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Chasing Cars
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Chasing Cars I've read a ton of posts about infidelity as of late...seems the holidays are making some of us question our morality (or lack thereof). Not sure what Christmas has to do with morality, outside of those few folks who believe in Santa and are trying to scrub the scarlet letter from their bosoms before the jolly fat man can see it. I have news for you: Relax! Santa is a dirty old man. I saw his profile on the home page when I logged on. He has a very shiny...nose.  Moving on...Lunch with Sailfast64 today and as per usual, a post formed itself over the chicken wings, Guinness and 'ambiguous tasting cheesecake'. It started with a rhetorical question: What if, just once, Lucy didn't yank the football away from Charlie Brown? What if he got what he wanted? What he'd been yearning for all this time, which is To Make a Connection? See, this all ties into my posts about testimonials and bubble bath on the floor- it's all about getting what you wished for. THAT GUY told me that he often felt like a who was chasing a car and once he caught it, he didn't know what to do with it (metaphorically, anyway). Let's run with that analogy, shall we? This will make no sense to anyone, but I feel like saying it anyway: I am a Cheating Man's Dream Girl. Yes, I admit it. I'm oddly proud of it, in fact. Don't know why, since I don't play with married men (including my husband), lol. It's like when Michael Jordan starting playing baseball and he stunk at it. "But I'm good at basketball!", he cried. Yeah- no one cares when it's two outs at the bottom of the ninth. But the point is that I would be the perfect mistress for any married man looking to dunk his dick in a pool of prurient pleasure. And why? Because I know what you need. You're a man. You need what every man needs. And I can give it to you. Allow me to explain myself in the form of Gottaring's Guide to Being a Good GirlfriendTM. When it came to THAT GUY, my 'job' was to make him feel like he was the sexiest, most intelligent, funniest, most delectable and delicious man to ever ring my bell. Why? Because it's what I sensed that he needed. Not because he's some mewling, insecure puppy- I don't have time for that kind of shit. He's a secure enough dude on his own. But I reinforced what he already knew, augmented what he was unsure of and reminded him of what he might have forgotten. And it was neither a chore nor a farce- he gave me plenty of good stuff to work with. And if I did my 'job' correctly, he would associate being with me as something that made him feel 35 again. An experience that made him feel like a MAN. And there is nothing sexier than a man who feels like a MAN. Am I right? Anyway...HIS 'job' was to make me feel like a WOMAN. Like the sexiest fucking thing to ever slip on a pair of crotchless panties. In fact, lingerie would be superfluous because I would be sexy enough without it. In a nutshell, he was going to give me what I needed and lacked at home. And he did give me that...for a while. But then it happened...I was distracted by his awkwardly sweet overtures and his shiny round head and all of a sudden, Lucy dun let her guard down. And in that moment, Charlie Brown kicked the football. Game over. What's my point in all of this? Thanks for asking! I'm not really sure anymore. It was a rather large pint of Guinness. While I try to figure out where I was going with all this, allow me a bit of a rant, would you? I HATE playing games, but all of this shit with THAT GUY has taught me a lesson: For the love of everything holy, good and pure, don't let the next guy kick the fucking football!! (Warning: Mixed Metaphor Alert)...The minute you slow down and let him catch up to your bumper, just picture him standing there shrugging and saying, "That was easy." And before all the men in the room start bitching about cockteases and empty promises, let me suggest that you tuck your indignation where it will do you the most good: right between your asshole and your nutsack because it TAINT that far off base. You know as well as I do that MEN LOVE THE CHASE. I'm not saying 'He can't have me'. I AM saying that he will work to KEEP ME and I will work to be the woman who is WORTH KEEPING. The minute he takes me for granted, I'm gone- I have that shit at home already in a Super Sized version, I don't need it in (what is supposed to be) my FANTASY LIFE. Married folks: Check yourselves. Does any of this sound familiar? Listen up! In MY world (otherwise known as Gourmet Chocolate Dildo Town), I'm the g-damn Mayor, Michael Jordan still plays basketball and that's NOT a pencil in your pocket. It's a fucking penis and YES YOU ARE HAPPY TO SEE ME. If I can't make you hard, and you can't make me blush, it's time to call it a day. So having said that, will everyone please unclench their sphincters and tell me something... If men like the chase so much, why do they complain when we run? If they don't like the chase, why do they stop being who we need them to be once they've caught us? And most importantly: Why did Sailfast let me drink in the middle of the afternoon? Sigh. Stoopid ambiguous cheesecake. Postscript: While we're on the subject of chases and dogs...This message just showed up in my mailbox: 'hey would you care to meet for a meet/greet thursday evening dec 6th? if so, email me xxxxx at gmail with any questions/concerns...my number is xxx xxx xxxx, it will not be up until thursday morning. feel free to give me a call. hope to hear back. im meeting with another couple and paying for the hotel. did you want to join me and them? let me know asap thanks' And they say chivalry is dead.  When it comes to sex, I need a STRONG connection. Otherwise, the page just keeps buffering and takes FOREVER to load... |
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GOOD
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Okay Ms G...I'm pimping my post here. [post 3047231] The beginning may not exactly pertain, but towards the end, I'm pretty sure it does. I was one of the many that recently wrote about infidelity, but from the other side of it. And yes you are a married man's dream because you are not available and that keeps you from going too far into things or from wanting things to progress farther than they should. But are you a single guy's dream then? Maybe. As for being chased...you may enjoy the chase, but you don't really want to get caught. So you will only go so far with the chase. If you were to actually get caught, then you'd be somewhere you don't want to be...contemplating leaving your husband and kids. I can't really see you letting yourself be put in that position. So how much satisfaction you get from relationships with THAT GUY may be why you need the increased intensity over time. You aren't looking to get caught, you aren't looking for contentment, you are only looking for excitement. How long can a man really keep amping up the intensity? I mean, they are just men, and I love 'em. But we women can be a bit high maintenance now and then by changing the rules...of which we really just make things up as we go thereby keeping the men totally confused anyway...
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gotaring replies on 12/7/2012 8:03 am: ...wouldn't it be awful to walk away from that life and never have even an inkling of it again? I hope you're not suggesting that people should stay together out of a fear of never finding another commitment. Personally, I'd rather be alone than be with someone for the wrong reasons. And while I may stay with Hubby for the time being because it's the best thing for our children, I'd never continue the marriage just because I'm scared to be alone, or because I can't live without a partner. No, never! I would never even suggest that a woman stay with a man or vice versa out of fear of being alone or not being able to cope without a partner. Far from it. I think many marriages are based on the wrong reasons and that is ultimately sad. What I was driving at is not giving up just because its hard or difficult. If there were strong and real feelings once upon a time I think its worth all your effort to rekindle those feelings...it may not be possible, but you can't say for sure until you try again and again and again...but you are right...a loveless marriage is no place to be. I guess I'm hoping that there is still at least a spark there between you and your hubby that can be fanned and flamed back into existence.
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gottaring replies on 12/6/2012 11:50 am: Everyone wants to believe that they still have the 'magic' and the allure to keep things hot and it's always the spouses' fault when things go stale, lol. I'm as arrogant and indignant as the next lonely MILF, but I'd like to think that I keep things interesting. Perhaps I'm as boring as the next middle-aged mother- who knows? Thank goodness for the guys out here. Without you, I might believe that I'm as bland and forgettable as THAT GUY and Hubby seem to think I am, lol The key is to find a partner who still wants you, even when you're not playing the 'stud' or the 'ingenue'. They see the romance and allure in your cotton pajamas and unshaven chin. Until recently, I still saw that in Hubby. As for the chase...I try not to chase men who don't want to be caught (by me, anyway). For instance, I knew THAT GUY was interested in me. He just needed a gentle nudge to get him to the starting line. A little flirting to keep him encouraged and we were on our way. He knew exactly what he was doing, lol. He knew he had me- he knew there were no other competitors. This was all about our own little slice of fantasy-world where we could be who we couldn't be IRL. And it was fun, Quixy. When it was good, it was very, very good.. I have no doubt it was...and I think it is usually...but I think you wanted more right? I'm just saying that sometimes it is what it is. My wife is of the opinion that people aren't always meant to spend eternity together and rather than suffer they should realize that and get on with their lives. To me that's very open minded, but I think the idea of committing to someone gets lost there...and wouldn't it be awful to walk away from that life and never have even an inkling of it again?
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If the chase is long and intense. Then when it's caught ... It will not measure up to the expected pleasure. It will still be pleasurable, but not up to the anticipation. With a shorter chase or less intense chase. Then the pleasure should be greater than the expectation or anticipation. Just my view from my limited experiences. Visit my blog if you want to at thax013 and thank you very much!
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12/6/2012 10:06 am |
The email asked if you had any questions/concerns. I'm not sure if that's chivalrous or alarming. Do you have a weapon or criminal record would be at the top of my concern list. Don't give up on guys. We're confused creatures. Most woman say No to us and when someone says Yes we're befuddled. We don't plan that far ahead and expect the Yes.
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I think relating would go much smoother if both genders were allowed to be human and not be forced to employ any one role to achieve a purpose. Pretension between the sexes makes their world smaller and dilutes power.
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I believe the interesting part about the chase is...what you do do when you catch up. Personally I HATE the chase. It is annoying, sucky and ultimatley emasculating! I don't mind the "tease" so long as it doesn't become the chase...the flip side of it all is...when men do actually catch up or get the chase prize it is critical to survey their response. With some women the end was inevitable...as you describe it, over and done...another notch on the belt perhaps. But the real reward is when you catch up and you still can't get enough! THAT, my dear, is what men ultimately search for, at least for me it is. When I successfully end the chase or the tease and it still leaves me wanting more, well, that's the real prize. I think married men don't ever give up the chase, but married women certainly do! I suppose some men think that what they have is theirs and therefore requires no more effort, and if that's the case then shame on them. But for me at least, the woman that can keep me coming back is the prize in and of itself. I think that were I married to you things might be very different for both of us. I doubt either of us would ever be bored...and THAT, my sweet, is the real prize!!
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First things first; never, in any way, denigrate cheesecake. It will save the world. On to the mixed metaphors and your overall point. I don't want to say this, but I have to; when it comes to chasing you, you're never going to be caught. You ARE married. Any effort a guy makes to getting and keeping you are like trying to turn lead into gold. Won'g happen. Ever. THAT GUY knows it. His metaphor makes sense in that he can catch the car, but there's nothing else he can do with it. Impasse. Do not pass go. What you're asking for is the sort of dedication one would give to a relationship that can mature into the normal stuff like living together, maybe marriage and all the stuff that goes with it; and you can't, and by every word you've ever said here, never will be available for. You're asking for a lot from someone that you're never going to reciprocate. THAT GUY could never have been more than the OTHER GUY. Smart as a horse and hung like Einstein.
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I have stated for awhile that men are number collectors on here (and if you have read my blog, it is like that IRL too). Once they get your number they think 'the chase' is over. Some of them go from getting a number to either not using it OR thinking it is their means to a booty call on a whim. This is an excellent post! I've written something similar before, but as always when I read someone saying the same thing, it sounds better coming from them. *Shrug*
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Well, then, color my blood thoroughly thawed, luv!  And THAT GUY is a lucky bloke, indeed, to have such a formidable arsenal of language deployed in the sincere service of his happiness! Thanks for the clarification (and the gods help us all, should you decide to use your Powers with ill-intent!).
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Feeling quite philosophical today my sweet? I do love the chase, love the catch, and she just better realize I am quite the catch too dagnabbit. I will never settle for less again. Thoughts from the Garden...
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A very eloquent post (which, I see from some of your others, is hardly a rarity), well-met. I do recognize that there is truth in what you say, and that it can provide very useful information for many folks, to whose purposes and methods it speaks so well. Please, then, do not read any negative judgment in the following (even if the language might suggest otherwise; the perspective offered is solely my own). Frankly, it froze my blood. You see, I am not here for The Chase. The specifics of my reasons for being here are proprietary to an on-going conversation with someone, the sanctity of whose privacy I guard with the utmost care. Truthfully, I despise the chase. The lurching uncertainty of foray after foray down a sickening succession of culs-de-sac is more suited to Dramamine than dopamine for me. I came here to connect, not to conquer, and the very notion that the evidence of such a connection having formed might have been predicated on a conscious stratagem to give me what I was perceived to need, in order to entice me deeper into a dance of whose sincerity I could never be genuinely confident sends my stomach into my ankles. I want to kick the football (and delight in its graceful arc, then lovingly recover it for kick after kick, reveling in the uniqueness of each one). I want to catch the car (and gratefully hop in its window, curling up on its warm seat, lulled into bliss by its motion). "The Chase" is a linear concept, and you are quite correct to point put that a line segment, having reached its terminus, becomes a static, dead thing. My mind-set when I reactivated this long-dormant account was more one of a synchronized spiral (Look up "Lorenz Attractor"), finite only to a casual inspection, possessing infinite diversity in its graceful unfolding of mutuality. And I can say --utterly DUMBFOUNDED at my good fortune-- that this is precisely what I have found here. Anyway, whatever your goals, I sincerely wish you the level of success with which I've been graced, and thank you again for your very engaging writings!
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To paraphrase Master Po, how is it you do not hear the grasshopper at your feet? Thing is, it's not about the chase at all. That's just courting that has evolved over the millennium. It's a function of our sophistication, and whether it involves chocolates and flowers or having your teeth filed down, it's just a ritual. IMHO, it's more a search than a chase. It's about filling a void. It's about finding a mate and knowing that when you do, it's not about finding a warm wet hole or a hard cock, it's knowing that warm wet hole and hard cock are at home together. As I've told you a few times, you're not really interested in the sex or the chase, you crave the intimacy and no matter how often or how hard your cervix might get prodded, it can't fill that void.
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If they don't like the chase, why do they stop being who we need them to be once they've caught us? I would say there is an 80/20 balance to this, but is more like 80/18/2 80% of men do the chase, unfortunately, very badly. The dog really does have no idea what to do with the car. 18% of men do the chase and do it well, they enjoy it, and will want to reap the rewards, unfortunately it seems, once caught, the chase is over and neither partner create the same excitement level for a long time. Then there are the 2% of men that do enough of the chase to create the desire, the want, the interest, then allow themselves to become the chased. Isn't it this 2% that really gets your motor going, the ones that keep you on the edge, keep you wanting more? Those are the guys that don't come whenever they are called, but enough to make you rememeber why you call. They understand how to keep the desire level high because we often want most what we cannot possess. And that works for both men and woman. Besides, doesn't Lucy always come back again with the football and isn't she spending tons of energy on Charlie?
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The reason there are so many problems between men and women is that they have such differing views about sex and relationships. Women want a relationship without the complication of unnecessary sex, whereas men want sex without the complication of an unnecessary relationship.  
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12/5/2012 3:38 pm |
Hmm...Interesting indeed....First off the charlie brown metaphor was to say the least...F-ing BRILLIANT!!...But to address the question directly to why men try so fervently to catch a woman only to let it go when they have it, well....among an abundance of possible reasons two rise to the top of the list. One being that men want whats gonna make them feel the best (obviously), but the question comes down to is the energy expended to maintain that level of awesomeness worth the pleasure he gets in return. Now you seem to (In my young unseasoned Opinion) Have a mentality that makes it so a man has to keep up if he wants to keep you (which is a good thing), SOO to say the least some dudes just can't hang...(Guards up, Mouth Piece in)The second thought that comes to mind, Sometimes women just become Boring. They don't change or grow or acquire new nuances to there persona that continuously spark intrigue in a man......."And that's all ah Have ta say about thayat"
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Men often love the chase. That's true. That's a pretty fair statement about most men. Now, some have to move on once they succeed, others do not. Some men love nothing but the chase, others are pretty pleased once they win that chase and kick that football. I've never been a big fan of the chase, the anticipation of kicking that football. I'd like to find what I seek, and settle in with the person I've found. I wanna kick that football, and score with the holder. No need to move to the next holder. So having said that, will everyone please unclench their sphincters and tell me something... If men like the chase so much, why do they complain when we run? Like I said, many men don't want to have to engage in the seemingly never-ending chase for a woman. If it's too long and tiresome, he may forget why he was even in the chase. Not saying women should just give it up, so to speak, but when games are played, a lot of guys get tired of that games. If they don't like the chase, why do they stop being who we need them to be once they've caught us? Face it, guys tend to be on their best behavior as they chase. Especially if it appears to be a long or difficult chase that they're not likely to win. So when they win, they breathe a sigh of relief. And if they felt like they had to be a certain way, or put on a certain facade to win the chase, they feel they can drop the facade and be themselves.
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12/5/2012 3:26 pm |
Oh crap. :donning the asbestos full coverage fire suit: :walks out into the middle of the non-flammable parking lot: :Raises arms out to sides: :flinches: I am married. :hopes that the REALLY pissed off individuals that know nothing about his situation encircle him in their righteous indignation and inadvertently fry each other to tiny, smoldering, charred crisps: Please excuse any typos as I am leaving the suit and gloves on for now and it makes my fingers really fat. In general I agree with you. There are a lot of players out there who, for the life of me I can't figure out why, chose to get married. Maybe they were in a drunken stupor one night and just too close to the chapel o' love or something. You know the type- usually jocks or bad boys who equate women with "conquest" or "pussy." No amount of "being married" is going to change their ways. It is just a matter of time before they get the urge for the "challenge of the hunt." For these guys, they get their jollies running you down and then they mount you and- you guessed it- you become their mounted trophy on the trophy wall with all the other women he caught. But not all married guys are like that. I hate the chase. Probably because I suck at it (well not entirely- it did work on my wife after all). But I digress. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that you are a married guys dream come true. You are. Oh my God how you are!  And it is for exactly the reason you stated. But I think there is more to it than that.Believe it or not guys are insecure. (Yeah, I know. Great revelation there, huh?) They tend to be much more fragile than you realize when it comes to their self esteem. (Bear with me here, I hate this squishy self esteem crap as much as you do but I am trying to make a point) As much as they love you, sometimes they need to hear how great they are from somewhere else. Why? Because familiarity dulls the senses so that even if you are doing everything right to make him feel like a man, it doesn't have the impact that it used to. It is not YOUR fault OR HIS fault. It just is. And the day-to-day crap haul called living constantly erodes anyone's self esteem which just makes it all the harder to maintain what both parties really need. THAT is the marriage rut. To get on with the point of this diatribe: Most of the time the guys (and the women for that matter) don't stop being who you need them to be to keep you happy. The world just conspires against you and them to make it harder and harder to keep both people's self esteem at high enough levels to prevent them from feeling that they need to augment it through... other channels. Unless you have been there, I can assure you that it is seriously hard work to maintain that level of attention (because it requires higher and higher output levels to compensate) and it is so very easy to just give up and slip into a downward spiral. Yes, it has a lot to do with the needs of the individuals. Some people are so enamored with themselves that they probably don't need any help at all when it comes to their self esteem. Hell, they probably don't even realize that there IS anyone other than themselves. Others need to regularly hear that they are still beautiful and desirable and the person of your dreams. Most of us fall into that category I think. And communication has a lot to do with it as well. It is hard for someone to admit that they are weak and need help- especially guys. We aren't brought up that way. But if they can't/won't talk about it then it is difficult to assess what it is that they really need. Needs change. Strategies need to change to compensate. I am dreadfully sorry for the long post. Maybe I should have broken it down into chapters or something! P.S.-gottaring: Thank you for, yet again, giving me something to think about. I wish we were closer so we could talk over lunch sometime. P.P.S.- buxombbw4u keep looking. There ARE guys out there that really will try their hardest to keep you.
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I let a woman take a pic of me in my sweater and she put on her fridge. LOL This is not meant to offend any one in any way.     
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Here's the thing, if you don't know what to do with it once you're gotten it, then you didn't really want it in the first place. Charlie Brown doesn't want to kick the ball. If he did had get someone else to hold the GD thing or he'd buy a kicking T. He likes that that he knows what to expect and that it reinforces his image of himself as a victim. Men love the chase but so do women. When you make yourself the rabbit the greyhound can get tired of chasing you or when he gets you you are no longer the object of the chase. You never want any man to chase you, you want to meet him face to face on the field of battle, determine if he is friend or foe and whether to engage him or not. Make him prove that he's your equal, never be the prey he has to pursue. If men like the chase so much, why do they complain when we run? I don't think men like the chase. I think that if he's got to chase you he's not going to respect you or take you seriously. They complain because they don't like ti but we as a gender have been taught to play that game so men feel as if this is what they have to do in order to get female companionship. If they don't like the chase, why do they stop being who we need them to be once they've caught us? Think of it like this, once the game is won, do you keep playing? He's played his role in the game and chased, the woman has played her role and let herself get caught. Why should he do anything else? And most importantly: Why did Sailfast let me drink in the middle of the afternoon? Because you're probably a hot drunk 
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once again the age old dilemma of men versus women enters in. both sides have good arguments. i am gonna cross no mans land and say "hi i am a dude and i have flaws" i am gonna own my shit and be honest with you about it. then i am gonna make you feel like you are the only person i have ever met with soft bits that make me hard in my fun zone. if we can handle that we can get along alright.
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Maybe the jolly fat man would help scrub the scarlet letter off! Care for one  >>>>
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Men are simple. We like four to five things - grilled meat, blowjobs, sports and handjobs. If we're asked questions, we like the answer to be obvious - as in supplied within the context of the question obvious. We also don't want to have to work very hard for pussy. We sort of prefer it to be offered up to us by numerous beautiful women whose names we may or may not know. We simply ask that you don't offer it up and expect us to take you up on it while (a) the game is on and (b) we're on out way out the door to go meet our buddies and hit on other women. Is that so fucking hard to understand? karlbloggerfeld - Dry-humping your legs since 2007.
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I am of the opinion that you are pretty spot on. But maybe it isn't ALL men that are like that? (I hope not, anyway.) I would hope that there are guys out there that, once they "catch" you, are more than happy to meet you halfway. I haven't really been involved with one, but I am hopeful that I just choose poorly. I'll keep choosing until I find that guy! 2022... it HAS be better, right?!
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. But what greater joy is there in life than to make someone smile? To remind them that they are desirable and delicious? To be on the receiving end would be nice, but to provide such a service is even more fun 
. I told him numerous times, 'If I ever become 'just one more thing you have to 'deal with', it's time to call it a day.' 
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