temptation” garnered the most votes this time ‘round, and is the topic of choice! Rest assured, however, that the other topics will be kept as potential focuses of future symposiums.
Here’s how the symposium will work: All eligible and choosing to participate – a field which includes everyone who has a blog – will create something – an essay, an erotic story, a memoir, a series of one-line aphorisms, an image collage, a photo montage, a poem, or anything else – relating to “Inappropriate Temptation”. Want inspiration – or just some good reads? Here’s a link to the participants’ list from the second symposium: Participants List For The Second Virtual Symposium Difficult Decisions
Feel free to take the basic idea of inappropriate temptation and stretch it to as wild an interpretation as you like -- the post should reflect you! The last thing we need is a dozen monotonous texts on the same topic. Anything goes, as long as there is a trace of the original idea in the post.
On the morning of Nov. 1 (a Saturday, for those keeping score), all participants will post their creations. Please, please, post ‘em to your own blogs early: I do want to link to them in a central post here, but I don’t want to be stapled to my desk all day.
I'll be responsible for posting links to your blogs here -- I want to make this as effortless for participants as possible! I will, of course, post latecomers… people do check back to see whether new participants have joined the symposium. But after the morning of Nov. 1, I may not be updating the list as obsessively.
As for contributions themselves: The idea is to create something new, as opposed to using posts to respond to other posts (although the comments section will, of course, remain fair game). Ping me, and I’ll use a post on this blog that day to link to all contributions.
A suggestion: Participants may want to refer to either the virtual symposium or the topic itself in their headline. Not a requirement – there are no requirements, save for originality and participation – but a suggestion which will let the wide blog community know what we’re doing. Oh, and feel free to the symposium as enthusiastically as moves you, whether on your own blogs or to specific individuals.
This is not a contest. No souvenir mugs will be sent, nor ribbons awarded. The idea here is for those interested to, on a single day, offer an interpretation of a single topic for the sheer fun of it.
By all means, encourage other bloggers to participate – and to let me know they’re doing so, either through this post or via email, so on Nov. 1 I can link to their posts.
Remember, of course, to keep things in your voice!
Can’t wait to see the results!
A final note: We had a VERY close election this time: Three of the topics presented garnered a fair amount of interest. Rest assured that the runners-up will be kept in rotation for the next symposiums!
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A New Orleans Swingers Convention Brings Out The Bluenose Media
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Posted:Oct 20, 2014 8:19 am
Last Updated:Nov 2, 2014 6:44 pm
41803 Views
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Leave it to the swingers to make a beautiful, bad ol’ place like the French Quarter in New Orleans even more decadent.
But that’s exactly what happened in early August. The organizers of Naughty in N’Awlins, a swingers convention, led 1,300 swingers down Bourbon Street in a swingers’ pride parade, according to an online abcnews.go report titled “Getting 'Naughty in N'Awlins': Inside a New Orleans Swingers Convention.”
Granted, getting people to take their clothes off in New Orleans in August isn’t exactly a hard sell. Summer days often see 95-degree temperatures coupled with 90-percent-plus humidity. While I’ve never been to Naughty in N’Awlins, I’ve visited the Crescent City around 20 times, for both business and personal reasons… but almost always between October and March, by choice.
I once asked a resident how he coped with August’s excessive heat and humidity. “We drink,” he replied without hesitation.
A look at the schedule for this year’s convention – available on the frenchconnectionevents site under the heading “Explore this 2014 Schedule to get a taste of what Naughty in N'awlins 2015 will be like” – shows that organizers followed this fine advice. Events included wine tastings, a party at a local tequila house, any number meet and greets in bars and restaurants. Sweetly enough, the convention also hosted daily AA meetings, but even those had a twist, billed as they were as “…a great way to meet other couples that don’t drink in a city that always overindulges.”
The schedule makes it pretty clear that this was a convention, as opposed to a group grope with name badges. There were sessions both on play (Saturday, Aug. 9 featured “intermediate flogging”) and work – club owners and party organizers had their own track of events and networking sessions. And there were even a session for newbie swingers led by a woman who specializes in swinger travel. (The ever-present cynic hopes this didn’t devolve into a pitch for the travel services.)
Speaking of conferences, according to the abc.go report, organizers “replaced tables and chairs in conference rooms with beds to create “playrooms” -- a dungeon room, a bondage room and a sensual magic room just to name a few.” Anyone who has spent time in a hotel conference room can’t help think this is an improvement over the usual whiteboards and U-shaped table setups.
What did abcnews.go make of all this? Well, an eight-minute video which accompanies its piece set a tsk-tsking tone early. As the anchor asked:
“If you and your spouse are allowed to sleep with whoever you want, is that still a marriage? If you are in an open relationship, what sort of message does that send to your ? These are the kinds of weighty issues that participants at the New Orleans Swingers’ Convention probably would rather not wrestle with…”
Actually, these are just the sorts of questions people in the lifestyle do ask, along with “How do we handle potential jealousy issues?” “What would happen if my co-worker walked into this club right now?” and “Can we find another lifestyle couple who is willing to babysit?”
It didn’t help matters that, 24 seconds in, video from Bourbon Street had the words “End of Marriage?” superimposed over it. I suppose the producers couldn’t make “A Happier Marriage” fit.
Still, it was good to see a variety of individuals with swing-positive sentiments, if hand-lettered signs reading “Sharing is Caring”, “Vanilla is Boring”, “Non monogamy is the new black”, and “Our marriage works – 30 years and counting." As Michael Bell, a convention goer who hosts the Playboy TV show “Swing” with his wife Holli, told abc.go, “Being a swinger is about a community where you can be with wonderful people who have an open mind.”
The segment also featured comments on the “swinging parent” issue from John and Jackie Melfi, who run swingers clubs in Dallas and New Orleans (which allow single people during designated times – single swingers are sadly underrepresented in abc.go’s coverage). As John Melfi told abc.go, “I think we are role models to our . I think we’re good role models. We instill in our honesty between your spouse and everyone. And that’s really important, I think, in growing up and becoming an adult.”
That’s a far cry from the “End of Marriage” text ABC led with, isn’t it?
Ryan Owens, the correspondent who conducted the on-screen interviews, peppers his reporting with comments such as “I’m almost afraid to ask, but what exactly goes on in here?” Um, it ain’t your place, as a reporter, to be afraid to ask… and in phrasing snide little lead-ins like this, you’ve let your “this is so wrong” bias shine through.
Give Owens this: At least he reports that not everyone is an Adonis, giving lifestyle event coordinator Bob Hannaford a chance to observe that attendees range from people in their 20s to people in their 70s.
All in all, the folks interviewed come across as a lot less smarmy than abc.go correspondent Owens. “There’s the maid,” Owens noted as he was escorted through a hotel hallway. “What kind of tip do you leave her?” Um, same one you’d leave otherwise – and most of us can’t put our tips on our abc.go expense accounts, so be generous, okay?
But what can you expect from someone who, when presented with a newbie couple (Lisa and Jake Greene) poses a question about whether swinging is the sort of activity that can ruin a marriage – for the third time in the piece? Lisa Greene answers with dignity, saying “We feel that because we’re young it’s the perfect time to start exploring what we’re into and then we can just, as we go on through life, figure out our likes and dislikes.” And both Greenes said that they’d stop if their activities made them uncomfortable.
The most honest declaration of the piece was the observation that swinging will not fix a bad marriage. As Michael Bell said, “It will expose the problems, and people who weren’t communicating are going to get even worse, and they’re going to end.”
Owens concludes, “But for thousands, maybe millions of couples, this works – and they aren’t shy about showing it off.”
Well, thanks for the sop, abc.go. And thank you for giving a chance to let people in the lifestyle represent themselves with dignity – despite your best efforts.
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More Than The Dow Is Going Down: Businesses Bemoan Wall Street Swingers’ Club
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Posted:Oct 15, 2014 4:05 am
Last Updated:Nov 8, 2017 9:35 am
40900 Views
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New York City may never sleep, but there are certain neighborhoods, such as The Financial District, that do snooze occasionally, becoming deserted areas in the process. Alas, the corporate neighbors of The Amsterdam Club, a swingers’ venue located in New York City’s Financial District, can’t see the benefit of after-hours traffic.
As The New York Post claims in an article titled “The regular office building with a wild sex club,” the club “has been a huge distraction for the building’s other tenants — including tech companies and a financial research business.”
“We come in the morning, and you can smell cigarette smoke in the halls,” said one neighbor, according to the Post. “We found drugs in the lobby. There’s condoms in the trash in the back.”
I can’t fault anyone who doesn’t want to smell cigarette smoke where it’s not appropriate. Ameliorating that is on the club owners – especially if there’s a no-smoking clause in the lease, or if smoking is banned in the common areas such as hallways, elevators, and lobbies. Even if there isn’t, being a good neighbor means cleaning up after yourself.
Condoms in the trash, though, means that patrons are practicing safe sex. Which is laudable, if icky for the maintenance staff. And yes, used condoms may represent a very, very small risk of some immunological nastiness. Club owners should do building staff the courtesy of double-bagging all of their garbage.
Drugs in the lobby is another story – if true. Illegal is illegal, and most swing clubs have pretty strict no-drug policies to go with their no-alcohol policies. Liquor sales violations are a prime reason clubs get shut down: Many clubs have a BYOB policy.
As it happens, the police raided The Amsterdam Club on Sept. 19, and the club was, in fact, cited for selling hooch without having a liquor license, according to the Post’s story.
The noise complaints, however, don’t pass the sniff test. Remember, this is the Financial District we’re talking about. While the area does have residential tenants, The Amsterdam Club’s location is in an office building. And based on the limited information on the web about the club, its parties seem to be limited to Friday and Saturday nights.
Verifying the club’s hours of operation is difficult. Its website is under maintenance, its Facebook page – which offers only hints about its hours of operation – last posted information in late February, and its Twitter feed’s last tweet dates from mid-June. This isn’t completely surprising: Many smaller clubs rely on individuals contacting club management for details (Facebook does offer a telephone number, which I didn’t call. Feel free.) But on its face, the club appears to operate well outside of standard working hours.
Still, noise is noise, and noise ordinances are part of city law. Workers in adjoining offices have the right to work in peace, and the club should be adequately soundproofed. That said, my gut instinct is that most of the noise complaints are more in the realm of theoretical, with the truth being closer to “We just don’t like these tenants, so we’re going to say anything.”
Regarding security, the club apparently employs someone to keep order. As one anonymous building worker sniffed, “The bouncer looks like he’s from a strip club.”
Well, yeah. That’s kind of what you want in a bouncer. A bouncer who looks as though he belongs in The Village Green Preservation Society isn’t going to be as effective in dealing with miscreants. Furthermore swingers, by and large, are not looking for trouble as they enter and exit their venues. For the most part, they’re looking to be relatively discreet, at least until they are on premises.
The landlord has filed a lawsuit to get the club evicted. He claims that the company leasing the space said it was a video production firm. I’m not a lawyer, but I don’t see this as holding much water from a legal standpoint: Companies are allowed to change their corporate mission.
So what’s the real reason the corporate neighbors are up in arms about the club? Perhaps the last quote of the Post’s article is more telling than would seem at first read:
“They often will do sexy karaoke, so you can hear that quite clearly through the wall.”
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In Florida, Christian Swingers Proselytize As They Play
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Posted:Oct 11, 2014 5:23 am
Last Updated:Dec 26, 2015 9:39 pm
44103 Views
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With this post I’m going to walk into a minefield. I invite you all to tiptoe with me, but I ask that we all step cautiously – and respectfully.
There are, as the saying goes, three topics one does not discuss in polite company: Sex, religion, and politics. I don’t really cover politics in my blog on this site (I have, quite happily, in other venues). Sex, of course, is topic one. And then there’s religion.
I’m not especially observant, but I believe that for those who embrace a faith – any faith – religion at its best uplifts and comforts. At its worst orthodoxy is used as an instrument of oppression. Most expressions of faith fall somewhere in the middle.
And then there’s an article which ran in The Christian Post titled “‘Christian Couple’ Spreading Gospel Through Wife-Swapping and Fitness; ‘I Don't Think God Would Be Mad,’ Says Bisexual Wife.”
The article profiles Dean and Cristy Parave, who “say they are joyfully spreading the love of Christ and the Bible through their unconventional wife-swapping and fitness ministry.”
Leave aside the term “wife-swapping,” which is viewed by many in the community as an out-of-date relic. This is an intriguing take on how one couple has reconciled faith and seemingly irreligious activity. As Christy was quoted on Barcroft TV, "I feel like right now this is God's plan. The Bible doesn't talk about swinging, specifically. ... I just feel like, as a married couple, if you agree on something together then it's OK. If it's not, like I said, judgment day, I'll find that out."
The same holds true of single individuals who swing. And, apparently, other Christians – several of whom the Paraves have met through their adventures in the lifestyle as well. Occasionally, according to The Christian Post, “they encounter people who are unsure about Jesus or are atheists. In these instances, they explained, they would have a light Bible study before they have sex.”
According to “Bodybuilding Christian Swingers From Florida Start Spouse-Swapping Website”, an article which ran in The New York Post, Dean Parave’s come-to-Jesus moment occurred seven years ago, when he dreamed up his fitness-and-swinging website after having an FMF threesome.
“Swinging to me started as a lifestyle, and then it was like, you know what? We can do a lot of good with this, instead of… just, let’s just have fun with this,” Dean Parave told Barcroft TV (the video accompanies the New York Post article). “I’m getting to people that probably would never even visit a church."
Make no mistake, the Paraves do proselytize. As Dean told Barcroft TV, “If I can go to the next swinger's event and get 10 people to believe in Christ, my job is done."
It’s hard to know from various published accounts – most of which take a snickering tone – how sincere the Paraves are. Certainly there’s a touch of self-serving in how they’re portrayed. But I’ve known several people of deep faith, and sincere belief manifests itself in a number of ways… so I’m willing to give the Paraves the benefit of the doubt, at least for now.
Furthermore, many faiths, through various denominations, allow for a wide variety of expressions of faith. Certainly Christianity, Judaism, and Buddhism (at least in the United States) offer a lot of room for how they are manifested.
My own note: I am neither a Christian nor a theologian, but I found some words from Romans 14: 2-4, worth mulling: “One person’s faith allows them to eat anything, but another, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. The one who eats everything must not treat with contempt the one who does not, and the one who does not eat everything must not judge the one who does, for God has accepted them. Who are you to judge someone else’s servant?”
Your thoughts? My apologies for repeating my comment from the top, but – because of the especially sensitive nature of this topic – while I welcome debate and dissent, respect has to be the watchword here…
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Virtual Symposium on Difficult Discussions: Six Reactions To Kim Switnicki on Suggesting Swinging
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Posted:Sep 27, 2014 8:46 am
Last Updated:Nov 8, 2017 9:38 am
43385 Views
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This blog entry is part of the second virtual symposium, an informal collection of bloggers who – purely for the hell of it – voted on a single topic (Difficult Decisions) and agreed, on or about Sept. 27, to post their interpretations of that topic. A continually updated list of participants can be found here: Participants List For The Second Virtual Symposium Difficult Decisions
Props to Kim Switnicki, a self-described “sex educator & intimacy coach for women,” on taking a balanced view of swinging and sexual exploration in general. There’s post on her site (her name followed by the usual commercial dot suffix) titled “How to introduce SWINGING to your lover” which offers a fair amount of food for thought. What follow are some of the tastier morsels (in bold), along with my commentary.
1. I’m not a huge fan of swinging unless you REALLY think it through, you communicate brilliantly and you are doing it to ADD to your relationship – not to FIX it!
Amen, sister. There are some people who, simply put, shouldn’t swing. If a relationship is in trouble, the first conversation should be about problems, or perhaps about counseling – not about introducing more sex partners. Experienced swingers know the words “We started swinging to work on our relationship” are red flags, and that they should run-not-walk to the nearest exit. The swinging community does not exist to serve as marriage therapists. Swinging should be a joyful celebration – as evinced by a couple that had considered swinging for a long time, but didn’t take the plunge until the wife was recovering from breast cancer, and decided she wanted finally go for it as a way of celebrating her new lease on life.
2. If your partner is the sort of person who is cautious you need to acknowledge that in your activities together. Don’t surprise him or her with a bungy jump on your anniversary!
Boy, did that last analogy hit home. I get an incredible sense of vertigo when my feet aren’t on something solid. Ziplining, which I did once, was difficult… and bungee jumping is a flat-out nonstarter. Swinging is a lot more emotionally laden than bungee jumping. If your partner is likely to have concerns about doing it, it shouldn’t be mentioned during any sort of emotionally charged time – birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, date night. Let it be part of an everyday conversation – and preferably one when neither you nor your partner are tired or emotionally strained. Keep a standard nine-to-five schedule? A weekend morning over coffee might be just the setting – and don’t just jump right into swinging. Start with reassurances that you enjoy your relationship (if you don’t, then swinging should be off the table for the reasons spelled out in reaction number one) and move into activities that might enhance it.
3. What were some of the things you did together that were very intimate and which your partner seemed to enjoy? It might have only been a kiss on the neck or holding her hand in a certain way.
There are couples who, when discussing what is and isn’t appropriate within the context of their swinging, have agreed to set aside one or two acts that are for them alone. A couple might decide that anal sex is something reserved for just them. Some might agree that the moment a third party says “I love you” to either one, that person is no longer on the acceptable partners list. Some have a “no kissing” rule. (This may lead to yet another difficult discussion – one with whomever either partner is playing with. Kissing seems to be a natural extension of sex… when you’re face to face and thrusting, it seems instinctual to want to kiss. Either that, or to start quoting Thackeray….)
4. Start things slowly. Perhaps plan a visit to a nude beach or resort.
Not the worst suggestion in the world, but one that needs a note of caution: Nudists are not automatically swingers, and there are those who will tell you as much in rather pointed language. Nudists are people who like to walk around nude. And very often nudist encampments will have strict policies about aggressive individuals or couples: Get flagged as someone who is inappropriately pursuing sexual situations, and you’ll be asked – and by that I mean told – to leave. The nicer of these encampments may let you get dressed before putting you on the road.
So why is this not the worst suggestion in the world? Because if you treat it for what it is – a chance to get comfortable in a situation with naked people – it can be a step in bringing the pot to a boil, even if you and your partner aren’t ready to start cooking yet.
5. I suggest going to an adult club together and selecting a girl for a lap dance to test the waters first.
Switnicki might suggest this, but it seems counter-intuitive to me on several levels. It sounds similar to using artificial sweeter in one’s coffee as a means to determine whether one likes coffee with sugar. Getting a lap dance from a stranger really isn’t anything like swinging. At most, this might determine whether a partner has any issues about being touched in a semi-sexual way by a stranger… and if that’s the case, you’re a long, long way off from discussing whether or not to swing together.
If this is a means of seeing whether the female partner is comfortable with woman-woman contact, I have another significant philosophical issue with the suggestion. I’ve heard tell that women in couples have felt an expectation that they be bisexual. As I’ve never been a woman in a swinging situation – or, indeed, a woman in any other – I’m not the best authority on whether this is universally the case. But from my limited perspective, there seems to be a spectrum of reactions, ranging from gentle inquiries about whether the woman is bisexual to expectations that the woman is bisexual to demands that the woman be – at least for play purposes – bisexual to no presumption of bisexuality whatsoever.
Straight women swing, and women have the right to be straight when they swing.
6. If you are serious or even a little curious about becoming a swinger with your partner and would like some very specific tools and suggestions on how to introduce it into your relationships in a loving and respectful way visit [and then Switnicki gives a link to an ad for an e-book titled “How To Turn Your Partner Into a Swinger”].
Ugh. Haven’t read the book myself, so I can’t comment on the quality of its advice, but the title has the ring of coercion about it. Granted titles, like headlines, are supposed to sell… but word choice is important. Words set tones, and establish expectations. What this title promises, regardless of how compassionate the actual advice is, is that readers will, Svengali-like, be able to manipulate a partner into becoming a swinger. See point one – the swinging community simply doesn’t want people in it who are taking one for the team… because in swinging, a team that asks one part of it to “take one” isn’t much of a team at all.
Switnicki’s suggestions aren’t a bad start, but I’d sooner go with scoping out an online forum or two and posting questions, or – if both parties have discussed at least entertaining the idea – going to a meet ‘n’ greet with the stated promise that it’s just a meet ‘n’ greet, and that the couple will leave before playing starts, without either one putting pressure on the other to stay. But even that suggestion is a bit on the advanced side… slow, with a lot of listening, is the key here.
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Participants List For The Second Virtual Symposium: Difficult Decisions
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Posted:Sep 27, 2014 6:22 am
Last Updated:Oct 25, 2014 9:34 am
42950 Views
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Welcome to the second virtual symposium, an informal collection of bloggers who – purely for the hell of it – voted on a single topic (Difficult Decisions) and agreed, on or about Sept. 27, to post their interpretations of that topic. There are no prizes or awards, save for the opportunity to build a more-closely knit blog community. All bloggers are invited to participate in this, as well as all future, virtual symposiums. To participate, watch this blog for future symposium topics: We anticipate doing one per month.
The rules, such as they are, are simple: Once a topic was picked, all bloggers were and are invited to interpret the topic as loosely as they choose, and offer any type of post they like which either tangentially or directly addresses the topic, whether through fantasy/fiction, essay, photographs, image collages, poems, one-liners, or any other form they choose. Contact me to be included on this list, which I will update as new participants make themselves known.
We (that’s the editorial we – or perhaps I have a tapeworm) hope readers will use these virtual forums to discover new, interesting voices. A request of readers: If you find an entry you especially like, please don’t be shy about leaving an attaboy/attagirl on the appropriate blog. Applause never hurts!
A continually updated list of participants can be found below: Please check back often, as I’ll add new posts as often as appropriate (and as other responsibilities allow). Feel free to toss me an email if I haven’t included your submission!
Note: The site's system is being temperamental about posting hot links: Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't... sometimes they take a few attempts. I've notified IT about it... if a link isn't hot, please track down the appropriate blogs. They're worth it.
AND... BY ALL MEANS, IF YOU HAVEN'T CONTRIBUTED AND WANT TO, PLEASE DO SO! Was hoping to get most of the submissions input at the start of the start of the day... but people do keep checking the list for new contributors... so if you're so moved, write a post and let me know so I can include you.
In no particular order at all, our participants include:
Kzoopair: Take two- they’re small Difficult Discussions, Internet Argument and Infinite Digression
dnafun11: Observations [post 3492282]
TicklePlease: Refried Confusion Difficult Discussions My take
fun_tchr951: tread lightly [post 3492306]
Wyckedsxxxy: Thundercunting [post 3492315]
PeterLongHenry: Whispers Difficult Discussions I don't know you
Humorguaranteed: Confessions of a Lifestyle Man Virtual Symposium on Difficult Discussions Six Reactions To Kim Switnicki on Suggesting Swinging
KItkat1415: Kinks and High Jinks [post 3492376]
N_Joimi: Driving For Pleasure Difficult Discussions Without Compromise
sweet_VM: In your Dreams The Second Virtual Symposium Difficult Decisions My hardest decision
KItkat1415: (a second contribution!) Kinks and High Jinks [post 3493210]
apollorising2021: Going LOCAL [post 3493409]
LadyLuck2: Play the Hand You Were Dealt! The Second Virtual Symposium Difficult Decisions To Be
Osphena: My adventure as Osphena [post 3493821]
Eros_Space: LOVE AND ROCKETS [post 3493832]
Mature43Sums: MatureMocha Difficult DiscussionsDecisions When the S on Your Chest Gets Wet
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What Makes Strange Bedfellows, Again? GOP Pol Seeks to Open Miami-Dade Swingers Club
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Posted:Sep 23, 2014 5:29 pm
Last Updated:Nov 8, 2017 9:38 am
41623 Views
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Great quote from Geraldo Rodriguez in the June 27 Miami Herald: “I’m a Republican, but I’m a new Republican,’’ he told the Herald. “I believe in the rights of gays and lesbians. What people do behind closed doors is their business.”
It may help that the closed doors are part of Rodriguez’s business empire. According to the Herald’s article, “For Miami-Dade office holder, a swingers-club update,” Rodriguez is co- owner of an enterprise seeking to open Flirts – a club which, despite the Herald’s headline, is emphatically not a swingers club.
As Rodriguez told the Miami Herald, “It’s an open-minded, lifestyle nightclub. We don’t want to say it's a swingers club. That's not what we are. That's back in the ’80s.”
Lifestyle nightclub, hm? Well, if it looks like a duck, and walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck... but perhaps this can be chalked up to politician’s disambiguation. You see, Rodriguez also is – or, at least was – a figure in local Florida politics. In 2012, he was elected to both Miami-Dade’s Republican Executive Committee and the county’s zoning board in Westchester, according to the Miami Herald.
Granted, Rodriguez has since been dropped from the membership rolls of the Republic Executive Committee, according to the Miami Herald… but as of June he was running unopposed “for a second two-year term on the Westchester Community Council, which essentially functions as a Miami-Dade zoning board for the area,” according to the Herald’s story.
Okay, can’t fault the guy for getting onto a zoning board while trying to open up a club that could potentially run into opposition, even if his club does sit outside the reach of the zoning board he’s on. He’s going to need whatever pull he can muster: According to “Republican to Open Swingers Club,” a story which ran in the Broward Bugle on June 30, work was halted on the club in February, as Rodriguez hadn’t obtained the necessary work permits.
While Rodriguez anticipated a July opening – once the building permits had been sorted out, and a $500 fine for continuing work without the permits was paid – the club doesn’t seem to have a web presence. Which is a shame, because the thought of a club – swing, lifestyle or whatever you want to call it – opening in a “former shoe warehouse” for some reason seems oddly fitting.
And hey, if the club hasn’t, in fact, opened for commercial use yet, he could always throw a hell of a private election night victory party in the space.
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“Difficult Discussions” Is The Topic For The Second Virtual Symposium on Sept. 27!
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Posted:Sep 21, 2014 1:51 pm
Last Updated:Oct 23, 2014 10:24 pm
42330 Views
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Democracy works! Or, at least, as much democracy as we’re getting in this blog. The masses have spoken, and the topic of the second virtual symposium will be “Difficult Discussions.”
Here’s how the symposium will work: All choosing to participate – a field which includes everyone who has a blog – will create something – an essay, an erotic story, a memoir, a series of one-line aphorisms, an image collage, a photo montage, a poem, or anything else – relating to “Difficult Discussions”. Here’s a link to the participants’ list from the first symposium: Participants List For The First Virtual Symposium Age And Amorousness
Feel free to take the basic idea and stretch it to as wild an interpretation as you like -- the post should reflect you! The last thing we need is a dozen monotonous texts on the same topic. Anything goes, as long as there is a trace of the original idea in the post.
On the morning of Sept. 27 (a Saturday, for those keeping score), all participants will post their creations. Please, please, post ‘em early: I do want to link to them in a central post here, but I don’t want to be stapled to my desk all day.
The idea is to create something new, as opposed to using posts to respond to other posts (although the comments section will, of course, remain fair game). Ping me, and I’ll use a post on that day to link to all posts.
A suggestion: Participants may want to refer to either the virtual symposium or the topic itself in their headline. Not a requirement – there are no requirements, save for originality and participation – but a suggestion which will let the wide blog community know what we’re doing.
And… this is not a contest. No souvenir mugs will be sent, nor ribbons awarded. The idea here is for those interested to, on a single day, offer an interpretation of a single topic for the sheer fun of it.
By all means, encourage other bloggers to participate – and to let me know they’re doing so, either through this post or via email, so on Sept. 27 I can link to their posts.
Remember, of course, to keep things in your voice!
Can’t wait to see the results!
A final note: We had a fairly close election this time: Three of the five topics presented garnered a fair amount of interest. Rest assured that the runners-up will be kept in rotation for the next symposiums!
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How Do You Say “Swingers” With An RP Accent?
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Posted:Sep 14, 2014 12:10 pm
Last Updated:Nov 8, 2017 9:43 am
42595 Views
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Have a taste for Devonshire cream, an affinity for between-the-wars costumes, and an extra $8,000 burning a hole in the pocket of your waistcoat? Brush off your guide to Received Pronunciation British accents and book your travel to Merrie Olde England: Shoes Only has reserved Bovey Castle, on Dartmoor in Devon, for a five-day lifestyle extravaganza, according to a New York Daily News article titled “Erotic travel firm books castle for ‘Downton Abbey’-themed swingers party.”
There may always be an England, but during a week in July 2015, Bovey will change – both in name and amenities offered. The temporarily rechristened “Pleasure Castle,” will offer “a sexy Renaissance fair on the lawn”; “sexy pool parties” “Erotic cabaret shows each evening”; “multiple playhouses including one with a dungeon and mistress” along with a variety of more, um, pedestrian diversions such as tennis, golf, hiking, biking, hunting, and fishing.
Side note: This is England, so when these folks say they’re offering a dungeon, one has to believe they know what they’re talking about.
There’s even something called an “Erotic Au Natural closest to the pin challenge.” I’m a little hard-pressed to see the erotic nature of teeing off and trying to hit golf balls close to a flag while in the buff, but obviously I’m not a golfer. I do rather like the concept of club-swinging swingers – a 3 iron being a twist on the notion of “clubs” within the lifestyle.
As it happens, the famed British stiff upper lip may be a bit aquiver at the thought of swingers overrunning a staid resort. In “Dartmoor hotel to host five-day swingers party,” an article in the Express & Echo, a member of the (non-swinging) leisure club and spa housed in the resort sniffed “I hope this isn’t a new direction for the hotel owners. I, for one, will be concerned about getting in the pool again afterwards.”
Pish tosh, my good man or matron: They’ve invented this magnificent new substance called chlorine. Does wonders for disinfecting. Besides, people who are going to enjoy nude recreation understand there’s a mandate to wash a bit more carefully before going out in public. It’s good form, you know.
For non-Downton Abbey watchers who may be taken aback by excessive Anglophilia: Have no fear: The event is sponsored by an American company. Ah, Yankee ingenuity!
As for the television show which inspired the upcoming event: The folks at Carnival Films, which produces Downton Abbey, are keeping calm and carrying on – without comment, according to the Daily News.
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Photographer Snaps Swingers, Other Sexual Variants In Public/Private Garb
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Posted:Sep 10, 2014 6:05 am
Last Updated:Sep 17, 2014 9:29 pm
36759 Views
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The Huffington Post may have been a touch misleading when it labeled the subjects of photographer Forest McMullin as “committed advocates of BDSM…swingers, dominatrixes, and dungeon masters.” It’s fairly obvious in the pictures who the advocates of BDSM are, and the dominatrixes, dungeon masters, and master/slave couples are readily apparent as well.
As for swingers… maybe some are, and maybe some aren’t, but absent the diaphanous gowns and togas preferred by most swingers (and by “most swingers” I mean “somebody, somewhere, maybe”), for all we know the people in McMullin’s photos are committed monogamists.
But that’s a small point in the otherwise fine Huffington Post piece titled “'Taboo' Photos Reveal The Dual Lives Of Everyday People Who Practice BDSM”. Restrictions prevent me from providing an outside link, but the story is eminently Googleable… as is McMullin’s own site, which is located online at mcmullinphoto plus the usual commercial suffix.
The pictures in question, part of McMullin’s “Day & Night” collection, are accessible by adding /gallery/day&night/ to the above.
According to the Huffington Post, McMullin, who hangs his Nikons in Atlanta, specializes in photographing what he calls “fringe social groups.” But part of the joy of this particular portfolio is the absolute everyday-ness of his subjects in their citizen clothes paired with images of them in full regalia: The demure lasses who become dominatrixes; the Ward-and-June couples who enjoy bondage and master/slave play (or full lifestyles, for all I know); the Suzy Homemaker, posing once in her expansive kitchen behind the four-burner stove and again clad in corset and lashed to a flying bar rig.
These are people one might pass every day on the street – and for me, that has always been one of the intrigues of swinging: It is enjoyed by people of all backgrounds, beliefs, bents, and body types. The best porn, for some, features a transition from civilian to hedonist, and in a sense that is what McMullin delivers – although I suspect he’d argue that his images aren’t pornographic at all.
And maybe they are, and maybe they aren’t. But they’re definitely worth checking out, especially since – in a few cases – McMullin’s own sly sense of humor comes through, such as when he pairs a “civilian” shot of a man named Brent in day clothes being nuzzled by a alongside a photo of topless master Brent with a blonde, collared slave kneeling by his side. Or Renee, a sweet-looking blue-haired Goth… and her alter ego, a head-to-toe furry taken from the darkest pages of “Where the Wild Things Are.”
Fun stuff, these pairings… and whether or not the folks pictured are actually swingers, it’s a nice reminder that variants could be anybody – a concept that makes most ordinary strolls down crowded streets a lot more fun.
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