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| Blogs > Rainunderthemoon > GeminiCancer's Musings |
Two paths to the same destination or so we thought
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Two paths to the same destination or so we thought You may not believe at all in astrology. I certainly have my doubts, but decided a few years ago that if God IS.... then he certainly COULD have given us signs to guide us like astrology and numerology. Its a lot more productive and interesting to accept that "anything" is possible instead of believing nothing is. Have heard it said many times that astrological profiles are so broad they fit anyone. Well, not in my experience. My brother, pure Aquarius, major asshole. Me, Gemini to a fault. My father... Gemini Cancer cusp, strong traits from both and a formidable man.... rational thought combined with empathy and profound intuitive gifts. And my Cancer. I wrote to the "Skeptic" columnist for Scientific American about her. He had written, correctly, that statistically speaking, with 300 million people and 70 years of life, we were all bound to know SOMEONE who had made a correct prediction just by pure chance. But Cancer has made 9 specific predictions within hours of them coming true. Just one example... she woke me up one night, in overwhelming grief...not because she had "dreamed" but that there were absolutely without a doubt THOUSANDS of people drowning.... We got up a few hours later to the news of the terrible Tsunami in South Asia... Indian Ocean. And the Skeptic wrote back in agreement... the statistical probability of random chance could NOT explain Cancer's gift/curse. So why do I bring this up? Because She and I agree on so many things... but come to those conclusions so DIFFERENTLY that sometimes in an argument we start off "Yes we agree completely, but the WAY you reached the same decision as I makes no fucking sense!" So here we are on HotMatch.com. Both of us would like to expand our sexplay to include others. Before HotMatch.com we depended on random chance, luck, alcohol and friends to bring us infrequent, unplanned and unreliable encounters. SO, we decided to try a different path. Instead of trying to find sexually open minded and compatible playmates from among a small pool of friends, try finding friends form a LARGE pool of sexually adventureous others. It turns out, we are on different paths though in seeking that goal. Cancer communicates in world wide forums. Chatting about everything and anything... discovering the people, men and women, she likes in often completely non sexual ways. She finds friends. BUT..... so far nearly all those friends she has made who we are also interested in sexually live so far away that unless someone drops a load of cash and free time on us we will never have the time or money to meet.... YES I like the friends she has made and there are some I would love to play with... that's true. But it just isn't likely to happen. Her path was based on her empathy and intuition, meeting the right people and forming friendships. Then there is my path. I'm the over rational gemini. Making a plan, following it until, being Gemini, I get bored and frustrated and quit before fully realizing it. Gemini's are renown for rarely finishing anything as they move on to something else, their attention always moving to something new before the old is complete. So I approached HotMatch.com completely differently, with the idea that to meet, the people had to be reasonably local. From Central California, even the major areas like LA or San Fran were too far for regular friends, only long weekend hookups. So I played with the cupid settings. Searched for locals myself, or let them find us in our "viewed us" list. Wrote a few messages. Made a few contacts with sexually compatible others. BUT..... that didn't add up to the friendship level that certainly Cancer wants, and I understand. I am a little wilder. Having lived a long time without decent relationships, emotionally or sexually, I could let myself go down the path of random one night quickies, and see the fun in no commitment no regret no romance easy sex. But I also understand the danger in that, as well as the benefit that could come from actually finding good steady dependable playmates, and friends. One of our friends who was a short term sexplaymate as well demonstrates this. He was known and trusted enough to play free... He could stay in our home with no "suspicions" as he was a friend. We didn't have to worry that he was trying to get Cancer to play without me...they did and it was OK ( to a point). We knew he wasn't motivated by anything other than sex was fun, and we are friends. And to me, the perve, that protection was unecessary so the sex was cummy and messy..that was great! So... I looked local, trying to find likely candidates for both sex and friendship. But completely opposite Cancer... I looked for likely SEX partners first then considered the friendship issues. And.... well she didn't even feel compelled to even chat with most of them. Her intuition, as well as her different path, made my choices mostly uninteresting and untrustworthy. ( as in MY judgement wasn't trustworthy, which is true in its fashion) There is one gentleman I really like locally, and so does she, but his experience is so VAST she is afraid of him, and I doubt we'd fit his lifestyle well enough to be long term friends. There have been a few others I shared with, and they instead of following my advice, and cruise that chat rooms patiently and get to know Cancer and let her know them, instead started IM and PM and messaging her and basicly being pushy. There are a couple still in the "maybe" category... but they have probably lost interest in us as we are moving slowly and IN DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS! And the funniest shit of all, Cancer is meeting a lot of women.... I really do enjoy multiple partner sex where it is more than one man working together to please one woman. I am open to other things, but that's the one thing I have had experience with that has been really fun. Been with 2 women, erotic but TOO much work. And never really just wanted to "swap" So... I have been mostly talking with men. Cancer also likes men. And has made some good, albeit distant male friends. But... surprisingly, the vast majority of her friends are WOMEN. In the real world that has never been the case... she is one of those women who without at all being a tomboy, knows cars, shoots guns, and just hangs out really comfortably with the guys. She has few very close women friends, and a lot of men friends. So I am meeting mostly guys, and she is meeting mostly gals. We'd be doing better I suppose if I were gay and she lesbian LOL. SO here we are. I have met a few men here locally and a pair of couples I might like to meet. And two men I do really like and WANT to meet. But sex... and friendship? My way of meeting and communicating is just too analytical, too rational. I don't have a "feel" for my prospects the way Cancer does. On the other hand, she has made some friends who are thousands of miles away that I like not only as friends, but would happily get naughty with as well... but they are thousands of miles away! The destination we seek...sexplaymates who may become long term friends as well... reliable, safe, fun and more fulfilling. Her path finds great people far away, and mine close people, but maybe not so great. Its still been fun.... but the desire to experience something MORE than just US has actually interfered in our own sex life. We've spent hours searching for a friend to c2c with when we could have enjoyed each other... and it seems we are masturbating more than ever! SO I, the easily bored and frustrated Gemini, am pretty much ready either to throw in the towel, or renegotiate with Cancer our goals. If you've read this far, you may as well know my little secret. The Shrink says a lot of men as they age turn a profound love of their own cock into curiosity about another. Its not quite bi sexual, as its attraction to "cocks" not men. But they do come attached. Me, I love the feel of my cock in my hand. And as a young athletic martial artist could almost suck it as well. And that has mutated into a profound desire to at least ONCE before I'm old and ugly( is it too late?) stroke off and suck off another cock. And there's a guy here I think might just do. And Cancer too has had her own bicuriosity stimulated. It is however completely different and not motivated by sexual desire but something more esoteric. Me, I want to suck a cock, her, I am quite sure she has absolutely no desire just to eat pussy, but she is drawn towards physical intimacy with a woman. So we have ended up not only on different paths, but traveling through unexpected terrain as well. This may be a complete waste of time. It may be that something she did "for me" turns into something for her and not me. I do know one thing for sure... I am bored as hell most of the time here, or completely obsessed and unsatisfied. And in the end what I think we came here to find isn't what I really want out of this at all. Trying to find long term friendships and sex playmates may be either impossible or just too much work for me. But it might just be worth the money, the time, the frustration, the late nights if we can both at least experience some of what its brought out. Ironic, that coming here to find heterosexual playmates to share with each other, Cancer and Gemini, and instead all I really want is to suck one particular guys cock( she knows who I mean) and be done with it all LOL. Typical Gemini, never finishing what he starts, but moving off to something different... |
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Well, if that isn't a "mouth full", pun intended.... I have something to add to this, what ever it is...I am not in a hurry to do anything. Life is already harsh and sometimes full of regret, so I the wife and a Cancer intend to go slowly...why rush it? Yes there have been nights wasted where we are both glued to our computers and doing completely different things on HotMatch.com...and that is time we can not regain. But on the other hand what is not said here, it that we (  have made a few friends that are amazing enough to cam 2 cam with and have a little fun that is....well....safe in many ways. Since, time is always a issues along with location and dealing with mini's, there is some sort of middle ground that will have to be found. We unfortunately, can't just meet up with someone(s) the shear logistics of our lives is strain enough. Is it an impossible endeavor, perhaps...but with all things in life you either give it a chance or jump ship. Since we paid for 6 months...I will continue to visit the site and make friends...if anything beyond that happens "sweet"! That's my two cents, Cancer 
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