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Getting to yes - part 1  

RockyMtnDiane 66F
15 posts
1/25/2019 4:26 am
Getting to yes - part 1

Everyone comes on to this with with a goal. For most of us, that is to meet someone. What that would entail varies. The first part of getting to "yes" is to find out if you have the same goal.

Just because you have a goal of meeting, doesn't mean that others do. Some people are on HotMatch.com (HotMatch.com) to explore their sexuality, chat with others, and some are here to take advantage in some way, like scammers. So, for many of us who want to meet, we first need to find out if the other person does too and what for.

The best question I am asked is: What am I looking for? Or a bit differently, why am I on HotMatch.com? I love it. I means that my interests and needs are being respected and the person wants to find out if we have a similar goal. Perfect! And, it's great whether the person asking the question can see my profile or not, because sometimes goals change since the profile was originally written.

Both people being honest and upfront about what they are looking for and determining if they have a common goal is the first big step to "yes". If you don't have the same goal, sometimes it's good to ask clarifying questions to see if there might be a misunderstanding. If you don't have the same goal, though, pressing someone to accept your goal just causes frustration for both of you. Why not spend your energy searching for someone with the same goal?

If you do have the same goal that involves meeting, you want to get to "yes" to get together. That's in Getting to yes part 2.


emmaya55 36F
1 post
1/25/2019 4:40 am

I'm waiting for part 2


RockyMtnDiane replies on 1/25/2019 8:32 am:
See Getting to yes part 2.

TicklePlease 56F  
13851 posts
1/25/2019 4:47 am

"my interests and needs are being respected..."



*ahem* I'm going to give it an hour before your post gets cut and pasted, sentence by sentence, into someone's trolling reply.

Personally, I find that it's rare that MY interests and needs are respected here by men who want to meet. YMMV but for the most part, the "it's a sex site, why should I put out any effort" attitude is the norm for non-bloggers. I need to actually like the fella before I consider meeting them and that's proving difficult!


RockyMtnDiane replies on 1/25/2019 4:53 am:
Thanks so much for your comments! I had not thought that there would be a trolling reply... so much to learn!!!

I agree with your point about the lack of understanding that just because we're on a sex site doesn't mean we will meet anyone, at any time, without having a level of comfort in sharing our bodies.

curious98900 69M

1/25/2019 4:56 am

I hear you sister. So many here are just plain rude and in it for their immediate selfish interests without considering who they are approaching at all.


RockyMtnDiane replies on 1/25/2019 4:59 am:
Thanks, it's great to get a man's perspective on this, too!!!

VenusRedux2 49F
557 posts
1/25/2019 5:11 am

I think a lot of people here don't know themselves what they're looking for here. They've never truly asked themselves that question. I think that's a question deeper than most people realize. A lot of people are here for attention missing elsewhere in their lives .... or as a means of stress relief from a bad home or work situation ... or as a means of escape from the realities of their unhappy lives. Those are all vastly different reasons than trying to find a happy and fulfilling sex life. And I don't think most people are retrospective enough to recognize those things in themselves.


RockyMtnDiane replies on 1/25/2019 5:19 am:
That is a really insightful point! Thanks!

Paulxx001 67M
22642 posts
1/25/2019 6:12 am

If she says she wants to have meaningful sex... Should I lie and say - I'd want meaningful sex, as well?
To be perfectly honest.. I'd be just as happy, with, meaningless sex! 🤔👌❤️🔥


Paulxx001 67M
22642 posts
1/25/2019 6:16 am

    Quoting VenusRedux2:
    I think a lot of people here don't know themselves what they're looking for here. They've never truly asked themselves that question. I think that's a question deeper than most people realize. A lot of people are here for attention missing elsewhere in their lives .... or as a means of stress relief from a bad home or work situation ... or as a means of escape from the realities of their unhappy lives. Those are all vastly different reasons than trying to find a happy and fulfilling sex life. And I don't think most people are retrospective enough to recognize those things in themselves.
You make a lot of good points...👍
My reasons have shifted.. since I joined... I sometimes have to remind myself.. what they are! 🤔


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