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Does it really matter who you will marry if you are in love?
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Does it really matter who you will marry if you are in love? Same-sex marriage is not wrong. It is a long-overdue extension of a thoroughly modern institution that affords loving and committed same-sex couples the opportunity to more fully contribute to and maintain the well-being of their family, as well as that of their communities, and society as a whole. The formal institutionalization of same-sex marriage by state governments across the United States will help to bolster and strengthen the institution of marriage. A “sad commentary on today’s culture” is not that same-sex couples want to marry, but that there are people, like you, who would deny gays and lesbians of such an important element of our society because they want it only for themselves on the premise that it must be protected. Protected from what, exactly? The definition of marriage has been a moving target over the course of human civilization. Not until the 20th century did the more “progressive” idea of love and a mutual commitment between two people come to be part of the “tradition” of marriage. Be that as it may, this thoroughly modern model of marriage is not predicated on the physical attributes of those entering into a union, but rather a willingness and desire to make a life-long commitment to each other—through sickness and health, for richer or poorer—that is guided by a standard benchmarked on fundamental human and civil ideals: Love, commitment, perseverance, and stability. These are grand things that make up our institution of marriage and are most certainly about something larger. Providing for universal access to marriage is to invite the whole of our society to strive for those fundamental ideals, in public witness of our family, friends, and community. It is the surest way to both perpetuate those very standards and to encourage a positive social and civil impact on our society, our daily journey as individuals, and throughout our married lifetimes. That is, absolutely, for the common good. Further, Mr. Byrne, you managed to confound your opinion by entwining beliefs on entirely separate thoughts. Even a “traditional” definition of marriage neither says nor implies anything regarding . Marriage, procreation, and -rearing are three entirely different matters. You stated that “every has a right to a mother and a father.” In fact, every has a biological mother and father. This is not a right, but a basic tenant of sexual reproduction. Same-sex marriage does not harm . At the heart of a committed marriage is a sense of selflessness. Two people wanting to make such a union are willing to sacrifice their time, energy, money, and even safety when necessary, which is the basis of a good model of fitness for parenthood. For those who are being raised by gay parents, or who are themselves gay and being raised by straight parents, their needs are universally the same: Love, commitment, perseverance, and stability. For those who are rearing , same-sex or otherwise, marriage can be a helpful component of a well-rounded upbringing. But, marriage, same-sex or otherwise, is not required to either conceive a or rear a successfully. The “standard” you are advocating to preserve is no such thing, Mr. Byrne. It is a short-sighted wish of how you want things to be. I cannot fathom a viewpoint that advocates exclusion or discrimination as a way to maintain some high purpose or “standard”. No principle that is meant to bolster a society can be upheld when not all of that society is allowed to participate. We have done away with feudalism; the rich and the poor pay taxes for the betterment of our civilization. It is time to move your thinking out of the Dark Ages and into the 21st century. Here today we have 16 states that provide access to marriage for same-sex couples. Expressing our natural and God-given capacity to love; our desire to fully commit ourselves to one another; to help our family and each other persevere through the bumpy roads and headwinds of life; and to seek and work hard to maintain stability for ourselves and our family are all aspects of the human drive and experience to be celebrated, not derided or put down as abhorrent. For all those reasons and for the common good, that is 34 states too few. I whole-heartedly disagree with some peoples opinion against same-sex marriage, we respect your right to express it. What I can abide is the perpetuation of tired and baseless claims that same-sex marriage is wrong because you think it is a destructive force borne from selfishness. The propagation of your backward view comes at the expense of a vibrant community of committed and productive gays and lesbians across the country who desire to be afforded equal footing in our society to love and care for one another. This, at its most basic, is a good thing. Your opinion against same-sex marriage perhaps it might be wrong To be clear, same-sex marriage is soon to be legal in Illinois and Hawaii, and is already legal in Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont, New Hampshire, Washington D.C., California, New York, Washington, Maine, Maryland, Rhode Island, Delaware, Minnesota, and New Jersey. It is also legal in Argentina, Australia (ACT only), Belgium, Brazil, Canada, Denmark, France, Iceland, Mexico (DF and QR only), Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Portugal, South Africa, Spain, Sweden, the United Kingdom (England and Wales only), and Uruguay. As with every path that must be forged through the thorny thickets of the narrow and bigoted, the United States, and the world, is making good and steady progress furrowing the bramble of this kind of narrow-minded and small thinking with seeds of equality. In the end, those ideals of love, commitment, perseverance, and stability are blazing that path THE FACTS Less People are Married Now Percentage of population that is married: 59%, down from 62% in 1990, 72% in 1970. Percentage of population that has never married: 24%. The Old “Father Knows Best” Homes are Increasingly Rare Married couples in which only the husband is employed: 22.4% Married couples in which only the wife is employed: 6.8% Married couples in which both partners are employed: 53.5% The Seven Year Mark is the Hardest Median duration of first marriages that end in divorce: Males: 7.8 years, Females: 7.9 years. Median duration of second marriages that end in divorce: Males 7.3 years, Females: 6.8 years. (All of above from U.S. Census Bureau) More of Us Are Divorcing 80% of divorces are unilateral (Harvard University Press) Divorce increased almost 40% from 1970 to 1975 (National Center for Health Statistics). The number of currently divorced adults quadrupled from 1970-4.3 mill. To 1994—17.4 mill. (Census Bureau) Percentage of population that is divorced: Almost 10% (up from 8% in 1990, 6% in 1980) (Census Bureau) Adults who are divorced (2000): Males 8.3%, Females: 10.2 Yet Most Adults Still Want to Be Married (And Fail At It) Percentage of people who have ever been married by the age of 55: Both males and females: 95% Percentage of first marriages that end in divorce in 1997: 50% (This is only an estimate, but everyone uses it as fact) Percentage of remarriages that end in divorce in 1997: 60-70% (estimated) Percentage of couples living together for more than five years who eventually marry as of 1995: 70% Percentage of married people who reach anniversaries: 5th: 82% 10th: 65% 15th: 52% 25th: 33% 35th: 20% 50th: 5% Divorce Has a Tremendous Impact on and Adults and On Society as a Whole Drop in standard of living of females after divorce as of 2000: 45% (National Center of Health Statistics) In 1996, of divorce were 50% more likely than their counterparts from intact families to divorce. (National Center of Health Statistics) Fatherless homes account for 63% of youth suicides, 90% of homeless/runaway , 85% of with behavior problems, 71% of high school dropouts, 85% of youths in prison, well over 50% of mothers. (National Center of Health Statistics) (Journal of Marital and Family Therapy) Marital problems are associated with decreased work productivity, especially for men. Marriage, General Many more couples live together prior to marriage than in the past—recent estimates are in the range of 60+% (A nationwide random phone survey—Stanley and Markman) (Journal of Marriage and the Family) These couples are less likely to stay married, probably mostly due to the fact that they are less conservative about marriage and divorce in the first place. money is the one thing that people say they argue about most in marriage, followed by (Stanley and Markman, nationwide phone survey), but there is a lot of reason to believe that what couples argue about is not as important as how they argue, (Markman, Stanley, and Blumberg, 1994) |
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