When Girls don't put out
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Posted:Apr 22, 2008 11:28 pm
Last Updated:Dec 18, 2011 8:21 pm
7236 Views
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I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'
I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier.'
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'
I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
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The Father
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Posted:Apr 17, 2008 8:07 pm
Last Updated:Dec 18, 2011 8:20 pm
7162 Views
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A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards. The man, who was a priest, said "I am a Father." The little boy replied "My Dad doesn't wear his collar like that."
The priest looked up from his book and answered "I am the Father of many." The boy said "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way"
The priest, getting impatient, said "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book. The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should use a condom and wear your pants backwards instead of your collar."
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Your favorite Car
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Posted:Apr 11, 2008 8:53 pm
Last Updated:Aug 23, 2015 11:07 pm
7208 Views
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Ok, Was looking for a subject to discuss and the only one what was suggested was Cars. So my question is, if you could have any car back that you owned in the past back, what would it be and why?
Myself, back in 1977 I bought a 1957 T-Bird, it was in fair condition. (20 yr old piece of shit back then, huh) Well I still have it and over the years I've put stainless exhaust on it, new interior, (dash, seat covers, carpet, and door panels) I've never touched the motor other than oil changes and tune-ups. Growing up, I always wanted one found one and wouldn't sell for love nor money.
What's your favorite ride..........
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Whistle
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Posted:Apr 6, 2008 11:24 pm
Last Updated:Dec 18, 2011 8:16 pm
7068 Views
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Would it be better to stick my finger in my butt and whistle dixie, as to write is Blog. Doesn't seem that anyone looks at mine..........
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From the FBI files
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Posted:Mar 30, 2008 10:54 pm
Last Updated:Dec 18, 2011 8:18 pm
6531 Views
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The FBI had an opening for an assassin.
After all the background checks, interviews and testing
were done, there were 3 finalists. Two men and a woman.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a
large metal door and handed him a gun
"We must know that you will follow your instructions
no matter what the circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair....
Kill Her!!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never
shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man
for this job. Take your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions.
He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about
5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "
I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes.
Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the
same instruction, to kill her husband.
She took the gun and went into the room.
Shots were heard, one after another.
They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.
After a few minutes, all was quiet.
The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping
the sweat from her brow.
"The gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I
had to beat him to death with the chair."
Moral: Women are strange. Don't mess with them..................
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Who Can Win?
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Posted:Mar 30, 2008 1:08 am
Last Updated:Dec 18, 2011 8:16 pm
6559 Views
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The federal government is sending each and every one of us a $600 rebate. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China. If we spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs, if we purchase a computer it will go to India, if we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala, if we purchase a good car it will go to Japan, if we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy. The only way to keep that money here at home is to buy prostitutes and beer, since these are the only products still produced in the US . Thank you for your help. What are you doing with yours?
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Golfing with Bill
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Posted:Mar 30, 2008 1:03 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 2:20 am
6518 Views
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A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, Ribbit 9 I ron." The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron.." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the 7 iron club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing". You must be a lucky frog, eh? The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog." The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit 3 wood." The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?" The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas. " They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, The man asks, "What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful." The frog replies, "Ribbit Kiss Me." He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl. "And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room. So help me God or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton."
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What in the Hell is Next
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Posted:Mar 28, 2008 9:12 pm
Last Updated:Apr 11, 2008 11:44 pm
6561 Views
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This idiot needs to be sent to Irac to the front lines with no protection.
Nancy Pelosi
Windfall Tax on Retirement Income
Adding a tax to your retirement is simply another way of saying to the American people, you're so darn stupid that we're going to keep doing this until we drain every cent from you. That's what the Speaker of the House is saying. Read below...............
Nancy Pelosi wants a Windfall Tax on Retirement Income. In other words tax what you have made by investing toward your retirement. This woman is a nut case! You aren't going to believe this.
Madam speaker Nancy Pelosi wants to put a Windfall Tax on all stock market profits (including Retirement fund, 401K and Mutual Funds! Alas, it is true - all to help the 12 Million Illegal Immigrants and other unemployed Minorities!
This woman is frightening.
She quotes..." We need to work toward the goal of equalizing income, (didn't Marx say something like this), in our country and at the same time limiting the amount the rich can invest." ( I am not rich, are you)
When asked how these new tax dollars would be spent, she replied:
"We need to raise the standard of living of our poor, unemployed and minorities. For example, we have an estimated 12 million illegal immigrants in our country who need our help along with millions of unemployed minorities. Stock market windfall profits taxes could go a long way to guarantee these people the standard of living they would like to have as 'Americans'." (Read that quote again and again and let it sink in. Lower your retirement, give it to other s who have not worked as you have for it.
Send it on to your friends. I just did!! This lady is out of her mind=
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