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| Blogs > PurplePeach72 > No Ordinary Girl! |
Turmoil Ramble
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Turmoil Ramble Turmoil ‒ a ramble. I spent about 15 years of my life living on Long Island taking care of my paternal grandmother. She survived breast cancer when I was 9 or 10, but was soon diagnosed with COPD. She probably had the most impact on my life of any single person. She died on my dad’s birthday, the day after Mother’s day 2006. 6 months after my maternal great grandmother, and less than 3 months after my little brother died. During my years of living there, I always had the escape of going to my mom’s family in rural Ga. for the summer and any other vacation I could get. My favorite childhood memories among the horrors are of my time in the country, on farms, with animals, away from lots of people. I believe that everything gives off a signature energy and some people are more sensitive to the influence of that energy. I think people are instinctually processing and using that energy to recharge our own batteries. Maybe we all have a unique mix of what energy it takes to keep us running smoothly, and able to recharge our batteries. I know for me, the negative energy that most people exude is draining me. I need to be able to get out in nature and enjoy my animals. I’m depressed, overwhelmed, and exhausted. None of which is a totally new thing, but I had some very long bright periods of relief over the last 3 years. I’m sure part of my problem is that I’ve had the luxury of living alone for the last 3 years. I left the work of building a relationship behind when SS & I separated. It was a relief and as I’ve said all along I was amazed at how much better we get along since then. It was easy for me to be alone, because I’m never really alone. I have my fur, feather, and fin babies. But on top of that I have always and will always have a support system of people who love and care about me. Most are family but there are always a few friends. They are not always the same people but I think it’s an important thing to have friends outside of your family. Some one who brings a unique view point. The drama and stress imposed on our lives by MM’s ex-cunt and family is like nothing I have experienced since my traumatic childhood. We’re finally going to therapy but I wonder if we will be able to go long enough or implement enough change or if in the end the legal problems with the x will push him to divorce me. Blending families is never easy, add to that a psycho who tries to make our lives miserable, a little sex without disclosure, threats of homelessness, and here I am. We are owed nothing, we deserve nothing. But nothing isn’t really true b/c even among strangers, society dictates that we each are entitled to our civil liberties. We are no less as a couple. We are working on making it work. We have a professional, we have reading material and we love each other very much. The added stress of the upcoming mediation and/or court and the holiday season are not going to make this easy. I’m especially grateful to my family and friends who have made a point of calling and checking on me more often, doubling checking to be sure we are ok and that things aren’t getting worse. I’m blessed with a lot of people who care about me. Everyday, I remind myself why I’m here, what I have to give, what I need to do, how can I improve. I fight the negative energy, I fight to stay happy no matter how much shit life decides to throw my way. I’ve survived worse, lots worse and although this may not be what I want it to be it is what I have to work with. Little victories make me smile. I won tickets to see Train in concert. I found a beautiful old wardrobe for Lil Bit and refurbished it with her name and pretty details. I went ahead and gave it to her b/c she needed the space for winter clothes. It has really finished off her room well. We have a good portion of the clothes for the for Christmas. Lil’ Bit will get a new bike from Santa and a couple of toys. We are hoping to be able to get a game system for all of them as the big gift. You guys take care and enjoy Thanksgiving if I don’t make it back by then. Much love, LA  Kisses, LA    |
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Hope things get better for you. Kisses
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I sure hope things smooth out for you soon. You have been so kind and generous with me through some challenging times, and you deserve the best, not a difficult stressful excistence...
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