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The Power of Humility
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The Power of Humility The blogs have been saturated themes of conflict, lately. No wonder. Popular media depicts conflict routinely. We say we love peace makers, but our news stories focus more on villans because that's what attracts viewers. As a society, there is more focus on actors that are more self-serving, and narcissistic. Little wonder that humble people seem a bit strange to us, as if they’re following some syncopated life rhythm that few people around them quite “get.” Humility is widely under-rated in most Western cultures, it seems to me. It’s also widely misunderstood – maybe that’s why it’s under-rated. So, what exactly is humility? It’s a subtle but powerful concept, and I find myself having to define it mostly in terms of what it is not. My conception of humility is what you have when you give up certain self aggrandizing thought patterns, reflexes, and behaviors. Humility is a kind of liberation, a paradoxical state of freedom that defies culturally imposed norms of narcissistic “me-first” thinking. Humility is characterized by 1) a sense of emotional autonomy, and 2) freedom from the control of the “competitive reflex. Humility is about emotional neutrality. It involves an experience of growth in which you no longer need to put yourself above others, but you don’t put yourself below them, either. Everyone is your peer – from the most “important” person to the least. You’re just as valuable as every other human being on the planet, no more and no less. It’s about behaving and reacting from purposes, not emotions. You learn to simply disconnect or de-program the competitive reflex in situations where it's not productive. The legendary gestalt therapist Fritz Perls said, “I am I and you are you; I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine.” It’s a liberating idea, I believe. So, how do you free yourself from the competitive reflex? That requires, first, that you recognize the reflex when it rises up in you; and second, that you choose a more versatile response. The esteemed psychologist William James once stated, “The deepest craving in all human beings is the desire to be appreciated.” That being said, I pose this challenge to you, the reader of this blog- do something every day that demonstrates humility to others. This can be as simple as leaving a heartfelt compliment on someone's blog. You never know the power that this can have.  |
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Well said, Myelin36. And challenge accepted. I agree that our Western culture programs us to devalue humility and so maintaining it is always a struggle. In my profession I am surrounded by brilliant people every day and so I frequently have moments of humility, but my profession also encourages and rewards me for being pompous and arrogant. Some days it seems that all professions reward arrogance. Not that humility is completely without rewards. In fact its rewards can be beautiful and enduring. But when I publicly admit my own mistake or compliment a student worker who solved a problem that I could not solve - - - no one else will reward me for my humility. I must reward myself within my own heart. My featured post this week: Pulling Fantasy Sex Out of My Ass.
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Followup: Humility is especially difficult behind the anonymous smokescreen of the internet. It helps to keep in mind that words are not people. I may genuinely believe that my words express and idea superior to that expressed by BlogTroll666, but that does not make BlogTroll666 an inferior human being. I must remember that he or she may be a warm and loving person who simply has poor communication skills. My featured post this week: Pulling Fantasy Sex Out of My Ass.
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1/13/2015 9:03 am |
Beautifully written, and I couldn't agree more. Just wish I could express it so elegantly. As a society we keep attempting to put bandaids on what ails us instead of addressing the root problems such as this. While some of us get it, convincing the masses of this is a pretty tall order. 'I am I and you are you'- we each get to decide who we are going to be.
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1/13/2015 10:55 am |
Being humble is not a trait that one claims with pride. It's catch 22. Excellent post, m'lady.
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Good read, Myelin. I especially like how you challenge the reader and get the audience to be involved actively rather than just writing some personal rant on the lack of humility in our culture. The way that you define humility has me thinking about the difference in being humble towards yourself vs. being humble towards others. I have a very curious mind so I'm always trying new things that tend to be very humbling at first. This has made me naturally very humble towards myself and my own ego since I know the only way to learn new things is to humble yourself and fail a little at first. I can't say I've put the same thought into the power of humility towards others though. It's something that I've actually been working on lately without realizing it but defining it the way you did makes it much more clear and more powerful. Thank you for the great read this morning.
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would you consider yourself as someone who exercises humility in what they do and how they interact ?
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1/13/2015 12:23 pm |
myelin36 replies on 1/13/2015 3:12 pm: I think it takes repetition and practice to incorporate humility into our lives. We should all make it a personal goal to keep striving and be easy on ourselves if we fail. Familiar with the "Oblique Strategies"? "Repetition is a form of change" -- one of many, of course. Took me years to understand. Will take many more to put into "practice". The artist formerly known as Prince said "there is joy in repetition". They are both correct.
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in an age of rapid news cycle updates for non-positive items, constant advertising for material things, and egos larger than life is humility, like courtesy, quickly becoming something from the past?
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