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| Blogs > rm_debluvz2fck > Another Whisper In The Dark |
If You Don't Have Something Good to Say, Write a Blog
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If You Don't Have Something Good to Say, Write a Blog I know. That seems to be the tone my blog has taken recently. I've complained over and over again about how many morons it takes to ruin driving for me (what is the driving population of San Antonio?). I found listening to music and driving a few hundred miles to be soothing. I drove from Lubbock to Austin or Houston or Dallas and back again in the grand comfort of innumerable rental cars. I didn't complain, because it was relaxing. The job was worse. Then I moved to San Antonio. People here drive like no one else exists, and it has moved from frustrating to enraging when the idiots are fully furled. And, in case you were wondering, they are always fully furled. But I needed to come up with something positive to say. Sarcasm was out, because some people will find that degrading. (Really? You don't get my humor and suddenly it's MY fault?) Digging deeper into the old grey matter, I knew there had to be something. Funny guesses that threw people off. Professors love to ask rhetorical questions as a means of engaging students' minds (yes, this is digging way back). One of mine asked how many oxen one would trade for a suit of Roman armor in medieval Great Britain. Me, in all of my wisdom, I weighed the comparable worth of the items (oxen being of great value, but nothing toping the value of one's life) and threw out the answer “Three.” The professor was gob-struck, and, yes, the answer was three. He didn't know where to go from there, as no one had either guessed or guessed correctly when he posed the question of a barter system of trade. He took a solid minute before answering that I was correct and getting back into his lecture. (Maybe I am a bit of a smart ass....) Another brilliant moment for me (and it, also, revolves around my wit and peculiar sense of humor) was when the CEO of the company I worked for talked about how what amounted to a contractor. The CEO bitterly complained that the man could not write and that, as his reports were being given to a state agency, this embarrassed the company. He questioned whether the man had graduated from high school. I let all of that slide. It was brought up that a coworker was getting close to completing her nursing degree at a local college. I (not surprisingly) joked that it was the college the man who couldn't write had attended. She shot me the evil eye, people chuckled, and the meeting continued on. Then the CEO interrupted to exclaim, He went to (fill in the blank on the local school, with emphasis)? Everyone died laughing. Gotta love the joke grenades. The same CEO came into the office one day in July, a hot one in Houston and without air conditioning or a window that opened in our office. He said that the dress code was off until we had our inspection. I looked him straight in the eye, in front of my supervisor, and asked, “Tube tops and booty shorts?” The mortified look on his face and how he raced out of the office were precious. I turned to my supervisor. “He didn't say no.” She said he didn't. Neither of us laughed, but it is still hysterically funny. Hopefully my old CEO and supervisor don't find this blog if they're on this site. They'll certainly remember me, after all. Have a great night, everyone, and good luck avoiding the insanity of the worst drunk drivers on the planet! |
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