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No fake points for me, never even heard that phrase before. I've heard as "you're not the boss of me " I forgot about the French model commercial, that's excellent. I'm trying to remember what the product was.  I believe it was gieco before the geeko  Excellent post La ,I've had the sex site excuse thrown at me more than once. Kinda the sick rationalization post I wrote about in my pathological post that confused you  Yours is way better and more clear, must be the examples  In this man's opinion, the interaction between two consulting adults should not be justified in the sense that " This is a sex site ". Take responsibility for one's shit, if I pursue or am pursued, I'm accountable for my actions. I hold the pursuer accountable for theirs. Saying it's a sex site is a chicken shit cop out to me. Once again, you've hit the nail on the head.  Standards are people too.....kinda 
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this is a very good post.... sadly it will zoom over the heads of those who need it most
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Good post love the iceberg visual aid but . . . it just about the whole (or hole) sex thing? "fascinating" said "that damn Vulcan".  When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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I do like the iceberg image... as always, a thought provoking post and comments. I find that a lot of people not only want you to want what THEY want, they don't even want to know what YOU want! I'm hoping that makes more sense on the reading as it does on the writing.
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Pretty much sums it up I think. 
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I love this!! You and I have spoken before and truly the people that sign up here, mostly men, think this. It is a sex site therefore you do anyone and everyone and all they need do is ask and shove their dick out. ALL men have a dick, not BEING a dick is the trick. One of my favorite blogs on here, very similar to this, is NO I am NOT one woman with 50,000 profiles as it sums up all the ignorant crap men think they can get on here with just signing up and being here. I usually do follow it with the lines of if it is a sex site and we are expected to do any and all sex acts with anyone that asks then you (actually they) have to be ready to have gay man sex and suck dicks as they are here as well!!! Sorry, you are not exempt from the do anyone and everyone clause because you have a dick. You MUST have sex with anyone and everyone that asks including those gay men!!! FOR THE RECORD the site says this STRAIGHT OUT OF THE HELP SECTION HERE ON THE SITE: What is the purpose of HotMatch.com? The purpose of the HotMatch.com site is to make it as easy as possible for you to meet people, using the power of the internet. At HotMatch.com, you'll find a community of people using the site as a tool to make connections and find partners for dating, romance, friendship, and a variety of encounters.To find your match, we offer several powerful features, that allow you to narrow your search so you can find exactly the kind of person you, are looking for. On various occasions, we also add new features to make your time at HotMatch.com a successful and fun experience. Please note that it doesn't say FOR F*CKING specifically. THAT IS WHAT THE SITE WROTE AND I COPIED IT !!!
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Archer?
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Great post Lala.
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That's just crazy a person who wants others to be like them. I prefer being myself, as there is a old phrase."WHEN THEY MAD ME THEY BROKE THE MOLD" LOL Seduce the mind and see what a wonderful adventure the body will take you on.. 
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Yeah, it can get tiring being told that we are women on a sex site therefore anything the male viewing us thinks, must be true for us, too. le sigh I think that this is common enough thinking though... If someone doesn't object to our sexist joke, then they must agree, right? Is someone doesn't object to our racist comment, then they must agree, right? If you are on a sex site, and there is a man who just wants a vagina to fill, any vagina will do, then you must agree, too, right? Uh, no dude. Just no. And no, I wasn't referencing you in that last comment, but the dudes who think it is so cool that there are real women on this site but somehow the real women on this site don't get a say in how we have sex. Kitkat The observant make the best lovers, I may not do right, but I do write, I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life, Kitkat Come check out my blog KItkat1415 check out this post by me Adventures In Body Grooming #39 April Topic Link: What Lies Beneath If April Showers Oh Bloody Hell What Kind Of Weather Turns Me On Bloggers Symposium 40
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Good afternoon Lala, I guess as we read the post we are to get into your mind and try to find out just what you are saying, it is easy to read the text, but what you say, I think is not what is on your mind. Why are we here? Why can't all others like what we like, the way we like it and when we want it... It would be nice to have this fantasy site that each agreed with the other. That every body is a horny as you and I, but I see here, that there is a lot of BS... what is said by a lot is not real, not even close and never will be. It is a place that these people can come and get into their dream world, pretend to be all action and in the real world can't even think strait. ***** Lala, I read you often, looks like a good strait minded young lady, you have a good mitigation, you tell it like it is and make it easy to understand.. Do keep up the good work and stay with us, we have lost some good ones lately...
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What's missing here? Is there anything missing here? Yes, iceberg is a great answer. Unfortunately, exploring deeper may prove equally disappointing. Pushy types have already revealed much of what lies beneath the surface, i.e. their character. They value self-gratification, do not consider others' needs, and lack real world experience, maturity and common sense. What's wrong with you? There must be something wrong with you if you don't want what I want. Typical argument employed by narcissists. The only thing that matters to these people is what they want. Seriously, what sane person would tell a stranger that they have a problem? Such behavior is a very big red flag.
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Good afternoon again Lala......as I read through some of the comments to this post it makes me realize that this is not the site of 4-5 years ago, seems like money has become the major object of the site and it's satellite sites, It has made a very big change in the way the clientele act toward each others, we now have a group that are here now only for the financial gain that can be had, these overshadowing the the rude& crude, always have to include the guy that only has a 4 letter vocabulary. If one looks close enough and is patience there can be found diamonds among this masses of others. these will be considerate, kind , understanding and mostly willing to be someone you can enjoy, but to say to her " I want it this way" is stretching a good thing( no pun intended) to far...I think to be considerate, cooperative and willing to share thoughts should be first on our minds...Understand this is part of a real world, is key in making a connection here on one of these sites. Lala, have a good day...xoxo lonly
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my auntie told me to be polite to ignorant people. so sometimes I try to answer nonsense with rational thought. my mama told me to not to play with fools. so mostly I just delete, delete, delete. in this world, now, I find if someone says something truly sexist or misogynistic I just snap and go after them. stupid is stupid. but cruel and vicious is dangerous and needs to be stopped or at least, I need to say not here.........nope, not here. You cannot conceive the many without the one.
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Rookie mistake my dear - if you study people long enough you'll realize there's nothing behind their decisions . It's all random . The universe is chaos . The cosmos tends towards greater entropy , as man tends towards ever more destructive tendencies and the AFC North tends towards the passing game , and the only constant in our mutable world is change - we cannot afford the illusion of control . Also I AM your supervisor and I'm going to need you come in tomorrow m-kay ? Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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@lonlyforlov00 as I read through some of the comments to this post it makes me realize that this is not the site of 4-5 years ago, seems like money has become the major object of the site and it's satellite sites, It has made a very big change in the way the clientele act toward each others, Do you mean like 4-5 years ago when Penthouse owned the site and among the co-branded sites was "Fuck-a-Slut"? This is a for profit company, I can't think of a time when revenue wasn't a top concern. Remember the Silver membership? As obnoxious as being told, "this is not eHarmony" can be, I give some of these guys a little bit of sympathy because they get bombarded with such mixed messages. I don't hesitate to break out that section on the FAQ that spells out what the siteowners say the site is for, but really, how many people ever see that. They keep it buried like cat poop for a reason. On the other hand, the first screen they encounter every time they sign in looks like the picture below. The term hook up appears 3 times in the top third of the page. Nowhere is there anything about friendship, conversation, or relationships. I reject the idea that these men are narcissists, we don't have enough information and there are too damn many for that label. I think they are having a major case cognitive dissonance and are pretty confused. think about it, they click on a link promising them that if they sign up today, they'll be balls deep in a woman tonight, they log in to the site and see loads o' nudity and then they write to a woman who tells them, "nope, you're not my type". I can see how a guy who is thinking with the little head can get confused. The issue isn't the men, the issue is how the site markets itself to men. On one hand, they assume, rather astutely, that men will pay a premium for a membership if they think that sex is at the end of the stick. On the other hand, they offer opportunities to network, get to know people, and form community, aspects that appeal strongly to women. For every man who gets into the community groove, there are 100, 500,1000, walking through the door with their dick in one hand and their credit card in the other. All te media here tells them sex is nigh and they bump into 1 or 2 women who tell them otherwise. Who do you think they're going to believe? That's why they think *we're* in the wrong place. What to do? Nothing really. The site isn't going to change their marketing, it still makes them plenty of money.
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Hi BiggLala... thanks for the post... Always giving me an opportunity to post something unique as a response... BANKS - "Fuck With Myself" I got two diamonds and a feather Gimme three reasons why we ain’t together I push my body through the floor like Cause I fuck with myself more than anybody else You’re on the corner waiting for my love I put two walls behind you just to lean on You’re gonna need em cuz I stood you up Cause I fuck with myself more than anybody else Cuz I fuck with myself more than anybody else It's all love I used to care what you think about me It's all love Cause my love so good So I fuck with myself more than anybody else I caught you fishing through the fodder This whole relationship is under water You’re facing ages in your third strike Cause I fuck with myself more than anybody else Cause I fuck with myself more than anybody else It's all love I used to care what you think about me It's all love Cause my love so good So I fuck with myself more than anybody else I used to have a nickel for what you say, baby Your words would burn me in the third degree Now baby look what it’s come to Cause my love is the one My love is the one So I fuck with myself more than anybody else It's all love I used to care what you think about me It's all love Cause my love so good So I fuck with myself more than anybody else ... To leave private messages, please use my confidential mailbox at my blog: Good luck!!! 
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Good work Lala. I like the iceberg. Just remember though heed the signs if you convince people to change the top of the berg it doesn't mean the part under the surface has changed.  Vive La Difference
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It is hard for some to understand that we are all here, on this site, for our own unique reasons, and my reason may not be the same reason as you. We all have our own likes and dislikes, that’s okay as well. I don’t have to like the same things you do, and you don’t have to like the same things I do. I am not interested in some sexual fetishes others are, you may not enjoy some of the fetishes I enjoy. So be it, it is ok to be different you know. That is one of the things I like about this site, the uniqueness and the ability to discuss these topics maturely. Okay, not everyone has the same level of maturity. That is what the iggy bin is for….
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I totally get what BrownEyed is saying as well, I truly do! Like your answer though, one would think they would adapt and change direction once they found out that 'get laid in 24 hours' is an advertisement. I often do reply to that as well with you don't really think if you open a Labatt's Blue beer you will get snow indoors instantly or you don't really think if you open an Old Milwaukee that the Swedish Bikini Team will parachute out from nowhere??? Why they can get that one is an advertisement and they don't get that the 'get laid' is also one is beyond me. Common sense would dictate that there is NOWHERE on the planet that one can log in for free and the Island of Beautiful Slutty Women appears and all one needs do is say "f*ck me!!" That is so just ignorant when one puts it into context like that.
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Obviously those are ridiculous expectations, even for this site. How can so many men have the same assumption? My featured post this week: Pulling Fantasy Sex Out of My Ass.
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BiggLala wrote: All of this is not a good sign and it's sad for single women like me. I often get frustrated and have concerns that I have no hope of finding what I seek. Gee, thanks, J. What did I do?  Perhaps I was unclear. My comments pertained only to the scenario you shared. Not the A F F male population in general. I'm sure there IS someone out there worthy of your time ... just not these chuckleheads you described. Same with my narcissist reference. Not ALL people who use the "what's wrong with you?" ploy are necessarily narcissist. It's simply a red flag because it suggests that they might lack the ability to empathize or admit they're mistaken. And, yes, a bit more info would be required to make that call. So not all males come with red flags and, as others have mentioned, the possibility of finding worth companionship DOES exist. However, the type of guy you described in your OP ... uh, yeah ... you deserve a lot better. mmm-kay?
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Oh I would never do that. My son had more maturity at 13 then some of these guys. Then again he was taught to be respectful of others, something which I think should be taught in schools, since it is not being taught at home, the same they have done with the sex ed classes. Hmmm, now I am thinking... oh oh, that can be scary....
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Also quoting: -I know, J. However, what I describe is an amalgam of the scenarios I've experienced here, which is 99.99% of them. At this point in time...like right at this very moment...I'm tired, I'm frustrated, I'm unwilling to continue seeking and wading through the chaff in hopes of finding one or a few suitable grains of wheat. My experiences could be different were I willing to treat men as pieces of meat just for sexual gratification, or open my legs to anyone who asks (which is 99.99% of the approaches), but I'm not wired that way...never will be. Even situations with those who claimed they want something deeper, proved to fruitless. One of those persons I foolishly fell for, and then was left flat on my face. So I'm drained...and...done. *sigh* I so totally agree that most men on here do not know what the women go through, nor do many actually care sadder yet. Men and women for the most part (NOT ALL!!!),but for the most part are wired differently and seek different things. Many a guy is seeking just a hole to use for a bit and move on as if they just snotted in a rag and are throwing it out and they see nothing wrong with treating a woman that way. In fact many tell themselves we either were stupid enough to fall for it or we wanted it. Okay, there MAY be some women that do want to just get the hit and run, but most women.. MOST NOT ALL!!! ... most want more than to just be used by some guy for 15 minutes and he is off to never be seen again. I am not saying women want marriage as an end all, but they on a whole want more than just 15 minutes and gone. With that said, the extent of what some guys will say and do to GET that 15 minutes includes lying and putting on a good show and many do end up as you did Ms. Lala, left wondering wtf was that and now we are mistrustful. If men were taken to the cleaners for their money 99 times out of 100 they would soon stop wanting to give out anything involving money for any reason. Same with us as women. We have to be careful and do some screening to try to lessen the possibility of another a**hat using us as a cum hole. I have compiled 4 blogs that show the good, the bad, and the uglies of emails we get on here. If you read through them you will note how many use the same tactics as if there is a book saying "do this to get some p*ssy" and guess what.... it doesn't work most of the time. The few times it works only makes women MORE jaded. Feel free to have a read and see just how the nicest guy can change when he hears not interested no matter how polite either is, or how we get the most ignorant emails or the rudest approaches as if "wanna f*ck" is all we need to hear and see a dick photo, and the last ones of the unsolicited jerks that send us hateful messages based on they read the profile and they know they can't get laid. #1...Best Complimentary Emails wupdates #2...Emailslame, boring, or just plain stupidwupdates #3...A polite No Thank You can cause thiswupdates #4...Unsolicited HATE Emails no prior contactwupdates I know most of us are not bashing on men, but men don't see it that way. I cannot speak to the habits of women as I don't get emails from them and I am not lesbian or bi, but I am sure that they have their own a**hats too. It just seems more prevalent the number of men that say rude crap and do whatever it takes to get laid and have no manners or anything and think because we are on here we don't deserve manners or respect. You guys want to get laid, then actually try being nice to women that like sex rather than insult us by calling us whores or treating us like pieces of sh*t if we want it or have it. Just sayin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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When men tell me I am a man hater because I think they should change their approach........... say to them this: I hope you teach your daughter to be a c*cksucking whore and to let every man use her vagina as a cum hole and get back to me. She she never say no and never complain that men approach her disrespectful, just perform like a good whore does and stfu. You would be amazed at how many of them will get ticked off and instantly say that THEIR daughter would never be HERE. Ummm..... why not??? Your daughter should be a frigid shrew prig sitting on ice and only have sex to make children? Those same men want women that have wild romping sex for fun, yet their daughter doing that is just such an impossible vision to them. Surprise!!!! Your daughter may very well love sucking dick and having anal sex. She may actually even like gang bangs and threesomes!! You can't make a vision for your daughter to be pristine, yet expect us to be overtly sexual and do anything and everything when we are all someone's daughters as well!!! How they can think showing us their dicks will make us rush to do them, yet THEIR daughter would never react that way to seeing a dick. Sounds rather pathetically ignorant doesn't it???? I am not being mean to men. NOT ALL MEN are a**hats!!!! Take a look around and see how many ARE this way though. Hunting to just find a hole to use for 15 minutes is a main purpose for many a guy and many a woman doesn't want that. Yes, there may be those that do, but they are not the majority and it only ruins it for those that are good and looking for more.
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