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I didn't suffer much at all! In memorium . .
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I didn't suffer much at all! In memorium . . It's a long time ago, and I think it's time I shared about a lady, a mother of five, who deserves some recognition, even if only in the past. She was married at the time, with at least one baby, having five under about five years of age. Her husband worked at a good job, and she had a dishwasher. They were "happy". One day, it seems they went a local hotel, and from there, she was "kidnapped", literally. Let me share a touch about her. This lady was not tall at all. She was tiny in height. She was also rather cuddly in stature, and she loved a good miniskirt. She also liked her makeup to be brighter than bright. Add blonde hair, and a touch of a limp in her gait, and this is the lady who was kidnapped this day. Her assailant deliberately chose the shortest, seemingly most vulnerable lady he could find to be his victim. She didn't share how he managed to get her from there to another street quite a distance away. I don't think anyone knows. However once there, out in the street, he proceeded to her, not once, over and over, and he headed down this street, quite a distance, as he took her pretty much the length of the street to a railway station. Yes, this story is horrific. The man dragged her by the hair, by her arm, by her leg, whichever part of her body was closest to his hand at the time, and proceeded to her over and over. I am not sure that he was fussy about what part was either. The outcome for her was that she drifted in and out of consciousness during this incident. People did see what was happening, and heard her screams when she did scream. Nobody reported what was happening. All stayed behind closed doors. Her ordeal lasted quite a while. As I heard this straight from her a few years later, I can only share what I know. I also happen to have read the newspaper story about this incident at the time it happened. By the time he "dumped" her, and yes, basically left her for dead. Remember, I said she drifted in and out of consciousness? By the time he dumped her, her dress was covered in blood from above the waist to the hem. As this had to be tendered in evidence, a photo of the dress was shown in the newspaper. She told me the offenders name, and I said "you're kidding!" She said no. I said, I know his sister, as I went to school with her. I said, I met her brother, this being the offender. His mother and sister warned me to stay away from him. They said he was strange, and could hurt me. I did see what he looked like, and had been quickly ushered away from where he was in the kitchen, where I had only just been. As a result my visit was short, and I never visited my friend's home again. I shared with the victim, how the sister was the nicest young /lady, and had the happiest sweetest nature. I was saying how I could not understand how her brother could be like that. The victim said "don't you ever let him near me!" I said isn't he in jail? She said, yes, he's in jail, but he'll be out . .. I said oh, and I was a touch mortified, as I realised what a man like that could do once free again. That was horrifying. It all gets worse. After this incident, no doubt she spent some time at the hospital, and eventually went home to her husband and . ONLY. .. . now, she didn't want to be touched, would jump if her husband touched her, didn't want sex, would shrink away, and over time, he lost patience, and he started her, as he had not had sex for so long. He even started beating her up! She loved her , would do anything for them. She needed space, a chance to try and deal with what was happening, so she did the only thing she could do, left home. At the time she was estranged from her parents and at least one sibling, so she had no choice but to make her own way. She headed interstate, and of course not knowing people there, made her vulnerable again. She headed somewhere one night, and a carload of young men picked her up, took her to a party, and gang banged her, and then dumped her somewhere, leaving her for dead. She developed photo-sensitivity, became hyper-terrified, and would not go out in broad daylight. In time, she headed back towards her , as she missed them, and wanted to see them. Only when she returned it got nasty. He went for custody of the , blaming her for leaving them. She had to deal with all of this, and around this time, she met me. She was smoking about four packets of fifty cigarettes per day. When she shared all of this with me, I was totally empathetic, as I had only recently suffered my first divorce and the dramas associated with that. I was frustrated by her love of miniskirts. I was frustrated by her incredibly bright makeup, especially the lipstick, as I knew that by toning these things down, she could reduce the potential of being a victim again. I also made a point of taking her out, anywhere that I could, so she could have a life too. Only I was recently married, and found it really hard to be there for her as time passed. We did take her out fishing one day, and made a really fun day of it. She found that she could trust my new husband. It was hard to achieve, as she was photosensitive, and really terrified, even of going from where she lived to my car, and then back in, and meeting my husband. We did manage it, and on another occasion I even managed to take her out one night. She drank too much, and I felt she embarrassed herself by her behaviour, drawing a lot of attention to herself by being happy, and feeling safe with me there to both watch over her, and drive her home safely. I did take her home, and after I went home, I shared with my new husband. I told him about what had happened, and how I found it so hard. Around this time I became pregnant, and kept in touch with her throughout my pregnancy, and for a while after the baby was born, only it was hard to be there for her. She'd ring me for up to four hours per day, sharing with me, chatting away, and over time that became harder. One day I took my young baby with me and visited her, and we chatted lightly. I watched how she constantly smoked, those four packets a day of fifty! I watched how she wasn't eating properly, and saw that she was pretty much killing herself slowly. Having discussed the situation with my husband, this visit was with a purpose. This wasn't my first visit, as I had been there a few times previously. She asked to change my babies nappy when it needed changing. I understood and let her. We chatted about her whole situation, and I did my usual, asking her if there was anything she felt she could do to improve her situation, and probably made at least one suggestion, for her to look at. There was nothing she felt she could do, just she was trying to get accommodation much closer to her . I agreed that this was a good idea, and the access thing etc. It was all quite sensible. Then I shared with her, about how the new baby took up all my time, and I needed time to do housework, and was finding it hard to adapt to my new life. I shared how I could no longer take her four hour phone calls. I said I am really sorry. I have to stop seeing you. My life has changed since I met you. She said I understand and cried, as I ended up doing too, for her. I didn't see her for a few years. Then one day I was at the local shopping centre and there she was. I was amazed. I was now separated from that new husband, so that's a few years between sightings. She was standing on a "ramp" above my level, as in about a metre away from me uphill. She was holding a two litre bottle of cordial, and we chatted, catching up a bit. I am not sure what was said. I just remember what happened, as it was so characteristic of her whole situation. For some reason, she accidentally dropped her cordial, and the bottle broke on the floor, just "above" where she was standing, and the green cordial flowed between her legs along the ground, as if she had wet herself. Only she hadn't, and she just looked so pathetic, I almost felt like crying. It just was so representative of everything about her, like just no hope! She immediately asked if I could spare two dollars to replace her cordial. I felt awful, so I gave it to her, said, I'm sorry, I just can't be there for you right now, and disappeared as fast as I could. At a later time, I did look for her, finding her mother, and asking to make contact. Her mother gave me her phone number, and every now and then I'd get in touch or visit. Only by this stage, she was in and out of hospital, because she had developed a condition called pancreatitis, from when her husband had been hitting her in the stomach. In six months, she had been in and out of hospital over and over, and at one stage for three months. During one attack of pancreatitis, she had clinically died six times on the operating table, before they finally brought her back. Of course she ended up staying for about six months this time, and only got to go home for a bit of time away from hospital. I started a touch of contact with her mother, and somehow, her mother organised for the to visit their mother in hospital, and then one or two of them would stay at her place when she was home for a bit. I think it was about three months later, she was allowed home one weekend, and they didn't make her go back to hospital this time, somewhere around Christmas. She still smoked like a chimney, and I visited with my . I wished I had not taken him. She was sitting on the lounge, unable to open the front door, and her had let me in. While I was there, she had a bucket, and was being sick into it while I was watching. She had a smoke, and just lived through the whole thing. If ever I was depressed by a situation, this one dragged me right down. I think it was one of the worst situations I have ever experienced. It wasn't the sick. My and others had been sick at various times. It wasn't the smoking. Others had smoked way too much. It was the way, she just kept smoking, just kept going as if there was nothing wrong, the way that things just looked so awfully pitiful all around her, the way it was always like there would never be a tomorrow. It was just her whole situation, and how she was slowly killing herself, and I knew it, and I knew not to say a thing. Soon after, I tried to make contact again, as I had been very concerned that day. I could not get an answer to her front door. I couldn't get an answer on the phone, so in the end I tried her mother. Her mother said she was in the hospital, just around the corner from me. I rang there wanting to visit her there then, and was put onto the ward. There the nurse/sister who answered the phone asked me a few questions, and then she said, she has been in here for about five days. "I am sorry, she died this morning." I said "you're kidding!" I said "ok, I'll have to ring her mother, and find out when the funeral is on". She let me go. I rang her mother, and found out about the funeral. I attended her funeral, and her were all there, and they were crying so much. I am tearing up right now for them. I missed a tiny bit. I did ask the cause of death, expecting it to be pancreatitis. It was emphysemia, from her smoking, which I should have expected. She had had so many things wrong with her as a result of the abuse she had suffered. Her had not been seeing her, and before she died, all of her five had seen her in some way, and I do mean visited her. One, perhaps her oldest, had had real difficulty being there for her, and at last he had seen her. If you want to feel sad or sorry for someone, feel for this woman, and even more for her motherless young adult , as they were pretty much young adults when she died. If you want to remember, remember how her life was totally destroyed by literally one man, her first assailant. Until then her life had been normal, and this day her life was destroyed. I am lucky, most of my really bad things happened in my youth. I have an old age to look forward to, because I have never given up. I don't want to give up. I want to live the old age, that I believe can be mine. I just have to be patient and trust that it will happen. For me, I have felt that my road has been long and hard, only it has been easy compared to some. And that is the way I see it. 
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Wow, pretty intense... Glad to see you're optimistic.
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It is no wonder that you seem so distrustful of men. But then in a place like this you are bound to find the very worst that the male species throws up. Sir Teezalot WAR IS ABSURD
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