590 posts 8/7/2017 4:19 pm
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The Who Kilburn
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I'd gladly lose me to find you
I'd gladly give up all I had
To find you I'd suffer anything and be glad
I'd pay any price just to get you
I'd work all my life and I will
To win you I'd stand naked, stoned and stabbed
I'd call that a bargain
The best I ever had
The best I ever had
I'd gladly lose me to find you
I'd gladly give up all I got
To catch you I'm gonna run and never stop
I'd pay any price just to win you
Surrender my good life for bad
To find you I'm gonna drown an unsung man
I'd call that a bargain
The best I ever had
The best I ever had
I sit looking 'round
I look at my face in the mirror
I know I'm worth nothing without you
And like one and one don't make two
One and one make one
And I'm looking for that free ride to me
I'm looking for you
I'd gladly lose me to find you
I'd gladly give up all I got
To catch you I'm gonna run and never stop
I'd pay any price just to win you
Surrender my good life for bad
To find you I'm gonna drown an unsung man
I'd call that a bargain
The best I ever had
The best I ever had
I could have just added this to the last post, but because it's rather long, I thought I would start a completely new one! Anyway, first about the princess and I. She reconnected with me after about a week or so, just like I figured. But she's in much worse shape then I anticipated. I can't give you all the details, because it would reveal too much, or more then I would like to about the situation. But you should be able to read between the lines and figure it out yourself. She comes to me, and she's wearing like a tank top and real tiny shorts. I guess she thought if she revealed some skin to me it would melt my resolve, it didn't. Then she proceeds to tell me how fucked up her present situation is. I saw her bike on her boyfriends porch the last few days, so I thought she was staying with him again. No, actually she has it chained there and she lost the key. I hadn't had any calls or texts from her either, so I assumed she was just still mad at me for calling her boyfriend a low life spic (which he is). No, one of her friends changed the pass code on her phone, so now she's locked out of it. Silly me, assuming the obvious and it turns out to be even more bizarre and fuck up then I could even imagine. Then basically she wanted to go back to business as usual, which entails me running her around buying her stuff and then dropping her off at her boyfriends place at the end of the day. Yeah, I know, when I think about this situation I can't believe it myself how stupid I was!  
In my defense, she is very pretty and can be charming when she wants to. Like I said, she superseded my logic and played on my emotions or horniness.  But I'm not having it this time and there are other factors at play that I can't discuss here. So what happened was I finally got fed up and threw her out of the car and drove off. She tried to call me (using a borrowed phone she found someone to lend her on the street. She can get anyone to give her anything if she wants to! Yeah, I know, you don't have to say it! for a ride home. I hung up on her. The next day she called me again, from home, and tried to patch things up with me. She doesn't realize there's no fixing things if she continues this present behavior. She wants to just keep things like they were, because they benefit her, and totally degrade and disenfranchise me! Sounds like a good plan, huh? But like I said, I'm not playing along anymore. She'll continue to follow her fucked up path and get into even more jams. But I won't be helping her out of them any longer. One of the things I told her in our last conversation was, " I knew you wouldn't do very well without me around, but I didn't think you would totally fall apart ". And that's the crux of it right there. She can't really function well without me in her life. She can of course still function on her own, but she surrounds herself with fucktards that cause her all kinds of problems and totally fuck up her life. I guess she's used to doing things this way for so long it must feel normal to her. Although, I know there is a part of her that wants to live a normal life like mine too. But, she has to make a decision at some point of what she wants. Presently, she's making bad choices. I've known her about a year now. She knows me and what I'm about, she can make up her own mind. If wants to continue to go down a hole with that asshole, that's on her, I'm done! 
Anyway, now that that's out of the way, I want to tell you about something interesting that happened involving one of my favorite bands "The Who ". First I have to go back a couple weeks to when the princess came over and I played my guitar for her live, for the first and probably last time?! LOL!  There's a lot more to that event then I told originally. First of all, I knew she was coming over and I was going to play for her, but then something strange happened. I got into a real retro mood from my high school years. I don't know what caused this, but if I had to analyze it, I'd say that there is something about the princess that reminds me of the girls I knew back in high school at the time. Now, I've played my guitar for untold numbers of girls over the years, including Erica. So, I'm not sure why this mood for being fifteen again hit me all of a sudden?  But it did! I have shelf stack with all of my old music magazines in them. I don't have all of them any more, of course. But enough of them survived over the years and are still there. I think that's why I used my original guitar to perform for her as well, the one I bought online because it was similar to my first guitar I had in high school, the Tesco Del Ray. So, first I had to dig my way to the shelf stack. I know the princess bitches at me to clean up around my place all the time! Hey, I'm a bachelor first, so I don't have to clean anything up. And secondly, I like things they way they are, because I know where to find them!  Once there I pulled out some of my old Creem magazines. I don't know if there still in business, I think I saw one on the stand not long ago. First of all, I have to explain some things. This was in the era before computers, cell phone or even MTV, if you even know what that is? The only way to find out anything about anything going on, especially your favorite band, was through a magazine. So, I used to purchase them pretty regularly when I was a with my allowance and then later when I had a job at that restaurant, I bought what ever the fuck I wanted, kind of like now. But anyway, then I got out a stack of my old 45's too. Now, believe it or not, she didn't know what that was, and had never seen one before when I showed it to her! I was going to get out some of my old clothes out of mothballs too, but I have that buried away some where and none of it would fit me anyway, so I didn't do that. So, later when she was over, I put her in a chair in my music room and serenaded her with that Doors song, you're a lost little girl. Which was completely appropriate considering her and her situation. Oh, by the way, usually I have to coolest credentials in regards to people I know, but she actually has one up on me. She visited Jim Morrison's grave in Paris once when she was on vacation with her Aunt and Uncle when she was like thirteen. Yeah, I'm jealous!  I played her some of the 45's and showed her some of the magazines too. We talked about things from that era for a while, and then we went outside and did some yard work, until the pizza she ordered from Pizza Hut got there. And yes, I paid for it, duh! So, here is my assessment for why I went retro like that. This was something I always wanted to do, back then! Play my guitar and sing for a girl in my home. I've done it countless times, when I got older and became this big Rock God, but it wasn't the same as what it would have been like then. For some reason, I think because of her young age, she reminds me of what it was like when I was there back then. That's probably why I hung around with her and put up with her shit as long as I did. But now of course, I realize the past is a nice place to visit once in a while, but you can't live there. It's just not feasible!  I couldn't to that then, because at the time, I couldn't play or even have the time to learn because I was working and going to school full time. There just weren't enough hours in the day, unfortunately. But, oddly enough, once in a while I did have a free day. So I would take out my meager but to me at the time very significant music gear which consisted of my main axe, the glittery gold Tesco Del Ray, right handed but strung left for me. And I did an awful job altering the nut so the thicker strings would fit. A couple of horrendously bad acoustic guitars that sounded like shit and didn't have all the strings. My assortment of cables and things I pieced together to make an amp. I used to plug directly into the hifi in the living room, until I got my very own stereo in my bedroom, then I played through that using a Y jack on the Aux or Auxiliary channel. By the way, I still have that stereo too. It's sitting right behind me here. I just got up to look at what channel I used to use. No, it doesn't work anymore, of course. The only thing it still does is work as a sound tuner for my old cathode ray tube tv I still use to watch my old VHS tapes on. And by the way, the princess also didn't know what TV with a cathode ray tube was. She's only ever known flat screens. Then I was ready to Rock Out!   I did know a few things, very few. Like I knew how to do that Chuck Berry bar chord thing and use your pinky to hit the other note or string two frets behind the chord to make that rock and roll sound. That chord is actually still used today on an infinite number of songs by the way. And I used to over drive that little microphone amp I showed you in my first guitar video. When I hooked it up on the more powerful channels, it would distort the speakers and create these cool distortion sounds! I thought I sounded like Hendrix! Which, incidentally, years later I discovered, I actually did. LOL! Now the time has come, there are things to realize! (that's a line from the chamber brothers song I like to reference from time to time. People who know me have heard it a million times, word  ) So when I look at things in retrospect. Could I have done that, learned to play well enough to serenade one of my girl friends at the time. The answer is yes and no. I could have probably found someone to give me lessons. My girl friend at the time, Cindy, bought an acoustic guitar and found and instructor to give her lessons. That was our plan, to learn to play and form a band. A scenario that would be repeated countless times over the years with other people I had encountered.  But, I probably would have only known basic chords and could only play those lame beginner songs they have in the book. No one wants to hear that shit! I wanted to play the songs on the radio or my favorite bands, like the Who! So, I would have been just as frustrated as not knowing anything at all. Could I have found a song book with more contemporary songs to play? Yeah, I had one! I don't know when or where I got it, but I actually had a Who song book. I still have it and use it from time to time. But I still couldn't play anything because it's written in old school music form. There are chords, or the basic chords I could have learned, but I didn't understand song or music structure. I tried playing the chords, but could never get them right. I either used the wrong fingers and I remember it was very painful trying to play even the most simplest chords. Also, I didn't know how to tune it, so it would never have sounded right. There were no electric tuners, just pitch pipes, I had one, it didn't work. Also, I couldn't switch chords. It would take me forever just to find the fingering for one chord, let alone switch to another one like you were supposed to while playing a song. Also, the songs were too fucking fast, I couldn't keep up!  As if that wasn't bad enough, the songs that Pete Townshend wrote, didn't follow normal song structures. So, his timing and the way the chords were played was off as well. So, it was like, this was so hard, and his style of song writing made it even harder. I was in a no win situation. That's why, later when I was watching that Van Halen video "hot for teacher and that thought came into my mind about playing like Eddie someday, so freaked me out!  Now, all of this stuff is basic beginners things that every has to over come when he's learning. If I would have found a decent instructor, he could have showed me how to over come all of this, and I eventually did. And yeah he was very instrumental in helping me learning to play. But, unfortunately, I was surrounded by fucking loser assholes who actually did their damnedest to discourage me from ever even attempting to learn to play the guitar! It's weird, now that I look back at it. It wasn't just one person I knew, it was a series of people over the years. I have of course now figured out why, but I didn't understand it at the time. Playing the guitar well, is fucking cool! It's cooler then being rich or a professional fighter, riding a motorcycle or mountain bike or traveling to world. I know because I'm all of those things too, and playing the guitar is still the coolest! These jealous losers knew what it would take to accomplish something of that magnitude, they didn't have it in them to ever even try. But, they must have sensed that I did, and they tried to hold me back as well. I guess they thought, " oh I'll never be shit, so I'll prevent as many people as possible from ever becoming anything too "! I know it sounds strange, but that's actually a very common behavior for human beings. Oh, after I learned to play real well, did I shove it in the faces of these assholes and make them pay for their transgressions against me? Yeah, a few, and yeah it felt nice making them eat shit! See, sometimes things work out exactly like you think they would?
But anyway, all of this it a prelude to what I really wanted to tell you here. I had to give you some background so you would understand it. So, I think it was a week later, I got into a jamming mood. I decided I wanted to play some Who songs. I get into different moods for different bands and I now have equipment that matches exactly what they used! But, just like when I had this retro mood for my high school years something strange happened again! I thought I was just going to do what I usually do, play along to the record, or one with just the backing track without the guitar part, or just play it myself, maybe use a drum machine track? But something bizarre happened and I was able to relive a fantasy of mine from high school and that would be fucking Farrah Fawcett, uh no, I mean the other one, jamming with the Who, live! Now, I know what your thinking, that's impossible! I thought so too, until I did it. And I fell into it totally by accident, as usual. Now, I've been writing about this equipment I've been acquiring lately. I bought a cool amp with all kinds of presets for various classic tones. I bought another Les Paul with the signal splitter phasing switch that's really cool! I also had to get a new blu ray player because the princess was over watching movies once and I broke my old one trying to get the DVD out of the fucking thing. I didn't really give all of this much thought but I was laying the foundation for the perfect storm to time travel back to my high school years again and live out a life long dream, one I thought I had long forgotten or given up on. Now, there is something else I need to tell you, I don't believe I've ever mentioned in any of my posts ever! Despite not being able to play the guitar very well, or even at all back then, I still was a major music force, somewhat to my peers in high school! This is another weird thing that's now very popular, but at the time I didn't think it was that big of a deal. I was the school DJ during lunch period. Well, after I got that job in the restaurant, I was making all kinds of crazy money, I did all the things a would do who suddenly finds himself with a lot of cash! I bought a cool sports car ( to impress the girls of course ) clothes, a bad ass stereo system, my electric guitar, that I still couldn't play, but I owned one anyway, and to top it off. I had something that was very coveted at the time, because again, this was before computers, cell phones or you tube. I had an extensive record collection. And that made me the envy of everyone I knew even more then any of the other stuff. So, when I wasn't jamming out listening to tunes on my bad ass sound system that everyone envied me for too! I thought," hmmmm, you know what would be cool, if I started bringing my albums to school and playing them at lunch on the school record player and pa system they had installed there "! So I did, and everybody loved it! They used to address me in the halls with, " Oh, damn, you got new clothes, that car is cool, you sure do have a lot of records, would you go to the prom with me "! I know that doesn't sound impressive, but previously or about the year before I got that job I was despised and hated universally by everyone, not just the other classmates but the teachers and administrators, they were really on my dick, mainly because I was poor and had no money. Once again, did I enjoy shoving it into the faces of those assholes who maligned me and making them eat shit? Yes, sometime things work out just the way you think they will! Incidentally, my principle who had written me off as heading to prison as soon as I graduated was shocked to shit when I pulled up next to him in the parking lot with a newer more expensive model of the same sports car he owned! I still remember the look on his face!  LOL! 
But there was one album I loved more then all of the others, my sound track album for the the Who's movie " the are alright "! And yes I still have it, it's buried somewhere, probably the same place I have the clothes? I used to crank that album at lunch and really had a good time. Everyone else loved it too! I went to see the movie at the local theater when it played there. There were no DVD's or even VHS tapes of movies back then. The only way you could see a movie was in the theater or wait until they played it on tv two years later. So I think I went to see it in the theater several nights in a row. I would go home and take out that Tesco Del Ray electric guitar I had and try to play what I saw Pete doing in the movies. He had a few cool tricks that I could actually reproduce. Like for instance, there were no whammy bars on guitars back then. They had tremolo's, but if you used them, it would send the guitar out of tune. Because there wasn't any locking nuts either. I didn't know any of this at the time. So, to get cool effects, you had to improvise. So during the " Who are you " video in the movie, you see Pete strike open strings and then spin the neck of the guitar in a quick circle. It gives it the sound of bending the strings or that wah wah sound! I thought that was so cool, I still do! They showed clips of a Concert the Who had done recently at Kilburn. That's the footage of them playing " won't get fool again and a few others. So, I was playing a few Who songs and I thought I would get out my " The Who at Kilburn DVD and play along to the songs. Like I said, I used my cool amp with the classic presets and my new Les Paul with humbucker signal splitters and the new blu ray player I bought because the DVD wouldn't come out of the fucking thing on the old one so I trashed it! After I popped into the player I for some reason or other started fiddle fucking with the audio button on the remote. Well, wouldn't you know it, the damn thing splits up the channels and takes out various instruments on the sound track. So, I could take out Pete's guitar part and insert my own playing there. And that's just what I did. Also I have a big ass flat screen I was sitting right in front of so it gave me the impression of being right on stage with them. Now for those of you who don't know, the Who had one of the best rhythm sections in the world. John and Keith are still considered one of the most powerful! It's a good thing I finally got my chops up well enough to keep up with them! So I played a few songs with them and it was just like jamming with them live. I've actually played these songs live with real bands on stage, so I know what it's like. And it was pretty close. I looked up instinctively at certain points in the songs. like I would do if I was playing live on stage, at the bass and drums and coincidently, they had shots of either Keith or John there when I did. It felt like I was preforming with them! I was having more fun then should be legally allowed for sure. Afterward I sat back stunned at what I had just done! I never thought this was possible and I certainly never dreamed in a million years that when I was watching this performance in the movie theater when I was in high school that I would someday be able to play along with them, and not only that, use the exact same equipment?! Just shows you, sometimes things work out exactly like you think they would!
I have more to add here about the album Who's Next these songs are from. I've gained some interesting insight lately I want to share. But, this post is long enough and I want to watch Game of Thrones and have dinner. I'll write more later!
Addendum
Okay, I did watch that episode of GOT and wow that was something! That has to be my favorite episode of the whole fucking series! Hey, a long time ago, I noticed the similarities to the myth of a flying fire breathing dragon and a modern day fighter jet! They both do basically the same thing. I always wondered if someone somewhere back the days before modern inventions, that somebody actually witnessed a fighter jet buzzing around and took it for a dragon or something? It could have happened like one jet got caught in one of those time space continuum vortexes of the Bermuda triangle and found themselves in the past, zipped around looking for a base or sign of life, and then got sucked back into it so he wasn't late for dinner back at the base. Meanwhile a bunch of primitive people saw it and thought it was a flying dragon because they had never seen anything fly through the air before except birds and arrows they shot. It's a thought, and theory, I'll bet I'm proven right someday?
Okay enough of the fun stuff. No, I haven't heard from the princess and I'm sure were really done now. Today is her birthday, but I didn't get her anything. Because if I did, it would only prolong a very bad situation. One I should have extracted myself from a long time ago. Unfortunately, there are just too many differences between us, they can not be reconciled. I also realized that this situation was almost identical to the one I found myself in with Erica and Jay at one time. The only difference was I actually interacted with her regularly. But interestingly, she kept me at a distance even though we were sitting right next to one another most of the time. And her boyfriend was saying the same exact things to me that Jay used to, except he was texting me, instead of writing it here on the blog. And like Jay, he threatened me, but we've never met. Oh, one of the last conversations I had with the princess, she told me Alex or her douche bag boyfriend, was heading back to prison again. Yeah, the state enacted a crack down on all the known dealers, and that's what he does, so...! I know what you're thinking, " hey, here's your opportunity "! For what? To get with her, and then when he gets released she goes running right back to his crib, that he shares with the rest of his family! So, that's what that's about. But I will say this for her as opposed to Erica. She actually did utilize all the advantages she could while she was associating with me. Erica turned tail and ran, and instead, then sold her for medical experiments! This girl, the princess, is not Jewish, but she might as well be. I've never seen a woman with such a radar for money in my life!
Well, anyway, things have been happening and I'll be doing a lot of new stuff again soon. The dreams are coming back. I have new one every night. I dreamt about Van Halen again last night, it's some kind of an omen I'm sure. But I've been working on some new songs and I just discovered something about one of my favorite albums. It's by a band called " The Church ". The album is "Starfish " its a sonically surrealistic tome. I've always loved it but for some reason never played any of the songs. I don't know, I guess I felt I'd rather just listen to it then play it. But, as I was going through the songs just now, I realized some eerie coincidences from the time when I first heard it and what I was doing musically and guitar wise. First of all, all of the songs are very simple, written with very simple chords or just like the ones I was learning at the time! Also, they even used some of those Hendrix chord tricks that I was practicing at the time. I always thought the guitar work was more complicated. That's because they used two guitars and layered multiple effects on top of them. It sounds more complicated then it actually is. But to reproduce it, Ill need to play more then one part. So, I'm wondering if I can use the effect editor on you tube to do a split screen thing. I'd like to play all of the parts including the bass. That would be cool! I'll see what I can come up with?
Addendum
Well, the princess called me on her birthday, and I stopped by her place to bring her a few things, just breakfast and ciggs. But, it was more of the same. We have two totally divergent or opposite points of view. And they can not be reconciled. She just basically wants to be friends and continue the benefits of having me in her life. Acting as a surrogate boyfriend while she maintains her relationship with her real boyfriend. But, he's not a boyfriend, he's only using her for sex, and the only reason she can be in a relationship with him, is because she has manipulated me into picking up his tab. But despite that, there are other factors involved, irrespective on my personal feelings for her, that won't allow me to continue to support this situation. I never wanted to support it in the first place. But, I figured I would have to tolerate it until I could get her to change her behavior and her mind. I now realize she wants to do neither. She just wants to maintain the status quo. I will not do that any longer. So, that's it. I've been telling her this the last few times we talked and I think it finally has sunk in. That conversation was typical of her manipulating bullshit. She calls me up crying about some fines and having to go to court to keep from losing her license. I asked her why Alex isn't helping her, he is her boyfriend after all? She says, " we broke up "! Yeah right, and the pope shits in the woods. So, like I said, when ever she needs something, she runs to me. As soon as I fix the problem, she runs back to him. Because, after all, why not, she doesn't have anything to worry about now, right?! And when things get fucked up, she just pull the same game again. She's done this for about a year now. And I finally figured it out and got wise. Hey, if she wasn't so pretty and charming I wouldn't have let it drag on for so long, I guess I was being naïve. I wanted to believe that I could change her, and of course I can't. People don't change, a simple fact of life. But unfortunately, it's not that she's just going to go off and continue this scenario with someone else. She is facing some really serious obstacles. Even if I was going to stay with her and continue to play her game, it wouldn't be going on much longer anyway. The jig is up, the party's over, and I just left it a little early. Oh, when I dropped the stuff off at her place, she wasn't there. I thought she was because I was just talking to her on the phone. The house land line, apparently she hasn't got her phone unlocked. And that's just one of the many problems she has to contend with that she can't get fixed without me. But like I said, it doesn't matter really. I never should have gotten involved with her in the first place. Yeah, she drove off in her Mom's car on a quick errand. I thought she was just hiding from me. As I'm knocking on the door Elvis is barking his head off! So, I left and then like ten minutes later she calls me back, on the land line, telling me she just missed me. I don't know if she was there hiding from me, or if she really was on a run? Like I said, she's a game player.
Now about that album " Starfish " by " the Church ". I know, I started this post talking about The Who , and now I'm on another band! LOL! But I want to elaborate a little more because it's significant. At the time the album came out, I was still learning the guitar. I was past the beginner stage and starting to get into all kinds of stuff. I was trying to learn the Van Halen stuff but I was also playing all kinds of other things. The level I was on, were about the types of chords and scales that this band used to form this album. I became enamored with the album because I like the music, I didn't really consider anything about how it was written. I did learn a few of the songs back then. Under the milky way, and I tried to play " Reptile " too at the time. But, now, I looked at the album as a whole and I'm wondering why I didn't adhere to it more at the time? Here is an example of what I'm talking about. With the really good bands, like Van Halen, Hendrix, Zeppelin, Floyd, Who, Beatles, or even Clapton, what will typically happen is, you'll be playing their songs, and most of the chords and structure you recognize and the suddenly they'll do something totally out of the ordinary that shouldn't work, but for some weird ass reason it does. And in your mind you're saying, like R Lee Emery in Full Metal Jacket when he discovered the jelly donut in Private Pyle's foot locker, " Oh my God, what the fuck is that, what is that "!? LOL! I've had that experience more then once with those artist, I still do! So, when a band comes a long and creates an entire album using simple chords and riffs it is just as surprising. Why I didn't notice how simple they were originally, is because they used a few clever tricks. They had two guitar players playing different parts simultaneously and they also used effects to get that surrealistic sound. They weren't the only band doing that at the time. Practically all of the bands were. But, they had good songs. You can use all the tricks in the world to dress up your music, but if you don't have a good tune at the core, you're just putting lipstick on a pig, so to speak. And ironically, Pete Townshend did essentially the same thing with his magnum opus " Who's Next ". There's an interesting fact I just discovered or didn't realize before. That album is one of the all time greatest rock albums. The songs are written very simply or basically. But, what made it unique was the way Pete utilized that new technology of the synthesizer. At the time it was new, and Pete had just come off tour with his Tommy Rock opera, so he was flush with cash. So, he got one of those new moog synthesizers that all the other bands were starting to use too. But here is the interesting or amazing part. That opening riff you hear on Baba o Reilly was actually a hybrid of the synthesizer and some guitar effects he cobbled together. They still have never been able to accurately reproduce what her did, because it was probably a strung together fucked up mess. Oh, they can recreate it with other means and things now, but they can't do it the way it was ever originally done. But here is the thing, this was new, there were a world of possibilities he could have used to create sounds with it. But instead, he looked at it, and then rigged it together with other things and created a unique and totally original riff for what would have been just a regular or not very special song. But that weird synth riff made it great and spectacular! See, that's the difference between just being common or run of the mill, and a genius! He literally thought outside of the box! In this case the box was the moog synthesizer! It's just fascinating to me when you study this stuff.
Hey, guess what. I wanted to get more acquainted with that album by The Church, Starfish. So I clicked on over to you tube and I decided to watch the band perform it live. Also, the song book for the album came in the mail today, it wasn't supposed to come until tomorrow. So anyway, I was going to mention before how I thought they had a kind of unique sound. And I was thinking they probably were doing some sort of studio effects wizardry. And I would probably have to down load their presets to get the same sound when I go to make the videos. And then I see the guitarist is just basically using a device called and ebow. It's a thing you hold against the strings and it vibrates to give you long sustained notes. It's been around for a while or was used in the eighties a lot. And a delay pedal. That's basically how they create their whole surrealistic sound. I thought, " eh, well, that's not too complicated, I could manage that "! I just looked it up online, it costs about a hundred bucks. So, I'll get one so I can make the songs sound right. See, I do and do for you , and this is the thanks I get!
But then something else. I'm reading the lyrics to the songs, I never paid much attention to them before. And it's like he's speaking to me in my present situation and state of mind. Of course he's just talking about universal themes that could apply to anyone at any time. But it freaked me out a little. It's just all too coincidental at the moment and considering everything else that's been happening lately. I just find it a little strange that's all.
Addendum
Well, the princess managed to bring me back into her fold again Don't say it!
I know, I was sitting there wondering myself how the fuck this happened. And not only that, she's not giving in an inch. She's still insisting on keeping the status quo or keeping things just as they are, even though I told her that is not an option any longer. So, like an idiot, I was trying to make my case again, and of course, she's not having it. Which, in case you didn't know, I'm holding all the cards here, and she's completely dependent on me for just about everything, and she's still dictating terms! Well, she calls me up and cries she's hungry and needs coffee. So, me being a helpful imbecile  I go get the stuff and drop it off at her place. She comes out of the house, her hair is still wet because she just got out of the shower. She's dressed, wearing shorts and a t-shirt but no shoes. She gives me a hug and thanks me for everything. Then were back to business as usual! So the next day I go there again. She's got other problems I'm trying to assist her with, so it's not like I'm being a total dipshit here. She knows I won't leave her in the lurch with certain things and that's mainly how she gets me. Well, anyway, apparently her douche bag boyfriend isn't too keen on the idea of me being in her life either. We go out back and sit in her gazeebo! She's still has it set up like a party pad and I believe the tv stays on perpetually? She told me when she spoke to him that morning he told her "him or me "! LOL! So then she calls him up and puts him on speaker phone. I've never met him and I don't have to. He talks like a typical inner city ghetto rat, " yo yo, what's up, you get what I'm saying homey, you feel me..." I'm sure you've heard it yourself a million fucking times. I refused to participate. So she's arguing with him and as I'm listening, he's revealing what I already know about him and the situation, but now he's just confirming it for sure. One of the things he said, as he was making his case for why he's a better candidate for her hand then me. He says, " and I even gave you two hundred and eighty five dollars once.. ". Probably for her phone shit. And finally I couldn't take it anymore and I say in a low voice, " I gave her thousands..."! He didn't hear me but she did. I know $285 is a lot for him, because he doesn't have any money, so that's why he was making that point. I've given her ten times that amount in the same period. But it's not as big a deal for me, in fact I don't think I've ever even brought it up until then. So, then after he hangs up, I'm standing in front of her, trying to appeal to logic and reason in this situation. And she's reclining back on her fur covered sofa like the queen of Sheba looking up at me with those two aqua jewels and her long blonde hair and her hot super model body! It was all to no avail. She's in her own world and logic and reason have no place there. I later found out. Oh, while she was talking to the jungle native, Elvis came to the door of the gazeebo! It's a screen door so I could see him. I let him in and was petting him while the Zulu warlord ran his mouth. I notice how big that fucking is. His paws are as big as my hands. If he stood up on his hind legs he'd be taller then me. That's why I try to stay on his good side by scratching his back. Our deal is, I scratch your back and you don't eat me! So, we got through another crisis with the princess again, apparently. But, I have to have another serious talk with her. I have to tell her, " look, I'm not going to let you force me into the role of playing Santa Clause to you while you run around with a broke ass jungle bunny! It's not happening and get that through your pretty fucking head '! Hey, I've tried to be forceful with her, and she just smiles and then hugs me and were back to the same ol, same ol! Oh yeah, one of the things her douche bag said about me is that I'm a racist! That's the card all those inner city ghetto rats play, for just about anything when they're up against a rich white guy for something. No, I just hate N****r's! Well, that's what's up for now, I'll keep you apprized...
Addendum
Well, for those who are following this soap opera....I wrote that addendum post yesterday and today it's a whole new world. I'll just tell you what happened. The princess called me up first thing in the morning, while I was still having my coffee and captain crunch! Usually it's a little later in the day for her bullshit! So, of course she needs a ride. So, I tell her give me a few minutes I'll be right there. I get there at the McDonalds and she gets in all distraught. In other words, her usual demeanor. She and Alex, her boyfriend, got into a big fight last night. Apparently he accused her of some hanky panky with another guy. And he flipped out. He was high, probably jacked up on meth or something and she said he locked her in his room, held her hostage the whole night, threatened her, struck her a few times. She had a few bruises, but nothing too serious. And before you even think it, no, she's not pressing any type of charges against him even though he could get kidnapping and assault. She said she tried to get away by climbing out the window but he grabbed her ankle and pulled her back inside. Ironically, the police did show up there, I guess because they were making so much noise. But they didn't know which house to go to, so they left. Um....couldn't they just go the one they usually do, the one where Alex the felon and known drug dealer lives? Anyway, she said he finally fell asleep or crashed more accurately, and she got his brother to let her out. She claims after this, that they are finally through and it's over. If you know anything about these types of relationships, you realize that may not be the case. She insists though, when I questioned her sincerity on the matter. She said he also has the bike I gave her, and he might use that as a bargaining chip. I told her to tell him, he's facing assault and kidnapping, he shouldn't want to add theft to the list. Well, I told her not to worry about the bike, I would buy her another one if I had to. Where she will go from here I don't know. She has other factors to deal with and this is just one of them. But she's not out of the woods by a damn sight with her fucked up situation. I'm just sitting here waiting for her to make her next distress call. That's what's up for now.
Addendum
Well, she claims that she's through with the bum, but she's still hanging with him. Of course he's trying to weasel his way back in to her bed, duh! But I'll give her credit, so far she's been holding him off. He claims he doesn't remember anything, how convenient! What ever really happened, it must have been really bad because she's been sticking to her guns. She invited me over for breakfast this morning. That was the first time a woman has made me breakfast since I was married. I've had breakfast with lots of women, but none had ever cooked it for me. Then while I'm there, the asshole calls and keeps her on the phone with him the entire time I'm there until I left. I called her up later in the day to complain to her about that, and she's back to making excuses for the scumfuck again! " he was leaving and I had some business to discuss with him" She said he's giving her money for her goddamn fucking phone. It's all such and obvious ploy he's using but you can't tell her that. Something else I want to mention, about her Elvis. I know and love dogs, but this one is different. He doesn't act like a regular dog. I mean, of course he's a dog, but he has a different sort of personality. It's like he's a person, that was turned into a dog, but still reacts like a person. The main thing is the way he looks at me. I was in the kitchen once and he was sitting in the corner. He was looking up at me, but not like a does. it was more like an expression of, "what the fuck are you looking at ' type of look. I've seen that look in people lots of times. I've never expected to see it from a though. Today, while the princess was talking to the asshole, I called to him, I said, " Hey Elvis "! Instead of turning his head toward me like a normal would, he just looks at me out of the corner of his eye. Then turns away and walks into the next room. I thought, " shit, that's really different behavior from a dog "! And the fact that he's so goddamn fucking big, almost makes me wonder if there's a human in there wearing a costume?!
Addendum
The princess and I are on the outs again. But this time I think it's for real Let me explain. We were getting along fairly nicely, or so I thought anyway. She even stayed over at my place last week. We stopped and got taco's at this place she likes to go to. We came back here to my house. My friend from work showed up because I hired him to do some yard work for me. He brought his brother in law with him to help. He's black, not that means anything really, except I'm not used to seeing black people roaming around my property very often, lol! Anyway, with all this activity there at once, it was almost like a house party. All I had to do is drag my amp outside in the back yard and set up a keg of beer and the party would be on! But, instead, they finished the job and I paid them and they left. The princess and I were getting along pretty good. She actually let me touch her this time. I gave her a back massage and then after dinner I rubbed her feet. I told her she had very soft feet despite the fact that she goes barefoot a lot at her own place out in the woods. She's still not with that scumfuck boyfriend of hers. So, I tried to make some in road for a relationship with me. She kind of cut me off and pushed me away. Then she slept over. For me it was no big deal, but it seemed like one for her. She slept on the couch. She actually fits perfectly into it length wise. I have to bend my knees to fit in there. A few days later we spent another day together. We bought taco's again, but from another place this time. And we had a picnic out in some park. There was a high school marching band doing a rehearsal there, so we had a lot of entertainment too. They had a few male cheerleaders in the group whom I labeled as gay. It was obvious, I mean seriously. And so we had a rather pleasant day together. But she kept up her shit by making it clear she wasn't interested in dating me. Now, if you've been paying attention, you'll notice we do everything a boyfriend and girlfriend would do with one another. Except she won't make the commitment to actually go out with me. So, later in the day, she said something and that was the final straw for me. I took her home and was very abrupt with her. She wanted me to hang out in the gazeebo with her for a while. I refused and then she tried to give me hug and I refused that too. She seemed to not understand my sudden change in demeanor and attitude with her. Of course not, if you're a totally self absorbed narcissist like she apparently is. She called me for some help with something, I helped her out, like I always do but I didn't play completely into her hands this time. She seemed a little miffed when I dropped her off, at the asshole boyfriends place, the one she's claiming she's not with, but still hangs out with. I know, her shit is so fucked up, I can't believe it myself sometimes. Well, she called me yesterday, But this time when she asked me, I said, " nah "! She of course didn't take no for answer, and she says, " please " in her little girl voice. I still said " no ". Then I started laying into her about just one thing about her behavior and attitude that bothers me. I had many many to choose from. She gets all huffy and says, " I'll talk to you later man " and hangs up. Mean while, that project she was supposed to help me work on, I found someone more reliable and were moving ahead with it. So, at least I'm not staying in the cycle and I'm doing something to improve my standing and disposition. She's still in a dead end cycle. There is nothing I can do at this point to impress upon her to change. Oh, while we were on the picnic, she said to me," that if I had this thing together by now, she wouldn't have been messing with Alex and other stuff '! I replied ' that it's not fair to saddle me with your problems making me culpable for them in some fashion ". See, that's how she is, she does all this selfish shit and then says it's mine, or somebody elses fault. It's never hers. So, you can see why I'm frustrated with her. But, I do have a card to play here yet. She is extremely attached to me, whether she realizes it or not. She'll just keep coming at me, requesting things and I'll keep rebuffing her. She also hasn't realized I can be just as stubborn and hard headed as she is. And I realized the reason I inserted Erica into the dreams I was having about her, is because they are very similar in personality. It I could introduce them to one another, and that might happen, I mean all I have to do is drive down to the airport. The princess would go with me, she follows me anywhere. They would instantly recognize one another and act like long lost twins that were separated at birth! And say, " Hey, I know you "! And the princess would reply, " Hey, I know you too! Let's go down to the dyke bar and have some fun together "! Yeah, the princess has recently revealed to me her interest in women as well! And I know Erica likes girls, so that's one thing I know they have in common, and just about everything else because I'm familiar with both of them! They also have another thing in common, they both treat me like shit, and....uh.... think I'm the shit on the guitar too. Which is a nice sentiment, but it still doesn't butter my biscuit if you know what I mean? See, I'm cursed by these selfish succubus bitches, I'll tell you what! Word.
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