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handle with care
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handle with care Do you remember still the falling stars that like swift horses through the heavens raced and suddenly leaped across the hurdles of our wishes - do you recall? and we did make so many! For there were countless numbers of stars: each time we looked above we were astounded by the swiftness of their daring play while in our hearts we felt safe and secure watching these brilliant bodies disintegrate, knowing somehow we had survived their fall Rilke i've just finished a book by piccoult on osteogenesis imprefecta (O  that was a heartbreaker. imagine never knowing if a sneeze or just rolling over in bed will break a bone? OI is a disease with levels and numerous issues..most do not survive birth...and it alters the life of a family forever. the crux of the book is not about the disease, but about connections...how strong or how fragile they are...i know that i often talk about meditation but i haven't been able to meditate deeply for a while now. there is in me a sense of hurry, of need and yet i find myself not moving at all when i'm home. my shoulders are tensed as if i am ready to fight and yet i have no idea who the enemy is..or in fact, if there is an enemy at all. having someone stay here for a while made me realize how much i crave solitude and yet how that very solitude keeps me from fully being present in the world. in some ways we fed each other's need to cocoon (her word) and yet the mere fact that she was here somewhere altered the energy of the house. i miss her laugh. smiles. and charlie misses her talking to him like he's a person. the threads that hold us in the world, in a friendship, in a job.......whatever....are just threads and are so easily broken. i was visiting with my and he said something interesting. he said i don't much like people. considering the work i do, i was at first nonplussed...but when i thought about it....there is a truth in there. i have a handful of people i love and who feed my soul. i have work where the caring for others feeds my soul. but i spend the majority of my down time alone...and i like that. i am not a party person, or a club person. i prefer a conversation to mingling. staying in to going out. so...what threads connect you to your world? and do you like people? You cannot conceive the many without the one. |
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I wrestle with my need for solitude too. Since I became single four years ago, it has become quite pronounced. My bike club used to be what kept my connection with people, but I have become fairly inactive with that group. Which leaves: my book club, my four best friends who I manage to get together with every month or two, and of course, the daily work connections.   
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3/14/2009 11:45 am |
Hmmmm...interesting question...first off, what is my world? I assume that we each define that on our own, but I don't know how to define mine...I guess my world revolves around my children, and they keep me connected. Without them, without all the things they do, I would likely spend much of my time at home. And when I'd go out it wouldn't be so much to interact with others, as it would be just to be in the midst of the energy of others going about in their worlds. It's interesting...I love my solitude...like you, clubs and parties are not my thing. (My family doesn't understand that.  ) But, I like people...I think they are interesting, and I like to have conversations with them. Though, being shy, they have to start the conversation! lol There is one person in my life...he feeds my soul more than anything else does...and I'd forego solitude to be with him. He is a craving that will never subside, I suspect... Maybe he is the thread holding me to my world... Hmmmmmm...still thinkin'... tight hugs, we. ce  "All you'll get from strangers is surface pleasantry or indifference. Only someone who loves you will criticize you." - Judith Crist, crack film critic
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Got divorced in 1993, WE. For a year or two, I went nuts not having a anyone around. I missed my daughter (who was 9 then) more than my ex even though I still saw my daughter two or three evenings each week and every other weekend. But now I've gotten used to the solitary life. Between TV, movies, blogging, sports and golfing, I manage to survive. My daughter is moving on to grad school in Florida, so I feel I've gotten her off to a good start in life. The danger in becoming close friends with someone is that you might marry them and then they might divorce you, or you might live with them until they get tired of your ass, or they might be your friend until they start talking about you to other people behind your back, or they might give you some "social" disease. So, I think you have to be careful in picking your friends. A dog offers unconditional love, a dog is a loyal friend, a dog won't talk behind your back and a dog won't give you a "social" disease. Well, not unless you consider a few flea bites a "social" disease! 
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i love people...many people of different back grounds...but i like my alone time... mostly i am alone with a book or my thought or my computer then i realize i need to go out to talk with people and to get rid of energy that is building in me.. i think tonight i just realised i am going to walk alone for a while i think i want to be single ..i think i will like it this time i will do it deep sigh   []   Seduce my mind and my body
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4/20/2009 12:08 pm |
oh yea
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