What is Love (Baby Don't Hurt Me)
|
Posted:Mar 23, 2015 8:35 pm
Last Updated:Mar 25, 2015 7:57 pm
35813 Views
|
He's too tall.
He's too short.
Is that a BONG in the background of his photo?!
'Some' college? Why didn't he finish?
I hate tattoos.
I prefer Bad Boys.
This one has a typo in his profile.
*Sigh*
Face it men: You. Can't. Win.
But you knew that already, didn't you? Because if you're married, you've been dating for any length of time, or you've watched an episode of reality television, you already know that women are BATSHIT FUCKING CRAZY.
How dare I say that?
Um. Because I'M THEIR LEADER. 
Seriously though-- how the fuck do you put up with our shit?! Is the almighty vagina REALLY that great? We are volatile and moody, manipulative and seductive and maddening and intoxicating and...
Wait. Maybe that's it. Maybe y'all want the roller coaster more than you let on? Maybe having to work for us makes us that much more valuable? Never a dull moment, and all that jazz? Or perhaps i haven't given enough credence to smooth shoulders, a softly rounded hip, a bewitching smile and the hint of things to come?
So enlighten me, my Handsome and Beguiling Male Readers...
What makes you love us like you do??
|
|
|
12
Comments
|
|
Headfirst Down the Rabbit Hole
|
Posted:Mar 23, 2015 2:13 pm
Last Updated:Apr 14, 2015 11:00 am
35524 Views
|
So...I had a date Friday night (giggle, giggle).
That's right, Guys and Dolls. I ACTUALLY ventured out to meet a fellow cesspool-dweller. And I know he'll eventually read this, so I should really mind my manners and be all subtle and demure and...
Here's a pic (though it's been removed once already...):
Actually, I had pretty much decided NOT to meet with anyone, though I can't really say that on my profile because I'll lose my free gold status which is a bloggers DREAM. He viewed my proifle and sent me a flirt and let's face it, curiosity may have killed the cat, but a hot photo will always bring the pussy back for more. So I headed off to view HIS profile. Well-written, poetic, but not sappy. Intelligent, but not contrived. Okay, I'm intrigued. On to the photos...are there more than one? Are they all deriviations of the same pose, which might signal that they could be poached from someplace online? I was happy to see multiple photos, INCLUDING FACE PICS and, get this: NO PHOTOS OF HIS PENIS.
Why yes, Virginia. There IS a Santa Claus.
BUT...(there's always big ol' BUT)...
He's new here. Like, REALLY new. He's fresh meat in the cage and the natives are starving. And we all know that with a photo like THAT, he's going to garner some attention. Now, I'm not a jealous sort- y'all know that. But I also don't treat this site as an auction house. If what I'm offering isn't enough, feel free to take the next highest bidder because I'll put down my paddle and go home. That's why I was a bit hesitant to engage with him-- let him sow his oats a bit and let the shine wear off, ya know? I don't compete-- I'm Gottaring, for fucks sake .
So of course, I sent a email because I'm stoopid Gottaring, for fucks sake  .
And he replied.
We chatted on and off for two days and since I was planning to be in his area for the weekend, we planned to meet for a drink. And yes, Sweet Concerned Readers, I did what I always do: Gave his information to Sailfast64 and Hubby. Say it with me: SAFETY FIRST. Rarely do I move THAT quickly, but I learned my lesson with THAT GUY- too much time is NOT always a good thing. Better to get the initial meet over with, right?
I won't go into too much detail of our short meeting- I need to have some secrets, after all. Besides, I don't want to show him my cards just yet, lol. We will meet again, if he asks me on a proper date  , and of course I'll keep you all posted.
In the meantime, we can't call him THAT GUY, so instead he shall be dubbed "Doc".
Now let's see if Doc has what it takes to heal me.
|
|
|
10
Comments
|
|
Peek a Boo...
|
Posted:Mar 23, 2015 1:45 pm
Last Updated:Nov 20, 2016 1:40 pm
33777 Views
|
So...Let's expand our earlier discussion about photographs, shall we?
Now, we all want to put our best feet forward, n'cest pas? We coat ourselves with warpaint, don a flattering outfit, check the lighting, wipe down the mirror in the rest stop bathroom and practically dislocate mutliple vertebrae in an effort to capture the best angle of our fat asses. Or wait...Maybe that's just me.
But you've done it too- admit it. You've pored over old and recent pics to find just the right one to send to that "special someone". Or perhaps you were searching for a profile photo for this site...one that said, "I'm hot, but approachable." Or if you're a man, "I'm amorous, not rapey." Because, face it: That photo is your introduction and you NEVER get a second chance to make a first impression-- at least not around here.
Y'all have seen my photos evolve throughout my time here. They went from modest to downright lascivious, and now they're back somewhere in the 'milquetoast' range. But I still have some of my more racy pics in my photo album, even though I'm 15lbs heavier and 20x less likely to respond to a message or IM request than I was back then. "But Gottaring! You've always prided yourself on your honesty and that ass-kickin' rack you have!" And yes, that's true. But I haven't taken those pics down because I'M VAIN.
Truthfully, I don't even know who that person was anymore, lol. She looks like me, but she had something in her eyes back then that just isn't there anymore. These days I'm far more likely to send a photo of my face- I cringe at the thought of taking a full body shot. Don't wanna, and you can't make me  ! And personally, I don't believe that my rack is my best feature. My life experience, my sense of humor, my willingness to let you have the second-to-last cookie...these are the qualities that set me apart. They won't get me laid, but neither would a photo of my stretch marks and fat ass, lol.
But take heed, Fair Readers- I'm not NEARLY as self-deprecating as I may appear. I'm simply REALISTIC. My physique won't appeal to the masses, I know that. But what I lack in Weight Watchers points, I make up for in IQ points. I just need to remind myself that beautiful women come in all sizes, and that some guys REALLY DON'T CARE about the outer trappings. And face it: If you can't handle me when I'm hairy, you don't deserve me when I'm waxed.
Or something like that...
|
|
|
10
Comments
|
|
Throwback Thursday
|
Posted:Mar 19, 2015 7:05 am
Last Updated:Apr 19, 2016 5:27 am
34586 Views
|
A blast from the past (or a year ago, to be more accurate)...Feel free to join in and post an oldie but goodie
|
|
|
10
Comments
|
|
It's Reigning Men
|
Posted:Mar 18, 2015 3:06 pm
Last Updated:Mar 24, 2015 5:25 am
34328 Views
|
If only I played with penises as often as I played with words, eh?
Which brings to my point: I'd forgotten about all the dicks around here. It's a penis salad with a side of nuts, and I think I've lost my appetite.
I say I "think" I've lost my appetite, because let's face it- some of them are fairly mouthwatering. Others...not so much. But it's nothing new to the bulk of you-- I'm quite sure you've been desensitized for quite some time now, much like I was prior to my sabbatical. But now I'm back and I want to talk about DICK.
I wish I could sequester the men with the penis and 'action sex' profile photos and just shake them really hard for a few minutes. "What are you thinking?!" I'd ask them. "Do you really believe that's ALL women are attracted to? Or is it that you believe your penis is the only thing you have to offer?"
"Listen, you arrogant, hypocritical cunt," they'd reply, "Shut the fuck up and quit being a prude. I LIKE my penis. Nay-- I LOVE my penis. And I believe EVERYONE has the right to show whatever body part they choose to on this site. It's a hookup site, after all. If I wanted to sell my sense of humor or my intellect, I'd post a photo of Chris Farley or Rodin's Thinker. I just wanna get my dick sucked, m'kay?"
And, quite honestly, they'd be right to say that.
But I also have the right to scroll on by in search of a broad chest or a nice set of shoulders encased in a French blue dress shirt with his tie slightly askew and...Wait, I digress. My point is that I think the dynamic has shifted in my absence. Women have become more willing to embrace their baser instincts, and men are feeding the need.
And why shouldn't they? After all, when I left a year ago the men were on the bottom rung of a ladder that led to nowhere. Now it seems that they've ascended to the top and are dangling their naughty bits just out of reach. The pinnacle where once stood a woman with her legs parted just enough for a peek, is now occupied by a man unabashed and rather satisfied as his sits upon his throne with a smug little smile just hoping his balls don't stick to the wicker.
I'm not sure what all of this means-- your comments are welcome as always. I'm merely offering an observation. I'm not sure this new dynamic is a BAD thing, mind you. I'm just not sure I have the energy to climb that pesky ladder (again).
|
|
|
18
Comments
|
|
No Catchy Title...
|
Posted:Mar 18, 2015 8:46 am
Last Updated:Jul 21, 2015 7:31 pm
32707 Views
|
I don't really do nudity anymore. I still have a plethora of pics from the good old days, but I don't really have the same moxie I had back then. I think I need to find my sexy. Lemme know if you've seen it, m'kay?
|
|
|
15
Comments
|
|
If You're Happy and You Know it....
|
Posted:Mar 18, 2015 6:05 am
Last Updated:Mar 20, 2015 3:16 pm
31818 Views
|
...go sit somewhere else.
Ha! Just kidding! I could use a little more happy these days, dontchaknow? But I'm not entirely down in the dumps either- I have moments of absolute JOY! Rereading that, I realize that I now sound bipolar. Meh. I've been called worse by the voices in my head  .
But let's talk about HAPPINESS...
Not too long ago, I posted the following tweet:
"Ever wonder if you gave all your happiness to someone who didn't know what to do with it?"
The response was overwhelming (for the Twitterverse, that is). Lots of ladies commented that, yeah-- they knew EXACTLY what I meant. And I have a feeling that it might hit a nerve with some folks here as well.
See, y'all remember THAT GUY? A three-year saga that began here and ended...well, let's not discuss that part. I'm convinced that I gave all my Happy to him and he treated it like...well, he treated it as though he DESERVED it. And in the beginning, he did. Remember the photos, the erotica, the giddy musings about what a smitten kitten I had become? He earned that...for the first six months. Later on, not so much. And now I'm kicking myself because I'm longing for the Smitten Kitten days once again, but I just don't have the energy or optimism anymore.
I want a man who will bring that side of me to the forefront once again. A muse who will evoke that craving in me- that desire to please him. A guy who not only deserves my attention, but gives as good as he gets. Wishful thinking? Perhaps. I'm a bit older, wiser, more cynical and jaded now. But maybe he's out there...
Bonus points if he has a big penis .
Good morning, HotMatch.com. I've missed you 
|
|
|
12
Comments
|
|
Somebody That I Used to Know...
|
Posted:Mar 17, 2015 6:56 am
Last Updated:Mar 20, 2015 3:16 pm
31956 Views
|
No, not YOU guys, lol. I'm referrring to myself.
Do you ever go back and read your old blog posts? I've been here almost five years now and I have a pretty substantial body of work here. Not all of it is interesting or even remotely noteworthy, but it chronicles a significant time in my life. As I look back on it, it's hard for me to believe that I was ever that naive, lol. But that was then, and this is now.
So let's see...where did I leave off?
Last time I was here, the infamous Hornet had just passed away. We're a few months shy of one year without her, and I can assure you that NOTHING HAS CHANGED. I mean, sure I got to choose the menu for the holidays and sure, we're able to leave for Spring Break without worrying about her welfare, but other than that? Status quo, Baby. Hubby and I haven't been intimate since last April...so yeah. Par for the course round here.
I guess the main difference is that I am no longer optimistic about things changing between us. I've resgined myself to the fact that we will probably never have sex again. I actually don't WANT to have sex with him, and I told him as much. I have no feelings for him physically anymore. I still love him immensely, but it's a different kind of love. We still don't fight, we still laugh and joke and when I'm sad, his lap is the one I want to curl up in. But yeah...at some point in the last year we hit a fork in the road and went our separate ways...
What else....hmmm....
Still on Twitter, 12k followers strong. Weird, I know. Still have two kick ass . Still buying vibrators in bulk, lol. I had a dude I was hanging with for a while, we'll call him Danny (because that's his name and he's not on this site anyway). That was fine for a while, but he resides in New York and the distance proved to be overwhelming. Plus he wasn't quite what I wanted in bed. In retrospect, I may have walked away too quickly from that situation. Then again, I might just be saying that because I'M HORNY AS FUCK.
That's right folks: I've become one of those women who bitches at waiters and talks to her canned goods and relates entirely too closely with characters on TV. You look at her and whisper, "Man, she needs a good hard fuck!"
And I do.
But enough about me for the time being, lol. I need to go meet my personal trainer (female, no homo (unfortunately)). I'll be back later to smooch on you all a bit .
xoxo
P.S. In my new role as Mama Bear, I want to warn the local ladies: If you are chatting with James92659, be aware that his pics are all stolen. I used one of those reverse serach apps and he's using pics of a semi-well-known life coach and fitness guru. I called him on it, but it seems he's still lurking in the waters. Just a heads up...
|
|
|
14
Comments
|
|
A Muted Sting
|
Posted:Jul 16, 2014 10:32 am
Last Updated:Mar 16, 2015 5:12 pm
92249 Views
|
The Hornet passed away last night. I'm going off the grid to be with my husband and .
Ain't got much more to say right now-- I know y'all understand where I'm coming from.
Thanks in advance for your condolences. Tip one back tonight and think of me.
Xoxo
|
|
|
25
Comments
|
|
To link to this blog (gottaring) use [blog gottaring] in your messages.
|
|
|
| Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
| |
|
|
|
1
|
2
|
3
|
4
|
5
|
61
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
10
|
11
|
12
|
13
|
14
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
21
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
30
|
31
|
Most Recent Comments by Others
| In a Galaxy Far, Far Away... (36) | Masz91
Jan 16, 2022 1:36 pm |
| Finding a Fertile Field (39) | steve_vme
Nov 1, 2021 5:52 pm |
| Just Another Sassy Sunday... (53) | Domd2427
Mar 12, 2020 3:30 am |
| I'm Back... (91) | a_42n81
Sep 25, 2019 3:46 pm |
| Give and Let Live (62) | cheezie212
Sep 17, 2019 2:14 pm |
| Unattended... (40) | cyclingfool
May 17, 2019 6:21 am |
| Convinced (50) | kissurpussy70
Oct 18, 2017 11:22 am |
| Everything you need to know... (128) | urzorally
Mar 30, 2017 9:29 am |
| Caught... (62) | ChampWashDarwin
Mar 17, 2017 7:39 am |
| Waiting is the Hardest Part (37) | Leegs2012
Dec 9, 2016 12:12 pm |
| I'm Easy like Sunday Morning (72) | leov12378
Oct 24, 2016 6:15 pm |
|
